Emerald

If you want clarity, don't consult your mind, consult your emotions. If it feels right to you to pursue novel-writing then pursue it. Don't worry about the "chimp-game". That's just an idea and will be a stumbling block to authenticity and fulfillment if taken too seriously. I have a feeling that you really love novel writing, just from reading your message. Remember "low consciousness" "chimp-game" and all these other things are just value judgements and labels that only exist within the mind. Meaning is highly subjective, so you could literally try to sort everything in your reality into blacks and whites like "high consciousness/low consciousness" "wise/unwise" "good/bad" etc. But all these labels are false. The reality of the matter is that nothing "means" anything until you make it mean that. So, let your emotions guide you. Also, watch out for judgments in general. So, if you find yourself judging people for being "low-consciousness" or engaging in "low-consciousness" behavior. Then you congratulate yourself for not engaging in these behaviors. Then, this type of judgement and reward system in your mind will tie your hands and keep you in a very narrow boundary. Because you'll get emotional rewards from a contraction of possibility and not an expansion of possibility, and life will become like walking through cement. I'm not sure if you're doing this, but I know that I have in the past. So, I figured I'd give you this caveat.

@Cat Thank you.

Well said.

That makes sense. As a child, I remember trying to remain aware of the exact moment that I went to sleep. I was never successful, but it seems like cultivating the ability to do this could sort of flex the awareness muscles.

Thank you for the info. I will try this more in the future.

Good for you! I subscribed. I checked out about half of your introductory video, then my computer started freezing up and not playing the video. So, I'll just give you my critique at a glance. Pros- Very interesting personality and fun to watch which is great for a Youtube talking head. This is the primary reason why people will want to watch you. Think about it, would you watch Leo's content if someone else who was boring to listen to was talking about it? No. You'd flip over to a different video. So, this is a big plus point that you have on your hands that you can leverage to your advantage. You're a memorable person. Improvement Points- I can definitely see Leo's influence in how you do your thumbnails, the topics you cover, and some of the words you use. You want to think about your personal style and what will make your channel completely unique from anyone else on Youtube. This will be your main leverage point. So, work on making really unique content with a really unique point of view. Speak from personal experience, use different terminology, and cover somewhat different topics even though you're in the same personal development niche. Also, name your videos with popular search terms so that they rank higher in search. Leo can afford to name his videos by unique names that are catchy and have cuss words and irrelevant words in it because he has 400,000+ subscribers and Youtube will automatically rank his videos higher and put him in the suggested videos. For us little guys (my channel has about 875 subs) we need to name videos strategically to get seen otherwise we'll get lost in the huge pile of Youtube videos. Experiment around to try to get your videos on the first page ideally, if not 2nd and 3rd page are somewhat acceptable for now. Also, do consider eventually investing in some better quality equipment. I've spent about $300 (maybe less) on my set and it looks pretty decent, though I do plan to improve upon it still. An umbrella light costs about $25-$40 and a tripod costs less than that. There are also cameras the shoot in high quality HD that are around $100-$150. Good luck and give it hell!

I would just increase the duration. This will probably yield more benefit than changing environmental factors to be less comfortable. But if you're really set on making your sit less comfortable in an environmental way, try changing the air temperature to too hot or too cold or something like that. Or sit in lotus if that's a challenge for you.

This is a personal boundary thing and not about judgement or moralization. You don't have to judge him, but if you feel uncomfortable, tell him firmly that you don't like talking about these things. If he continues, refuse to work with him in the future. This is about you honoring your personal boundaries and not sign of weakness. You have to make sure that this man knows where your boundaries are, because he'll continue to push them.

I would relate mystical experiences as tapping into a different state of consciousness temporarily. So, astral projection is basically being awake but having the brain wave patterns that are similar to sleep. So, it's shifting states of consciousness. Enlightenment, from my very limited experience of it, is a realization of the state you've always been in. Like, before enlightenment you have all kinds of ideas about reality all centered around there being a "you." Then when you're enlightened, the "you" gets seen through and loses its importance as the center of your reality, allowing you to be reality itself. So, it's the loss of an illusion that allows you to see things clearly and truly reintegrate. So, it's the primary state of awareness and isn't any shift in consciousness particularly. It just allows you to fully be whatever it is that you happen to be experiencing whether it has the label of "mundane" or "mystical". There really is no difference between mystical and mundane as you are still experiencing this as the content within your awareness. If you break it down, you'll see that a mystical experience is just a mundane experience with unusual perceptions in it that you don't normally expect to experience. But with enlightenment, you'll really recognize that the mundane is truly divine. That's really the best I can do.

I don't believe that the hag lady that I encountered was a once-living human or anything like that. Even if the dead can have an impact on dreams (which I'm not sure of either way), this was more of a non-human entity and an instinctual force within the human psyche. I believe the dream to have been an archetype of the unconscious initiating me into the chaos that I had been resisting for a long time. But these are just conjectures. All I really know is that the dream felt significant in a way that dreams rarely do for me. That said, life and art tend to imitate archetypal imagery throughout all cultures no matter how distant. So, these women in the pictures may have been psychologically influenced by a similar archetype to the archetype that brandished itself in my dream. Although, these women are beautiful and creepy. But the beautiful woman in my dream was just beautiful, sharp, and professional; and the hag was barely human looking. It didn't just look like an old lady. It looked like a straight up demon. So, the imagery is very different. As far as the feeling of a pinched nerve during sleep, I find that with my experiences with sleep paralysis that the shifts in brain waves during the night actually have an impact on the entire body and not just the mind. Sleep waves are a whole body phenomenon.

Well, there is no right and wrong in any absolute sense. And there is no value difference between plants, animals, humans, bacteria, fungi, or anything else as value itself, doesn't actually exist. But if you are in alignment with Truth and realize that there's no separation between "you" and anything else, then it makes the most sense to do unto others what you would have them do unto you. To harm another is to harm yourself, so it doesn't make sense to harm someone if you can avoid it. So, Veganism or any other practice designed to reduce suffering is probably the optimal choice for someone pursuing consciousness work as it will get rid of some blind-spots in your consciousness that place illusory gradations of value on different lives. But is it actually wrong or evil to eat meat or dairy; no. Wrong and evil are just thought labels and are illusory and simply used to judge and clarify reality under the human lens. I recently committed to a plant based diet myself.

Oh man... I had a similar very realistic and powerful dream when I was 19 right before my life fell into chaos. I was in a furniture store that was portioned up into cubicles and made to look like various rooms in a house. So, I went into one that sort of looked like a den or psychologist's office. I sat down on a chair inside of that cubicle, and a tall, beautiful Native American woman with a high bun, tight bright red business dress, black pantyhose, and stilettos stood in the opening of the cubicle looking at me. I was overwhelmed with desire at her presence and I fell into a dreamy trance. She sauntered over to me and stood directly behind my chair looking down at me seductively... perhaps even stroking my hair (if memory serves). I looked up at her in a stupor, completely enamored with her. She asked me in a quiet silvery voice "Are you ready?" I dreamily whispered "Yes" to her. There was a moment's pause. Then she breathed in. With that breath was a roaring sound of emptiness that sucked away in one second flat, all signs of youth and beauty that she had. She transformed immediately into an ancient hag that barely even had skin on her face. Her eyes were just sockets. Her hair was sparse and wiry. She was practically a skeleton with just a little bit of gray skin. As she breathed the roaring sound continued and her mouth got wider and wider and wider. Then she sucked me in, and I was devoured whole. Then, for an indefinite amount of time, I was floating in a void as though her mouth were some kind of wormhole into another dimension or something like that. Then, I was deposited onto the floor of my childhood kitchen where I began to search the cabinets. I believe the 'devouring hag disguised as beautiful woman' comes up as an archetypal symbol that's shared across cultures. I believe that this particular dream, in my case, symbolized the need to re-integrate my repressed femininity. It also seemed to have a premonition quality to it because my life went crazy shortly after that dream happened.

I have walked around on my street before but never went into the houses. I'll definitely give it a try next time to see what happens or if I can make a connection. A lot of times I struggle to get out of my house, which is a bummer. But I'm pretty sure my hubby wouldn't like it if I jumped in bed with another man... but hey you know what they say "What happens in astral, stays in astral!" Kidding of course.

@Atom Thank you for posting my videos!

Yes. My level of consciousness during astral feels very normal. No increased access to wisdom or anything like that. No really profound insights that I can remember in the morning. It's just as though I took a normal walk (or float) through reality, only without my physical body. I would describe astral projection as fun and interesting, but not too much more in terms of real spiritual progress. At least none that my physical body's brain can remember and process, as I understand there to be a loss of information that can't be assimilated into waking reality. Sort of like the memory file gets compressed and loses some info like a converted computer file. During my non-dual experiences it was like I had access to infinite wisdom in a way that I wasn't receptive to before or after those experiences. These were outright profound, life-shattering experiences.

I believe there to be some relationship between lucid dreaming and astral projection as you can use sleep paralysis to get both of these. I've had maybe 20 or 30 lucid dreams before. I get them every now and again. The difference with a lucid dream is that 1. It's clear that you're asleep and dreaming 2. The reality is a lot more malleable and fuzzy 3. Dream logic applies. In astral projection the reality is clear and much more tamasic. It's really just like you're walking around in reality and there's no dream logic. Phenomenologically it feels 99% similar to waking life. I never knew anyone in waking life that I was close enough to, to actually meet up with in astral. So, I've never attempted before. But many people say that it's possible. So, maybe. But I'm not sure if the same applies to a lucid dream. I doubt that anyone's looking in on your dreams though. I know this is not an ability that I possess, anyway.

Oh... but also I've had a couple non-dual experiences too and they were way different than astral projection. They're apples and oranges. So, I wouldn't say that these phenomena have any relationship to one another.

Sure I've been doing Astral Projection since I was 13. It came about without my actually trying to do it. I just happened to start waking up in the middle of the night and getting sleep paralysis which is when the neurochemicals Glycine and GABA are active in the body to keep you paralyzed so that you don't act out your dreams. Everyone gets sleep paralysis 4-5 times a night, during the REM cycle of sleep, but some people (like myself) get waking sleep paralysis from time to time. Sleep paralysis is what you want to induce in order to astral project. Once you're in sleep paralysis you can attempt to 'get out of the body.' But the mind doesn't exert any imagination in doing so. The experience feels just like and often looks just like waking life. There have been many times where I've mistaken the astral experience for a waking life and was never really sure if it was real or not. There is the scientific theory behind the phenomenon of astral projection, which is basically that it's an uncannily real hallucination experienced during sleep paralysis. The metaphysical theory, is that you're not really "going out of body" but that you're tuning into another dimensional aspect of yourself and interfacing with another dimensional aspect of reality. So, if you think about this switch like changing stations on a radio. From the perspective of enlightenment, both waking reality and astral reality are illusions. So, there's three theories: only the science is real, both science and metaphysics are real, and both science and metaphysics are illusions. The latter is probably most true. But I do think that it's important to keep an open mind to all these interpretations because we have a limitation of how much we can determine what's real or not. No secret stuff here. It's actually a lot more commonplace than you would expect. I can teach you how if you want. I have a couple videos about how to induce sleep paralysis and get out of body.

Thank you everyone for all the replies.

You're totally right. There's this retreating to the intellect that I'm always doing. I'm always trying to hide and my advice asking or sharing of experience is just another way to do this. Thank you.

Instead of thinking "I shouldn't think this" notice that the thought didn't come from an "I". The thought just bubbled up like air bubbles coming to the surface of the sea. Thoughts aren't good or bad and they don't make you good or bad... thoughts just are, just like everything else. Even the thoughts interpreting themselves as bad is just another phenomenon in nature. Rest as awareness and observe the phenomenon without judgement to recognize that you are not your thoughts, nor do you choose them or control them. Nothing is ever truly invalid, it's all part of the vast and small cycle of nature. Eventually, with enough observation desire for illusory labels such as "hero" will naturally fall away. Until then, accept these feeling without judgement or resistance and just watch.

I believe that the results actually come quickly but in ways that we may not be aware of. Upon starting my meditation practice, I noticed subtle results within the first few days... but to the extent that it could have been wishful thinking. But I really do believe that meditation starts working quickly.

My recommendation is to 1. Don't do pick-up on women more intoxicated than you are; and 2. Read her signals. Women are used to being hit on, so unless you really overdid it, she probably was just using her basic deflection techniques to indicate to you that she's not interested. Even so, you probably didn't traumatize her. You can totally learn to flirt with women without being sleazy about it. The dynamic of the mating dance is 'she invites, you approach, she accepts and invites more, you approach more, and so on.' It's like a very subtle conversation. If you don't get an answer back, the conversation ends. So, learn indicators of attraction, and gauge for them before making any moves or advances.

I'm glad to hear that these changes have been occurring for you. Did you know that a caterpillar, when it goes into its cocoon doesn't just grow wings? It actually turns into a weird primordial goo that a completely new being is born from as a butterfly. The process of changing is often ugly and uncomfortable, so right now your in the goo stage. But I'm confident that if you continue on this path, that you'll transform into something great. Definitely start a YouTube channel, not to preach to anyone or be the voice of reason, but to share yourself and your story honestly. It's your newness and passion that will inspire people, not your expertise. Best of luck!

I'm really sorry to hear this. As a former teacher, I would be devastated if my students were killed. I wish you the best.