Hey guys, I've been dealing with this problem for a while now and it's becoming crippling in my life. I will try to keep this post short and as positive as possible. I've know about actualized.org(youtube) for about a year now. I've stumbled upon it when I was having a depressive episode in my life which was also a bit caused by procrastination. I've been doing meditation for 30 mins everyday for about 8 months, with a few weeks where i didn't.
This year I'm doing my master degree in graphic design and I have done nothing but procrastination, i simply can't help myself. The last couple of month's have been the worst. I basically have all the depression symptoms again and I can't find any joy in life anymore. I feel empty and guilty all the time, like a real piece of garbage. I used to go out every weekend to parties and such but I punished myself to not go out anymore to expect myself to start working for school in the weekends. Now I pretty much isolated myself from social contact and it's really noticeable on my psyche.
I haven't started with Leo's Life Purpose course yet, only saw it a couple of days ago on his site. A few years ago I thought I discovered my life purpose. I used to be an electrician and I suddenly made the decision to do something with my life. When I was a kid I used to draw all day long and have a blast with it. Eventually I started Graphic design/illustration in college and for the first time in a long while I felt like I was actually doing something in my life. After a few years in college I experienced these situations for a few times where i worked hard towards a big assignment where i had to start all over in just a few weeks. I eventually struggled through it and barely passed those years but I somehow cracked. After that I really started to procrastinate hard but before I didn't have such a hard time with it. Every time i try to draw or create something I get these emotions and such that are just crippling me. My ego is pretty much talking me out of it every time i try to do it. It is giving me this idea that all the effort is not worth it since i will fail anyway. It's my personality to make something perfect from the first time and the fear for failure and showing everyone around me that I'm not as good as I should be that is stopping me. Ironically now I have jack shit to show and I am showing people I suck and I'm a failure. I have only a couple of months to produce something to pass this year and somewhere deep down I know I can do it. I just know it! But it's this duality inside me that is stopping me and trying to quit before the battle is lost. Many of you have probably been there and I was wondering how some of you have gotten out of this pit and climbed back onto the mountain. I watched Leo's videos about procrastination and how awareness is curative and they helped a bit but not enough for me to get out of this rut.
Thanks for reading