Emerald

Thank you!

It's actual a more general spirituality forum than just non-duality focused. It's just that most people on here are interested in the non-dual path. So, that's what gets brought up the most. But I definitely don't think this is a personal development question. Really, I just was hoping to spark up a conversation about it to see what comes up in natural discourse. I like these experiences, and they're interesting to me.

I have tried psychedelics only twice in the past, both of which resulted in ego transcendence. And this is why I doubt this experience as being an ego death. Practically, the fear was gone... but I didn't have any sense of unconditional love that being free of ego had allowed me to perceive. Instead it was just a lack of fear. So, I was thinking this was probably more akin to an integration experience than an ego transcendence/ ego death experience. I'm hoping that it means that I've processed through some deep traumas. My thought was that perhaps this town that I go to in dreams is a representation of a trauma that I'm not aware of. And that in allowing myself to feel the fear fully without resisting it that it would allow me to integrate all that was repressed. But that's just a thought. I don't necessarily know if that's true of the experience. But no worries. You weren't rude at all.

I used to want a lot of things out of these experiences, especially as a teenager. I thought they'd be excellent tools for self-exploration if I could use them to travel time and meet people I admired who were long dead, even if the experiences weren't consistent with consensus reality. So, I had a ton of OBEs back then. I would usually get sleep paralysis a couple times per week, with a resulting OBE maybe once per week or every two weeks. But at this time, I found it difficult as I was quite twisted up back then with a lot of neuroses and no awareness of ego at work. So, I had all kinds of fears and was always mitigating low self-esteem and deep levels of existential dread, and often experienced dark entities like doppelgängers of my friends/family attacking or trying to attack me. So, I have a bit of OBE PTSD or something. But none-the-less, I always valued the experiences because it gave me access to something beyond the mundane, whether it was real or not. Currently, I don't have the burning desire like I used to to explore the astral realms too much. I wish that I did though, because it's really an amazing skill if you have control over it. I've been through some very interesting things as a result whenever I have been able to mitigate fears, avoid negative entities, and actually have enough control over my astral body to leave my house. But I never had amazing amounts of control over them. Most of the time I have a hard time getting up off the floor next to my bed if I do manage to get out of body. So, I spend the whole time looking up underneath the bed and floating around near the floor. And when that happens and come back quickly since I'm so close to the body. I don't really try to have OBEs unless I happen to get sleep paralysis on a night when I'm in the mood and then manage to get out. But I guess I just wanted to have an interesting conversation about the experience. I don't so much need advice. It's just nice to be able to talk about these things to people who won't look at you like you belong in the nut house. But thank you for the advice. But it does feel very different than the dream realm if you have an actual OBE that doesn't devolve into a lucid dream, like the ones I've been having recently. It's a lot more consistent, and it's equally vivid to consensus reality. And you always start the experience from exactly where you fell asleep. Edit: By the way, have you ever had any OBEs?

@SFRL @Barry J I should have mentioned that I'm not really looking for a non-dual perspective on this as I'm already familiar with non-duality. And I find that perspective to be uninteresting and without insight when it's used as an intellectual lens for classifying experience. I feel like I'm running over the same ground whenever I do this and just solidifying a belief. So, I tend to only really discuss non-duality in relation to removing obstacles to clear perception and allowing. But it doesn't feel interesting or helpful to hash and rehash the concepts that I've known. So, I understand that it's all part of the illusion and all that. And that clinging to the experience won't beget enlightenment. Nonetheless, I'm interested in it from the perspective of duality as to what it might entail relative to the dualistic illusion. So, I'm looking for more of a Shadow Work kind of perspective about what it might mean emotionally and psychologically. Or if someone has had a similar experience. I apologize. I should have been more clear.

Don't do this. You'll only get girls with really low self-esteem and lots of neuroses. But on the bright side... you'll be HYPER successful with those insecure women because you'll be mirroring to them the very reason why they have low self-esteem and lots of neuroses in the first place. Maybe their dad was a jerk to them too, so you can go all "Oedipus Complex" with it, and get some co-dependents. Or if you want a psychologically healthy girl, then don't use negging. Negging only works on girls with no self-worth. I would straight up murder a guy who did these things. Not only would I be un-interested in him, I'd be doing my best to actively avoid him.

Women like when you notice the good things that they do, that they value in themselves. So, in a really detached way convey a sense of subtle amusement, admiration, and especially encouragement at something that she's done at work (or something in general) that she's proud of. This should be very subtle and only be very brief, and it shouldn't seem like you want anything. Then, pull back and go back to being neutral. It will give her the impression that you MIGHT be interested in her or that you MIGHT be thinking of her. But she won't be 100% sure if you do it correctly. The "MIGHT" here is very important. Women are very intellect driven with their attractions. Nothing gets to them as much as uncertainty and anticipation. If she knows that you like her right away, there may not be enough tension to build desire. Women always want to know what the guy they like is thinking about... and if she is on his mind and how. That's why women like to ask men, "What are you thinking about?" If a woman asks you this, she probably wants to get closer to you and hopes that you are thinking about her. So, the uncertainty will plant a small seed of wonder in her mind, "Does he think about me? Does he admire me? Is he attracted to me?" And the question marks give so much for women to imagine, which is where the attraction actually comes up. Also, you want to be sure that the subtle interest you're conveying shows more of a desire to get into her mind and that you admire her for her specific personality traits and strengths. So, looks shouldn't be directly factored into this equation because it 1.) Takes away that sense of uncertainty of your intent and feelings, so she'll have nothing to solve in you. 2.) Makes the admiration feel like it's based on something that she didn't achieve and that is surface level. If she likes you, she'll want you to be attracted to her physically too. But if you start with that, it will likely put her on edge and in an uncomfortable mindset. The discomfort of which, I'm sure you wouldn't want projected out onto you in here mind. Now, I'm basing this 100% off my own attractions. Perhaps, some women are different. But I'm inclined to think that these things are quite common.

@TheBeachBionic Can you send me a picture of you in a PM? That would help me get a better idea of how accurate your perceptions of yourself are. But if you want sex, all you have to really do is let guys know that you're interested in sex. Most would be grateful to be able to do it. But sex on its own probably won't be that fulfilling for you... at least not in the long run. Now, you may feel very liberated to have random sex the first time because you will see that there are men out there who are interested in you in that way. So, like a lot of guys seek sex from women for validation, this validation game gains its weight and subjective reality from the belief in the scarcity of female sexual attention. So, unlike the majority of adult women, you can also do the same because of your personal beliefs around scarcity of male sexual attention. But this validation game will become meaningless once you realize that most men are easy and they're only interested in you for being female and your willingness to have sex. Once a woman realizes this, all illusions of sexual conquest drop away and promiscuous sex becomes meaningless and mostly pleasure-less. Finding a man to have sex with is as easy as saying the ABCs. So, there's not really a sense of accomplishment, once you've figured it out. Now, if you're looking for a relationship, you just have to be social and open in general. If you're hanging out with guys, one of them will eventually like you and want to date you. It might take a while but you just have to seem open and approachable. That said, it will help if you dress up, wear make-up, go to the gym, eat healthy, develop yourself, etc. A relationship is not a given, and neither is attraction. So, if you want to increase your chances, these are some ways.

I'm not a drinker at all. I might have a couple drinks a year. Even when I was experimenting with the Ayahuasca back when I was 20, I seldom ever drank. I just never cared for it much. And I actually recommend abstaining from most/all substances while on the path if you can go it without a glimpse. It caused me such issues in the aftermath that I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. When I did the Ayahuasca, I had never done a hallucinogen before. But I identified with being a stoner at the time. It was a huge part of my identity. So, I really just tried the Ayahuasca because I wanted to add more to that edgy stoner-ish identity. I had always been scared to try drugs like Cocaine and even psychedelics like Mushrooms and LSD... despite really wanting to add those drugs to my identity as well. I wanted to be like a Hunter S. Thompson kind of person who was intelligent and had interesting things to say. But he also was into a lot of drug use and debauchery. It was this image that really moved me at the time. I wanted to be worldly at the time and know the darker and less socially acceptable aspects of life. But, I had only ever smoked pot (and drank a little bit) which gave me a panic attack ever few times I would smoke. But I smoked weed almost every day. So, I didn't even like smoking pot. I just didn't know that I didn't like it because I was so heavily identified with that image I wanted to match up to. As a teenager, I liked the irony of being a pot smoker who routinely broke the law in some ways, but was also on a path toward excellence and getting all As in college and having a strong work ethic. I liked defying expectations so that I could leave an impression. I hated the idea of being like everyone else and blending into a crowd. My main goal in life was to live a life so strange and so awesome that I would be remembered after my death. My life was not important to me... just my legacy. So, I tried the Ayahuasca and I went in expecting some pretty colors and trails, like everyone else was experiencing. But I got so much more than I bargained for. I saw just how empty and hollow all of my identifications were and the fact that they were all contrived to shield myself from experiencing the low self-esteem that my very complex ego structure was built to hide. So, there is no need to do any substance. Alcohol especially won't help you out one bit. I never had one single insight with alcohol. It never gave me anything but numbness and unconsciousness. Marijuana gave me some insights for a time, then it didn't give me anything. Then Ayahuasca allowed me to experience the true nature of self and reality as well as many hallucinations and body high. But I don't recommend it on the path. There are other ways to experience ego transcendence. That's just my personal opinion though. Edit: Yes Ayahuasca and alcohol are TOTALLY different.

I knew nothing of spirituality at the time, and I had never meditated before. I just drank some home-brewed Ayahuasca with a bunch of other people. I did it twice, and I had experiences of ego transcendence each time that lasted a few hours a piece. But I didn't know what it was called at the time, as I wasn't looking to have any kind of experience like that. So, it took me years to even learn the terminology around it to gain more information. All I knew was that the identity I had worked so hard to create was the thing that was keeping me separate from God and holding onto my identity was causing me a lot of pain. But I was completely unprepared and spiritually immature, so I didn't understand the nature of paradox. So, I just believed that I had been 100% wrong my entire life. I had always been trying to succeed in life, but the insights I was getting seemed to invalidate even living a decent life. So, I spent years afterward floundering. Then I found Jungian psychology where I started to learn how the psyche functioned. I immersed myself in that for about a year. Then, several years ago I found Leo's videos about enlightenment. So, I was like "HOLY CRAP! That's what I experienced!!!!" I wasn't even looking for it. Ironically, I just found Leo's videos because I was trying to spice things up in the bedroom. But I've never had such an experience sober. But I'm inclined to think that resonating at the level of perfect love and surrendering to the perfection of reality is what's needed to transcend the ego. And all teachings and practices are essentially leading to that end. So, if anything subtle or overt in your worldview contradicts this, then this is likely impeding progress.

Not quite. If my experiences beyond ego are any indication of what permanent enlightenment is like, then the wormhole to space and traveling 1000 lightyears in an instant isn't really inaccurate. One thing that was very remarkable about the experience of being beyond ego was that it was very subtle and ultra-mundane. I had been in heaven my entire life, but I was too closed off to realize it. God had been everywhere all the time, but I was too insulated from it to know. So, when I let go of ego, I was experiencing the same things as I had always been experiencing. The only difference was that I was no longer insulated by my ego. I was conscious of being when before I could only think. And these were by far the most profound experiences of my life. But I had a huge ego at the time with tons of neuroses... two of which being a compulsion toward self-improvement and workaholism. I did these things because I hated myself, and I wanted to save myself from my own inferiority. But it worked really well in life. I was able to achieve a lot of things and truly improve my life's situation. It was just motivated by a lot of unhealthy repressions and mindsets. I'm inclined to think that I lined up with those experiences when no one else who was taking the same entheogen as me because my will-power was off the charts and my ego was so complex and big that it was difficult to maintain. So, when I surrendered, I couldn't easily pick the ego back up again. It was difficult to maintain as it was because I expected excellence and exceptionality in myself in every situation. There was never rest. So, it's my inclination to think that it's much easier to transcend an ego that's strong and big as opposed to transcending a weak ego. That's just a thought though. I'm unsure if that's true. But don't be too sure that you are fully aware of all your desires. One thing that shocked me about my first experience of ego transcendence was the fact that I was CONSTANTLY lying to myself. So, there were so many desires and feelings that I literally didn't know... even though I did deep down.

Fair enough. But when I had my experiences of ego transcendence, one of the main facets of it was unconditional love toward absolutely everything and accepting what is. It seems to me that you do have a desire to change those aspects, and are only really seeking enlightenment to get away from that desire to change. This resistance will likely come into conflict with your desires toward enlightenment, as enlightenment requires perfect love for everything that is now. How are you going to go about the level of acceptance, awareness, and integration needed to resonate at the level of perfect love?

If you dislike your situation but you don't believe you can change, then why do you come to this forum? Why even watch Leo's videos or any self-help videos at all? I think it's because you know, deep down, that you CAN actually improve. You probably are just not emotionally ready to take on that responsibility of taking your life into your own hands because you're afraid you will fail. So, you don't even try and you tell yourself change is impossible, because if you fail when you've REALLY tried your best then you would probably would feel bad about it beyond what you're willing to feel... or what you think you're capable of handling emotions-wise. But if you don't try at all and you fail, then it doesn't feel as bad because you know that you didn't really try. You're not wanting to see what you're made of because you fear that you will fail... not because you think change is impossible. That's just a story for keeping yourself in your comfort zone. That's my guess anyway. Failing when you've tried takes a much higher degree of emotional labor in comparison to failing as a result of not trying.

At the same time though. I always knew the guys that I liked. So, it wasn't like they weren't interacting with me platonically. It was just that there was never a sign of interest shown. So, I was afraid to show interest in fear of being rejected. It never felt like my attraction would be received well. Also, there's always the thought, "If I show interest he's going to think I'm easy or desperate." So, to imagine actually approaching a guy that I like is such a scary thought. I don't even want him to know that I like him for fear of rejection. At least, this was how it was when I was single. So, whenever I actually did go out with a guy... it was either because I wasn't so interested in him that I was afraid to show my feeling (these always lasted like a few days to a few weeks... this was always how it was in my early teens) or he approached me or we were just acquaintances/friends that started mutually flirting and sort of ramping up our flirting gradually until something happened. So, even though I intellectually knew that most men would at the very least be flattered by my interest, it always felt like "He's probably not going to like me, and think I'm weird or easy." So, I understand the discomfort. And it is a shame that men mostly have to approach to have a chance. But at the same time, it's not like women aren't in an uncomfortable place all their own... especially more reserved women.

There's no reason for you to believe this. There is nothing wrong with you, other than that you believe these things about yourself. And if you don't approach women, you'll never know if they like you. Women don't tend to approach men. So, how can you be so sure that no women like you if you've never tried?

I don't drink urine because it's not necessary to do and it's nasty. And even if there were health benefits to drinking it (which I doubt), there are tons of other non-urine-drinking ways to get healthier. Also, the kidneys filter out impurities in your blood and deposit them in the urine. Then, you urinate to eliminate those impurities. So, there's a reason why your body got rid of it in the first place. Urine is a waste product. There's a reason why we recoil from the smell of it. Some may claim it's a magical elixir that cures whatever, but all of that is likely just nonsense. I've never seen a legitimate source vouch for the value of consuming one's own urine. And all those people in the videos don't look or seem any healthier or vibrant than people who don't consume their own urine. Chances are the people who consume urine, will still die at about the same time... maybe earlier if it is actually bad for you.

One out of two... so 50%. I've only had two real relationships in my life. My first lasted 4 years, and my second is still going on... we've been together for 8.5 years. So, 50% is pretty good odds. Not all women are looking for extroversion. The other guys that I liked in the past, either didn't know that I liked them or just didn't reciprocate my feelings. It wasn't my choice not to go out with them. If I had had the opportunity and they would have liked me back, I would have dated every single one of them at the time that I liked them. Probably 85% of the guys I've liked have had this quality of being reserved and not being too social or talkative. I have this quality too, so I was always looking for guys that mirrored me. It's just hard to approach them or let them know that you like them because being rejected by the only guy you like is VERY difficult. It's best to just hide it and hope he approaches you. Because once the answer is no, you'd have to move on from the only attraction that you have. So, the stakes are really high. Do you ever approach anyone? Maybe there's already some equally shy girl out there that likes you. If you want success, the vast majority of women aren't going to approach you for the very reason I mentioned above. Women's attractions are very specific and their infatuation is very deep. The stakes are too high if you say no.

I hope that everyone's joking on this thread. Don't drink your own urine.

I've had two major relationships in my life. My husband is somewhat reserved. My first boyfriend was not so much... but you wouldn't call him an extrovert. But I've been attracted to tons of other guys over the course of my life (I'm 29 BTW), and one of the common threads in almost all those attractions are that the guy was reserved and didn't really talk a whole lot. Most of these were attractions from afar though because we're both introverted, and I was always afraid he could tell that I liked him. That's not true. Personality is 100% contrived as all identity is an illusion. So, it is fully in everyone's power to choose how they want to create themselves. You can absolutely work on your persona and your social skills. Too few people know this, and they just assume that they have to remain the same way even if it doesn't work for them. They just take the personality that they unconsciously created (but still created all the same) and assume that it's not changeable. You can develop character, you can develop skill, you can cultivate confidence, etc. These things are highly malleable. You literally can be whoever you want to be. It sounds to me that you're too afraid/lazy to put in the emotional effort required for positive change. So, you rationalize not working on yourself by telling yourself that everything is out of your control and that you're a victim of circumstance. But if you want your life to ever get better, you have to work on dropping the limiting beliefs and victim's mentality.

@kingroboto By the way, how old are you?

Your projection is very strong. You have to realize at some point when you're being delusional.

Something tells me that this isn't true...

Precisely. Only they're not circling you. They're leaving you out of their concerns entirely.

Unfortunately, you'll never find a woman like that with your chosen paradigm and negative projections onto women. Psychologically healthy women will pick up on your issues with women from a thousand miles away, and steer clear of you. Best to just stick to yourself until you can work through things. At this point, your only matches would be women who are equivalent to you in terms of consciousness. This is why emotionally damaged, entitled, and manipulative women are the only ones that you ever seem to come across. Like attracts like. Here's an example... One time, our van stalled out, and I had to take a cab in to work. I used to teach high school graphic design at the time. And I always liked to dress very professionally. And the guy who was driving the cab... you could tell that he'd had a rough life and that he probably had some drug and alcohol problems. He was a nice guy and all. But his speech was slurred and he talked and acted kind of trashy. He reminded me a lot of the spun out middle aged people in my home town. And he was asking me some basic questions about what I do. And he was genuinely flabbergasted that I existed and had a job and goals and things. He said he had never met a woman who wasn't addicted to pills. So, he was HYPER complimenting me because I had my shit together. And I said thank you. But at the same time, I didn't really consider it that much of a compliment. I was around tons of women who weren't addicted to pills and had their shit together. In fact, no women that I was personally close with at the time even did pills to my knowledge. So, it was really obvious to me that the guy was just keeping company with a lot of other people that were like him. And then he was assuming that the people he encountered were just the way people are in general. To him, dysfunction was normal. And he was judging women, that (if he were a woman) he would be exactly like them. And he was probably guilty of the "pills" and "no goals" thing himself, that he judged the women in his life so much for. Now, I'm not saying that you're like that guy. I'm just saying that you're assuming the same things about reality that he is. Basically, that the people you keep company with and encounter are the norm. And then projecting the worst judgment onto women as a whole group, even when you're guilty of the same crimes.

Reality is empty of both worth and worthlessness. So, any judgment of worth comes about subjectively and has no backing in reality. So, if we go around assigning worth to others, we will be creating a system of judgment that we will unconsciously use upon ourselves. This is why we can't love ourselves. We believe in the idea that some people are worth more than others. Then, we don't know why we can't love ourselves. It's because we're always judging ourselves against those contrived standards of worth and value. So, no. No one is worth anything. And likewise no-one is worthless. Our being is so far beyond the idea of worth, that we can't even fathom of how unshakably valid we are until we let go of the illusion of worth and value.