Emerald

Reaching for top-shelf spiritual truths is not an efficacious paradigm for issues dealing with the practicalities of human rights and equality. You can tell an enslaved American black person in 1782 dealing with the daily sufferings of Chattel slavery who have had their spouse and all their children sold to different slave masters last week that they’ve always been equal. And in the absolute, it’s true. But in the relative situation it’s not a helpful or kind perspective because it just encourages spiritual bypassing of a very real issue of injustice. And it uses a top shelf truth to invalidate a bottom shelf truth. Watch the spiritual ego because it can use the truth to lie to itself. And it’s very easy for a complacent white person to come along and give such ‘sagely’ advice from the safety of their non-enslaved state. I bring this into a more extreme example to illustrate how unhelpful spiritual bypassing is. And while ego is certainly a foundational element to this male superior/ female inferior dynamic, it’s not equivalent on both sides. Women as a whole are much less likely to construct male inferiority narratives than men are to construct female inferiority narratives. In fact, a more common occurrence is for women to construct female inferiority narratives that they exempt themselves from as being “not like the other girls.” I used to do this myself as a little girl. And it’s common for women to try to bond with men and compete with other women through these female inferiority narratives. And the reason for this dynamic is because the collective ego is still very anti-feminine in its biases.

If prior to your birth you were told that if you’re born you will only live until age 10. And you were told that your experience from birth to age 10 will be constant suffering in a slaughterhouse with other suffering children and will end with your throat being slit after you witness others around you having their throats slit. And that you’ll also suffer all sorts of physical discomforts because you’ve been selectively bred in ways that are not conducive to your health but only to your deliciousness. So, no. I don’t think the animal would choose that. Also, consider this… Every time a man ejaculates or a woman has her period… that means that millions of people will never get to exist. Never being born into existence is the norm. So, I have no qualms about animals not being selectively bred into an unnaturally short life of exploitation and suffering.

I got 0% and 0% I’m a bit surprised though that I didn’t have a few percentage points on benevolent sexism, because I did choose “agree” with the statement around women being more emotionally attuned.

So, there’s two layers here. One is about letting go of resistances to general masculine/feminine traits. These resistances (and over-extensions) lead to these opposite Shadow qualities. And many of these traits are simply a given for everyone. Like everyone has emotions. And everyone has motivation. The other is allowing what is naturally there to come through regardless of which category it falls into. So, it’s not about making yourself 50/50… most people are not 50/50. Both are related… but the general resistances are what creates the interruption of the natural dynamic and creates predictable Shadows behavior patterns.

You’re welcome ?

You may find these videos helpful in your journey of reclaiming your feminine power…

They just wouldn’t be bred into existence anymore because it wouldn’t be profitable to do so.

It’s more like the negative feminine gets replaced with the positive masculine… and the negative masculine gets replaced with the positive feminine. So, the negative feminine quality of victim’s mentality (and passivity) becomes initiative and responsibility. But the integration of the positive Feminine that can create this is to consciously integrate both surrender and humility. But a negative masculine quality like insensitivity becomes a positive feminine quality like emotional intelligence. But that would require the positive Masculine quality of discernment. This enables a person to tune into their emotions without getting confused and overwhelmed by them because they can crystallize their emotions into words.

Maybe in some cases… but I suspect not by a greater margin than men. Women tend to be very well acquainted with the problems of benevolent sexism because they come with an underlying assumption of incapability.

An integrated person who accepts both their Feminine and Masculine sides will be more likely to express the positive forms of both. And someone who resists one or both sides will tend to express the negative forms of both in varying degrees. So some positive Masculine qualities are qualities like forward movement, logic, initiative, and non-attachment. And the positive Feminine qualities that invertedly mirror these are qualities like unconditional acceptance of our being, intuition, responsiveness, and connection. But if we take the negative Feminine qualities that I mentioned before like victim’s mentality, spite, irrationality, cattiness, jealousy, and pettiness… These are foiled by positive Masculine qualities like Initiative, logic, non-attachment, and not sweating the small stuff. So, when we repress the Feminine it becomes a negative Shadow that interrupts our Positive Masculinity. And when we repress the Masculine it becomes a negative Shadow that interrupts our Positive Femininity.

? Okay then

@mr_engineer Just a heads up that guys who repress their Feminine side end up expressing their Femininity in shadowy ways… like victim’s mentality, spite, irrationality, cattiness, jealousy, and pettiness. This is (ironically) how most men with this philosophy come across. I often wonder if they think they’re coming across as Masculine when they tout their man philosophy and stick it to the Feminists. Look back at your posts. Do you actually think you’re embodying Masculinity?

I would probably stop initiating altogether for a little bit… like a week or two. And see what he does. Ideally, you’ll want a scenario where he’s initiating 60-80% of the conversations at this point in the courtship process. I highly recommend checking out the YouTube channels of Adrienne Everheart, Helena Hart, and Rori Raye. They all talk about staying in your Feminine energy and focusing on attracting and sorting instead of focusing on pursuing. You can also check out Mark Rosenburg’s channel. Here’s a video that could help with creating that space…

You’re welcome ? It’s still a possibility that it’s salvageable. And your best possible chance is to stop rowing the boat and see if he picks up the oars.

It sounds like you’re dealing with shame. Shame has to do with feeling like we’re unworthy or invalid in some way. Here’s a video that I made about it, if you’re interested…

Yes, this is good advice.

Sometimes a man will be involved with a woman because it’s an easygoing situation where he can get access to sex and some intimacy/companionship. And most men are pretty content to stay in this mode with a woman because it’s low investment and comfortable. Men tend to just like to have a woman around if they can choose to have a woman around. But men generally respond much more to women who challenge them and that have higher standards and require a higher investment in effort. This is because men generally fall in love by giving love… not by receiving it. So, you telling him how handsome he is won’t probably mean much to him beyond it being a momentary ego stroke. And saying he’s a cut above other guys just communicates that your expectations of him aren’t high since he’s already exceeded your expectations from the get-go without any real challenge. And this subtly communicates that you’re lower in value than he is because you’re looking up to him. It’s actually much more effective to be a bit cheeky and tease him a bit (albeit on inconsequential things or patently false things that won’t register as an actual insult). For example, if a woman and a man are talking about going to the gym. And the guy says he can bench 200 lbs. And the woman jokes that it’s not that big of a deal because she can bench 500 lbs. Not only does it give a good opportunity for laughter and banter… it also shows a kind of confidence that she’s willing to challenge him a bit. So, that kind of thing could be good to try. But the main thing is to lean back a bit and wait to see what he does. The egg doesn’t chase the sperm. If you lean back a bit and let him do the work, it will give him some space to woo you and chase you… IF he’s really interested. But if he’s not really that interested, he will move on. Either way, it is a win-win for you… even if it might feel like it’s not. And when you lean back, you must not do so to manipulate him into some particular outcome. Do it because that is what’s going to be better for you. And you give low investment guys the space to sort themselves from your consideration… and you give the guys you like who are willing to invest in you the space to “earn” your affections.

Usually you can sense a person’s ambivalence in a case like that of the OP.

It’s especially common in men because of the societal mythos around personal validation coming from having sex with very attractive women. There’s tons of messaging that tells boys/men… to be valid, you have to be a man. And to be a man, you have to have sex with lots of attractive women. So, tons of men end up feeling like they’re not living up to the masculine standards enough and feel shame…. Which creates a desire to seek validation through the conquest of women. But the transference element is equally common in both men and women. It just doesn’t tend to take that form as often in women because our societal mythos is so different and often contradictory. (I.e. Everyone wants women to be sexual, but when you are you get slut shamed) So the transference tends to happen differently for different women. It isn’t as predictable of a projection pattern as it is for men. But neither of these inherently entails consciously bullshitting your partner. It’s about feeling like some key to your happiness/salvation is being impeded by being in a relationship. It gives the illusion that the cure to your soul sickness exists in romantic or sexual validation from others. Some people dealing with these issues really love their partners and feel very torn… but still have this fantasy of getting validation outside the relationship can’t be achieved within it.

This is a really romanticized and unhelpful way to think about having children… mostly because it equates romantic passion with the desire for the act of raising children. And a person could want the former without truly wanting the latter… and be tempted to engage with the former anyway as an expression of passionate love. Also, some people just don’t want kids. And that doesn’t mean that they love their partners any less. It’s just not right for their life. And when you equate procreation/sex with passionate love in such an exacting way, it can lead to reckless family planning decisions and an adversarial relationship to birth control. Also, it is unwise to breathe children into existence as a testament to their parents love and passion in the heat of a moment. It’s important to really understand the child as independent of being an expression of love for the other parent.

Probably high school seniors

Maybe… but her make-up look probably only takes like 15-20 minutes because it’s fairly simple. Perhaps she spends all day in the mirror preening throughout the day. But it really isn’t necessary to have this look.

Why would anyone be upset that you’re attracted to blondes? It’s not sexist to state a preference as long as you’re not saying “non-blondes are garbage” or “all women need to dye their hair blonde” or something like that. It would be like a woman saying, I prefer ginger guys… or guys who are tall, dark, and handsome. Or I like if I prefer husky bearded men or tall, skinny guys. It’s just an aesthetic preference. And everyone has them.

It would be very upsetting. That’s one of the main reasons that breaking up would be a good idea as it would allow her the ability to find someone else. But these feelings are common to come up for people… especially men who are conditioned to equate their self-worth with sexual validation from attractive women. And this mythos is very commonly reinforced by society. Plus, there could be other more personal dynamics at play… like transferring the need for parental validation onto women. And this, always seeking new women to validate them… like feeding a hungry ghost. And there is a dynamic that I call ‘relationship mirages’ where a person goes seeking for repressed aspects of themselves in another person. But once they know that person, that person becomes a poor screen to project their repressed traits upon. And so, they go seeking another blank screen. Some brand new person. And the cycle continues. But as triggering as this can be, it’s important to understand these dynamic are complex and never consciously chosen. And they are not something that a person can just decide not to want. And shame only exacerbates the issue. These dynamics require a lot of deep work or the person afflicted will never feel truly content in a relationship… even if they really want one.