Proactive

I don't know anything. Nobody knows anything. I don't know anything. Nobody knows anything. Today I contemplated about physics. Tried to answer the unanswerable questions. It caused me to be quite depressed due to how humans have a limited perception on reality. What we see with our eyes is just a small part of reality. In the past, physics made me feel small. Which was amazing, because no more anxiety problems. I don't matter . Wow the universe is so cool Today, I felt so fucking small. I will never amount to anything. Everything I believe will die. I think I finally see why death is depressing. It's all so pointless In the past, I approached physics with curiousity. Dam I wonder what is out there. Today I approached physics with the desire to actually know it all. I was hit with the limitations of being a human. Anyways what I did was not physics. It was just speculation using my intuition, and what I actually know of the field of physics. Stay curious. Keep hope up. Overcome limitations.

@jake473 Try running really fucking hard. Set a distance you think you can't do. Then run without stopping toward that spot. Helps me get a lot of energy @Mikael89 try setting smaller goals that still challenge you. When I started working on my anxiety I started with goals like just ordering food. Then i'd reward myself

increasing curiousity. While it is true we don't know anything at all. Literally we can not deductively know for sure. I want to go on a lower level. To be curious about what it is we are actually doing. Nobody ever actually spends time increasing their curiousity. For me curiousity is so important. I mean it's quite simple. It's important you feel relaxed. It's important you don't feel restricted. Go for a walk? Look at the subjects you are learning. No feelings attached, just look at them. The specific concept. No need to solve some problem. No need to learn anything. Just look. What is actually being said. Then look at what is happening. Typically there's 2 things that'll happen. You'll be unclear about what is actually going on You'll be like that's amazing. I use to take walks, and just look at big physics concepts. How it effects every single thing and that caused me to be so fucking curious. I would almost cry. Sometimes, teaching is just feeding shit down peoples throat. Giving them some random formula. Well unfortunately you'd have to actually learn more in depth to use this technique. Which is what should need to happen. I believe this actually has the chance to completely change how I operate. Which is insane, because its so fucking simple. This is what learning is all about. This is how it should be done???????

Thought i'd have another go at trying to describe a life purpose( I know its very broad but it feels like it fits.) My dream is to become a master at something. To be able to see dots. Then connect them in ways nobody understands To be capable of uncovering truths within reality. For example imagine a blurry object. As I improve, and improve, and improve. The blurry object slows down, until it completely stops moving. Then I zoom into the clear object, and go in. Where it is blurry. Then I once again let it stop being blurry. A normal person would see a bunch of individual dots A master would see how each of these dots are interconnected. They would be capable of seeing the faint ropes attaching each dot to one another. They would be capable of seeing how these dots create a picture of its own. Now, I don't really think the topic matters provided there is lots of depth. And that is the reason why I chose physics. Cuz that shit has depth. This has been quite instrumental into understanding what it is I want. So I don't mind being a janitor, but it would be better to make a bunch of money while being allowed to have extra time to pursue this "truth". To use the depth of knowledge I have to bring external rewards. To stop pursuing truth, and just simply use what I have to make a business on amazon for example. Since pursuing truth rarely rewarded in society. If ever or, or, or just working a really boring 9-5 job, and just use that time to work on "truth". Come to think of it, truth might not be the correct word. Because music would be one of the topics i'd love to delve into deeper which I don't think has anything to do with truth.

try reading books on stoicism. These 2 concepts are taken from there and these are just my interpretations of it. Don't gravitate towards positive emotions, and don't run from negative ones. The highs will create the low. Don't let your emotions control you. Negative visualization.(Leo has a video on it). If you spend a little time being anxious about your day tomorrow. You'll have your guard up, ready to deal with all negative forces pulling on you. If it doesn't exist, well thats feels like a gift. You could definitely do the examples he told you to do. I think my style of negative visualization is a bit different. Basically, you want to know what type of problems could exist tomorrow. For example, I have a free day all to myself. I would get ready for the loneliness i'm going to face.

Be aware of possible problems that could arise. So, this post is actually about the benefits of negative thinking that i've noticed a bit. The day before, I believe you should be as aware as possible of the possible hardships you will face tomorrow. Then have the mindset of it being a challenge. For example, Tomorrow I will have an entire day to myself. I can just focus on my homework, and really be in the zone! challenge: Then beware of the loneliness. I find myself to be more emotionally happy in the moment, this is because my guard is up. and I guess it also prepares you for failure. Hehe I just realized, this is a stoic visualization technique that leo taught a long time ago.

Where am I actually headed in life? - So this post I just used my intuition. As well as looking at myself from a omnipotent POV. Looking at my habits I'm not getting towards where i'm hoping to go. But i'm also not going towards where I fear. What would it take for me to get to where i want to go? Happiness.("its just a word I use to describe somethign else") How will I achieve this happiness? Progress. Doing what I say i'm going to do. Feeling pride at what I'm doing. This will cause a positive feedback loop. Just sit down and be proud of yourself. Be grateful. How to avoid where I don't want to go? stop focusing on my fears. Focus on the positivity.

I was expecting a really big picture. once again, I was met with disappointment

My dream fortunately is possible to achieve NOW. I don't need to go through many hoops in order to get there thankfully. I am very grateful for this. I have not adapted it to reality where there's darkness. To just sit down. A couple of hours disposable. Books in front. Clear desk. Just get lost in this other world. It doesn't need to be sunshines and rainbows. I could be wandering in the dark. I usually am. Curious. Afraid. What's to come? I step on many pieces of lego along the way. I hit my knee on corners of beds. I hear happy birthday being sung constantly. Fire comes shooting out of my eyes. Energy flows through my body. Determined to get across for no specific reason whatsoever. Just focused on the game. Parrying all negative thoughts. "i'm too tired", "whats on the news", "ow, do you feel that pain in your heart?", "I need to do some shadow work" "I can do this", "Nothing will stop me", "Keep trying", "I will never give up", "I can make it", "I will do this" welp. Lets get started then.

Detachment is a very useful tool to dealing with emotional issues. During times of hardships, to see yourself from a view outside of yourself. To see all your beliefs, as just a view, a perspective. Disassociate yourself from these beliefs/thoughts. I seem to think certain things are reality. When in reality we are constructing most of it(idk how much). I make "observations" of what is happening. These must be true. To catch these observations takes immense vigilance. I think in order to LIVE a conscious life. To break out of your unconscious life. Takes the ability to catch these observations that cause you to react in a certain way. To see these are not actually reality. As the forums most conscious and funniest character I have decided to do my jokes once again. Joke of the day - 16 years ago. I was a young lion. Starting my journey on the circle of life by listening to hakuna matata. 16 years later. I'm still listening to hakuna matata. ok that was bad. lol. That was the worst joke i've ever made. I'm quiting fuck this shit

I thought i'd post about my journey through school today. So I woke up this morning. I started it off with the typical bad schedule that I did last semester. Which I am going to change starting tomorrow by playing a less addictive game that is still lots of fun. Anyways. From there, I had thoughts like "its the first day.", "We don't do anything important. " I still went anyways so i'm quite proud of myself because I didn't feel like going. But I trusted that my higher-self has thought things through. So I should go ahead and do it. Once I went to school. I felt anxiety. I think i'm afraid of being judged. Here I used some stoic techniques to remember that i'm not important as well as focusing on my thoughts. Being as aware as I can, to not allowing my emotions to being controlled. To not sway towards positive or negative emotions. But to remain logical. Then once I got to school. I went into a empty classroom and contemplated a bit. I was starting to feel a little depressed as I feel quite bad being a loner. I believe these emotions i'm feeling will not subside. But I must still go to class, and do all these things regardless. Since my name is proactive. I remembered my social plan which was posted previously here.To not focus on making friends. But to focus on the interactions I had, alongside the emotions I felt. Always look for opportunity to act in a way. But not be motivated by the external reward of friends. So i'm quite happy and proud of myself today. Now what can I do better? I think today I was extra anxious as I drank coffee and did not eat lunch. Which I may or may not continue doing. So maybe I think I could be in a better state to begin with. I could exercise, and meditate in the mornings. Be very vigilant in contemplating my day. I was very nervous today. But it didn't impact my lecture notes so thats good. Things will get better with practice. I will feel less, and less nervous as the school year goes. The hard part is to remain this person. To continue to trust my higher-self has looked out for me. To continue being proactive and looking for socialization opporunities. To continue using stoic techniques to have perspective on the situations. To continue exploring art, music, electronics even with the stress of classes.

Nobody knows shit. Nobody can tell me what I can, and cannot do. We are just all humans trying to survive within this world. It is very important to remember that we know nothing. Otherwise we will get deluded. I don't know a single fucking thing. Nor will I ever know it. It feels pretty good to say it. say it with me I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE FUCKING THING. NOR WILL I EVER KNOW IT. YEAH! The simple life. No ambitions. Just wake up. Do what I need to do to play my role in society. Then go to sleep. At the same time I have this desire to Set those exciting ambitious exciting goals? These two may sound contradictory. But maybe they aren't if you play it correctly.

When I run I try to push myself to my limits. Basically I discovered that when I run, what makes me stop is not the pain. But simply the voice inside my head telling me to stop and I use it to sort of train myself to have more self-control. Other benefits could be that it releases chemicals( not sure which). That make me feel better and have more energy.

A cool way a super high consciousness society could operate So this is just a theory. The theory is that It can't. Why? Conscious creatures eat lower level creatures. I can't survive without food. Maybe society, ect. These things take advantage of their environments. Eventually once all your needs are met. Up till the identification of conscious, and unconscious things. You would love everything. You wouldn't try to harm it. Even if they are harming you and you'd die. You'd be the soil for the red society. Well isn't that a sad story. We are just in an endless loop? like the ying yang symbol? Yes. This is the best survival strategy. Time will never end. The only way for that to happen is an endless loop. I feel like there's a level of consciousness past this level as well. Who knows. Maybe there's 60 more levels of consciousness out there that we cannot become conscious of.

So i've been asking myself what is consciousness. There are 2 components I have identified Focus Energy Today I am going to focus on energy. I believe humans get energy not only from food,water, and sleep. But focusing, and connecting with whatever we're doing. What we feel when we tap into this, is we experience BEING. BEING can be accessed through anywhere, doing anything. Every single small thing as i've stated before has a fuck ton of energy. One atom can create a nuclear bomb. I have this need to just collect the energy. Keep on getting STRONGER AND STRONGER. Accumulate this energy. KEEP GROWING. KEEP GROWING. Then I guess one day we'll explode. Give away our energy. Loving our environments and continue the circle of life. When we see dirt. We can see it as a bunch of dead humans, animals, ect which sacrificed their life. So we could get food and exist. Yum! We stop BEING when we can't access energy from what we are doing. This causes boredom, hatred, depression.

I'm guessing this was a 12 hour video.

I feel the testosterone. GO FUCKING KILL IT.( I mean metaphorically, please don't actually kill anything)

To be nobody we must understand desire What is desire? Desire is a belief that once you obtain something. You'll be happy. This means that you are not happy now. This is a very stupid way of living because once you get your reward. You'll receive a bunch of dopamine for a short period of time. Then go back to unhappiness. We shouldn't even be aiming for happiness. What's the point? Is your life supposed to be just about taking all you can? Giving nothing away Then dieing and losing it all just like everyone else? Literally being a robot. Enjoy this moment Here, and now Moment to Moment like a skipping rock rippling accross the calm peaceful lake.

If you want to help humanity. Help individuals. So I have a problem of loving humanity but hating humans sometimes. You need to realize that other humans have the capability of changing the world. Your love could inspire someone to start something crazy. Your little spark of energy could set a whole tank of oil on fire. The opposite could also be true. Some negative remark could set a chain reaction of negative energy. Be the water that stomps out that negative energy. I underestimate the power of other humans as I see them as a collective. Not a collective of individuals.

My social plan We are designed to be part of a group. What am I going to be focusing on to obtain relationships that I care about. Be yourself. Stop thinking and limiting your speech. Be vulnerable. Stop caring about what others think. Care about others while interacting. Be empathetic. Talk to elevate my own vibes. Be relaxed. Don't give up. Be proactive. The only goal I have here is creating the correct vibes while being vulnerable. If I can't make friends then, doesn't matter. Just keep my attitude the same. Continue being proactive Doing this to just make friends is stupid. Don't attempt to make friends. Attempt to be yourself without fear. Attempt to love others openly. This does not mean don't take action to strike up a conversation with a stranger or other proactive socializing. Action is not enough as i've tried that before. There needs to be some inner work. I can't just focus on inner work either as that is not solving any problem. I need to work on my self-esteem. I grew up in an environment where I was only criticized. Which has caused unconscious beliefs to appear. Being capable of seeing through the painful lenses that have been constructed in front of me. Social values I want to be non-judgemental, and be able to love all sorts of people. I want to talk to a delusional person without being angry. I want to talk to someone that hates me with empathy. Empathy. I need to get in touch with this aspect of me once again through interacting with people. I want to have higher self-esteem. I feel like i'm ashamed of myself in a lot of situations. So while being nobody is useful and very practical. This disidentification with myself was caused by my lack of proactivity in this aspect of my life. Be careful not to get overly attached to the social aspect of my life. It's something that I said I would do. So don't question. Trust in your higher-self and just do it. I am still nobody. Close your eyes, feel the energy coursing through your veins. You are limitless. Every single atom in your body has the capability of creating a nuclear bomb. You are just energy.

Life aint fair. Unexpected things can happen. People close to you could be pulling you in wrong directions. There are only 2 things you can do Fight against the current Let the current sweep you off your feet No matter how hopeless it feels. This choice to keep trying even though you are guaranteed to fail is what I choose to do. After all i'm just a flash in the sky. Why do my feelings matter at all? What matters more is society, humanities feelings.Help humanity. There is 3 things you can do to cope through life (#2 and #3 seeem valid to me so far.) Create your own reality. Frame every situation to benefit your emotions. Look truth in the fucking face. Feel so much fucking pain but still continue. Mixture between 1 and 2. #1 doesnt work in the long term because eventually truth wins. #2 - Works but it is really hard as truth can be extremely painful. #3 - idk. Myabe make your reality realitive to truth? Too much thinking for my weak brain. But yeah. I am nobody; doesn't matter what knowledge I generate. What matters is the love I give to those who are still alive after I have died.

The earth is not flat, nor is it a sphere. It's a actually a cylinder

Thank you to all the animals I have eaten. I'm sorry you guys had to live such a life. I carry the weight of all these lives. Countless amounts of animals have died so I can live. I am alive so I can reach the pinnacle of knowledge and expand upon it. I will live for all these animals. Don't waste these lives. time for me to end this journal. Its been contributing to my negativity and blaming. Everything that has happend is my fault and my fault only. I wanted next semester to be fueled with positive motivation. But it looks like I just have an insane amount of negative motivation. I wanted next semester to be full of magic, consciousness, and love. What i'm doing for the break is finding very indepth answers to. what is learning. How do we learn. How do we problem solve

HIIIIIIII. I'm currently 19 and a student . Here i'll connect with my goals. Slowly improve being proactive. Ok, first thing i'm gonna do is attempt to give myself a big goal to strive towards. What do I want ?? What type of life do I want to live? Part 1 I want a more diverse life, I've just been watching videos, playing games, and doing homework for like the past year. Something that really excites me is creating/designing things, I really enjoy seeing the clever things that other people or I can build. That is what I kinda wanna do for a living; I want to be free. Not have to live by societies rules. I'm not too sure I want to work for other people unless that job gives us a lot of freedom. In order to start moving towards that direction, I need to remove my addiction for gaming, watching videos,etc. This road will be very difficult; however will give me a much more free life in the future. I'm going to list out my individual addictions and their causes Gaming Provides me with social contact It is exciting, fast rewards makes me feel important and powerful Watching videos provides me with social contact Inspires me, allows me to see who I could be. Relaxing provides information that allows me to better myself So, ever since I started gaming again, I have stopped contemplating as often as I use to. Cons of doing these activities Time is being wasted. Which could be used to develop more fulfilling relationships, or gaining skills to make me feel more important.( immediate feedback isn't given in these activities) people are very often toxic online which can make me feel quite bad. The one thing that actually meets all pros from my addictions, and alleviates my cons is contemplation. I will try to do more of it, it is the step before I take action.

The type of life I want to live.(the vision i've had since I was a child) Right now I just want to escape into physics. Work, work ,work until the suffering is gone. In the case of my past. Play video games until all the pain is gone. I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't really care about eating. I don't give a fuck about myself. What do I want to give before I die? I don't know if this is the correct way of living but it is the way I am going to do it. I want to make a discovery before I die. I want to transform society. I will have no friends. I will have nobody but my textbooks. I will work a shitty job. Come back home and work on physics. Then repeat. I believe im on the track towards doing it. This motivation comes from the destruction of the self through pain. The inability to cope with my perception of myself such that I cannot identify with myself anymore. I identify as the collective because there's less pain and i'm just a worthless ant.