Emerald

@Leo Gura Thank you again for all the advice. I'll definitely call to see if IPEC has a payment plan.

I'm like Carmen San Diego... or all the monsters on Scooby Doo. You never know where I'll be or who I'll be. (lightning strikes and ominous music plays in the background as the tails of my trench coat billow in the wind and my silhouette is emblazoned upon the night sky)

Are any of those books on your book list? I purchased it a couple years ago, and I haven't looked at it in a while. Also, with the in-person program that you did, did you have to commute for it? If so, how often were the in-person meetings? I live in a kind of small town, so it would be unlikely that they have such a program within 30 minutes of me. So, I want to get a feel for how much of the course material is done in person. Now, I will admit, this will be very difficult for me financially to get over the hurdle. Money is always tight because my husband and I both work low paying jobs. And he (remarkably) has no credit, and I have terrible credit. But I'm certain that what you say is correct. I know I would make it back quickly. I have over 16,000 subs now, and I've been getting requests for one-on-one sessions for over a year. So, what do you think about doing a cheaper program first, and establishing a coaching business? I've seen a couple that looked decent for around $2000. And they were about six month long courses. Then, with the money from that coaching business, going and completing the IPEC program? I know it's not ideal, but that's really the only way I can slice it that it seems actionable. But I'm really glad that you told me about the IPEC program, because looking around for coaching programs has been like fumbling around in the dark. I'll definitely be looking into it. Thanks again! Edit: I checked out the IPEC website, and there is one in my state. Also, I saw that there were three different, three day modules that happen in person. So, you can disregard that part of the question. That's a plus, because that's really doable.

Thank you for the recommendation and the wealth of advice! Also, I'm very flattered that your impression is that I would do well with coaching. It's very encouraging to me. I know that my life's purpose is to contemplate on the nature of things, then convey them to others in order to bring them more into alignment with what's true at deeper levels than appearance. It's been a common thread through my life, even back into early childhood. And I've always gotten a lot of joy from helping others discover new things about reality, as well as to help them apply best-practices to their life that will make their lives better in some way. So, I do think that coaching will dovetail nicely with my life's purpose. But coaching would just be one extension of that. So, I also don't anticipate that it will be my MAIN thing. I also will continue to make videos, and in the future I will write books. Also, if I develop some public speaking skills, I may even eventually delve into hosting my own workshops and other group-education endeavors. I would see coaching more as one branch off of a much larger tree. That said, I would have to get my feet wet with coaching to know whether or not it's for me and does truly dovetail with my life's purpose. I know that sometimes, when the rubber meets the road, things are different than they initially seem. And because I am a pauper (not really, but kind of ), I have decided to get my feet wet with the 'one-on-one' aspect of coaching before making a big financial commitment. This is because the 'one-on-one' aspect of coaching, is the part I'm most apprehensive about because I've never done something like that professionally before, and I don't know how I'll do with it. So, because of this concern, I actually just created a new tier on my Patreon two days ago, where I basically stated my desire to go into life-coaching and my uncertainty with whether or not I should. And I was asking for guinea pigs who would want to have a session with me once a month for a few months, to see how it goes. And I'm offering it for relatively cheap since I have no training. So, I've already gotten five takers on that offer, and I'm hoping to get about ten which will give me a random sampling of people to help me get a sense for how that aspect of the job works. Now, you'll probably advise me to create a disclaimer/agreement where I make it clear that I'm not trained or certified and that I'm not liable for anything wrong that happens. I already have a sample contract that I'm in the process of tweaking to the specific circumstances. Also, I won't be doing these sessions until September, so it gives me a decent chunk of time to do some independent research into the professional best-practices when it comes to how to interact with people in a way that establishes clear boundaries and keeps the conversation productive and professional. Of course, if you have any recommendations for free resources that are on the internet, I would be over the moon about that! I do understand, however, that those resources won't be sufficient for understanding all the ins and outs of the field and that I would need a high quality program for actually learning the trade in a meaningful way. These would just be for some guidance during my guinea-pigging. Thank you again!

@Leo Gura I have a question for you. How many clients were you seeing at a time when you were coaching? Or what is the average?

Perhaps you were projecting upon her your own feelings of emptiness.

I feel like you don't understand what a fetish is. A fetish is where a person gets attached to an object (or objectified body part) because they can't have normal attachments to human beings. So, fetishes are actually a pathology. What you seem to be talking about are fantasies or just sexual enjoyments that deviate from the norm.

Those who are sure of this relegate their irrational and emotional side to their Shadow, where that aspect takes covert control of the intentions without your knowledge of it. Others can see how irrational you are... but you won't be able to. Some of the most irrational people are the ones most identified with rationality.

The problem here is that human beings are inherently emotional creatures. So, even the desire to be logical and rational comes from an emotional root. So, if we only thought logically and rationally, it would not be able to account for the emotional components of life. Also, logic and rationality only work in relation to a premise. And that premise is taken for granted as inherently true. The issue here is that all premises are created by human beings, and as such, cannot contain Truth. So, to base one's self in logic and rationality, can be a fool's errand if the premise is rooted in falsehood... which all premises are at the end of the day. Also, not all people are capable of rational thought. It takes a high degree of skill to think rationally. So, it's expecting too much of people. Also, lack of logic/rationality is not the root of negativity in the first place. It makes perfect rational sense to do certain negative things, if we ignore the emotional reality underneath it. In fact, it's true that our ability to rationalize things away that allows for human beings to justify all kinds of terrible things. They just have to make sure they take certain premises to be inherently true, and they can rationalize anything with sound logic, and do terrible and destructive things.

That's a great one!

Do you have any plans for remedying this issue? I can't stress to you enough how much of a burden it is to carry around that problem. I know it's uncomfortable because Narcissism is a bit of a security blanket. But if I could give you two minutes outside of it, you'd be making a ton of effort just to be free from that burden.

And the once you achieve your dream of becoming a very famous celebrity you will realize that you will one day die and be forgotten to the sands of time. What then, when you realize that your celebrity status hasn't saved you from your own mortality? And all those beautiful, talented, ugly, and untalented people are all under ground in a hundred years in just the same way being eaten by ants and worms with flesh rotted away. None of them significant and none of them insignificant. You sound so much like me when I was a teenager. I was suffering under the delusions that you are until I had my experiences of ego transcendence. I wanted to be better than everyone else and I couldn't stand being looked over in a crowd. I wanted the world to stop once I died, and for the whole world to care about me. And I lived my entire life for the legacy that I would leave after I died. My life wasn't important to me at all... only my legacy. And I was so neurotic because of my megalomania. I carried the weight of the universe on my shoulders because of my delusions of grandeur. And even as I achieved the things that I wanted to achieve, there was only a brief high of achieving significance. Then, I would go seeking again for more and more significance, like a drug. And a drug that I had to find ways to get, otherwise I was afraid I might fade away into nothingness. I had to be the best and come off just a particular way. What I didn't realize is that I had created a prison for myself and I was wasting my life for an idea. And that idea was my self-concept that I wanted everyone to know about and for that self-concept to be eternal. But the self-concept was never real... it was just an idea. Is this idea of superiority worth sacrificing your entire being over? What if you just allowed yourself to be human? What monsters would attack you then? Would you realize that you're not immune from the reaper then?

Well, I actually wouldn't worry too much about her preferring the woman over you. That probably won't happen. I'm bisexual, and I've been in two long term relationships with men; one lasting four years and my current one which has been going on for eight years. And I've been very fortunate that they've both been open with me and have allowed me to have experiences with women if I wanted to. Now, I've never had any extramarital sexual experiences with women. But it's important to me to have the option to because (with my two long-term relationships) I haven't really been single since I was 16 years old, so that has left me very little time to experience the other half of my sexuality. And if I were committed to a man who was very against me experimenting with a woman, then I would feel very stifled. I would feel like being with him would mean I would have to die to that part of myself. But even if I did decided to have that kind of experience with a woman, I know that I wouldn't leave my husband for her. In fact, if I felt that it was a genuine threat to the stability of my marriage, I wouldn't do it. I would just do it for the experience and the excitement of it and to experience an under-explored aspect of my sexuality. I would imagine that's probably why your wife wants to be with a woman, as that would be quite common. It would be significantly less common for her to actually want something serious with the woman. But of course, if it is something that makes you really uncomfortable, I recommend expressing that to her and talking to her about it. But I have to empathize with her, because I know it would be very difficult to be in a situation where I would have to think, "Unless I cheat and lie, I will NEVER be with a woman as long as I am with my partner." This would murder me on the inside. Just knowing that I can, and that my husband is okay with it, relieves so much tension.

Optimize your tags, titles, and thumbnails to be discovered in search. That's the number one thing when your first start out. So, title it in such a way that people will search the exact phrase. Tag it out in such a way that all the popular search terms that relate to your video are used. Then, create an eye-catching thumbnail that will grab people's attention.

You won't need a financer if you're creating videos. Just buy the basics: camera, lighting, editing software, etc. Then you can start making videos and tagging and titling them for search engine optimization. I've built my channel from the ground up with just basics. I have just under 16,000 subscribers now and will hit 1,000,000 views by the end of the year if my growth rate stays the same. Then, if you want to make money from your videos you can monetize them through Google Adsense, start a subscriptions service through Patreon, create courses and products to sell, write ebooks, offer coaching, etc. There are a lot of different ways to make money if you develop a YouTube audience. But there is no need for money up front, other than to buy the basic equipment for filming and editing.

Your read the Dream Theatres one right? My favorite from her is "Healing the Sacred Divide." "Pregnant Darkness" by Monika Wikman is also really good. I also recommend "Androgyny" by June Singer.

@Zweistein You're welcome! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. There are a ton of books in that genre of the Feminine principle and Jungian archetypes. I can recommend some more if you want.

Peter Ralston was enlightened when he won some kind of fighting championship. And he was the only Westerner to ever win it. Also, Adyashanti was always very athletic in his youth, even after he became enlightened.

No, pimping exists because there is a consumer demand for NSA sex with a paid prostitute. There always has been and there always will be. There's a reason why prostitution is called the oldest profession. And I doubt that would change very much even if society became more open about sex. Now, pimps (and human traffickers in general) exist in the way that they do because prostitution is illegal, so these people steal women and children and force them into sex slavery. So, instead of there being willing legal participants, routine std checks, and regulations, prostitution has become a part of the black market. So, women are abducted and manipulated by pimps who make them have sex to meet certain financial quotas, then take all their money and keep them living in terrible conditions... often addicting them to drugs to control them. And children are stolen to work as prostitutes as well. So, pimps and human traffickers will continue to exist until the legal prostitution industry puts them out of business. Then, they'll have to find some other illegal thing to do to make the money. Now, this only helps the adult human trafficking issues, of course. But at least it would be a start.

From my experience, it doesn't really work that way. When I had been beyond ego, I knew that I already knew everything that I could ever need to know, always had, and always would. But it wasn't in regard to scientific theories and external skills. At least I don't think so. It was not intelligence in this way, but Divine Wisdom. And I knew it was all-knowing. But I only wanted what I could use in the moment. I had no desire to put it toward some kind of ambition.

Then, perhaps it has to do more with how you want to see yourself than how you want to be seen by others. When I was a teenager, I had a bit of this. I didn't care if others looked down on me for things that I looked well upon myself for. So, at the time, I really enjoyed gothic dress, and my hometown is pretty old-fashioned and rednecky. So, I genuinely didn't care one bit 'what a bunch of "rednecks" had to say about my style of dress.' I semi-unconsciously judged them as 'lesser' because they judged me for doing something that was a lot cooler than what they identified themselves with. So, their judgments were more of vindication of my own perceived superiority to them. But I was still looking to validate myself to myself. I wanted to be able to see myself in a good light, which meant very specific things that I (mostly) arbitrarily came up with. But I had mostly grown past my need to fit into social groups that didn't match up to my standards. I can relate to this as well. I still get it to some degree. Probably, what has happened is that you created a coping mechanism to deal with your feelings of being invalid and to solidify your validity. And the way to do this is to create an arbitrary standard for 'worthiness' that you can easily excel at over others. Your standard that you've created seems to be cultured-ness, intelligence, and appreciation of 'higher' pleasures. That way, when you see a person indulged in something un-cultured, un-intellectual, and a lower pleasure, you compulsively judge because it allows you to access a hit of "validation juice". This helps you cope with your feelings of being invalid for a moment or two, and you feel better about your place in the world because you can assure yourself of your place in the hierarchy above the others that you judged. So, if a person has a baseline sense of invalidity and inferiority, they will unconsciously spend ALL their time trying to prove their superiority to others to try to convince themselves that their existence is valid and that they 'deserve' to exist. But this is a very shaky foundation on which to live. If you suddenly lost your ability to be able to see yourself in the light of being intelligent or cultured or of higher aesthetic taste, where would you be able to get your sense of validity? Could you exist with positive emotions about yourself, if you could not access your "validation juice"? Or would you feel your self-esteem wasted away and shrunken down if you went a week without invoking these self-affirming judgments?

Simply put, it means that you are identified with ego. So, it's very normal. But it also means that the ego structure is rigid in that way and may be rigid in other ways too if that judgmental tendency is taken in to other facets of life, and it likely is. One of the problems with ego identification is that, as we get older, we tend to add more and more 'rules' to what we can do and what we can like and what we can identify with. This amounts to adding more and more chains to our prison as we get older, because we get really specific about our ego, and we want to exclude everything that isn't what we want to see ourselves as. For example, as children, we could find joy playing in a ball pit. But one day, we realized that this was socially unacceptable for someone of an adult age to un-ironically play around in a ball pit. So, we decided to grow out of it. So, we cut away the part of ourselves that enjoys that type of play. And it was an actual part of ourselves... like a horcrux of sorts. And that part of ourselves lives in the shadow, unconscious to us but still there. The unfortunate thing is that, in order to keep our ego the way that we want to see ourselves and be seen, we have to cut away different outlets for joy and happiness. So, our prison of ego gets smaller and smaller as our ego gets more refined, judgmental, and selective. We kind of cut the floor out from under ourselves. We close up more and more possibilities for feeling joy, bliss, and love. And life becomes like petting a cat with a thick rubber glove on, very insulated from the experience. And it just doesn't really feel like you're petting a cat... it all just feel like the inside of a rubber glove.

Thank you! The heart and feather comment was in reference to the Ancient Egyptian fable called "The Weighing of the Heart." Basically, in order to pass into the afterlife, everyone had to come to the hall of judgment to have their hearts weighed. If their heart was lighter than a feather, they were allowed to pass into the afterlife. But if it was any heavier than a feather, they could not pass into the afterlife. Now, I took it out of the context of being about dying and the afterlife, because I think there's another meaning that relates to enlightenment. So, I see it as being, 'If you want to return to the source of your being (God), you must love everything perfectly and unconditionally.' But as for your questions about judgments arising, as long as you are identified with ego you will have judgments arise. They are an inevitability. The best thing you can do is to understand that they don't come from "you". They psyche thinks without an operator making it think this or that. So, it's not your fault that judgments come up. You can't stop it by force. That would just be repressing judgment. But mind-bogglingly, if you try to suppress the judgments then you are also being invalidating of the judgments coming up, which are just as much a part of God. So, if you don't have perfect love for the judgments, your heart will be heavier than a feather and you will not pass. You'll just have your judgments and your judgments of the judgments at war with each other in your mind. So, accept that you have judgments and watch them mindfully and with detachment. The judgments mean nothing at all. They are ultimately just sounds in your head. But don't try to sugar-coat it to make yourself look better to yourself. Find the ugly and nasty in you and accept it is part of your internal landscape. Trust me, there are things in every single person's psyche that are WAY darker than petty judgments. So, start with the petty judgments, and see where they lead you. And if you have judgments about the people having fun at Lollapalooza, figure out exactly what those judgments are. Then, think about how you would feel about yourself if you engaged in the same type of behavior. Would you feel shame and embarrassment to be seen the same way as you see them? Would you imagine there is another guy out there (like you) that's out there looking down upon you for your enjoyments? Or do you imagine the more than one person would judge you in this way? Or everyone? What would it do to your self-image if you went to Lollapalooza and enjoyed yourself there in the same way? Would you deny that you got anything from it to protect the self-image? Would you feel like you needed to hide this enjoyment from yourself to preserve the ideas that you hold true about yourself? In creating these judgments, does it help you feel safer from being invalidated by giving you a clear idea of what it is to be invalidated and validated? Do you feel tightness in your chest and stomach and heat in your face and neck, when you imagine being seen that way?

It's funny. My kids and I have been sick since the lunar eclipse. I'm sure that's just coincidence though.