Emerald

Intimacy means to have a heart-centered connection with someone. This means being able to see into the vulnerabilities of another and having your vulnerabilities seen. It is a mutual unarmoring. And this can be had in the context of friendship as well. But the thing that makes intimacy so intriguing from the female experience in relation to sexual/romantic relationship, is the intense heart-opening feeling that comes about when the connection happens. It's a very warm and pleasant sensation in the center of the chest. And when you combine the heart-centered warm feeling with the intense sexual feelings of the lower body, this creates a magnetism towards the man who triggered the heart feelings. She will want to be around him to get more of that heart opening warm feeling. And there is a strong element of letting go that can come about that's like a merging with the other person. And when you can see that person deeply and they can see you, there is this feeling of melting.

When the masculine isn't integrated it can become possessive in its quality. So, if a naturally feminine woman does come off as more masculine than what is natural to her, then it's usually due to a disintegrated masculine side taking on a possessing role. Counterintuitively, the best thing for such a woman is to work on having a deeper relationship to the masculine side. Once this happens it will be possible for her feminine side to express more because the masculine side will be able to create healthy boundaries... which in turn make her feel safer and able to be more vulnerable.

It's very important to integrate the masculine side as a woman because it helps you temper the Shadow Feminine qualities of indecisiveness, fretfulness, and vagueness... among others. I recommend integrating the following masculine-principled qualities... Emotional mastery Stoicism Ambition Purpose Assertiveness Strong boundaries Self-focused drives Individuality Intellectuality Discipline Courage Generosity (Giving orientation) Having principles Endurance Having a focus towards something bigger than you that you're willing to kill and die for

Leave the relationship. Abusers rarely change. And I wouldn't hold out on her changing. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you will be abused for the rest of your life if you stay with her. And you are not helping her by staying with her.

Personally, I rarely watch porn. Maybe I’ll feel the urge to do so once a month, if that. Usually, my sex drive goes toward fantasies if I’m single or just not in a space to realize something with my partner. But I also don’t always feel the need to climax. A lot of times, it feels best to just vibe for a long time in the erotic heart centered emotions of the fantasy.

It can help with reaching climax if I’m looking directly at pleasurable things happening to a woman as I have an empathetic response to the woman’s pleasure. But it only engages a very small part of my sexuality, as it leaves all the heart centered stuff off the table. So, I find my fantasies to be more gratifying than porn because it’s more emotional, contextual, and personal. And it can be playful or passionate or loving... many things actually. Fantasies arouse a symphony of erotic emotions, similar to how real experiences do. Porn just makes the blood flow to the genitals and arouses a mild feeling of sexual desire. Though, it’s much quicker and easier to orgasm to the latter, I prefer the fantasies because they feel better overall. I find myself feeling very drained after using porn. But I feel full of energy after spending time in my fantasies... if they’re loving fantasies.

My thought is that it can’t hurt to try one last time. But to not get your hopes up. But I would keep it short... just enough to reconnect and put the ball in her court. So, I would probably send something slightly more substantial than “Hey, how’s it going?” But not too much more. Maybe something like, “Hey, how’s it going? I was _____ the other day and it made me think of that conversation we had about _____. So I figured I’d reach out and see what you’re up to.” And then, the ball is in her court to either respond or don’t. And if she doesn’t, then you can let it go and move on.

Yes exactly right... with one slight nuance. So, mostly the relationship based on Shadow attraction will be a bad idea to entertain. I don’t recommend it. I recommend doing your solo healing work before, so that you attract another mostly healed person. BUT Shadow attractions and relationships CAN be useful for integration work. But starting a relationship with someone on this level often leads to retraumatization, which is wise to avoid. But the positive side of this is that it brings you into your old traumas so that you can heal and integrate. So, primarily Shadow informed relationships will usually be very stressful and painful. And will mostly be futile I’m the relationship sense. But these bad relationships can also be used as a springboard into healing work, if you’re not already doing it. And then, once healing happens, you will be on a better wavelength which enables you to attract men that mirror the new, healed you.

It’s not super uncommon for women to enjoy having pressure applied to the cervix. Cervical orgasm is definitely possible. Now, it can hurt a lot if you go too deep with it or you move too quickly though. And for some it hurts either way. So, my impression is that you might be going too deep with it. And that she might be enduring some pain in the moment to feel the pleasure of it. But later, the pain is just pain.

Yes exactly

Think about it more as a wavelength than as a magnet. There is magnetism that attracts on certain levels based on polarity... aka opposites attract. But in terms of wavelength resonance, it is like and like that fall into resonance with one another. And a compatible relationship requires both polarity and resonance to work. So, in the example I gave, there was one element of polarity and another element of resonance. So, I gave the example of a person with low self-esteem who is unable to assert themselves being attractive to another person with low self-esteem who is aggressive and has an overactive assertive drive. So, the two people have Shadow resonance on the vibration of low self-esteem. But they also have Shadow polarity because one is a doormat and the other is a tyrant. But the magnetism and resonance in this example is all coming from experiencing similar traumas. It isn’t coming from true compatibility, true polarity, or true resonance. To have true resonance and true polarity, the partners must be attracted to one another from the core vibration. And this requires healing and integrating the Shadow vibration into the core vibration. So, there is Shadow polarity and Shadow resonance. And there is Core Essence polarity and Core Essence resonance. And in order to have two people attracted to one another on the level of core essence (instead of just two people being attracted to one another who just have matching traumas) the healing work must be done.

Yes, everyone has the two vibrations... unless they have integrated all of their Shadow contents and gotten to the end of healing. But I have never met such a person who has no more healing to do. But I have met people who are mostly healed and integrated... or who had a relatively healthy childhood. And the core vibration has significantly more attractive pull than the Shadow vibration in these cases. I’ve also met plenty of people who have such a dense shadow and lots of healing to do. And they attract their partners mostly from the Shadow vibration. If you are in the space of having a lot of healing to do, you will attract whoever most mirrors your Shadow to you... and whoever will be most likely to facilitate that healing by bringing to the surface all of your pain and traumas. You will attract whoever is most like the lemon juice to your wounds to make you aware of your wounds. That way, you can address them. Although this Shadow attraction is usually oriented to unconsciously and thus usually doesn’t facilitate healing. It usually ends up in a retraumatization. But once the Shadow vibration is healed and brought back into alignment and resonance with the core vibration, you will attract others that are a better match to your essential core vibration. So, if you want a partner who is compatible with you... instead of just being compatible with your traumas ... then the Shadow contents must be healed and integrated.

Everyone only ever attracts from the vibration they hold. No exceptions. It’s already happening and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen. There are two vibrations a person holds: their core vibration and their shadow vibration. And both are magnetic forces that pull those of like energy towards you. The core vibration is the vibration of your natural essence. The Shadow vibration is the vibration of all that is repressed and hurt within you. So, my best advice for finding the most compatible partner is to integrate your Shadow and do the healing work. This will mean that your Shadow vibration will lose strength and become weaker and less magnetic... while your core vibration will absorb the strength of the integrated Shadow vibration and become stronger and more magnetic. Until the Shadow is integrated, you will only ever attract and be attracted to what is not integrated in yourself. So, if a person is dealing with low self-esteem and has a repressed assertive drive, they will have a strong Shadow vibration which will attract someone with low-self esteem with an over-active assertive drive (aka aggression).

Duality is part of non-duality... Non-duality means “not two” So if you create a distinction between that which is dual and that which is non-dual... you end up with two. And you end up creating a duality. It’s the same way with the infinite and the finite. Without the finite the infinite would cease to be infinite. And likewise, without including the dual, non-duality would cease to be non-dual.

Thank you! ?

The masculine and feminine side are two sides to one coin. They are never separate. They are in constant interplay with one another on all levels of existence. You cannot effectively integrate the masculine side without simultaneously integrating the feminine side. For example, let’s take the trait of assertiveness. In broad strokes, asserting your preferences and boundaries is generally more informed by Yang/masculine energy than Yin/feminine energy. But you need emotional awareness (which is more Yin) as a prerequisite to developing the ability to assert your boundaries because tuning into your emotions is how you know what your boundaries are in the first place. So, masculine and feminine is 100% intertwined from every perspective on every level of your being and in reality at large. This is why, counterintuitively, so many men who try to only integrate their masculine side end up significantly less in tune with the full depth and breadth of their masculinity compared to the guy who integrates his feminine side.

Both are intertwined. The Anima must be integrated before a man can really see a woman without projecting it. But it is also important for women not to concede and go silent on their perspectives when men try to gaslight them out of it. Women must be firm in asserting their truths, otherwise no one learns about our perspective. And before having some understanding of the female perspective, it will be much more difficult for a man to integrate his feminine side.

What has to be understood is that male sexuality is both personal and impersonal in the same way that female sexuality is both personal and impersonal. It is the same thing as any animal. Let’s take a cat for example. All cats will be fundamentally similar to one another. But if you’ve ever had a cat as a pet, you will know that their personalities are unique. So, male sexuality (as a general instinct) is two-fold. On one hand, you have the more reptilian brain stuff. This includes the desire for dominance and variety. It is most interested in seeking sex with as many fertile women as possible. And this makes a man most attuned to young women who he can claim as his own and impregnate to spread his genetic material as widely as possible. This part competes with other men hierarchically to impregnate as many women as possible. And to this part of him women are 100% interchangeable. On the other hand, you have the prefrontal cortex stuff. This is the part of the man that is pro-social that is interested in building community around himself. This is the part of him that is interested in love and friendship with a woman. And it is interesting in caring for and supporting his partner and family. This drive isn’t as spicy as the other drive but it is deeper and more gratifying... as long as his other drive is not being squelched. But of course, every man is unique. Some men are naturally geared towards one more than the other. And some men are repressed relative to one or the other. But every man has a lion and a lion tamer in him. No two lions are exactly the same. No two lion tamers are exactly the same. But all lions share similarities with other lions. And all lion tamers have a similar function to other lion tamers.

I understand. If you’re trying to woo a woman, then don’t ask her what she likes. It has to be spontaneous. But on a forum for exploring deeper into these topics it’s really frustrating when so many men are really dug into a lot of distortional thinking about female sexuality... and they simply refuse to hear us. They don’t make room in their minds for “yes and” thinking with regard to the practicalities of pickup and the subjective realities of female sexuality as it is. Human sexuality is a deep topic. And very few men on here are willing to look deeper with it because they’re only interested in practical simplifications for their own purposes. But a layer deeper than that is that men mostly get into pickup to find ways to become more in control of surfing the waves of the ocean that is female sexuality. And there is relief in the thought that the ocean can be understood and tamed. But the surfer is wise to realize that he doesn’t understand the ocean fully just because he knows how to surf along the shoreline. And also that the surfer has not truly tamed the ocean. The ocean is not under his control, he just knows better how to surf it. And I think that making men realize that there are many elements of female sexuality that can’t be gamed is really threatening to them. They recognize more the dangers of the ocean.

That's just not true. The misunderstanding isn't equal on both sides. And you're wise to realize that it's not. Women (and society at large) knows a lot more about the male bias than men (and society at large) know about the female bias. There is no question here. It is not equal on both sides. The middle ground fallacy might seem like it's the right thing because it puts equal weight on everything. But the misunderstanding isn't equal here. The feminine perspective is far less known in general. And notice how much more hostility and gaslighting a woman gets when she shares her truths. You get tons of people who have the understanding "Never listen to a woman about what she wants" and who will fight tooth and nail just to convince her that her biases aren't her biases and that her preferences aren't her preferences. There are ZERO women on this forum who will tell you, "Don't listen to men about what they want." We know your perspective. We understand your perspective. And we are not in denial about your perspective. And this actually confers a lot of advantages from a dating standpoint. But it's very frustrating to be constantly misrepresented and misunderstood... especially when the misunderstanding is active and intentional.

I do realize this. I apologize for writing it as a generalization.

The issue really is that some people are trying to gaslight other people out of their perspective by saying it either isn't their perspective or that their perspective isn't valid. And then the people being gaslit are putting their foot down and saying "No. This is actually my perspective and it's valid." It's different than not understanding the other. Many who are being gaslit do understand the other quite well. They are just tired of being intentionally misunderstood. Also, I never actually said anything in this post about the male bias. It's always been about the female bias because that's what's being misunderstood so intentionally.

You’re projecting onto what I said. Men on here don’t understand women. But not because they’re stupid or intellectually inferior. It’s only because they aren’t receptive and don’t listen. They would rather hold onto their own made up stories about female desire which make them feel safer and less vulnerable than actually hearing the truth. It feels threatening to them, so they don’t want to accept the truths of the female perspective.

Thank you. Edit: Oops! I just realized that I responded to this earlier. I thought I'd forgotten to.

Thank you ?