tashawoodfall

I got that second part-time job today that allows me to work from home (social media/sales/marketing). So now I have two job that allows me to work from home however they are both commissions based but I feel the product I'm selling in both cases is easy enough to sell where I don't feel I NEED another job. This has been the tricky thing for me. To not go job hunting for an hourly position where I'm stuck in an office for 40 hours a week ie most of my life has been challenging but doing this work from home is what I want to do. I do, however, have an interview on Friday as a private events sales manager at a fancy new restaurant opening soon. The base pay is 50k and there is commission so I'd be making on average 90-100k/year. The thing I'd have to do however if I do somehow pull it off and land that job is I'd have to travel out of state and stay there for 2 months which will be very challenging for my daughter and her father but I'm sure I'd be able to make it work with babysitter's etc. If I do get this one I may just have to drop what I'm currently doing and do that instead. We'll see though because - I just want to be happy and working from home for two places I enjoy...if this becomes easily lucrative it'll be hard to switch back to a 9-5. So I got that all out. It looks like I may just be alright after all. Today I had that intense workout and it boosted my mood tremendously. It felt really good. During the workout itself when it got to the challenging part I found myself in the present moment and thinking that there is a time for pain and discomfort and there is a time for relief. It helped. I finally got my car back from my ex and that wasn't a pleasant experience as he wanted me to wait until the following day but I just could not after waiting for so long so he left the keys with someone else and I was able to finally get it. I got so worked up because my car didn't start and I had spent so much money and time previously fixing all my car issues and it was perfect when I left it. I even suspected he fucked with it. Anyway I googled it while his friend is telling me what it is and not (which he was completely wrong) and my ex on the phone telling me what he thinks it is and what I should do (also completely wrong) so I relied on google and found out that since it's just been sitting there that long that all it needed was a jump. I went to the neighbor's house to ask if they had jumper cables, they did and it was jumped and bam -problem solved. I ended up purchasing some marijuana (first time in about 7 months), packed a snack, water, my taser and went to the mountains at night to climb the rock, eat, smoke and reflect. I decided I'd have this special "me time" with JUST myself every Tuesday night in the mountains. I think this will be important. I say that now because of how much of an effect it had on me last night. It was magical and it feels foreign and so good to be spending that type of time with myself. I'm going to wake up early again tomorrow and workout again. I decided working out would be the first habit to put into place because it's most important to me. I also have training tomorrow for this new job I got.

I'm about to get an intense workout in and fucking own this day. I've been swearing a lot lol

The 5 Chapters of my Life By Portia Nelson Chapter 1: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter 2: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter 3: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit My eyes are open; I know where I am; It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter 4: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter 5: I walk down another street.

So a guy I dated briefly before my last ex started chasing me again. I told him to give me space and he just continued to text me and call me. The thing is - he's gorgeous, delicious, sweet, a great time, sexy af. The problem is -the conversation and emotional connection is not there -the intellectual conversations -what I crave is not there. This is very very similar if not identical to my ex I just broke up with about a month ago. It was an issue for me and here I recognize it happening again. After much resistance and contemplation, I decided I had to let this guy go and not even pursue it or do it again for that matter, not even a little bit -it was fun but I've learned. So I told him in a very nice way and that's that fuck hopefully this time. Ugh, the sex, dinners, and his charm will be missed but it's time to grow up -in a sense (for me) I want something else. I'll be fucking brutally honest I did too many times and was going to again for sex, the fairy tale nights, the conquering/ego aspect to it and the attention. I decided fuck it I'm going another route. It hasn't worked for me in the past.

Some examples I’ve recently encountered below. Feel free to post any you’ve come across. The rat race -chasing money, stimulation, reputation and/or attention Social media -addiction to likes, looking for funny or stimulating content and attention, or for building up your identity/ego Alcohol or any other drug binges for emotional reasons Comfortable intimate relationships that hold you back Chasing status or reputation that doesn’t relate to your life purpose Sex for egotistic purposes Comfortable low conscious friends to dump your problems to That’s all I can think of right now ?

@Hello from Russia if you do indeed suck at it shouldn’t you outsource that?

@robdl Yes exactly you definitely have given the issue more clarity for me, much appreciated. Its been quite the trickster monkey to catch and tame this past year I’ve got lost at each of those traps. But the beast is out from under the bed now!

@Feel Good The truth hurts sometimes Another one I discovered from Matt Kahn's latest video: The tendency for your ego to want more options/choices, wanting more then you need

I wasn’t able to sleep last night at all. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve slept so much the past three days or if it’s because I have so much I need to get done to start knocking off my list and getting my stress levels down or a mix of both. I feel pretty good overall. I’ve really taken to heart what Matt Kahn has said in his latest video about how suffering is caused by too many options (in regards to work I've taken on too much and keep doing it). I’ve dropped many and have made decisions. Im on my way to court to get part of my situation handled. I’ll see how much I can get done today so hopefully by tomorrow I have a big situation in my life handled finally!

This video has made me very emotional. It seems it hit just where it needed to.

Decided to get off facebook today for a while if not indefinitely. I just see how much of a waste of life it is. I also caught myself feeding my ego through it and see how likes/notifications can be addicting -it's disturbing. I'm done with it. I rather live more in the real world.

Reminded me of part of an enlightenment exercise: Multiple Personality Disorder

What I've learned the past day part 1: That sexy chiseled model guy that cooks for me, has hot lingerie lol and every girl can't help to turn her head to look at-he doesn't interest me anymore. I've stopped replying to texts. We'll see if this is a permanent thing. I've told him I need my space. From Deepak Chopra on how to move on from negative emotions that are holding you back: Recognize it's due to a threat to one or more of your needs (from Maslow's hierarchy, he also referenced the chakras which to me are basically the same thing) The 7 steps: 1) Take complete Response-ability: don’t blame someone else or you’d have to wait for them to feel better. 2) Witness the emotion: thoughts link to an emotion in the body. Leo also has mentioned this technique in his "How to deal with strong negative emotions" video 3) Give it a label: don’t give it a label that blames someone else. 4) Describe the emotion: express it. Describe it in a way that’s first person, 2nd person and then, third person. This will start to diffuse the emotional charge. 5) Share it with someone you trust. 6) Release the emotion. Best done through a ritual. Burn up a piece of paper, flush it down toilet, breathing, yoga, or offer it to a deity. 7) Celebrate the release. Go see a movie or something. You can also try cognitive therapy or Byron Katie's book "The Work". What I picked up from Leo's video today and very much relate to rn: Life is a maze and it’s not some ordinary dumb box of a maze. This maze is clever, very deeply intelligent. This maze is filled with incredible horrors and delights. It’s a trickster. It’s filled with many dead ends, shiny distractions and false exits. 99% of people are dumb rats running around in this maze following all the other rats down the well-trodden ally ways chasing cheese. It’s only about 1% of people who dare to and have the strength and perseverance to find a worthwhile path. You don’t know what the maze will hold. Just when you think you’ve solved the maze, you’ve gone deeper into the maze. it’s counterintuitive, it’s paradoxical it tends to work backward. it tends to have backfiring mechanisms where you do one thing that you think is going to get you to the end and it actually sinks you deeper, a deeper level of the maze. I google searched "Life is a maze" and "Life is a series of choices we make that either take us closer to our dreams and goals, closer to our destiny – or, further away from it. Most of us have lost sight of our life purposes because of past our failures or our belief that our dreams are simply to impossible to achieve. Those thoughts of denial are a product of the influences you’ve had in your life. Sadly those influences, if you’ve been through some form of schooling, has probably been mostly negative. I mean when was the last time a teacher told you that it was okay to fail a test? At some point I am sure that people have told you that you aren’t good enough. That the mark on your test is all you’ll ever amount to in life. While we can’t change our past influences, we can stop them from boxing us in the maze of life. The universe works on Newton’s 3rd Law – that every action has an equal and opposite reaction – you may call it Karma, what goes around comes around, it’s all the same principle. As with navigating a labyrinth, it is inevitable that you will hit a dead end every now and then and you’re going to want to give up, but I challenge you to keep going. Jump a bit higher, find a hammer and knock down the wall, try another route, claw through it if you must – but, never give up. The sun always shines, even in the dark. You, like the sun, are also a star. You may not always shine the brightest and maybe there are clouds blocking your rays from reaching the people around you, but it’s your duty to shine brighter. The solution to most of life’s challenges is to make choices. Whether you’re top of your class or the person constantly in detention, whether you’re the social butterfly or the ultimate snob – you are insanely awesome simply because you exist, you survived the birthing process, you can survive anything. Please: don’t give up hope that it can’t get better, don’t let what you’ve been told about yourself by others become your truth, don’t stop thinking differently, don’t let who you are now determine who you’ll be 10 years from now, don’t give up on your dreams, don’t give up on life, and most importantly – don’t give up on yourself."

Today I finally woke up feeling better after sleeping again another 16 hours for the third day in a row. I've sort of transitioned from a victim, apathy mindset to a tad bit of anger and ready to hit back in life. I'm planning on hitting my workload hard tomorrow and push through it. It's not as if I could just ignore it all and allow everything to start falling. I've accepted the fact that I must work hard But I did seriously consider quitting it all and becoming some cocktail server or something lol at least then it'd be stress-free, it'd be easy and I'd have more creative energy and drive for what matters more which is my life purpose. But I've decided I rather work hard in my career perhaps it'd allow me to be more influential in serving my life purpose because let's be honest most people at first see money and success and then maybe they'd listen to what I have to say and perhaps it'll lend me the respect to close deals and get things done faster. I clearly see how unuseful it is for me to think negatively towards decisions I've made. It's wasted energy that doesn't help with my productivity. If I push hard these next few months to meet all my deadlines and be ruthless with it, I know I'll feel proud and accomplished and then on to my next bliss project it is. I want to see how successful I can complete my first life purpose project and if it is indeed franchisable. It's one of those things I've had in the back of my mind that I just need to accomplish to see what is next. It's almost as if in this case, this specific journey -I'm driving at night and all I can see is in front of me if I keep it moving until the daylight comes. My morning routine: I've gotten off track with it and that's bleeding throughout other parts of my life. I feel like when I wake up I used the logic that I had way too much work to do that I needed to make that a priority instead of those important habits: working out, meditating and reading. I've also done the same with my life purpose work I've put it on the back burner with these other false urgent things that honestly mostly just mean $ to me -probably fueled by my fear of insecurity. Money gives me a sense of security and I love treating myself. I also have a belief it's hard to make which is counterproductive because I find myself distracted and if only I would just focus for a good 5-6 hours a day, I'd get so much more done. Every time I have started getting back into my routine I've felt the strongest and happiest but when falling off it's just the opposite - there's a sense of loss of hope and frustration. My priorities have been re-arranged. My fear of not making enough money is just that-a fear. I need to put what's more important ahead of that. I'm sure it'll pay off. There also this "I want to be fucking free from working" thing going on. As if -living my life purpose and making it my source of income isn't the most freeing and fulfilling way.

@Preety_India ty

People used to describe me as the most motivated person they know. After life has beaten me down and kicked me while I was there for about 5 months straight now -just one thing after another many of them so random and coincidental it's unbelievable, I'm finding it difficult to pick myself back up, dust my shoulders off and find that motivation for life again. I've even used the techniques I learned from Leo's videos and others to deal with these strong negative emotions. The videos, the books, the techniques seem to have stopped working. The life purpose I've cultivated that used to bring me to tears does not motivate me anymore. It's as if I've stopped giving a fuck. If this is indeed the belly of the beast it's not a joke. It's as if I'm constantly fighting with my own inner demons I had no idea existed all while I'm pushing myself to new levels and right after I've gotten past fucking threshold guardians just one after the fucking other non-stop and now fighting with myself and my psychology. When you think you're stronger and it's just got you on your knees. Just had to share.

I had a breakthrough....and you were right there was "shadow work" that needed to be healed. I was triggered by two things: betrayal and feeling unimportant which traced back to my childhood and past trauma. Doing this process below has helped to heal these deep wounds: Step #1 Yes I’m triggered Step #2 Define The Feeling Step #3 Who in my past was present when I felt that the deepest or the earliest Step #4 I take the feeling and say the words silently or out loud: I allow these patterns of ___ to be sent back to the source of its origin as blessings for their journey ahead. I feel I'm at a new turning point.

Found out my bf is not who I thought. After feeling suspicious I asked to look at his phone and my suspicions were correct - he was cheating. Even had a fake instagram account with a bunch of photos of women (their asses, boobs etc) on his timeline and his bio was "send me picture in my dm" I mean wow. He even insulted my intelligence by telling me it was his friend who was using his phone to talk to these people. Again wow. Leos advice is to find your own issues and to learn about men...I don't find this useful. Any better advice? I'm feeling miserable.

"This whole idea about the world reflects back unresolved things in you, old outdated paradigm. There is a mirror teaching but the world is not a mirror of what is unresolved in you. You are a mirror foreshadowing what the world is becoming in evolution. So there's a mirror but it's seen backwards in the beginning. You walk around thinking how everyone acts is a mirror of what is unresolved in me. The truth is that other people act out to show you how much they have on their plate, why they don't have enough time and attention to give you the love they can't give themselves. You are reflecting to them what is already emerging in their spiritual evolution and you will be an embodiment of what others are becoming when you stop thinking that other people's behaviors are about you. It's like an animal hissing at you in the jungle. The question isn't why am I attracting an animal to hiss at me? The reality is an animal is hissing at you because it's seeing you as a predator, an invader." - Matt Kahn

Maybe hit it from the angle of stop giving a fuck what anyone thinks...find & then love yourself that way Then go from there <3

I am able to get to the point of like when you feel like wind is blowing and you need to sort of choose your scene but I can't get to the scene (only by what seems to be chance but I'd like to be more in control). I end up overthinking and waking up. Any advice? Much appreciated..

@Nahm haha ok got it. Thank you!

If we all come from the same source and we're basically God talking/interacting with 'himself'..what's with this concept of separate souls? Is this just an ego-mechanism?

@Prabhaker ah exactly why this belief is the next shift to make.