Emerald

Mostly Red/Blue/Orange. But it can be Green too, but that's rare. It tends to present as mostly Orange with quite a lot of shadow Red and Blue in many of PUAs. Green - "I like sex and so do women. I want to have lots of it for the sake of a novel pleasurable mutual experience, but I'm not interested in settling down. I want to explore my sexuality." Orange - "I want to have sex with lots of women to validate my social status." aka vagina as social currency to validate one's own existence within the materialistic society. In Orange, sex is currency and is a purely transactional experience, where a man uses his status to make a "sex purchase" from a woman who is the "pussy gatekeeper". Blue - "Female sexuality should be controlled through the institution of marriage. Therefore, women who are slutty have proven themselves non-virtuous. Therefore, I (as a man) can seek anonymous sex with loose women as they have proven themselves to be morally deficient and thus unworthy of significance in my life and in general. Degenerates have no place in society anyway. But my future wife will be virtuous and chaste, and I will treat her like a delicate flower, provide for her, and make all the decisions." Red - "Women are literal property. I will amass as many women to my harem as I can because I always get my way. And I will kill any man who even looks at my women." (followed by Guteral monkey noises and lots of knuckle dragging) - (in Orange sex from a woman is currency. In Red, women themselves are currency.)

To be honest, it feels a little more decadent than revolutionary. I could see it easily become a bunch of ideological rich guys who fancy themselves intellectuals paying lots of money to fly on a plane and do armchair philosophy with their equally rich buddies. Then, there's also the air pollution element. I think only extremely rich people would even consider taking a flight just for fun. And that most would do it as a status symbol. But most of all, it doesn't feel like it would have a positive and consciousness raising effect on society. It would just be a fun thing for people who are already doing well, and enriching their status quo. But if you like this idea, you could totally do it. But I don't see it as a consciousness raising idea.

Integrate your inner feminine or else suffer forever with these insecurities.

Thank you. I haven't done one talking too much about contemporary topics relative to gender, as I feel like it's too close to the political debates of today to yield good results. The core of what I'm saying would be missed, and it would devolve into a political debate. So, because my channel is about consciousness work, it would be a distraction and may even cause an aversion in some people who would otherwise be interested in consciousness work, to add in an extensive amount of information about controversial topics in the political arena. The way I see it is that if I'm able to succeed in making people more conscious and empathetic, that they will naturally realize the reason behind the multiple genders idea and will be able to understand the value it provides to some people. But I have quite a few videos about Yin and Yang, the Feminine Principle and the Masculine Principle, the Divine Feminine, the Anima and Animus, and other related topics. These will give quite a lot of information on the topic, which should illuminate a lot of things about how gender works in the first place psychologically, energetically, and socially. And from there, it can be extrapolated why there are common patterns in gender expression as well as exceptions to those patterns.

Gender is about identity, and as such is inherently contrived. You can decide that you're a man, woman, or somewhere in the middle, or neither, because all identity (including gender identity) is inherently false, as it is an ego construct. So, if there are trans/genderqueer people who say that man and woman is a construct, they are correct. When there are people who say that the multitude of genders is made up, they are also correct. All identity is a contrivance. But because all identity is inherently contrived, it's in a person's best interest to choose whichever one they feel most comfortable with and whichever one serves as the best and widest lens for their Yin/Yang signature to be expressed. The identity is the lens for the more subtle aspects of our nature. It's how nature and nurture work together to create an outward expression. So, if someone assigned male at birth, genuinely has a lot of Yin energy, they may feel like the identity of "woman" is a better lens for which to express their natural energy. To identify with maleness, would be an innapropriate lens as it would block their most basic essence from being expressed fully. Or if someone feels like neither male nor female are good lenses for their most basic nature, they may consider themselves genderfluid or genderqueer. Knowing these words as concepts can help people navigate their relationship to the gender spectrum. The reason why all these delineations of gender exist, is because some people have a genuinely complex relationship to gender and their place on the gender spectrum. So, they invent new terms for better understanding. It's kind of like how in Florida, there is like three words for snow that we might use, as we don't really deal with snow that often... in fact we never do. But in Eskimo language, there are like 30 different words that mean snow with like slight variations on the meaning. This is because Eskimos have a much more complex relationship to snow than Floridians like myself. For someone who feels comfortable with the gender identity that matches with their biological sex, it may seem silly to make up these identities. We take so much for granted that gender isn't a part of identity and think of it as just a fact of who we are. We don't really have to think about it because the default works for us. But for some, the default doesn't work, and I think if these different gender delineations help them know and express themselves better, then I can't see it as anything else than a positive thing. Identity is important to people. People want to identify certain ways that make them feel happier and more fulfilled. Gender identity as an extension of that is a very important aspect of identity.

I take this short reply as a sign that you recognized your own machinations at work for a moment in reading my post, and had to leave everything on the table without addressing it. I've been in similar mindsets to you in the past, so I know the way my mind worked then. And I see the same tendencies in you. Sometimes it just feels good to catastrophize, self-flaggelate, and surrender to utter hopelessness. It's like this fetid rush followed by a partial letting go and relaxation mixed with some painful emotions. And there's a strange kind of pleasure/pain there to have in self-flaggelating and then giving up. So, it's not that you can't change... It's that if you recognized that you could change, you'd be unable to get your fix. This you extract from others by posting about your utter hopelessness, which creates many trigger points for you to get your fix. You can subtly manipulate others to say, "No. You're wrong. You can change your life." To which you reply, "No I can't. I'm a hopeless loser who no woman would ever want." And in typing those self-deprecating words, you can feel the emotions you crave to feel. Deep down, I know you don't really believe that you can't change. Also, there is probably a fear of change... or moreso a fear of failure, if you invest the time and emotional energy to make a change.

@Mikael89 Ask yourself what it is that you get out of thinking this way about yourself and women. You seem to get a kind of masochistic pleasure out of self-flagellating and exaggerating your own helplessness, as well as exaggerating and catastrophizing about the supposed cruelty and impossibility female sexual attraction. I'm not going to come to you and tell you that you're fine. That's part of the way you're getting whatever self-deprecating satisfaction you get out of thinking this way, is by people telling you you're wrong. It give you more stimulus to be able to double down and self-flaggelate to. Some people cut themselves to feel that feverishness and then a strange release. But you 'cut yourself' emotionally instead. You like on some level to feel the pain. Deep down, you and I both know that you know that your worldview is distorted. But if you admitted that to yourself, you would actually have to take action to change the status quo... something you are afraid to do. Plus, if you're getting such a strange masochistic rush out of self-flaggelating, there's a kind of comfort that comes with it in that if we all ourselves a hopeless piece of shit, then we don't ever have to change because we hopeless pieces of shit. Victim's mentality hurts so good, that it's additive.

I don't recommend engaging with this kind of fetish. If you identify with the masochistic role, and climax to images of men (that you're identifying with) being harmed by women, then it's going to create and strengthen a neural pathway and thus an association between extreme pleasure and self-degradation. And this will be engrained almost like it's in your muscle memory, and it will make it more difficult to climax when you're not either imagining yourself being abused or actually having a woman abuse you. I've dealt with a masochistic leanings in the past, and I do think it's a reflection of some other issue as opposed to just normal spicier sexuality. But I always noticed that I alway felt terrible after I would climax because I had just associated the extremes of sexual pleasure with my own objectification, subjugation, and sense of powerlessness. So, it was a mixed bag of sexual excitement plus all the negatives that made me feel lesser in the first place. Perhaps it was more clear to me as being unhealthy because I'm a woman. And there are images everywhere of women being submissive, objectified, and sexualized. And I've had this projected onto me many times in the past, which is unpleasant. So, I always thought, this probably isn't just something that I like during sex... this is probably something that is indicative of deeper issues and traumas form my past. Probably, it has a lot to do with repression of my sexuality in general coupled with past sexual traumas. I could see the potential that men, who are seen as normal for wanting novel sexual experiences, could come to find it much easier to like what they like sexually without it feeling abnormal. So, I could see a man get into something like this, and just think "Oh well. I like kinky stuff. This is probably normal. Everything's consensual and I like what I like." And if that kinky stuff is centered around self-subjugation, it could potentially just feel like good fun that doesn't actually bear out in your own life, because there isn't a lot of images of sexually subjugated men floating around everywhere and being used to sell things. So, the connection between your sense of objectification/inferiority and your sexuality is unclear. But there is likely a deep objectified/inferior feeling that you carry with you. I would look for that to find the core of this issue. So, I would honestly consider what it is that you get out of this fetish, and figure out where it comes from. Also, I would work on training yourself to climax more to your imagination and real life vanilla sexual encounters, as opposed to these third-person perspective images of women abusing men. Your neural pathways that allow you to climax during real-life intimate (non-role-playing/femdom) sex, are probably weaker because it's easier to climax to the extreme violent images as they're so extreme and the neural pathways have been well-established. So, strengthen the neural pathways around actual intimate vanilla sex, by learning to associate pleasure with less extreme and more reality based sex-acts.

Look at these sexy bitches. I'm gettin' all hot and bothered just lookin' at 'em... Especially the Hitler-looking guy. He's like double evil, so he's like double hottie. He's a serial killer who looks like Hitler... how much sexier can one possibly get?!?!? Honestly, you should know that what you said is bollocks. The only women who go for these kind of guys are deeply scarred women with no standards. And they go for them specifically because they have not standards, and feel like no one else will want them. And the women tend to be meth heads and like someone who rides a motorized scooter in Walmart at 3 am in a slum. They're usually just as dysfunctional as the guy.

I agree. That's why I've been in such long-term relationships. I value monogamy as it is (in my opinion) the most stable relationship structure. But I also recognize that monogamy begets lots of sexual repression as well, which has to be addressed and integrated in some way or another. That said, I do think that some people can pull off polyamory. It just doesn't really work for me. It's not appealing to imagine myself with multiple boyfriends or girlfriends. It just doesn't feel intimate enough. And many people who are polyamorous tend to be that way because they're flakey or unable to commit. But technically, my relationship with my husband is an open relationship. One insight that I had had during my experiences of ego transcendence, that occurred just slightly before my promiscuous streak, was that adding the idea of "only one person forever" was actually creating a lot of noise and bitterness to the relationships that didn't need to be there. So, I told my husband (then boyfriend) that if he wants to sleep with someone else as some point, that I'd let him do it as long as it didn't destabilize the relationship. And even though he was not really comfortable with it, he tried to extend the same courtesy to me. But ultimately, he never has taken me up on this open-ness nor have I. But I know it took a lot of pressure off of him, as he didn't have to think, "If this one works out, I will never have the freedom to experience anyone else sexually ever again." That's a really heavy psychological weight to have to bear and it really does add a lot of bitterness and fear to an otherwise beautiful thing. But I personally don't quite know how to reconcile all of this, if a person is not polyamorous. Polyamory is probably the only way to really get both. But again, I just don't feel like that's for me. And I suspect that a truly functional and stable polyamorous is rare at this point in history, because it is still part of humanity's shadow as its not socially acceptable. So, many times the only people who are open to it are people who have no care for social acceptability. This is what happens when something is in the shadow. Only the least socially accepted people are going to be brave enough to try it, because they don't have anything left to lose. But with this social rejection, many of them have become dysfunctional. But I'm sure those desires can be transcended if they're integrated properly as well.

When I was with my first boyfriend from age 16 -20 who I lost my virginity to, over the fours years we were together I swallowed many curiosities about what it would be like to experience other men. I didn't really admit to myself that I wanted this, because I was ashamed of these feelings and I loved him very much. I was also very moralistic about sexuality and monogamy. But beneath the surface, I was always curious what it was like to experience other partners, and it left me with this feeling of being trapped between a rock and hard place. Luckily, that relationship ended when I was 20... as it was a terrible relationship for TOTALLY other reasons. And I had a brief promiscuous streak, with several one night stands a couple of brief flings. And by the time I was done with those sex capades, I had no idealized version or fantasy about what being with other guys or going home with strangers that I met at bars was like. It's not as epic as the movies make it seem. It was somewhat enjoyable physically and emotionally exciting the first few times. But it quickly got boring, and it made me a bit jaded as well because of some negative situations that happened toward the end. I also had a lot of societal beliefs about becoming less valuable every time I had sex with someone, as I had not yet explored or unpacked these ideas. So, now that I am with my husband (we've been together for 8 1/2 years), I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in the hooking up department. I don't have a desire to be promiscuous. But if I had remained with my first boyfriend, and hadn't experienced those sexual adventures, I think I'd be constantly bothered and regret missing out on something. So, I would definitely find a way to address this issue, as it is weighing on you. If she's open-minded, you can try bringing it up to her. But most people are not that open, and feel negatively if their partner has a sexual desire that strays from them. But if we're all honest, I'm pretty sure that everyone has more intense attraction to other people than to their long-term partner, as they are used to their long-term partner. It's hard to desire strongly what you already have, and human emotions just don't really work that way. We're designed to have those strong "hot and bothered" emotions only in the first few months of a relationship with a new partner. So, it's not a wonder why people miss that feeling. It's one of the best feelings there is. Unfortunately our societal norms are built in such a way that we have to swallow many of our most natural desires and emotions and repress them away. Sexuality is frustrating for this reason, as it's difficult to reconcile with societal norms and the flow of human social interactions. Even still, I am a monogamous person, even though I don't think this is the most natural way of being for human beings. But I do think it's one of the more functional ways to exist at the same time. Sexuality is a tough nut to crack (or bust hahaha).

@universe It's best to think of things in terms of masculine principle/feminine principle and Yin/Yang, as opposed to man/woman. People are energetically androgynous by their very nature. And being too identified with ideas of manhood or womanhood will cover over our ability to experience the true interplay between the masculine and feminine that occurs within us and within reality as a macrocosm. So, if we identify too strongly with manhood or womanhood, we will cut off a significant part of our Yin/Yang energetic signature. And speaking psychologically, we will cut ourselves off from our Anima and/or our Animus. A well developed person allows the Yin and Yang in themselves to flow freely and be in constant intercourse with one another, which creates an electricity between the two natures that accrues more libidinal energy. It is this allowance of opposites to intermingle chaotically within us that creates the tension and energy necessary for psychological, emotional, and spiritual growth. So, I find that a lot of men, because they associate empowerment with societally constructed masculine gender roles based on a caricature of masculinity and the idea of male dominance. And they also tend to desire women at the extremes of femininity and beauty. So, they tend to get caught in the trap of repressing their Yin energy to the extreme. And it doesn't help that society's values mirror this Yin repression. They think, if I am like a woman, then I will lessen my status and fewer women will be attracted to me and I will have less power and I will fall in the hierarchy. So, they contort themselves out of shape to fit into those social roles and reject their feminine aspect (the Yin energy). And they shift away from their authentic self. And because their feminine energy is blocked, it cannot be in intercourse with the masculine or flow freely and chaotically. So, their energy gets stagnant and they can't accrue the libidinal energy necessary for growth. As a result, they're emotions begin to go bitter and stale with lots of hatred and projection. And they feel disconnected from their own feminine nature, which is then projected onto women as a whole group. They reject the feminine, and this mirrors onto women in the form of feeling rejected by them. The disowned Anima in a man will become spiteful because of the rejection and seek revenge on him through projection and creating an illusory version of reality where women hold all the power over him and he is powerless to them. And he will spend his time feeling vengeful toward women. So, it's a pretty nasty trap to fall into, and it's INCREDIBLY common. It's called Anima possession. And the primary cause is taking societally constructed gender roles too seriously, and disowning so much of themselves as a result. Also, being a woman, I hear people make these kinds of generalizations all the time. And some of them, I'm like "That doesn't fit me, but I can see that there is a general pattern like that." But more often than not, I'm like "Nope. Totally a misrepresentation." It's best to get to know your own feminine nature than make guesses or listen to other men about women as you (and probably Osho too) can't know their internal motivations and what makes them tick. I've been in this woman vehicle for 29 years, and I'm always learning new things about it that I didn't have enough subtlety or sensitivity to pick up on in earlier years. So, it takes quite a bit of nuance and first-hand experience to speak intelligently about female nature in general, without sounding ignorant or heavy handed. And to me, it's quite clear to me that your insight about female nature is nothing more than an intellectual speculation about the female experience from afar. But if you don't yourself embody your own feminine nature, you cannot be aware of female nature in general. This is one of the subtle benefits of being a woman. Society doesn't mind us embodying the masculine too much, because society views the masculine as superior to the feminine. Also, society is built in tune with the masculine principle. And even all the defaults tend to be set to the male perspective including default pronouns. So, women have a whole life-time of having to shift into the masculine perspective, in order to function in society. So, it's not uncommon for many women to understand men quite well and be able to empathize with them. But most men never actually shift into the feminine perspective as society punishes it, and society isn't set up in such a way that it requires them to do so. So, they tend to get stuck only existing in the masculine perspective. As a result, women are a huge mystery to them. And even trying to empathize would be a major shift out of their comfort zone. This especially hits them hard in the sphere of dating and attraction, because men who have no access to their feminine side have NO IDEA what makes them attractive. So, watch out for this trap. Just notice and accept whatever is there without getting to into social ideas around these energies.

I watch Charisma on command from time to time. I think it's pretty useful from what I've seen. I've never really field tested anything though. I mostly just used it as a "good to be aware of" kind of thing, as opposed to actively trying to practice anything.

Hi all! To give some background before I talk about the experience, I have been having Sleep Paralysis and Out of Body experiences for about 15 or 16 years. So, they're something that I'm familiar with. I have also had some experiences with Lucid Dreaming. And up until about two or three years ago, the distinction between the two experiences (Out of Body Experience vs Lucid Dreaming) was always incredibly clear. But in recent years, I haven't been having many Out of Body Experiences, Sleep Paralysis episodes, Lucid Dreams, or dreams in general. And whenever I do (once every couple of months) the Out of Body Experiences quickly devolve into Lucid Dreams. It's like I get out of body, and it feels realistic at first. But then I just fall into a dream state with all its inconsistencies and lack of solidity, as opposed to staying in the astral state. But likewise, in recent years, I've been having this one recurring location in many of my dreams and even once before in a dream that came from a devolved OBE. This place that I'm talking about isn't like inside of a building or a single place. It's almost like a town. I've been to a school there, a game-room, this house with a path leading out the back, an apartment complex, on the bus, and a few other places. I've probably had about 10-12 dreams in this town over the past couple years. And I feel like it's all the same town because it has the same feel and I recognize it as such in the dream like I'm very familiar with where I am. So, in the dreams, I know these places exist close together. And I know when I am there because it all has this same vibe. But there's also always an underlying sense of dread and fear. It's always really off and bizarre feeling... a very unhappy vibe. So, the night before last, I stayed up most of the night editing an update video for my channel. I went to bed at 4:30 and I had to wake up at 6:00 for work. So, I had only and hour and a half to sleep. And I went to sleep next to my daughter in the bed. And I woke up a little while later with Sleep Paralysis. But I was also still partially in a dream state. I was both laying in bed next my daughter, but I was also in that town with the awful vibe somehow. So, it was like 1/3 reality, 1/3 lucid dream, and 1/3 budding OBE as I was still able to hear the high pitched buzzing sound and feel the vibrations in my body. And in that state, I looked at the opening to the door and I sensed a presence there that felt ominous and like a more intense version of the strange vibe that I get from the dream town. And I knew that presence was coming toward my daughter and I because the feeling was getting stronger and I felt a 'sinister' intent about the whole thing. So, I just lay there with the sleep paralysis and vibrations all over my body and my fear response through the roof as the feelings intensified and the presence got nearer. And I thought that I should let myself just be aware fo the fear pulsing through my body and accept my fear and not resist it. And I thought about how I let go of fear completely when I transcended the ego. And I quickly thought (as though saying a mantra in my mind), "Become aware that you are the no-self." Then, the feeling of fear intensified all at once, like a small emotional explosion in my body. And once my fear struck that last note, the fear dissipated immediately in one fell swoop as though I had never even been scared. And the presence was gone. Then, I fell down into the bed and started falling down this elevator shaft-like tunnel. And I thought... "I'm going down. Does this mean I'm going to hell?" I still was not scared to do this. But instead of hell, I fell into a dark grayness. And from the grayness came these designs shining from the grayness. As though a silver light was tracing stained glass patterns throughout he grayness using pencil-thin lines. And it was illuminating a really complex design with a lot of geometric looking shapes and patterns in it. And I wondered if I was seeing some kind of sacred geometry or something. And I had thought, "What if this is the representation of love or God or something and I can experience it because I have no fear?" So, basically, I'm not quite sure what to make of this experience/dream/OBE. It was certainly interesting. I have never before been able to completely let go of fear in those situations. During OBEs I'm always just a little bit nervous, because I've encountered negative entities in the experience before. So, I always expect to see something... especially if I'm unable to leave the house that I'm sleeping in and get out to the street. I would appreciate any reactions, thoughts, insights, comments, etc. I mostly want to share, and see if anyone else has had similar to similar-ish experiences.

First thing I would do is to try to release resistance to the masculine. It seems like you have a pretty strong aversion to it. Once you clear up that aversion, more clarity will come from that. Resistance of any kind muddies the waters. So, if you're perceiving of yourself as feminine, it could be because you're actually more feminine. Or it could be that you only feel comfortable and safe in the feminine because of your resistance to the masculine. Or it could be (and most likely is) a mix of the two. I personally, have had a lot of issue with feminine repression throughout my life, despite being a woman who is inherently more feminine than masculine by quite a bit. So, it's definitely possible to repress the energy that's more dominant as well. So, it's important not to rule that out as a possibility either. My feminine repression started when I was nine or ten. And I started thinking of myself as "more like a guy." And I hated girls and women because they were "shallow and catty and scared of everything." And I refused to be friends with girls when I was in the fifth grade, and I drew permanent markers all over their faces in the yearbook. And when I would think about girls who were actually nice, I would just write her out of that narrative, but go immediately back to hating all girls and refusing to associate with them. It just felt better to make a sweeping generalization and say "All girls suck!" Ironically, the MGTOW ideology always reminds me of myself when I was ten. I was very melodramatic and door-slammy about my hatred of the female gender back then. And I got super competitive, especially with strength and ability to handle pain. I always wanted to "out-boy" the boys and be the strongest. That summer when I was at day camp, I kept hounding all the guys to arm wrestle me. This was before puberty, so I could actually beat most of them. But they didn't really have a desire to compete with me. They were just confused as to why I was asking them to arm wrestle all the time. But by then, I was over the brunt of my most overt misogyny and I had some friends there who were girls. But I still definitely liked guys better than girls and thought of them as the superior gender... to which I was the only loophole (of course ). And I was always trying to impress the guys by showing them how much pain I could handle without flinching. I had these two girls with sharp nails scratch down both of my arms at once as hard as they could, just to prove that I wouldn't flinch from the pain. And it hurt quite a lot. But I was so proud of my ability to handle pain stoically, that I sought out pain as it was a source of pride. And I really did get used to hurting to where I didn't have much resistance to it at all. It was easy to detach from. Then, I went to middle school, and I decided that I wanted to fit in. I spent all of fifth grade being made fun of by everyone except the few nerdy guys who were my friends... especially the preppy girls of the lass. But I decided that middle school would be different and that I would be more popular. So, I devised a plan to improve my social status and put enough feminine back on to be acceptable, and eventually phased out of that "Macho-man" phase. But none-the-less, the misogynistic feelings remained. And when I finally started to actually find myself in the 7th grade, I still sort of harbored this idea that "I'm more like a guy." And I made friends with a lot of other girls who were all off-beat in some way which made them targets for bullying like I was: either nerdy, overweight, masculine, weird, etc. A signifiant portion of whom eventually came out as queer.... including me too I suppose as I'm bi-sexual. And I really found myself with that group of friends. To be honest, I don't know how I'd be had I not had such a perfect friend group. They were more accepting of me than anyone I had ever met in my life. And most of us are still friends. But somehow I still managed to keep up the idea that I preferred being friends with guys and that I was more like a guy. I also unconsciously harbored a lot of beliefs about male superiority, and I held onto a lot of misogyny still. And I had unconscious negative feelings about girls in general... especially if she were more feminine. A girl had to be more masculine for me to be really comfortable around her. Otherwise, I felt like I wasn't good enough and that she would look down on me. And I always secretly judged girls I went to high school with who dressed for attractiveness as opposed to self-expression ( I was goth at the time so I was big on the philosophy of dressing purely for self-expression and not adornment). But all of this was semi-unconscious, as I identified strongly with being a person who was cool with everyone and who thought the genders were equal. I didn't realize consciously that any of this was going on. Fast forward to when I was 20 years old, and I had my experiences of ego transcendence. And one of the most powerful feelings I got inside me and all around me, was this deep sense of femininity. But not cultural ideas of femininity... actual divine femininity. And it was in me and all the plants too. At the time, I basically believed that masculinity and femininity were purely social constructs. So, this divine femininity struck me so powerfully that I immediately recognized my energy as predominantly feminine. And feminine was the only appropriate word for that energy, despite not having much to do with our social ideas of the feminine. And I also realized that all that time I had been judging other girls and other women, I had been creating a huge barrier that insulated me from my dominant energy. So, ever since I've been working on accepting my femininity and removing barriers to it. It's one of my deepest issues that I've still yet to see the other side of. It also doesn't help that my sexuality is tied in with this as well, which is also repressed in some signifiant ways. So, it's a long post, but I wanted to share it with you because you can see how resistance to the feminine and fear of being feminine, made it to where I thought I wasn't very feminine.

That's what I noticed about my non-dual experiences when I took Ayahuasca. It was through an elimination of certain mental processes that I was able to transcend the ego. So, it wasn't like I added something to my mind to bring me to that state. It was that certain aspects of mind were lessened or taken away, which made it much clearer what was going on that I had been missing and made it easy to see the distinction between ego and the reality of the situation. It's kind of like being in a noisy concert and being unable to hear someone talking because of all the activity and noise going on. But then, if the concert stops and everyone stops talking and moving, you can hear that person who is talking.

A friend of mine who I've collaborated with recommended Robert Monroe's work to me before. He even did a retreat at the Monroe institute a few years back. He has a whole YouTube channel that's all about it. And he really committed himself to mastering the process, and did so within a couple years. He just heard about it and wanted to do it. So, he trained himself to do it without ever having one by happenstance. So, it's a skill that can be cultivated. But, I do think some people are more likely to get waking sleep paralysis if they naturally produce more Glycene and GABA. Sleep paralysis happens every night to everyone. But for most, it happens only when they're asleep and aren't aware of it. So, these chemicals keep the body still at night to keep us from acting out our dreams. But my thought is that some people produce more Glycene and GABA than others... or that the mechanism that tells the body to release those chemicals is over-active and continues to do so even after the mind has woken up. And this is what causes them to get sleep paralysis more frequently. So, I think people who get frequent waking sleep paralysis are essentially the diametric opposite of people who sleep-walk. Maybe sleep-walkers have deficiency in those chemicals. I'm not 100% sure though. That's just what makes sense to me. But you can actually buy GABA as a supplement... (who knows; maybe Glycene too). I didn't know this until a couple months ago when I had a someone on here asking if they were having astral projection experiences. And they were. Then I told them about the chemicals that cause it. And they were like "OH! That makes sense. I've been taking Melatonin and GABA to help me sleep better." So, maybe try some GABA supplementation if you're interested. Perhaps Melatonin and Glycene (if it's sold that way) might help. Or just screw up your sleep schedule or fall asleep in a place where you know you're not supposed to in your house with the intent of going back to your bed at some point in the night. I have had quite a few as a result of accidentally falling asleep on the couch.

Thank you!

It's actual a more general spirituality forum than just non-duality focused. It's just that most people on here are interested in the non-dual path. So, that's what gets brought up the most. But I definitely don't think this is a personal development question. Really, I just was hoping to spark up a conversation about it to see what comes up in natural discourse. I like these experiences, and they're interesting to me.

I have tried psychedelics only twice in the past, both of which resulted in ego transcendence. And this is why I doubt this experience as being an ego death. Practically, the fear was gone... but I didn't have any sense of unconditional love that being free of ego had allowed me to perceive. Instead it was just a lack of fear. So, I was thinking this was probably more akin to an integration experience than an ego transcendence/ ego death experience. I'm hoping that it means that I've processed through some deep traumas. My thought was that perhaps this town that I go to in dreams is a representation of a trauma that I'm not aware of. And that in allowing myself to feel the fear fully without resisting it that it would allow me to integrate all that was repressed. But that's just a thought. I don't necessarily know if that's true of the experience. But no worries. You weren't rude at all.

I used to want a lot of things out of these experiences, especially as a teenager. I thought they'd be excellent tools for self-exploration if I could use them to travel time and meet people I admired who were long dead, even if the experiences weren't consistent with consensus reality. So, I had a ton of OBEs back then. I would usually get sleep paralysis a couple times per week, with a resulting OBE maybe once per week or every two weeks. But at this time, I found it difficult as I was quite twisted up back then with a lot of neuroses and no awareness of ego at work. So, I had all kinds of fears and was always mitigating low self-esteem and deep levels of existential dread, and often experienced dark entities like doppelgängers of my friends/family attacking or trying to attack me. So, I have a bit of OBE PTSD or something. But none-the-less, I always valued the experiences because it gave me access to something beyond the mundane, whether it was real or not. Currently, I don't have the burning desire like I used to to explore the astral realms too much. I wish that I did though, because it's really an amazing skill if you have control over it. I've been through some very interesting things as a result whenever I have been able to mitigate fears, avoid negative entities, and actually have enough control over my astral body to leave my house. But I never had amazing amounts of control over them. Most of the time I have a hard time getting up off the floor next to my bed if I do manage to get out of body. So, I spend the whole time looking up underneath the bed and floating around near the floor. And when that happens and come back quickly since I'm so close to the body. I don't really try to have OBEs unless I happen to get sleep paralysis on a night when I'm in the mood and then manage to get out. But I guess I just wanted to have an interesting conversation about the experience. I don't so much need advice. It's just nice to be able to talk about these things to people who won't look at you like you belong in the nut house. But thank you for the advice. But it does feel very different than the dream realm if you have an actual OBE that doesn't devolve into a lucid dream, like the ones I've been having recently. It's a lot more consistent, and it's equally vivid to consensus reality. And you always start the experience from exactly where you fell asleep. Edit: By the way, have you ever had any OBEs?

@SFRL @Barry J I should have mentioned that I'm not really looking for a non-dual perspective on this as I'm already familiar with non-duality. And I find that perspective to be uninteresting and without insight when it's used as an intellectual lens for classifying experience. I feel like I'm running over the same ground whenever I do this and just solidifying a belief. So, I tend to only really discuss non-duality in relation to removing obstacles to clear perception and allowing. But it doesn't feel interesting or helpful to hash and rehash the concepts that I've known. So, I understand that it's all part of the illusion and all that. And that clinging to the experience won't beget enlightenment. Nonetheless, I'm interested in it from the perspective of duality as to what it might entail relative to the dualistic illusion. So, I'm looking for more of a Shadow Work kind of perspective about what it might mean emotionally and psychologically. Or if someone has had a similar experience. I apologize. I should have been more clear.

Don't do this. You'll only get girls with really low self-esteem and lots of neuroses. But on the bright side... you'll be HYPER successful with those insecure women because you'll be mirroring to them the very reason why they have low self-esteem and lots of neuroses in the first place. Maybe their dad was a jerk to them too, so you can go all "Oedipus Complex" with it, and get some co-dependents. Or if you want a psychologically healthy girl, then don't use negging. Negging only works on girls with no self-worth. I would straight up murder a guy who did these things. Not only would I be un-interested in him, I'd be doing my best to actively avoid him.

Women like when you notice the good things that they do, that they value in themselves. So, in a really detached way convey a sense of subtle amusement, admiration, and especially encouragement at something that she's done at work (or something in general) that she's proud of. This should be very subtle and only be very brief, and it shouldn't seem like you want anything. Then, pull back and go back to being neutral. It will give her the impression that you MIGHT be interested in her or that you MIGHT be thinking of her. But she won't be 100% sure if you do it correctly. The "MIGHT" here is very important. Women are very intellect driven with their attractions. Nothing gets to them as much as uncertainty and anticipation. If she knows that you like her right away, there may not be enough tension to build desire. Women always want to know what the guy they like is thinking about... and if she is on his mind and how. That's why women like to ask men, "What are you thinking about?" If a woman asks you this, she probably wants to get closer to you and hopes that you are thinking about her. So, the uncertainty will plant a small seed of wonder in her mind, "Does he think about me? Does he admire me? Is he attracted to me?" And the question marks give so much for women to imagine, which is where the attraction actually comes up. Also, you want to be sure that the subtle interest you're conveying shows more of a desire to get into her mind and that you admire her for her specific personality traits and strengths. So, looks shouldn't be directly factored into this equation because it 1.) Takes away that sense of uncertainty of your intent and feelings, so she'll have nothing to solve in you. 2.) Makes the admiration feel like it's based on something that she didn't achieve and that is surface level. If she likes you, she'll want you to be attracted to her physically too. But if you start with that, it will likely put her on edge and in an uncomfortable mindset. The discomfort of which, I'm sure you wouldn't want projected out onto you in here mind. Now, I'm basing this 100% off my own attractions. Perhaps, some women are different. But I'm inclined to think that these things are quite common.

@TheBeachBionic Can you send me a picture of you in a PM? That would help me get a better idea of how accurate your perceptions of yourself are. But if you want sex, all you have to really do is let guys know that you're interested in sex. Most would be grateful to be able to do it. But sex on its own probably won't be that fulfilling for you... at least not in the long run. Now, you may feel very liberated to have random sex the first time because you will see that there are men out there who are interested in you in that way. So, like a lot of guys seek sex from women for validation, this validation game gains its weight and subjective reality from the belief in the scarcity of female sexual attention. So, unlike the majority of adult women, you can also do the same because of your personal beliefs around scarcity of male sexual attention. But this validation game will become meaningless once you realize that most men are easy and they're only interested in you for being female and your willingness to have sex. Once a woman realizes this, all illusions of sexual conquest drop away and promiscuous sex becomes meaningless and mostly pleasure-less. Finding a man to have sex with is as easy as saying the ABCs. So, there's not really a sense of accomplishment, once you've figured it out. Now, if you're looking for a relationship, you just have to be social and open in general. If you're hanging out with guys, one of them will eventually like you and want to date you. It might take a while but you just have to seem open and approachable. That said, it will help if you dress up, wear make-up, go to the gym, eat healthy, develop yourself, etc. A relationship is not a given, and neither is attraction. So, if you want to increase your chances, these are some ways.