Emerald

When we repress aspects of ourselves from our awareness to where we've completely dis-identified with them and forgotten about them, they go to the Shadow. We forget about them because we have disowned them and don't want anything to do with them. Then we lose awareness that we even split this part of ourselves off in the first place through a complex series of subtle self lies. But the traits are still there, and those aspects of ourselves are always trying to merge back into consciousness. And those aspects will use any means that we can't detect with our conscious mind to find their expression. It's how a lot of neuroses come up. An aspect of ourselves can't come in the front door because we've blocked it. So, it goes to the back door. Or if the back door is locked, it comes in through the side door. But if the side door is blocked, it seeps in through the vents. So, there is no way to completely get rid of an aspect of ourselves. It will find expression in some form or another, and it will find the most direct path that a person allows it to have. But the more we have blocked it away and closed off outlets for its expression, the more convoluted and distorted the expression of that aspect of ourselves becomes. So, when a person becomes fixated upon someone and can't let go of that fixation, it is often because that object of fixation has become the outlet (and perhaps the only outlet) for expression and acceptance of certain aspects of themselves that have been sent to the Shadow. So, that person becomes the projection screen that the aspects of ourselves that are in the Shadow use to trick us back into reintegration. If we feel strong positive feelings and a desire to join with someone in a sexual/romantic way, this is the most direct form of communion that human beings can know in three dimensional reality. So, the disowned aspects of ourselves (which have personal agency, just as we do) use intense feelings of sexual/romantic desire to attract us and make us want to have communion with the person that we admire. But in reality it is not about the person who is the object of desire. It is simply that our mind is subconsciously projecting aspects of ourselves onto that person and luring us into reintegrating those parts of ourselves that we've lost sight of. And it's doing this covertly, by means of attraction to that person because we have blocked off the most direct routes. It's a big mind trick that happens when we have left ourselves few outlets for authenticity, happiness, love, etc.

I don't necessarily think a commune is necessary. But one thing that has been mostly lost in the modern era is the level of connectedness that people once had in a tribal living. Almost everyone in the tribe (except for maybe daughters who were marrying men from neighboring tribes) were going to be there for their entire lives. So, you could make really deep connections and you never had to worry about being separated from family or friends. So, there was an inter-connectedness that people had then, that we don't have now. People move around all the time and they tend to live a segregated life from all other people. I suppose a commune could be a potential solution to that. But it's fairly extreme. But there is also a lot of bad that can come from communal living if every adult raises every child. And there are tons of horror stories that come from present-day adults who were raised in communes. First off, I think that children need one or two primary care-givers. They need to feel like they have A parent or two. I don't think the "many parents" idea works for kids. Also, it's difficult to care deeply for hundreds of kids. You probably won't be able to give them all your attention. You might go days without a meaningful interaction with a number of your children. I also think that there's a much higher likelihood that a child will be exposed to predators. Because if every adult raises every child and 5% of the population are pedophiles, then there's going to be a huge problem. Also, it's hard enough for two parents to come to a consensus about what's right for a child. So, decision making would either be bureaucratic or unfair where certain adult members of the commune would get all the say in how children are raised. Plus, I find that living in a family comes fairly naturally. We didn't really have to force it to go in that direction. It just came naturally. So, I think the level of separation in society is fairly negative. We should live a more integrated life where we are in closer communication with others who live outside of our homes. But communal living feels like it would really open up many more cans of worms. Also, it could open up new prejudices if we take the identity of the communes too seriously and we can end up with more separation that is intended.

There is an animalistic drive in us that runs very deep and very strong that comes out in many subtle ways throughout the day. We are animals, after all. And these instincts are home to the power source that gives us energy. And when that energy is transmuted and channeled toward higher consciousness pursuits, it produces beautiful fruit. But if we keep that energy focused toward lower consciousness pursuits, it produces only shit. Then we are so low that we fling that shit at each other. Because when we glorify lower conscious pursuits above higher consciousness pursuits it is then that we become no different from monkeys. And the individual and society as a whole will suffer for it. I don't mean to insult you in anything I say in the rest of the post, but I would like to share with you my perceptions of you. You seem to have adopted this outlook on life because you're jaded and bored by modern society and you take for granted all the great things that we have come to discover: material and intellectual. And because of this, you seem to romanticize the past and fail to see the messes that we've taken ourselves up out of simply by focusing more toward higher consciousness pursuits. So, to my perception, you seem to think it would be better and more interesting to go back to a more animalistic way of being. Maybe you feel like the modern way of being is stale and inauthentic because it is disconnected from that power source. And this is fair enough. We are afraid of going backwards as a society, so many people want to ignore it because they don't know how to integrate it. And things do get stale sometimes because we lose that vitality. I also think that maybe you feel like you'd be recognized as having more social status because the lower nature is almost always male dominant, just like the hierarchies found in chimp societies. It's law of the jungle; the bigger, stronger, and more aggressive person is more highly ranked in society. And 95% of the time, that person will be male. From your past posts that I've read and the vibe of them, I sense that you feel powerless to women on a deep level, because many of your posts seem to be in a state of reactivity against this feeling. There's a bitterness that I sense in you. So, maybe you consciously or subconsciously feel that, if you can reduce humanity down to the level of chimps in your mind, then there would be no chance that you would ever have to feel powerless against women ever again because you would automatically rank higher on the social hierarchy. Then, this also crosses over the sexual instinct which is part of the lower nature, so it cross-multiplies the level of attachment to the lower nature as a perceived means of salvation. These are just my perceptions though. Correct me if I'm wrong. But to be interested in sex that has a tie to that animalistic drive is natural and desirable. If that energy doesn't come to the table, then sex is lack-luster. But to reduce the entirety of our humanity to sex is an extremely harmful limiting belief. Reading your posts, it feels like you've made a prison for yourself out of sex and masculine identification. Edit: Just to clarify, I didn't read the previous four posts prior to writing this. So, I wasn't reacting to the sexual addiction thing that eskwire mentioned.

I don't usually get upset when I'm hungry. I actually like the sensation of mild hunger... though I do prefer the sensations related to eating food. So, I'm not sure if I'm the best person to ask about that. But I can say that the sensation of hunger was never that intense. It was always mild. The way I did it was to eat 3 meals a day at 500 calories each. Sometimes, I'd eat smaller meals in the morning and afternoon, so I could have a bigger dinner, because I tend to like to eat more in the evening hours.

I gained and subsequently lost about 70 lbs during each of my pregnancies... with the weight of the baby, water weight, and placenta included in that number. So, 40-50 lbs of fat each time. So, I never paid attention to fat content or carbohydrates or even the type of food that I ate beyond meeting my basic macro-nutrient requirements. I just focused on the calories, and that helped me drop the weight very quickly. I was able to lose that weight in four or five months by eating a 500 calorie deficit on most days during the week with the occasionally cheat day.

I remember hearing on several occasions that they studied people who practiced Vegetarian diets versus people with Omnivorous diets, and they found that the Vegetarians lived longer by an average of of a handful of years. I never looked further into this though, so it could just be hearsay. I don't eat meat (or normally other animal products) for ethical reasons. I went Vegan last year in June. But a month or so ago, I temporarily went back to Vegetarianism because of our finances. It was just easier to eat what my family is eating, minus the meat which is easier to avoid than dairy which is mixed into a lot of foods. This I'll be doing until we get back on our feet after a few lean months. And I have to say, I feel so bad in my body since I've been eating dairy again. I can definitely tell the difference after having had refrained from dairy consumption for over a year. I don't know if the meat had such an effect on my overall health, but dairy definitely doesn't agree with my system. So, my recommendation is to experiment a bit with removing foods and adding foods to see how you feel during the day.

If you go plant-based, there is only a need to cut out meats and dairy. There is no need to cut out grains. That would probably be a bad idea if you've experienced disordered eating before. You can eat a full balanced diet as a Vegan. This is not an issue. However, if you cut out grains, there are fewer source of calories that you can eat on a Vegan diet. It can be done with effort, but you don't want to add difficulty upon difficulty to getting up to normal caloric intake. So, I recommend focusing on getting yourself out of disordered eating first and adding foods back into your diet. Then, once you get back to the norm, you can start focusing toward eating a plant-based diet with grains, if your motivation is right. You want to make sure that you're not just cutting out meat and dairy for the sake of consuming fewer calories. You want to make sure that it's actually motivated by the desire to either eat healthier or eat more humanely, and not simply for the sake of limiting food intake.

Perhaps she has become the projection screen for some of your disowned traits. So, the need to feel connected with her comes from your own desire for the parts of yourself that she represents to you. And if this is the case, the attraction will feel so right that you won't want to let it go deep down. Because you know you need these traits back... seemingly from her. So, ignoring the emotions is pointless. However, you must learn to read between the lines of your attraction for what your subconscious is really telling you to make communion with. There must be a reason why this particular girl is giving you this feeling. Try to discover what that is that you actually want from the situation. Then, instead of attaching those ends to achieving your desired relationship to her, try achieving those ends within yourself. What do you admire about her? Feel free to gush poetic about her because this will give you a ton of information about what you want to realize in yourself.

Peas have a really high amount of protein. If you make split pea soup, you can get 13 grams of protein per cup which is only like 130 calories. But I recommend looking up Vegan body builders like VeganGains on Youtube. I've never watched his channel before but the entire channel is about how to be a body-builder and a Vegan at the same time. That way, you can find plant-based alternatives for meat which will help you cut down on meat consumption and thus fluoride consumption. And I recommend buying natural spring water or artisan well-water which have very limited amounts of fluoride in them that simply come from natural sources and are not directly put in there.

I was never attracted to people who were into that lifestyle too, even when I was in my teens and early twenties. So, I've never found anyone who is into that lifestyle very attractive: male or female. This is true even if I think they are good looking on the outside. I think this is because, with a lot of people who are into this lifestyle, their range of emotions is very narrow. I feel very strong, single-pointed emotions toward any guy that I come to be infatuated with. And I have a lot of passion, romantically and in other contexts. So, if a guy is really promiscuous to the point where he can't feel deep attractions toward a particular woman and he's numb or undeveloped to the point where he can't feel strong/deep emotions in general, then I think my subconscious/intuition sort of auto-sorts that guy away from my sphere of potential mates. This is just because I know that he probably won't be able to provide me with the emotions that I want to feel in a relationship because he doesn't have the range of emotions to meet me in my experience, romantically or in other contexts. So, it isn't weird to find people unattractive whose lifestyle doesn't resonate with you or whose personality is unsatisfying to be around for you. If I was only ever around people who engaged in that sort of lifestyle then I might find myself in a situation where I didn't have any strong feelings toward anyone. So, my advice is to try to find someone whose personality resonates with your own that you have congruence with. Then, it may be possible for you to experience strong attractions every once and a while when a woman comes along who you have chemistry with. But trying hoping to feel deep emotions toward someone who is presently incapable of feeling deep emotions in themselves, is unlikely to work. And if it does work, you'll find yourself hurt because their lack of emotional awareness will make them aloof and non-empathetic toward all aspects of life, including you.

That's excellent! I am so happy to hear this.

I have rules for what I want in my life too. So, if a person engages in activities that I don't want in my life, I'm unlikely to spend time with them outside of very controlled settings. I can't have anything illegal around me or dangerous because I have kids. I don't want any negative influences for them. So, there is nothing wrong with enforcing those boundaries. And it's even okay to be strict about them. The main thing is to watch out for subtle judgments of a person's worth relative to your own. These judgments are often semi-unconscious because people tend not to like to think of themselves as judgmental. But it sounds like you might be attracted to girls who do things that don't jibe with your intended lifestyle. Sometimes, this can indicate an attraction point in yourself where you become attracted to certain dysfunctions in other people. Sometimes this can have to do with low self-esteem and feeling like you're only worth being with someone with issues. Or it can just be an attraction to a repressed part of yourself. Or another possibility is simply that you don't know anyone personally that doesn't have those traits. Which would you say, if any, describes you?

Thank you. I'm glad you liked the video. As for your question, the thing that I can do for someone in this context, which is very limited, is to help them discover and work out their limiting beliefs in a very accepting kind of way. That way they can explore themselves without having to feel judged about anything. And I usually try to give my perspective as a woman, what my psychological experience of their actions would be. So, because most people do genuinely mean well, I think this will help mitigate a lot of the harmful behaviors. The harmful behaviors stem mostly from mis-understanding and a feeling that they themselves are the extreme under-dog in the situation, even though it isn't true. So, they come to see women as being the aggressor who is the arbiter of their self-worth or lack thereof, either consciously or unconsciously. But this simply stems from a mix of social conditioning and not being aware of how women's mating behaviors and feelings differ from that of men's. So, that is why there is often a combative attitude from men toward women because it's used as a form of self-protection because they perceive women as being up on a pedestal. And this is echoed in popular culture as well. But it's a projection and a misconception. So, just getting someone to see that they're projecting, removes some of the barriers to awareness. And it enables people to just see the opposite sex as people who have flaws just like them. It also ideally helps them feel more secure in romantic situations where they're just able to see a person as a whole person. But if a person has not developed the ability to see a person beyond projections, then this will not be possible and the projection will likely be a negative one that seems very powerful against them. But as far as my kids go, the main thing is just to not teach them the negative beliefs or expose them to popular culture that will cement those beliefs in them. If I'm talking to adults, I'm trying to help them unwire a problem. But if I'm talking to my kids, the challenge is to prevent the problem from happening. And just teaching them age-appropriate emotional awareness as they grow up.

I think this advice is good in general, but likely won't be possible for many of the people who comment in this section of the forum from where they currently are. Most people on here have a lot of pain relative to interactions with the opposite gender for a number of reasons. And specifically, most of the guys on here also have a strong resistance to their feminine side because of social pressure to fit the masculine mold. So, there becomes a negative association with others who display femininity too... men and women. This repression also compounds any other issues they may be dealing with. There is also a strong limiting belief that sexual desirability/success is equated with personal worth in an absolute way. So, the coping mechanism becomes to see the opposite gender in a really reductive, two-dimensional way and to objectify the situation by listing pluses and minuses in the same way one might considering purchasing a vehicle. This "weighing the pros and cons- quantitative thinking" happens in lieu of the ability to access their emotions and intuition which are an aspect of the feminine side that is repressed. This objectification also happens because they have created many defenses against getting hurt and protecting themselves against seeming inferior in some way. So, what I take from your post is that you pick up on the strong vibe of objectification and failure to see the humanity in other people. And it is truly a really 'yucky' vibe to read it as a person who isn't mired in this pattern and most especially as a woman who can relate to being seen through this lens before. It feels really dismal and salts many of my own wounds relative to relationships. My automatic reaction is to want to say "shame on you." But this isn't helpful. This (likely unconscious) dehumanization and objectification helps them compensate for feeling inferior and out of control in a romantic situation (and thus their litmus test to determine their worth) by thinking and believing in such a way that gives a sense of control and power. So, admonishing someone for these types of issues and viewpoints, will feel to them like you're trying to take away what little refuge they have from pain and low self-worth. They will perceive it as you trying to snatch away their only life raft. So, my advice to them instead would be to first drop their resistance to their feminine side within themselves and to come to appreciate the parts of themselves that they believe might make them less worthwhile. And also to recognize the desire to to so by recognizing the projection that happens onto their "objects" of desire. Then to begin to see unconditional love as valuable and possible. Then, once they get to that point, empathy and putting themselves in the other's shoes will become possible.

You're welcome and thank you!

Thank you! I do think the healthiest thing to is to allow yourself to imitate the behaviors. Imitation is how human beings learn. But also be sure not to lose other aspects of yourself in the process. And feel free to be contradictory and paradoxical.

I'm glad that the comment resonated with you. I think it's because it's easier to love and nurture a part of ourselves if we can see it in another person that we admire. Sort of like, imitation is the highest form of flattery. I always tend to want to imitate these "mentor"-crush figures. So, you're able to "fall in love" with those aspects of yourself when projected upon another person but not necessarily in yourself. So, it helps us become aware and integrate them because at a deep level, we feel a longing for that part of ourselves. We want it back from the other person. So, the desire for union with that person is very strong because it is a desire for parts of ourselves that are unconscious that we are longing to reintegrate with.

It's okay to decide not to hang out with people for practical reasons. But if you find yourself judging without a practical reason or on a regular basis beyond what's necessary for practical functioning, then you'll want to look at it. Like, if you're talking to people and you automatically start scrutinizing them by your personal metrics, then you'll really want to become aware of that tendency. Also, there's a difference between "I don't think this person would be good to have in my life." and "This person is a low quality person." One is simply for practical purposes. The other is a condemnation of the person's character and value because of your perception of their weaknesses. The latter will definitely splash back on you and have a very negative effect on your self esteem. This is because, if you write off the value of another human being for their weaknesses, then you will definitely write off your own value every time you fail to meet your own standards. And this will likely be fairly often if you're someone with high standards. So, it gives you the option of either 1. dimming your awareness to your perceived imperfections and repressing those parts of yourself. 2. feeling terrible about yourself. So, the main thing is simply to watch yourself mindfully as you make judgments. Don't force yourself to stop. But notice honestly whether you believe your judgment means anything real about someone's value. And then, you can find the judgments that you take most seriously, and try to find the repressed traits in yourself that relate back to that particular judgment.

This is how I used to be. I had to always judge others (thought I was in denial about this). I used this judgment to be able to feel better about myself by comparison. As long as I could judge people relative to my own strengths, I could see myself in a more positive light. This was to compensate for a lack of self-love and a feeling of inferiority and worthlessness. And it temporarily made me feel better. But it made me feel more and more isolated from people an reality. And outward judgments (even though unspoke) became inward judgments that lead me to repressing many aspects of myself that I judged in others as lesser. And it was this repression that made it much harder to feel my emotions. So, I would try to look at these judgments and see how they're having an effect on your ability to be aware of certain aspects of yourself.

That's really good that you're seeing a psychologist. It's really helpful to have support to explore yourself. But I'd say that along with strengthening the ego, it's also like stream-lining the ego. You make whatever unconscious beliefs and shadow material conscious so that you can let it go. And it will make the ego less of a burden to carry and you'll have less distortion because of it.

You're welcome. I would imagine that it is related to the need to experience love. But I would give a forewarning that you may not actually find it in another person at this point if your beliefs don't allow you to. You have to find it in yourself first. Once you learn to love yourself, you can receive love from others too. But if you have subtle beliefs that you're somehow undeserving or unworthy of love, then this will keep you insulated from your experience of love. This is true even though love is the very foundation of existence. So, I recommend finding ways to let go of limiting beliefs about deserving and not deserving, and to feel comfortable loving yourself and wanting the best for yourself like a loving parent would. Then, you'll be more able to give and receive love in a relationship and you're more likely to attract someone who loves you and wants the best for you too.

Detachment of the feeling from the object of the feeling is important. Because crushes often come from parts of yourself being projected onto another person. So, that's why you feel that very strong magnetism at the beginning of a relationship because you perceive the other person as being part of yourself as you've attributed unconscious parts of yourself to them. So, you can learn to integrate those aspects of yourself and grow those parts of yourself too through being able to feel positively about them in the context of your crush's personality. In order to determine if a crush is a real attraction to the other person, you have to first move past the reintegration aspect to find out if the feelings are actually for them and not just what they represent to you. The crushes that I get now are few and far between, but are usually older male mentor figures. And I always imagine that they are intrigued about certain things about me, and it really inspires me to develop those skills because I want to impress them. It gives me a really strong push toward developing myself in those way. For a long time, I would get very attached to these older male figures, especially when I became an adult and it was legal and moral to pursue these feelings. But I realized in the earlier part of my twenties that this was just a projection to help me grow. So, they're more like muse figures that give me inspiration.

Limiting beliefs can really cause a lot of repression. This will get in the way of feeling particular emotions because the part of yourself that is able to feel them is now unconscious to you, as the belief makes it impossible for that part of yourself to be part of your conscious awareness. So, it's in the Shadow. I wrote a similar comment above to Spiral. You might want to look at it for more context.

When you "cracked", did it feel like you got shoved a few feet back into yourself? Prior to age twenty, I had become very numb to where I couldn't feel most of my emotions. And there was always this kind of bubble in my chest that just felt like pent up energy. Then, I had a certain experience that most would consider mundane but it was just the straw that broke the camels back and I really broke apart. Since then, I've been doing a lot of inner work to reintegrate the repressed parts of myself, developing more awareness of my internal workings, letting go of limiting beliefs, learning to value my emotions, and letting go of judgments both inward and outward. This has helped me become much more sensitive to a wider array of emotions because more aspects of myself are able to actually be present in reality. So, more of myself is actually experiencing the emotions. Before that time, I had such a rigid morality structure and self-concept that most parts of myself were repressed away because they got in the way of my goal of becoming the way I wanted to be. I had really strong principles back then that were my main priority in life. I didn't care for finding myself, but I wanted to create myself by refining and whittling away at all my imperfections. And I wanted to be seen a certain way. This is what caused the numbness for me. I had to tune out to my emotions to be able to bend myself in those directions that were often not authentic to me. Bu I thought that my self-concept was what brought me value. So, I was so concerned with that, that I didn't notice that I was being inauthentic. So, working toward dismantling this rigid self-structure and learning to accept myself inside and out has helped me get back in touch with the parts of myself that I've become unconscious of. And with every aspect that I've reintegrated, I've been able to feel the emotions that correspond to that aspect of myself. So, if you want to be able to feel the "crush" feeling, then I would try to find out what part of yourself that you've repressed away that you think might be able to feel the "crush" feeling. Then, try to reintegrate and accept that part of yourself and see what happens. Becoming aware of your judgments of yourself and others will be a big help for finding these aspects of yourself. Edit: Do you have any judgments of men who feel strong emotions, romantically or otherwise? Do you have the judgment that others will always hurt you in a relationship? Or do you have feelings like relationships are a waste of time? These are just some examples of limiting beliefs. These can be subtle. But if you look for these types of beliefs in yourself, it will help you become aware and actively work toward getting rid of those limiting beliefs. It will make reintegration possible.

If it were a crush, you wouldn't have to ask. An infatuation is very clear because you'll have a strong urge to be with her and as close to her as possible. You'll want only her, and she'll be on your mind all the time. It's very akin to obsession but somewhat less intense and not pathological. What you're describing is maybe a mild attraction that slightly intrigues you. But I sense that you want to be able to have a crush, so it might be just mentally blowing up small feelings into bigger ones in order to feel like you've achieved the feeling state of "crush." But perhaps it is a sign that some feelings are starting to stir a bit. I would try to observe those feelings, even if they're very subtle. I wish I could give you really effective advice for being able to feel this way. It's a beautiful feeling and my favorite drug of choice. I have been getting crushes since I was a toddler. Having experienced crushes, if I somehow lost the ability to have them, I'd be incredibly sad. I'm married but I still allow myself to feel this emotion toward other people because I just like having them that much. It really enlivens every aspect of life because it gets my energy flowing and I can use it for inspiration. Perhaps, there are blocks that you have from the parts of you that feel strong emotions. I know that men are often expected to be stoic. So, from childhood onward, many boys/men get into the habit of numbing themselves to aspects of their emotions to maintain that stoicism. So, if you feel like this describes you, I would recommend trying to get back in touch with your emotional center and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It takes the ability to be open, sensitive, and vulnerable to be able to feel subtle and tantalizing feelings like infatuation. Otherwise, you'll only be able to feel more gross (as opposed to subtle) feelings like anger, arousal, fear, and boredom. My thought is that maybe you're too numb at present, to feel this particular emotion. Does any of this in the last paragraph describe you?