7thLetter

@Hardkill I think it depends on a lot of things. There's no perfect pickup line that works 100% of the time to get you all the hot girls, or say this or that to make friends. There's a lot to take into consideration, like your personality, your interests, your values, etc. And if the other person shares the same things in common, or finds it attractive. People like different things, people are attracted to different things. Whatever a pickup coach or dating coach tells you, is just a generalization of what girls like. But they can't tell you exactly that Suzie Johnson over here likes dominant guys with a mole on their face and the way they walk, and what she likes in the way a guy dresses. I met this one guy while doing pickup, and he thinks that pickup doesn't work just because one time he met a random girl while travelling and she didn't like him. That really bothered me because he tried ONCE, she doesn't like him for several possible reasons, and now he says that pickup doesn't work. So really there soooo much to take into consideration. People like different things, people are attracted to different skin colors, people like different smells, people like different hair styles, you get the point. You can't impress everybody. You will attract those who align with your values, your interests, the vibe you put off, your personality, the way you dress, the way you talk, etc. etc. etc. If you want the raw truth, the truth is to go out and practice. Practice makes perfect. You can’t read a book on how to ride a bike and expect to ride the bike perfectly for the first time trying. Go out to social meetings, socialize at your workplace, try cold approach. From my personal experience cold approach was the best for me to meet people and increase my confidence and social skills. I’ve approached over 500 girls within a span of a year. Got around 40+ numbers. Couple dates. I didn’t read a book on how to do it, I just did it. Start small, say hi to random people, hi-five people, embarrass yourself in public, then work your way up.

Going to try and keep it short, but would you agree that positive growth is just closing your mind off to negativity? Like Leo mentions, we're all living in a world of perspectives. Everyone is living in their own paradigm with their own web of beliefs, thought patterns, etc. And once you get out of the negative thinking paradigm into a more growth-oriented positive paradigm, it seems to me like its just closed-mindedness towards negativity. You don't want to hang out with negative people anymore, you don't watch the news, you don't eat junk food, etc. And sometimes I think of it the other way around as well. Negative people are closed-minded to positivity. But I'm starting to just think that there is no absolute right way to live life. It seems to be more of "Positivity is the best paradigm, strive towards it." And I think we can all agree that people in a certain paradigm will always favor the paradigm that they are currently living in. Is there a point that we need to strive towards where we are free of any paradigm and be completely open-minded to everything? Or is it to maintain the positive growth paradigm because it has the most benefits?

No Fap, good experiment to try. I lasted 2 weeks, so not much I can say but any addiction is good to get rid of. Cold showers for me personally lead to the opposite of what I was looking for. I took cold showers every single day for maybe 3 months+ without stopping. Started off at 10 seconds a day, then worked my way up to 30 seconds a day. Reached 1 minute a day then back to 30 seconds a day. Maybe it has helped at first but for me it became a habit that I constantly told myself that I hated doing but I did it anyway because I thought it would help. I found myself grumpy half the time at work. So my advice to you is to try it out for yourself, maybe you’ll have a different experience, and learn to love taking those cold showers. Try not to dread it.

@Leo Gura I just tend to think very deeply and overanalyze things, and this just happens to be one of those questions that has crossed my mind. Just thought it would be interesting to see it this way but it sounds like you framed it in an even more sillier way than it actually is. It sounds nothing like that. Also no one really has agreed or disagreed yet, maybe it is closed-mindedness? Maybe its not. We often talk and think about how dysfunctional people are closed-minded to different ideas, but we never talk about the actualizers closing their mind off to the things that non-actualizers do. Anyways, I’m just a man questioning my thoughts and life. Maybe this is just one of those questions that is needed for me to get to the next level. Because the ideal is to work yourself out of the closed-mindedness right? You talked about how we often move from one paradigm to the next, and we’re always stuck in the next paradigm. I see my questioning as trying to be aware of the paradigms that I lock myself into. And I guess what we’re looking for is to be more of an observer of everything out there, and not to hold any one paradigm. And there we go, “non-duality” is the answer I was looking for. @Faceless Don’t have a lot to say about your post but thank you for your insight

@YaNanNallari @Mighty Mouse I agree you can definitely get to that point in some point in your journey but maybe it actually is closed-mindedness in the beginning stages. Especially if it was only a beginner who looks into more basic forms of personal development, and transitioning into a positive thinking paradigm. Might’ve answered my own question here with a combination of all of our answers, but okay thanks, its all starting to come together for me.

Canada is pretty close to the US

Hey guys, I always thought of doing something like this on the forums, but to be honest, I have been putting it off due to video games and other things that I have been distracted by. This journal is kind of just here to write about the deep insights that I have, the struggles that I go through, my past, and just about my daily life in general even if no one reads it. Alright so first off I'll start off with an introduction of who I am and how I got into self-actualization. So I'm currently someone who has been working in the restaurant industry for a while now since I was 16, I'm 22 now. Started my first job in the kitchen as a dishwasher, worked my way up the ladder working every single kitchen position then I eventually moved up to the front of the house. I also like to consider myself entrepreneurially minded so I've been testing out different things in order to find what I'm passionate about. I've tried MLM, affiliate marketing, dropshipping, youtube, flipping cell-phones, and now I'm currently trading/investing into cryptocurrencies because I find it very interesting. Still new to it all so haven't been able to make the money that I was looking to make. I'm often in the gym a lot, but currently taking a week off because I injuried my shoulder doing a shoulder press. I've also read that its a pretty good idea to take a break every once in a while. Other than all that I'm often at home on the computer, researching many different things like Leo's content. The internet is so fascinating because its like a place with an infinite amount of knowledge and possibilities. Now I'll go on about how I got into self-actualization. At first I didn't know what self-actualization was before I found Leo's content. I always thought of it as self-improvement or psychology. In elementary and highschool, I was always this quiet kid. I would hang out alone most of the time during lunch break, even when I had a group of friends I just never hung out with them during lunch. I absolutely hated lunch break. My lunch breaks were often me trying to find some stupid way to stall time and hide from everybody else. When I tried to hang out with other people it just wouldn't work out well cause I wouldn't say anything. I also was working at my restaurant job during highschool. Had several crushes on the servers and several crushes at highschool as well. Crushes on girls that I never even got to know. I guess I had a crush on them due to my neediness and because of the way they looked. I really wanted to get to know them and talk to them, but I was always so shy and never talkative. And that is when I began to look into self-improvement. Back then I got into whatever I can to be able to help me with my shyness. I bought a couple books, I found this theory online called EFT tapping where you would tap certain areas on your body and make an affirmation. Actually got into some visualization exercises back then that I found online that were similiar to a meditation exercise that I would do these days. And of course I downloaded a ton of audios that would help me with my shyness and changing my negative thinking patterns and I would say that these helped a lot. I had to download weeks of these long audio files and listen to them all the time during lunch break and any free time that I had. It was a very interesting program because it had exercises on replacing thoughts that someone might have and several affirimation techniques to put into place. But then I started to realize that the theory wasn't enough. Although all of it helped with changing my thoughts, I still wasn't able to be as social as I wanted to be. I still found myself as this really quiet guy and I wanted to change it. And then I moved to the front of the house of the restaurant. Went from a line cook to a host seating and interacting with guests. I was really enjoying the job, because I found myself becoming a bit more social and confident. This is also when I started to get into partying. I'm a huge introvert, but for some reason I really enjoyed parties. I'm not Mr. Popular but I had that one friend from elementary school who introduced me to other people who party a lot. We would party almost every weekend. House parties, hotel parties, mansion parties, hall parties, whatever it is we were always trying to find the next party every weekend. One thing I liked about it was the confidence that the alcohol gives you. It was really easy for me to hook up with a girl. I mean I didn't get laid but it was close with several girls and we just made out in a bed. Ended up going on one date with one of the girls that I met. This was the first date that I ever went on in my life at 18 years old, and it just didn't go well probably because I wasn't that interesting. Then one day at work, I sat down a familiar face from highschool. He recognized me from somewhere and I recoginized him from school. We chatted then he invited me to an event saturday morning. Not sure what it was but I had to wear a suit. Yeah, it was an MLM meeting. He was a speaker at the event and I thought this was an amazing opportunity. Was skeptical at first though after talking to a couple of the people I know about it. But then I got involved. Worked my best at it, spending tons of money going to these events, it was a grind, it was fun, met a lot of people, and developed myself a whole lot. This is when I started to get more involved with personal development. Started meditating, reading books on how to make money, watching videos, etc. After going through my entire facebook friends list, I didn't know who else I could recruit. So I got into this thing we called "Cold Marketing." Where you would cold-approach a prospect and invite him/her to a meeting. At first I wasn't the best at it, hesitated a lot, but with consistency, I got really comfortable with it to a point where I would approach without hesistation and the way I approached them made it seem like I knew them beforehand. So I started a small 'cold approach' group within the MLM team we had, and we would approach every day. We had goals for the day, and it just felt like my confidence was at an all time high. Then the group we had eventually died out, and eventually I started to get bored of the MLM life. Still went to the meetings, but I looked into other things on the side. I found out about pickup, watched a lot of SimplePickup on youtube where guys would cold-approach women and get their number. And I found about RSD as well on youtube. Also found out that there was an RSD member coming to my area to do a seminar. So I attended, knew no one, but out of nowhere I actually bumped into someone I knew from the MLM company that I was involved with. He was out of the MLM company then but was really excited to see him there. After the meeting was over, we exchanged contact info, and we started to do pickup challenges together. Did pickup for a year, the theory really got to me and didn't do as well as I wanted to. Gained a lot of confidence but it felt like doing pickup isn't the best for me psychologically. Especially with the people that you constantly surround yourself with, its all just pure ego. Others judging others, insecurity, manipulation, etc. And once I got out of pickup, I still had my confidence, but it felt like I had a TON more demons inside of me that I had to deal with. I felt like a complete narcissist. I was aware of it, but it just felt like I wasn't able to control it. It kind of would just happen. Working at a job would help me become aware of it. Since I'm interacting with so many people, I would notice myself saying or doing things that would make them react in a way that hates who I am. And I don't like when that happens so it gets me to try and change myself. I started to meditate more and become aware of who I am. Then I got rid of my narcissistic behaviour. Days gone by, working at a new restaurant, new environment. Been here for a year and wasn't liking it. It was the busiest restaurant in my city and it felt like I was stressed out every day. I would be scheduled 6+ shifts a week and each shift would be 8+ hours with a little 15 minute break. I also had another girl I had a huge crush on who had a boyfriend. She seems like she was into me as well but who knows. The boyfriend part just ruined me. Working here was hell the last few days. Felt like I was falling into depression and I had to give up the job. This was when it felt like I was going through a quarter-life crisis. I left the job, constantly thinking about this crush that I had and stayed at home all day playing video games. For a whole month that was my life. Fortunately enough I was still consistent with the gym but wasn't going at it as hard. But this phase in my life, I was always thinking, would I ever get out of it? Going to end it off here because I gotta sleep. Will update next time.

This has been a question that I have always been curious of, because I often find myself trying to change people in my life. Even though, I probably shouldn't be doing that. But I do anyway, and it's because I'm over here growing myself, reaching higher levels of development while the people in my life aren't doing the same and that leaves them at the same level of development, and leaving them as the same person they were a year ago. I'm just someone who wants friends who are at the same or higher levels of development as me so I end up trying to change my friends. The approach that I've been using if I intentionally want to change someone is that I try to smack them over the head with it. I tell them to watch this video, or that video, do this do that, and point out their flaws, but then they end up becoming all defensive. They start justifying, they laugh, they get defensive and come at me with a comeback, etc. This happens even though I'm not judging them, all I'm trying to do is push them and help them out. And with doing this, this ends up appearing like I'm pushing them away in my life, to a point where we aren't even friends anymore. But I might be answering my own question here, I find that its probably more effective if you just socialize with them about this personal-development material instead of hitting them over the head with it. There's a saying that you become the 5 people you surround yourself with. And I believe that is true and it happens sub-consciously. You start dressing like them, talking like them, walking like them, etc. So the first approach I listed, is probably something that I do when I get the feeling that they aren't growing as fast, and that's my short-term thinking saying "Hey, he's not growing fast enough! Grow faster!" And the second approach is with no intention of changing them, and would be a longer-term approach to helping them change. Funny how I'm realizing all of this as I'm writing this post. If anyone has anything else to add that would be very much appreciated.

@aurum Thanks I appreciate the post, glad that I found the answer to my post, which is to lead by example. And yeah haha it can get frustrating with all the newbies with approach anxiety struggling to get their first approach so it gets to a point where we start to talk some sense into them. But I'm gaming tomorrow for the first time in a year, wonder how that will go.

@Toby I did not say I judged them, its more like I'm trying to push them out of their comfort zone. But sure maybe it appears as if I'm judging them from their point of view. And in my opinion yes that is a normal reaction of the ego, but healthy? I would say that is linked to neurosis. Correct me if I'm wrong but developed people don't care what others think so they would brush it off. Plus they are too in control of their emotions to be annoyed. Calling it normal is like saying going to school and working a job for the rest of your life is 'normal' because the majority of people do it. But is that healthy? No because people hate their jobs and often get depressed. The better solution to that is to make your own money through a business or your life purpose like Leo often mentions.

Cool, came to this section of the forums to see if anyone posted anything about Crypto and came across this post. Crypto has become something I have been involved with for 3-4 months now, the market is extremely volatile so my portfolio has seen some great days, but bad days as well so its like "wow I made so much money with my portfolio up this much!" But you don't make money until you sell. Same thing applies with your porfolio being down in the red, you don't lose money unless you sell. I've bought 100 NEO at $8 which was antshares at the time, and it blew up to $50! Great day right? I was telling all my friends I made $5k in crypto, but I was too optimistic about it thinking it would keep going up to $400 like Ethereum did, so I kept holding and now it entered a downtrend. But I am still holding, hopefully it will reach new highs by the end of the year. So yes there's a lot of volatility in this market and right now I am learning my technicals and learning how to get in and out at the right times. Let's keep this post going

So I've posted about this a few times in the past on these forums and on Leo's videos, but I just could never get this figured out. This is definitely one thing that I have been struggling a lot with in my life. I'm not sure if it's a result of personal development, because Leo emphasizes detachment from external circumstances, or that its a result of solitude, or that I used to approach hundreds of strangers in the past? Answer to that is unknown, I've had a lot happen in my past to even figure that out. But basically, I've been feeling a strong sense of independence and a strong sense of detachment from people/friends/family/coworkers. With friends at work, I socialize with them, but I NEVER get attached. I could have a great conversation with them one day, then the next day I could care less to even see them. I sometimes don't even say "Hi" to them. One thing I notice about my coworkers/friends is that they hate that about me. I definitely understand though, if someone did the same to me I would see them as a "fake friend." Then I've been having thoughts that this maybe isn't a result of personal development because why would I be having problems with it and being bothered by it? Isn't the self-actualized individual a caring, empathetic, loving-person? When I search this stuff up it sounds more like a personality disorder much more than the ideal self or the self actualized person. Help

@Leo Gura What is your social life like? Do you have a lot of friends? Or just a few close friends?

Is it that I should do some self-acceptance work and let go of the need to improve my personality? Or is it all outer work that has to happen? I've been doing pickup for at least a year now, it definitely has helped me with my social skills and personality but I feel like I'm more of a sociopath now. I never care too much about people at work, it's hard to build some sort of friendship/relationship with me, etc. So I'm trying to lay off of the pickup stuff for now. But now that I'm slowly moving away from pickup, it sort of seems like I'm a bit more shy than I was when I was doing pickup. There's a few girls at work that I want to talk to but it's pretty difficult for me. Which is the main reason I'm asking this question. I don't want to have to go back to approaching random girls on the streets in the daytime just to gain some temporary confidence. What kind of inner or outer work can I do in this situation? Responsible pickup?

@Leo Gura Why did you quit pickup/game?

One of the outcomes of doing personal development I've learned is that you tend to be detached from needing certain things in life. It is also mentioned on Leo's "What is Self-Actualization" thread. But how do I really tell if my detachment is a result of my personal development work or just detachment as a narcissist? I honestly do a lot of pickup on my free time, approaching random girls on the streets, and I notice how much it affects my relationships at work, etc. One thing I've noticed is that I have an extreme detachment from needing friends. I used to have a need for friends, but now it's basically gone. I'm always a bit hesitant when someone seems to want to hang out with me as a friend. Another thing I've noticed is that I dislike saying hi to friends at work. I always wish that I could get it over with, every time the shift starts. They always seem to think that I don't like them when I don't say hi. I have a feeling this part is definitely a result of narcissism. How do I really tell if my detachment is a result of my personal development work or just detachment as a narcissist?

Nothing bothers me more than people claiming that they "used to be introverted," and now all of a sudden they have become an extrovert. They tend to think that being introverted means that you are a shy person, but it's much more complex than that. I mean I understand the two personality types pretty well, but is it possible to change the self-image of yourself that you are of the introverted personality type, into an extroverted personality type? Maybe through some sort of self-inquiry or any sort of spiritual work? If yes, then it would be difficult for me to imagine that I would be able to change the way I respond to certain stimulus and become more of an external person rather than internal. Over the past couple of years, I've been working as much as I can on my personality to become more of a social person and I am seeing some great results. But these are results in my social skills and overall confidence, and did not change the fact that I'm a thinker, or the fact that I need my alone time, or that I'm quiet in group settings, etc. etc.

Just wanted to start a thread and see what people's honest daily habits are like. And I believe that if you write it down, you'll even gain more awareness around whatever it is that you want to improve on. I'll start first. - I wake up around 11AM, first thing I do is check my phone. Probably browse social media, check my email/texts, etc. - Secondly, just started a 90-day affirmations & contemplation challenge (As seen on Leo's life purpose course) to imprint my life purpose. 5mins of affirmations and 5mins of contemplation. - Sometimes I would normally read here, but not consistent with it. - Then I get up from bed, and fix my bed. - Make breakfast. The usual eggs & turkey bacon sandwich. Sometimes I add avocados to it. Then if I have bananas laying around I have one, with peanut butter & jam. Take my multivitamin. - Go back to bed and meditate for 10-30mins depending on how much time I have to spare. I use a subliminal affirmation audio for being social, during my meditation. - Have my regular shower, then I would turn the knob all the way down for a 30-second freezing COLD shower. - Brush teeth. - Have a coffee or a caffeine boost, and then I head to the gym. Workout for 1hr-1hr and a half. Have a high-protein lunch. - Work. Eat dinner high in protein. - Play video games for 1hr-2hrs. Then browse internet. Then before doing personal development I play a brain game app by a company called Lumosity. - Then here I do personal development work such as Leo's life purpose course, and whatever time I have I will read my book. - Before bed, this is a bad habit... But it 'somewhat' helps me sleep, I have a small vape and smoke a bit of weed. So this is basically what my day looks like. And on weekends, same thing but I don't usually work so I go out and improve my skills with picking up girls.

Recently I've been playing a lot of video games because I see it as my source of 'fun' to fill in this empty gap in my life. Because at the moment, I'm just working a lot and not too much is going on in my life. A couple months back when I didn't work at all, I had my external situations handled, life was pretty fun. I was going out everyday approaching women in public, etc. And because of this, I took my personal development seriously so I was on track with all my habits. But today leads me to the question of how do we release the need for an external fix? I really feel that the video games are killing my willpower, so I'm somewhat falling off on my positive habits. Leo has his video on Fake Growth vs Real Growth, but I still don't fully understand the concept of doing inner work to release the need for these external fixes. It just seems very real to me at the moment that having these external fixes solves the problem. Do these external fixes at least create some sort of internal fix through what you are experiencing and how you think and feel about the experience?

So this has been an ongoing situation in my life, where I would be several minutes late everywhere I go. I think I created a habit out of it because I lived so close to my first workplace. It was like a paradox, the closer I lived to my workplace, the later I am. I always left at the very last minute, thinking that I would make it on time. Another reason I didn't want to get there early is because I don't want to sit around for 15 minutes at my workplace with nothing to do. Now I tend to be 5-30 minutes late for meeting with friends, dates, work, etc. etc. And it always seems like I have a valid reason to be late, such as "Oh you don't understand, the gym takes an hour and a half for me." I guess I would say that I'm someone who spends a lot of time in the shower, in the washroom and all that. But no matter how much extra time I have lying around, I'm always 5+ minutes late. I'm so good at killing my time with pointless things and leaving at the very last minute. How do I stop being late??

So I consider myself a very extreme introvert, been so my whole life, always quiet and reserved. After high school, (I'm 20) I've finally started to take responsibility and improve my personality and social skills. Been working at it as best as I can, I'm socializing with more people at work and also got myself involved with picking up girls. I also always put myself in different customer service workplaces. Now I've gotten to a point where I can make a good first impression on people and appear confident and social. So here I am, making a good first impression on these people at work, then as I work with them more often, I don't really care too much about investing in a conversation with them because I'd rather not talk mainly because I'm feeling exhausted that day. And because of the fact that I don't talk as much as I did from the start, they seem to think that I'm probably judging them. I'm not even a judgmental person to begin with, but I do feel this vibe off of them that they think I am. I also start to get people hating on me for this. Any other extreme introverts dealing with the same situation or ever overcome it?

I'd love to hear more about what you guys think about this. I'm just having a tough time building a strong connection and comfort with people. One day I appear social and outgoing, then the next day all the comfort is gone and they probably think I'm not in a good mood or judging them. I tend to build better connections with people who are able to have intellectual conversations with me though.

bump

@Ben Landrail Not sure if you're aware, but you just listed a whole bunch of lower-consciousness values. Nothing wrong with them but just saying

1. Personal Growth 2. Success 3. Health & Fitness 4. Peace of Mind 5. Communication/Social Dynamics 6. Independance 7. Uniqueness 8. Love/Intimacy 9. Contribution/Impact 10. Integrity