Emerald

Duality is part of non-duality... Non-duality means “not two” So if you create a distinction between that which is dual and that which is non-dual... you end up with two. And you end up creating a duality. It’s the same way with the infinite and the finite. Without the finite the infinite would cease to be infinite. And likewise, without including the dual, non-duality would cease to be non-dual.

Thank you! ?

The masculine and feminine side are two sides to one coin. They are never separate. They are in constant interplay with one another on all levels of existence. You cannot effectively integrate the masculine side without simultaneously integrating the feminine side. For example, let’s take the trait of assertiveness. In broad strokes, asserting your preferences and boundaries is generally more informed by Yang/masculine energy than Yin/feminine energy. But you need emotional awareness (which is more Yin) as a prerequisite to developing the ability to assert your boundaries because tuning into your emotions is how you know what your boundaries are in the first place. So, masculine and feminine is 100% intertwined from every perspective on every level of your being and in reality at large. This is why, counterintuitively, so many men who try to only integrate their masculine side end up significantly less in tune with the full depth and breadth of their masculinity compared to the guy who integrates his feminine side.

Both are intertwined. The Anima must be integrated before a man can really see a woman without projecting it. But it is also important for women not to concede and go silent on their perspectives when men try to gaslight them out of it. Women must be firm in asserting their truths, otherwise no one learns about our perspective. And before having some understanding of the female perspective, it will be much more difficult for a man to integrate his feminine side.

What has to be understood is that male sexuality is both personal and impersonal in the same way that female sexuality is both personal and impersonal. It is the same thing as any animal. Let’s take a cat for example. All cats will be fundamentally similar to one another. But if you’ve ever had a cat as a pet, you will know that their personalities are unique. So, male sexuality (as a general instinct) is two-fold. On one hand, you have the more reptilian brain stuff. This includes the desire for dominance and variety. It is most interested in seeking sex with as many fertile women as possible. And this makes a man most attuned to young women who he can claim as his own and impregnate to spread his genetic material as widely as possible. This part competes with other men hierarchically to impregnate as many women as possible. And to this part of him women are 100% interchangeable. On the other hand, you have the prefrontal cortex stuff. This is the part of the man that is pro-social that is interested in building community around himself. This is the part of him that is interested in love and friendship with a woman. And it is interesting in caring for and supporting his partner and family. This drive isn’t as spicy as the other drive but it is deeper and more gratifying... as long as his other drive is not being squelched. But of course, every man is unique. Some men are naturally geared towards one more than the other. And some men are repressed relative to one or the other. But every man has a lion and a lion tamer in him. No two lions are exactly the same. No two lion tamers are exactly the same. But all lions share similarities with other lions. And all lion tamers have a similar function to other lion tamers.

I understand. If you’re trying to woo a woman, then don’t ask her what she likes. It has to be spontaneous. But on a forum for exploring deeper into these topics it’s really frustrating when so many men are really dug into a lot of distortional thinking about female sexuality... and they simply refuse to hear us. They don’t make room in their minds for “yes and” thinking with regard to the practicalities of pickup and the subjective realities of female sexuality as it is. Human sexuality is a deep topic. And very few men on here are willing to look deeper with it because they’re only interested in practical simplifications for their own purposes. But a layer deeper than that is that men mostly get into pickup to find ways to become more in control of surfing the waves of the ocean that is female sexuality. And there is relief in the thought that the ocean can be understood and tamed. But the surfer is wise to realize that he doesn’t understand the ocean fully just because he knows how to surf along the shoreline. And also that the surfer has not truly tamed the ocean. The ocean is not under his control, he just knows better how to surf it. And I think that making men realize that there are many elements of female sexuality that can’t be gamed is really threatening to them. They recognize more the dangers of the ocean.

That's just not true. The misunderstanding isn't equal on both sides. And you're wise to realize that it's not. Women (and society at large) knows a lot more about the male bias than men (and society at large) know about the female bias. There is no question here. It is not equal on both sides. The middle ground fallacy might seem like it's the right thing because it puts equal weight on everything. But the misunderstanding isn't equal here. The feminine perspective is far less known in general. And notice how much more hostility and gaslighting a woman gets when she shares her truths. You get tons of people who have the understanding "Never listen to a woman about what she wants" and who will fight tooth and nail just to convince her that her biases aren't her biases and that her preferences aren't her preferences. There are ZERO women on this forum who will tell you, "Don't listen to men about what they want." We know your perspective. We understand your perspective. And we are not in denial about your perspective. And this actually confers a lot of advantages from a dating standpoint. But it's very frustrating to be constantly misrepresented and misunderstood... especially when the misunderstanding is active and intentional.

I do realize this. I apologize for writing it as a generalization.

The issue really is that some people are trying to gaslight other people out of their perspective by saying it either isn't their perspective or that their perspective isn't valid. And then the people being gaslit are putting their foot down and saying "No. This is actually my perspective and it's valid." It's different than not understanding the other. Many who are being gaslit do understand the other quite well. They are just tired of being intentionally misunderstood. Also, I never actually said anything in this post about the male bias. It's always been about the female bias because that's what's being misunderstood so intentionally.

You’re projecting onto what I said. Men on here don’t understand women. But not because they’re stupid or intellectually inferior. It’s only because they aren’t receptive and don’t listen. They would rather hold onto their own made up stories about female desire which make them feel safer and less vulnerable than actually hearing the truth. It feels threatening to them, so they don’t want to accept the truths of the female perspective.

Thank you. Edit: Oops! I just realized that I responded to this earlier. I thought I'd forgotten to.

Thank you ?

As someone who has two kids (10 and 6), this is what I've found. -- I didn't broach the topic of spirituality with my kids until they started asking questions. My daughter was a little Buddha when she was under the age of 5, so she'd say stuff like "I feel like I'm the only one who sees things." and "how did all of this get here?" and "Who was I before I was me?" and now she's very much into thinking about "Is any of this real?" None of this was ever suggested or discussed by me because I don't want to shoehorn in any religious or spiritual beliefs. She's just come to these questions on her own. And she tends to have anxiety, and I wonder if it is because she happens to have this deep questioning orientation. I was a very anxious child for this reason... among others. So, I wouldn't want to risk putting my kids in that position if they didn't already naturally have the seeking bone. So, I was pretty careful about not sharing too much too quickly with her. And so I just told her that my experiences have been that God is everything and that everything is made out of God and that God is loving. I keep it simple. And my son now asks questions about the afterlife and is curious about heaven because he's heard of heaven and hell. And I say that no one really knows what happens afterwards. --- As far as raising the kids like other parents, I would say yes and no. Yes, in the sense that I want my kids to be well-adjusted to the current social structure. So, I do many things the same as other parents. I don't have a sense of needing to be different from most ways of child-rearing unless I really see it as causing problems or genuinely believe that there's a better way to do it. However, I see kids as a seed to be watered as opposed to a piece of clay to be molded. So, I do my best to stay out of the way of my kids growth and individuation process. Basically, I put fewer random expectations to be this way or that way onto my kids. Basically, I set the right conditions and boundaries and then let their own individuation process do the work... while also giving them encouragement when they discover new interests. --- For schooling, I'm a huge proponent of sending kids to public school. I think it is the best way to socialize your child as public school is a youthful microcosm of the wider society. For friends, I let my kids gravitate to who they gravitate to intuitively. And so far, my kiddos have had very nice friends. Food-wise, I'm not great with this. My son is a very adventurous eater and will eat and enjoy all kinds of foods that usually require a more mature palette to appreciate. So, he's easier to get to eat healthy foods. My daughter is a lot like me when I was a kid... very picky. She has like 6 foods that she likes and none of them are vegetables (unless avocado counts as a vegetable). But I'm really big on not forcing kids to eat what they don't want to eat. I'm also the same way about not forcing kids to eat if they're not hungry. That way, they get attuned to their own bodies for eating cues as opposed to certain mealtimes or us parents forcing them to eat something. --- I don't teach my kids about non-duality because non-duality must be experienced to understand it properly. And when ADULTS haven't experienced non-duality and have learned about it from some secondary source, they tend to get in traps of solipsism and nihilism and existential crisis. So, I don't teach my kids about non-duality at all. And I keep my conversations about spirituality only to what they come to me about asking questions. A child's job is to grow a healthy ego. So, you don't want to upend that very important developmental process. You don't want to create any developmental delays.

2009 was a rough year for me. That’s for damn sure. ?

I do understand and empathize with men quite well. And I’m always working to understand people more and more because it’s part of my life purpose. So, there’s nothing in what I said that suggests that women shouldn’t seek to understand men. It’s just that you’re moving the goal posts because the issue isn’t the same on both sides. It isn’t a mutual misunderstanding kind of issue. The issue is that women candidly share their perspectives and men gaslight us about it. Meanwhile, you’ll notice that women are not gaslighting men about their desires. We accept that men like what they like. We just don’t really resonate with what they like because we like different things. And that’s different than misunderstanding someone.

That’s good that you’ve grown to this point. I personally don’t really respond to cold approach, and most women don’t. I have mostly relied on my social circle to find partners because it’s just a better experience. Plus, at the times where I was receptive to hook ups, I was dealing with lots of boundary issues. And that’s because, at age 20, I lost my entire social circle within the course of a couple months. And my parents weren’t talking the to me. And I got evicted. And I only had one friend of mine who let me sleep on her couch. And I lost 30 pounds because I was dealing with food scarcity. And I slept with like 6 guys in 2 months (4 of which happened in a 2 week timespan) after having only been with one guy in my life. And I was really leaning into sex with random guys to fill a void in my life. I was so alone in the world and broken up that, if a random man asked me to go to his place I would rationalize that “I’m just going to hang out for a bit and if he tries to kiss me fine but I won’t have sex.” And then, because I was genuinely all alone in the world once the man would kiss me, I wouldn’t be able to stop sex from happening. And I would sometimes say no a few times before he wore me down. But honestly, I was so alone that when I would go out and busk on the street to earn money for food, I would walk back at 2am after the bars closed and I would feel very sad that I could have some random killer snatch me and that it would be a couple weeks before anyone would even begin looking for me. And so I really had no capacity to say no to human interaction even though I would tell myself that I a just wanted to be alone. And the humans that wanted to interact most with me were strange men. And I started to fetishize much older men who represented stability to me. So, I would guess that lots of women who are receptive to men who aren’t already in their social circle, are probably dealing with some self-esteem issues... and getting into anxious or avoidant tendencies. And they may have a weak social circle, which might cause them to over-rely on their partner for what they need. And I say this with no judgment to them. I’ve been there before. But I tend to suspect it’s a sign of emotional troubles to be receptive to men doing cold approach.

Stop trying to do the “wrong on both sides” argument. That just isn’t accurate. It’s just the middle ground fallacy dressed up as the voice of reason. The women on here ARE misunderstood and deliberately so. The men on here FEEL misunderstood when they are not. Notice the difference, and call it what it is. Also, women are dealing with the aftermath of thousands of years of having their perspectives totally squelched. And this type of misogyny hits very deep individual and collective wounds that relate directly to women’s oppression. So it is quite normal and natural for these wounds to get triggered when women are unilaterally gaslit about their own desires and instincts.

Notice in your post how you’re trying to justify your behavior. But whatever you did is not justified. She just wasn’t interested. And you applied all kinds of other meanings onto that. And you got mad at the noise inside your head and took it out on her. In fact, if the woman was initially interested, she probably lost interest because you have this tendency to lash out. It’s easy to sense it on a man. My recommendation is to bring this up with your therapist and discontinue meeting women until you’re no longer dangerous to them.

I definitely still get triggered by it for sure, because it upsets me to be misrepresented and misunderstood more than anything. It just makes me want to tear my hair out to be disbelieved about my own experiences. I'm pretty numb to most types of misogyny, but that one just really irks me and I feel like coming in and kicking ass and taking names. But yes, it's honestly coming from tons of self-worth issues. All misogyny really does come from that. In fact, you can probably guess that the majority of men who are drawn to pick are doing so out of some perceived sense of lacking value and being unlovable. But men and women's survival drives are deeply intertwined. It's part of nature's design. We're meant to fit together. It's designed symbiotically for a win-win. It's just that men who feel insecure will want a win-lose situation with women on the losing end, because they want control. And they will justify their desire for a win-lose by thinking women are looking for a win-lose. And they frame it all as some cut-throat zero-sum game. But in reality, women's desire is usually very pro-social and pro-love. So, it creates more of a win-win situation. But men's baser desire to seek lots of sex is pretty anti-social and creates a lose-win scenario. Basically, there's a reason why relationship is considered part of the feminine principle. And that's because the feminine is oriented toward love, relationships, motherhood, community building, and socializing in general. So, when you get men trying to control the narrative around relationships to choke out the feminine nature of it. And then if women who don't challenge that narrative, you get shittier relationships all around.

Thank you! Though I would say that the fish catching analogy is only applicable for player kind of guys. The men who want to serve only their own agenda and devour the woman without giving her anything in return. This is the relationship of the fishermen to the fish. So, I won't help a fisherman catch a fish because I am a fish and I don't want to see other fish be exploited, devoured, and used. And you won't find me biting on any hooks. But I will help fishermen realize that fish don't like being fished. And they will argue that fish really love it. And I'll say, actually no we don't. And it is my goal to help clear up distortions around female sexuality. Women really do generally want to be "caught" by a man. We just don't want to be caught in the losing side of a lose-win scenario. We want a win-win scenario where the guy is actually looking for love just as much as we are. So, I'm quite happy to help with that. And I'm also not totally against helping a guy who's struggling with meeting women get to a point of proficiency with that. Pick up can be useful that way.

Exactly. You can find men who are genuinely interested in you as a person. You don't have to settle for men who are just looking for any and all women that will have them.