erik8lrl

https://drive.google.com/file/d/13_yq0dbOtbJbH_6XpuFA6WZAgo6kVnLU/view?usp=sharing I did a deep inquiry on fear recently similar to the way Leo did in his last video. It is an hour-long but I got some pretty amazing insights. I'm just speaking my mind and being. I thought I'd share this here because it might be helpful to some.

This is awesome!

I have been singing everyday for over a year but never really getting better. I'm not taking courses and just singing for fun. However, today as I was singing "Lover, You Should've Come Over" by Jeff Buckley, I began to feel more and more deeply towards the song. I suddenly lost my sense of self, and I was in total surrendering. The singer and the song merged into one. (Of course, at the moment I was not aware of anything, only afterward I realized) My singing suddenly got better, so much so I can sign super high notes easily with chest voice. I was no longer having any problem with any notes, and I still don't have any problem now. Is like something open up in my voice. When I reflect on it, I realized that I can always sing like this, I was just too afraid of singing. When I was young, I had bad experiences that caused me to fear singing, and my ego rationalized it. I will always have a "logical" excuse not to sing fully. Like is too loud or I'm completely off tone. So I realized that the ultimate path to mastery is not hard work, but is surrendering. The reason why we need hard work is that we are afraid of ourselves; we are so scared of losing our ego. This realization connects with a lot of other theories on art, such as the theory of wholeness by Christopher Alexander. Stating that things that are most whole/beautiful are things that are generated to create and enhance the wholeness of everything else interacting with it. Thus why nature is so beautiful. I think if we can surrender ourselves and surrender to wholeness, we will enhance the wholeness of everything else around us. And eventually, through infinite causality, reach the entire existence. I just wanted to share this great insight I gain today. Much love.

After the understanding and experience of infinite love and god, how can one embody that understanding more deeply? As much as one can.

@Leo Gura So is the problem of expressing the infinite to the finite unsolvable? God can only know God if they choose to? Someone who knows they are god cannot show others their own infinite nature until the others choose to see?

@How to be wise Yes, but it is much harder to be egoless all the time, and I don't think you can be completely egoless while alive, but you can get to a point where the ego is almost not there anymore. The ego comes back again and again during the process of embodiment.

@Leo Gura How do you deepen your embodiment of love in every present experience? I understand everything and at the stage of attempting to embody love/truth in every experience fully. I have been successful and getting more and more aware through constant self-inquiry, observation, and beingness. About 50% of my experience, I am aware of that which I am. I'm just curious what you do to deepen it.

I am I am me. But who am I? I am god. But who is god? God is you. I am you. I am love. I am fear. I am happiness, And I am sadness. I am the soul, the body, and the mind. I am wealthy and poor, The beauty of the world. I am love. I am god. I am who you are. I am what you choose to be. Whether you choose love or fear, I love you. And I know you love me. I am the flowers. I am the sea. I am the sky and the clouds. And I watch you, And I love you, And you love me. You love me so much that I become you. I am grateful, For being you, For being love. So much love, That everything becomes love. Even death. I am you. I am god. And I love you with all of my beings. So live, Live as if you are me, Live as me! Live from the love I give, Live for you are my most beautiful creation. And be, Whatever you desire. For you are my love, And I am your being. I love you, Eternally.

For the observation of desire and ego.

@Leo Gura The ego is within the wholeness and the wholeness is the ego. The sense of separateness is in itself the result of wholeness. But then in that perspective, there is nothing more but the ego/wholeness. Is this my ego's trap?

@Leo Gura If everything the ego does is for survival, then what will survival look like after you transcended the ego? How would one live? If all desires hold the image of the ego, then how can one become desireless? Since the desire of desirelessness is in itself a desire. Even the act of doing nothing is for the survival of the ego, then how can one survive without the ego? From my experience, love/wholeness is the opposite of desire/survival, but it is very difficult to distinguish the difference when the ego can turn everything to its benefit. How would you distinguish when you are acting from your ego or not? When everything can be used by the ego?

@Leo Gura Read The Nature of Order: An Essay on the Art of Building and the Nature of the Universe by Christopher Alexander.

The nature of time is eternity/timelessness/wholeness/infinite. You are time itself.

Recently, my mind has become more and more unified. Polarities all mixed into one concept. This created chaos in my mind. Since polarities are no more, logic becomes illogical, reasons becomes unreasonable. Whenever I think about something, it will just go on an infinite loop. Never-ending. This creates suffering in life since I cannot think and are always in conflict and confusion. However, yesterday something changed. Just as I was contemplating on this chaos, I realized this is a conflict between desire/ego and love/egoless. I know that all desires/desirelessness leads to suffering, this made me unable to do anything since all roads lead to suffering. Then what to do? Without desires/desirelessness, I cannot do anything. At the same time, desires/desirelessness are the product of ego, the goal should be doing something without desires. Whether it be desires or desirelessness. Desires can only exist in the future, not the present. The ego can only exist in the past or the future, but the present is all that. I was lost, Then love came to mind. Is love a desire? Is selflessness a desire? It was then I remembered that the only thing stopping one from enlightenment is their ego. At that moment something happened, I was no longer identified with my ego. I know I am everything and nothing at the same time, but I always saw that in the eyes of the ego, not from the perspective of everything or nothing. So I looked at everything in the perspective of everything, and it happened. A love that is so intense that it felt like every single atom in my body was saying “I love you”, and that feeling quickly expands infinitely outside of my body, into everything. It is so intense and blissful that words cannot describe. But here is my attempt to describe it: God/unity/oneness is love. Not love like romantic love(Although included), but love from a creator to its creation(And from creation to the creator). Creator and the creation are one thing. Love that is so intense that it created the universe, that pushed time forward, that expanded the space infinitely. Love that is so intense that death is happy, that death becomes an event of love. Death is love. This love is beyond logic and the illogical Every polarity is unified, into love. It is the perspective of God. At first, you are a drop of water, alone, separated. You fall into the river and became the river, but you still see things as a drop of water. Then the river flows into the ocean, you are full and infinite, but you still think you are just a drop of water. This is what’s happening, you are an infinite ocean at the very beginning, but you see yourself as a drop of water. Life seems alone and devoid of love, but you have infinite love, only you pretend that you don’t. When you are everything/infinity/god/Budda/Tao, you have infinite love from everything, and that moment of realization will be so fulfilling that life comes alive. You are able to celebrate anything and nothing, because you see everything/nothing as infinite love, as self. Every moment becomes blissful. The bliss that is both happy and sad, pleasure and suffering. You are experiencing infinite love everywhere from everything. This is not something that can be gained or lost, it is there all along. This is a simple shift in perspective. Before I always thought of enlightenment as something you can gain or attain, but now is just a perspective. The perspective of God. Which you have, which you are. The perspective of ego is also the perspective of god, but it is not the only perspective. Word become meaningful/meaningless, they are all love. This is the love that you understand but much greater/lesser. Note that all the things I wrote here, the opposite is also true. This is something without effort, it is simple and easy, it takes nothing to realize. Everything is love, but here is an example: Air is infinite love. Every breath you take is filled with infinite love/god. They enter your body, with the intention of absolute infinite love. Become aware of it, and every breath is infinitely fulfilling. So much bliss in that single breath that makes you infinitely fulfilled. Unenlightenment is enlightenment. This is describable/indescribable.

Some quotes. "NOW THE DISCIPLINE OF YOGA" "YOGA IS THE CESSATION OF MIND" "Yoga is a jump into the unknown. It will not be right to say ”unknown”; rather, ”unknowable”." "Mind is activity" "THEN THE WITNESS IS ESTABLISHED IN ITSELF. IN THE OTHER STATES THERE IS IDENTIFICATION WITH THE MODIFICATIONS OF THE MIND." "Don't identify with the self." "Total hopelessness means now there is no hope. And when there is no hope there cannot be hopelessness." "Knowledge is the most subtle food for ego: you feel you are something. You know; you become somebody." "Yoga says ¨ and let it penetrate you very deeply because it will be very meaningful ¨C yoga says that the more you are impatient, the more time will be needed for your transformation. The more in hurry, the more you will be delayed. Hurry itself creates such a confusion that delay will result." "If you are infinitely patient, this very moment transformation can happen. If you are ready to wait forever, you may not wait even for the next moment. This very moment the thing can happen, because it is not a question of time, it is a question of your quality of the mind." "You have to drop into it, not to reach anywhere. And the dropping is possible only if you are totally patient."

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1WS4fEYQ0VeFbK24RIXYwEWQFNg-p6HO2

This book is amazing! @Leo Gura Have you read it? Yoga_The_Alpha_and_the_Omega_Volume_1.pdf

There are few other games that are related to infinity or enlightenment that I think is interesting. This game is called Everything, and in the game you are everything, you can become anything. You will find audio recordings of Alan Watts lecture on things. Is super calm game, you can meditate while playing it. The game is infinite. There is also an auto mode which the game will play itself, and you can just watch how you change from thing to thing. This game is called The Witness. This is a really hard puzzle game that trains your ability to see things in different perspective. It requires dedication because some of the puzzles need you to have focused thinking for a long time. I have a notebook just for this game. I feel my ability to think for long period of time and in different perspective have improved a lot after playing it. Is tough but worth it.

@Leo Gura Got it.

@Saumaya How's LA Noire?

@egoless All the levels are handmade, it is not infinite.

@egoless All the structure that you see is actually one same structure, is just that when this 3D space is wrapped with itself, it will create infinite self. Imagine a cube-shaped space. The game wraps each opposite sides of this cube together. This will make the left side merge with the right, and the top side merges with the bottom, front merges with the back. This cannot be comprehended by our mind because this is no longer 3D, but 4D. Which creates an infinitely self-repeating structure. This GDC talk by the developer explains it better.

@Saumaya I'm getting god of war.

@Saumaya Cool.