Emerald

Are you saying that you agree with the bias of the family court's system against men and for women, because women have the better hormones for nurturing children? If so, I disagree. Otherwise, I don't really see how hormones can even really relate to what I had said. I talked mostly about social patterns and power structures. I didn't say that men and women have the same hormones or that masculinity and femininity aren't real. This honestly feels a bit like a canned argument that doesn't really match my argument... but some other hypothetical argument that might come from a Green perspective.

Unfortunately, I've seen this type of situation happen quite a few times. So, there is definitely a bias against men in the family court system. And it all comes from the dynamic that I had mentioned before. I went more in detail with it in another reply that I had just made, so check that one out. But it all comes down to the rigidity of our social ideas about gender. So, society sees fathers as the expendable parent. My friend John got full custody of his daughter a few years back and it was a real struggle. The mother of the kids was alway really unstable and didn't have her priorities right. And when his daughter would stay over there, she would always come back unbathed and with messy hair. And John and his current wife (who is awesome) were always worried about her being exposed to negative things. So, I was really glad when he got custody... but it was a real struggle. She (the bio mother of John's daughter) and John had even gotten pregnant once at the very end of high school. It was really quite sad because John was really looking forward to being a dad and had his hopes up for a family when he had just lost both of his parents a couple years earlier to health problems. But she decided to get an abortion, and she was very flippant about it even making jokes and things like that in front of John about it. So, she just ignored his feelings and was always really immature and uncaring. So, it was just really upsetting to see him go through that. Then they got pregnant with his daughter several years later, and I was afraid he'd get hurt again. But John always looked up to his father and was always family oriented. He even took care of his younger brother once he turned 18. His brother was only a couple years younger than him, but he always watched out for him. So, it's hard to see a very good father and a very inadequate mother go to court for the kids because the courts tend to side with the mom.

With regard to anything related to the relational aspects of life, men's emotions are often overlooked because there is an expectation of lack of emotion. So, men often get the crappier end of the deal in family courts. So, this does relate back to what I said generally. It's one of the fruits that grows off of that tree. Power and success is often expected of men and the opposite of women. So, continuation of alimony to female spouses is an outgrowth of that societal expectation. This likely came about in a time where women didn't work outside of the house and needed it. But now it's not necessary because women can work too. Perhaps making it to where the spouse that makes more money has to chip in their support for the spouse that doesn't make as much makes a lot more sense. It is also thought that emotions and nurturing are in the domain of the feminine, to which there is an assumption that children need to be with their mother most of all and that the father is the expendable parent. It is also assumed that the man won't care that much because care-taking is feminine and unmanly. So, all of this relates back to the domain that I was speaking about. And this isn't talked about much because society sees the masculine principle as desirable and the feminine principle as undesirable. So, society reads more injustice into women's barriers to their masculine principled potential in relation to men's barriers to their feminine principled potential. The latter is assumed in such a way, "Why would men even care about their barrier to the feminine?" In other words, we care more about careers, money, status, achievement than relationships, raising children, emotions, and care-taking. So, to be kept from he former feels more unjust to our society than the latter. There is also an assumption of strength in men and weakness in women. So, it makes the feelings of injustice toward women seem extra terrible and injustices toward men to seem whatever because men are strong and can handle it. It's kind of like if someone punches an action hero... we don't feel bad for him because we know he's strong. But if someone punches a puppy, everyone goes "Awww!" The former is what we expect of men. The latter is what we expect of women. So, it's really the combination of the two assumptions "Masculinity is better than femininity." and "Men are strong and women are weak." That lead to society having more compassion toward women's barriers to the traditionally masculine versus men's barriers to the traditionally feminine. This is true, even if the statements made are very anti-feminine and anti-woman. It still effect men negatively in some pretty harsh ways.

That's an interesting question. From the perspective of power dynamics, the answer is no. Straight white men do hold the most potential for power in society, and they are seen as default. So, because of the way people understand the world, straight white men are in the most optimal position to be in power. This doesn't mean that all straight white men get that power... but they are at least in the race for receiving the lion's share of the all the potential power if they can rank in the hierarchies of society. But power dynamics are only one perspective... and they aren't even the perspective to look at that will actually effectively "cure" the issues that happen within the power dynamics perspective. But from the perspective of emotions and authenticity, the more the expectation of power and responsibility is place upon a person, they will have tremendous difficulties with being in touch with emotions and being authentic. There is a fear of losing one's status within the hierarchy if somebody feels obligated to have power. And men are strictly punished for not being "man enough." I see this in a lot of men. So, they have issues with being in touch with their feminine side. This causes Anima possession, where men basically repress their feminine side. Then their feminine side is in the Shadow and that feminine aspect of self is resentful because it's in the Shadow. So, this repressed feminine side desperately wants to A.) Seek revenge on the man who rejected it, by making him feel rejected. and B.) Be reintegrated. So, the Anima develops a push/pull kind of relationship with the man. So, the Anima projects itself onto women as a whole group, and mirrors the same sense of worthlessness and rejection that it has experienced. And it manifests as a deep resentment of women who are seen as all-powerful purveyors of male worth and status... the desire for which is why the man rejects his feminine side to begin with. And every time a man is turned down by a woman, the scorn of the Anima is projected upon the situation making it feel much worse making him feel powerless in the same way she has felt when the man turned "her" down. Then, this is also coupled with a sexual obsession. This obsession comes from desperate desire to reconnect with the feminine side and reintegrate the Anima. So, the Anima projects itself onto certain women or sometimes a particular feminine ideal (aka hot chicks in general). So, there becomes an obsession with seeking sex with women because it is the only acceptable outlet they feel safe in being in touch with the feminine. So, this causes a simultaneous misogyny and sexual obsession rolled into one... which in turn creates many issues for women power-wise as it makes it more difficult for them to own their femininity and thus their power. The man's inner woman is too jealous to allow that to happen. So, being a man is not a walk in the park by any means. Many of the obstacles men have are quite difficult. But they aren't really related to the potential for social power. There is nothing in their image that stops them from being recognized in that way, which women don't get to have. But with that potential for power comes a lot of expectations, responsibilities, inauthenticities, and fears. And the potential social punishments for not matching up to the ideals of masculinity set out by society.

Green SJWs against all the Blue Conservatives and their traditional value and Orange Libertarians and their money as conveyor of personal worth, status, and character. So to think Orange to Green revolutions think women's marches, Occupy Wall Street, getting money out of politics, Black Lives Matter, Third Wave Feminism, LGBT acceptance, the body positivity and fat acceptance movements, #MeToo, Intersectionality, Vegan activism, environmental activism (like the straws thing), and other such progressive movements. But Liberals aren't the only people progressing up the spiral. In fact, there has already been a major shift in the Conservative way from a more Blue traditional ways to the more Orange Libertarian ways. In fact, I'd wager that the average millennial Conservative is probably a Libertarian as opposed to the Conservative of old like the church-going, moralistic type of person. Then Liberals ever since around 2012, have begun shifting from a more Orange and Libertarian meritocratic way of thinking about the world... like "give everyone the freedom to be successful and pull themselves up by their bootstraps by virtue of their own individual character." to a social systems perspective that's very Green. In fact, many current liberals and leftists have left behind Libertarian beliefs that they now see as quite regressive. But some Liberals have not progressed. This is why a lot of Libertarian Conservatives (who used to be considered progressive) call themselves "Classic Liberals." They are ultimately Conservative by today's standards, but they like to identify with the Liberal values of ten years ago as they still see themselves as Liberal. And they feel like their Liberal identity has been hi-jacked by a bunch of idiots. But it's just a natural shift. It's just that a lot of Conservatives have caught up with them on the spiral, and many Liberals have progressed up the spiral to something they can't yet relate to and aren't aware of yet. But with regard to Green, you can tell it's a Green revolution because it looks to create positive change in social systems to help the marginalized and create a truly fair society. And they get very upset by heresy because their cause is important to them, and they see enemies of that cause to be enemies to justice and fairness... which certainly has a lot of merit. They just tend to think it's done on purpose, where for most people they're just not seeing things from the wider perspective.

This doesn't really sound like her using you. It just sounds like she is a bit immature and doesn't know that it's not always appropriate to talk about these topics to you in the same way she and her girlfriends might talk. She also should develop a little bit more awareness about what men generally like to talk about versus what women generally like to talk about. I see it as the equivalent of a guy always steering the conversation to a very stereotypically male topic of conversation (like body-building or something like that that a lot of women an't related to), and not being aware when the women he's talking to are getting bored. Female friends tend to like to talk about relationships and guys. And to me, when I was younger and single, those conversations with my female friends were always exciting because it gave me a chance to talk about the guy that I liked or to get validation if there were troubles. So, it always felt good and like an intimate friendship thing. When I was in middle school, my friends and I would always talk on the phone (this was before texting). And our favorite topic was boys and anything kind of sexual or taboo... since we were preteens and it was all very exciting and new. And we would always see how many people we could get on the phone line to talk... I think our record was 7 or 8 people. So, it was always a bunch of girls and my friend Joe. And he would understandably complain sometimes about how the conversation would be a little one-track sometimes where the conversation would end up steering to conversations about boys, which he couldn't relate to. Now, it wasn't so bad because we would also talk about shows we liked, our thoughts on the world, or just randomness too. So, it just sounds like your friend is a little bit unaware socially and perhaps has difficulty switching topics. So, I'm going to guess this isn't special treatment for you in particular. It's probably what she likes to talk about in general around all her friends and that she doesn't pick and choose the conversation topics to cater to the person. So, I'm more inclined to see it as a lack of awareness in what the person she's talking to is interested in, and not picking up social cues.

Nothing is ever completely empty of self-focus. Even someone who has transcended the ego does things out of self-focus. It's just that they realize that the self doesn't stop at the barrier of their skin. So, it's normal that your life-purpose is done for ego reasons if you have an ego. There is no escaping it, and you didn't choose it, and it doesn't make you a bad person. Just accept it's the best you can do for now, and continue focusing on becoming more aware. And know that self-focus will still be a thing, even beyond ego.

Funny... I just made a video that relates to the idea of possession. It's about something that happened with me back when I was ten.

I think that this is something that happens in a guy's mind, as opposed to the girl's. The girl probably would just think that the guy is her friend and treat him as such. So, this means talking about things that made here feel this way and that way. That's how women talk to their friends. They don't change their friendship style to accommodate someone's gender. But in the guy's mind he think's he's being 'used for emotional support' because male friendships are different and non-emotional and he has a sexual agenda. So, to him, it seems like "How dare she use me for emotional support, when all I wanted a relationship/sex." But the reality of the matter is that the guy was just pretending to be her friend to get with her... and she didn't reciprocate the feelings. But that's a very bitter pill to swallow. So, a lot of guys rewrite it to make themselves feel better. So, it probably feels a lot better for a man to say, "She used me for emotional support and put me in the friend zone." as opposed to "I pretended to be a girl's friend just to get in her pants, but then she wasn't attracted to me so I kept pretending to be her friend... with resentment." It's easier to project that the girl is the user in the situation. But I don't really think that your situation qualifies as that. Usually it happens when a guy becomes a girl's friend just to get in her pants or to potentially date her. But the girl isn't attracted to him and sometimes doesn't realize that he likes her, so she treats him like her friends. Then the guy makes up stories about friend zones and using him for emotional support.

From a woman's perspective, I can tell you it's possible. I see 99.5% of men in a completely platonic way, so it's rare that I develop an attraction at all... even when I was single. It was always only one guy that ever caught my attention at a time. So, literally everyone else was platonic to me or platonic with a very mild possibility of future attraction. So, this never got in the way of my friendships with guys. Now, a lot of these guys would end up getting crushes on me that weren't reciprocated. So, that complicated things. And it sucks to have a guy-friend get angry at you and tell you point-blank that your friendship "wasted my time", when you just enjoyed that guy's friendship and all he saw you as was a potential sexual partner. But this has helped me screen people out better, to avoid low-quality relationships. At this age, I can tell generally who values my company and who doesn't, and when a friendship will be a waste of my time. It becomes easier to intuit with experience. So, the male friends that I currently have are really great. They come into town every once in a great while and we'll go out to get coffee, to a bar, or to a comedy club. Most of them are into politics, and one of them works in D.C. in the department responsible for fixing the financial deficit. So, I tease him about not doing a good job. But we have fun times. Now, I'm also bi-sexual. So, I'm attracted to probably about half of my female friends... but most I've never been attracted to in a serious way. So, that doesn't really get in the way of my female friendships either.

@eskwire I have dealt with a lot of what you're talking about. The masculine principle rules the world, and the feminine principle is largely suppressed. So, if you were a smart little girl, most likely you learned quickly to avoid associating yourself too much with the feminine to get praise and avoid social scorn. And you may have even decided that your least favorite color was pink too and that you're really more like one of the guys... These are common, anyway. Having said that, over the course of the past century or so there has been a lot of progress made in terms of the re-emergence of the Divine Feminine in human society. A lot of it has been in the form of priming society to be ready for such a re-emergence. But the biggest issue at this point, is that most people don't recognize their anti-feminine biases. And most who are actually looking to undo anti-feminine biases are only looking as far as women's status in society. But that's just one branch off the anti-femininity tree. But this is because they don't know what femininity actually entails. They think of femininity as wearing makeup and heals or motherhood or being emotional. But the feminine principle is much more than these things. These are just the tip of the iceberg with regard to the feminine principle. So, the problem is that we have half of the society that's wants women to fit in the box of traditional feminine ideas, which is like a version of femininity that's stripped of all the aspects that are threatening to the status quo of traditional "Blue" values.... which is honestly most of it. The Feminine and traditional values go together like oil and water. The Feminine, however, is most treacherous to Orange values. Then, the other half of society has found refuge in the idea that masculinity and femininity are mere social constructs. This has been good in a sense, because it's allowed us to progress to this point. But the problem is that masculinity and femininity are in absolutely everything in the form of Yin and Yang. So, most people in this more progressive camp are unconsciously anti-feminine principle and pro-masculine principle... even if their goal is to make things equal and empowering for everyone. So, my recommendation is to learn more and more about the feminine principle and what it entails. The biggest obstacle to feminine integration is an unawareness of what femininity actually is. If you don't become aware of what it actually is, you will continue to repress it without realizing it as this is the social default.

Just forget about what that person said. It really doesn't matter what they think. If you want to find a partner, just put yourself out there. And do your best to be selective when it comes to personality flaws. Like if a person is going to treat you badly, you should feel entitled to turn them down. They are not your only option, even if it seems like it. What are you doing right now to try to get a partner?

Wishing you had never been born can be perceived by others as being ungrateful. And that you have a generally negative outlook on things can be perceived as being ungrateful. And being judgmental of others who are ungrateful and fixating upon that judgment, can also be perceived as ungrateful because you are focusing pessimistically toward your experience of the people in your life. It is often that when we judge others, it is because we are unconscious to those aspects within ourselves. And because we are unconscious, they become part of our shadow and play themselves out without our knowledge. So, others can see our shadows before we can.

How old are you?

@Revolutionary Think High school graphic design. But I also had a couple drawing and painting courses my second year. But prior to and after that, I have been a substitute teacher. So, I've been in a lot of different classrooms from Headstart pre-k all the way up to teaching 22 year-olds at the technical high school. I also frequently sub in self-contained ESE classrooms. So, my classroom experiences have been varied. Most often, I teach middle schoolers though.

I knew you understood because of our conversation.

It was moreso to take victim's mentality to level 11, so that it shows the absurdity of it. And to also show the emotional rollercoaster of what victim's mentality feels like, and what a release a person might get out of it. I talked to Mikael on a post the other day about it being like a release to succumb to victim's mentality and self-deprecation. In a sense, it's a lot like the emotional version of cutting and other forms of self flagellation and self harm. It's done for a release. And I talked about how there is a tendency of those with victim's mentality to manipulate others into giving them their "fix." So, they say things like "I'm useless and I can't change." Then others step in to disagree with them and share with them the error in their thinking, by saying "Hey. You have victim's mentality. You could change if you wanted to." Then, they get the pleasure/pain of responding with something really self-deprecating to engage in that release again with he resistance of another person intensifying the release. It's kind of like how it's really hard to punch a tissue... but it's easy to punch a wall. The resistance intensifies the release. So, I just decided to go balls to the wall with the notion of victim's mentality, to make those emotional sweeps and releases more apparent to him and to others on the forum. If you really follow what I wrote and try to empathize with someone who believes in the extremes of what I wrote (which of course would be totally absurd), you can see what kind of thrill/release a person might get in abandoning themselves to hopelessness in a harsh and chaotic world that's out to get us.

Gee... I guess you're right... everyone like you who thinks they're helpless and unable to change is totally correct, and as an expert victim of circumstance yourself, you know an inherent victim when you see one. They might as well not even be on this forum to try to change because it's futile. You're just not one of the normal people who can change. You're just a strange exception to the rule and are so ineffably hopeless that it's beyond your capacity to do anything for yourself. This makes you special and different... perhaps even a little deeper than other non-victims who haven't realized the inherent wickedness of life on Earth. You might as well check yourself into a home for hopeless cases because it's not victim's mentality... you LITERALLY are a victim.... a victim of the sad, sick, hopeless world that hates your very presence in it. So, victim's mentality for you an you only is just the utmost realism. In fact, even inanimate objects hate you and wish you suffering. Only one who has truly accepted their victimhood can realize this. And you have ben wise enough to realize your inherent victim status. If a car were coming right at you (without its owner... just because the car hates you and everything you stand for), you wouldn't even be able to register its presence and duck out of the way of harm, as you are totally right that you're totally helpless and can never make changes that benefit you. And if you ever came up against the slightest adversity, your body would immediately disintegrate into a pile of dust like a vampire exposed to the sun. You are the ultimate victim... the Metatron of victims... which makes you the best of the victims... or is it the worst of the victims... at any rate the "something-est" of the victims. So, of course you have victim's mentality... victims are right to have victim's mentality. And you are the master of victimhood. Best not even to try anymore and accept your superior inferior status as top victim. If an ant punched you, you would have to go to the hospital immediately as all your blood would be quickly leaving your body. If a cow looked at you the wrong way, you would shrivel where you stand. And reality hates you so much that it plans to suck you into the sky one day, and tear off all your skin, then spit you back out to make you wonder the desert as a skeleton for the rest of you misbegotten life. And even in death, you will still be a victim for eternity, wondering the deserts of hell as a skeleton. ... But seriously though, just stop. You know your full of it.

More-so the terms for all the gender delineations exist for the use of people that are in the gray areas, and not so much other people who aren't non-binary like you and me. In the non-binary communities, these terms actually mean something of substance to them and aide them in getting to know themselves better. So, to use a blanket term, would not serve this same purpose, as the value of the term lies in the specificity of the definition. But most people who are non-binary don't require that people address them with these identities or even really know a lot about them. They usually use they/them/their pronouns, which is how they mostly prefer to be addressed. And it's a safe bet to use these terms for trans-people as well. I guess there might be some people who get fancy and prefer that people use some really uncommon pronouns like xir, xim, or all those other ones. But I've never met or seen anyone who preferred those to they/them/their which are a lot closer to common uses of the English language.

I think it was an affiliate marketing website, if I recall.

Don't try to balance them. The conscious mind rarely knows the proper "balance." Just own whatever energies happen to be there, and remove limiting beliefs and barrier to those energies. When you get rid of resistance, those energies will do whatever they're naturally supposed to do without the conscious mind having to be involved at all. For most men, they'll be mostly masculine with some feminine. For most women, they'll be mostly feminine with some masculine. But everyone has a unique Yin/Yang signature. So, instead of trying to keep masculine and feminine in balance, which is a very active process, just own and allow whatever happens to there. But gender is a huge contributing factor. So, it does actually have quite a bit to do with gender. But everyone's Yin/Yang signature is different, and some men are more feminine and some women are more masculine and some people are closer to the middle of the spectrum with a 50/50 split. So, there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. But gender has a huge correlation with how one's energetic signature is composed.

I understand what you're saying and why you would say that. But I was pretty much a newbie when I found the resources that I recommended. And it will get them immediately acquainted with the feminine principle from the get-go. And it's not the type of material that a beginner will struggle with as much of it is just recognizing what has always been there but never been given words. For me, it was like a breath of fresh air as I had always been having to step out of my natural energy to function. And I know that if I had started with something else, I wouldn't be as grounded as I am. When I began reading from the authors that I recommended, I saw in them the best possible older version of myself if I continued to develop myself in the areas of the feminine. All the authors I listed are either in their 70s or 80s or dead. And they give their work in a very relatable way through stories about their lives and how myths, archetypes, dreams, and the divine have played a role. And it really opened up an entire facet of myself that I had scarcely been able to name. Nothing else ever fit quite as well. I threw myself into it for a year, and I learned more in that year than any other year of my life. But most of the mainstream feminine stuff that caters to women is actually just masculine with a feminine facade. That's why it's made its way to the mainstream. If it were truly feminine, it wouldn't make it there. That's why I said, you have to look somewhat underground if you want really high quality feminine content.

Don't do this. You have to go underground if you want high quality material. All the feminine stuff that's mainstream is very milquetoast.

Thank you for recommending me!

Check out the work of Jean Raffa... especially her blog and book, "Healing the Sacred Divide". She also has a TON of resources listed in the bibliographies of her books all about the integration of the feminine principle, dreams, and the unconscious. She, like most of the others that she recommends is an author working under the Jungian framework Also... "The Heroine's Journey" by Maureen Murdoch (as an alternative to "The Hero's Journey") "The Pregnant Darkness" by Monica Wikman "Goddesses in Every Woman" by Jean Shinoda Bolen "Androgyny" by June Singer Also, anything from Marian Woodman and Merlin Stone are good places to start. You can also check out my YouTube channel, as @Etherial Cat recommended. I have a lot of stuff about Yin/Yang, Masculine/Feminine, and other polarities like it. There's probably about 6 or 7 videos on my channel that relate in some way to the feminine principle and the divine feminine.