Principium Nexus

Must watch, if you enjoyed this there is an application called "Headspace" which helps you guide during a meditation. For beginners this is excellent, because you stop thinking for a while and can enter a trance if you really follow what he is saying.

Kabbalah might be what you seek. I don't proclaim it as any truth but it certainly is interesting to read. https://www.kabbalah.com/what-kabbalah

If life is only but a dream, then define a dream? Life is filled with infinite perspectives, each equally true.

I have been meditating now for several years with some sessions of meditation over 5 hours straight. Meditation is a tool that when learned you will be able to clear all the everyday chatter from the more deeply emotional feelings, which can sometimes be very annoying, but also shows a challenge that when mastered you are more and more able to self-realize. You learn the most during the time when you indeed get crazy about sitting still or thinking it is enough because these are the exact cause that cause procrastination and other "unfocused" thoughts. You have to understand it is not "meditation" making you mad, everything you do is you and since you acknowledge that you don't like what you find there is the possibility to do inner work, or chose to ignore it while it still affects your thoughts in some deeper level. In short, your doing the correct thing! Try to embrace the silence and let it be.

@___ Wow I didn't know there was a word for that. I can relate to so much stuff about agoraphobia. Good thing is that we are all here to help each other growing knowledge, healing. I think the combination of all of these things is a good step towards improvement of any situation of well-being.

Working on various skills like making art (drawing, painting, writing) are great self-development tools. Making music is great for translating emotions into physical reality and therefor very good as reflection. All these creative skills are great in reflecting on your own ideas, but also how you depict the world. If you focus on recreating scenes from real life in creative arts you increase your awareness about the small details since you are slowly learning how structures are build (geometrically/relations/emotionally). People often overlook the importance of creativity since it might not be as applicable as earning money, but it helps great amounts with understanding your own emotions which is essential for thoughtful behaviour. Additionally reading various books to greaten your knowledge about how reality works; scientifically, economically, spiritually, etc. is required to have a great background knowledge to be able to understand certain decisions/events/situations that are related to your life, but also how to improve those. Good to note is that when reading anything you should never critisise it before hand since it will immediatly close you off to some insight it might offer. Like other people said above, working on your physcial body is good to also improve your mental health, they go hand in hand. Lastly, socializing is important to keep structure to your self-development. Talking on forums is a good way to talk with people about subjects you would normally not talk about with anybody in your direct environment, but direct contact is also important.