Jack_Clark

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About Jack_Clark

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  • Location
    New Zealand, Paraparaumu
  • Gender
    Male
  1. As a bit of background before I describe what I experienced, I'm 19 and have had about 2 years of consecutive meditation practice, I've done some strong determination sitting so I felt ready to try the famed 10 day Vipassana retreat. The retreat itself started off fine, I wasnt a huge fan of the teacher's style (it was a Goenka retreat) but I got into the practice, I had some idea for what I was getting into, It was a painful first few days but I felt like I could handle it, when we got past the initial 3 days of breathing practice we started the vipassana body scanning technique. That's when the interesting shit started. I started "dissolving" surface tensions on my body and experienced subtle surface vibrations over my body around day 7. By then my momentum of awareness was really intense, like almost uncomfortably intense. I had trouble sleeping as I was just constantly aware of sensation and I couldn't really stop. Day 9 the really eye opening thing happened, I had full body surface vibrations, and i was focusing my awareness on the back of my neck, and I kind of pushed my awareness deeper into the body and became aware of a solid tense area, (what I assume was a part of my spinal cord in my neck). It clicked and initially it didn't seem important but as I continued to meditate I became more and more aware of many tense fibers in the deep tissue of my neck, which started clicking and relaxing on their own, one or two fibers would release every couple seconds, but there were thousands of these fibers in my neck. over the course of the next 48 hours I didn't sleep (I had way too much energy and worry about wtf was happening). It got to a point where the tensions relaxing were getting closer and closer to my spine, they were getting uncomfortably sensitive, my breathing opened up totally and I could expand my lungs and throat beyond what I thought was possible. By this point I was worrying a lot, because the process was getting away from me, like I could't stop it and it continued to happen without slowing down. When my awareness reached what I assume was the main spinal it was the most sensitive powerful sensation I have ever felt in my entire life. Everything felt so fragile, like if one thing went wrong I could die. I was having trouble swallowing my own spit, at one point I breathed some of it in and had a bad coughing fit. After staying awake through the night, I got used to it a bit more and felt like I had super powers, my awareness was massively concentrated, any where I probed with my awareness tensions would just click and dissolve, I opened up my sinus cavity in my nose (it's like a cave system), many muscles in and around my head, I could slow down my heart by concentrating on the beating (very freaky I thought I had stopped it at a few points) I proceeded to go around parts of my body and relax them. After about 48 hours from the initial neck release the fibers in my neck started to "solidify" again but there were very tense, coarse and rough, by about 60 hours, everything had solidified that I had dissolved besides the fibers surrounding my windpipe which would dissolve as I breathe in and solidify as I breathe out. This is still happening, 2 days after the retreat. My awareness isn't near the uncomfortable levels it was at the peak of the experience but it's still heightened and way above normal. This was the single-most intense and freaky, mind blowing experience I have ever had, I felt close to death, like I had way more power than I could handle. My take aways: You can be way more aware of sensations than initially thought. Don't let your awareness outstrip your equanimity to experiences, otherwise you could really traumatize yourself. Vipassana retreats are a good time. Awareness of a sensation isn't a neutral activity, it has marked, significant effects on the physiology of your body. The questions I have: why does being aware of a tension make it relax?, what happens if I unlock more parts of my spine?, where do I go from here?
  2. I'm almost through on the the life purpose course and I'm wondering if this is a life purpose that makes sense; I am currently in university studying mechatronics engineering, and I want to use this degree to create an automation business, a business that automates menial mental and physical tasks. The purpose of this would be to produce a society in which people don't have to work and struggle to simply survive, and therefore people can spend their time pursuing their life purposes/ spirituality/ simply being. However I think an enormous amount of social development is required in my country (I live in New Zealand) otherwise people could potentially sink into hedonism and addictive behaviors instead of pursuing higher consciousness activities, also a lot of people havn't found their purpose and so this could be very disruptive to them if a job that makes them feel useful is taken away. I want to ask if people think this life purpose is one that makes sense, even with the large way in which our society would need to develop in order for my passion to be beneficial to people?
  3. There has always been a nagging question in the back of my mind when listening to Leo talk about enlightenment. If it is the death of the self/ ego, then would suicide bring about enlightenment/ experiencing absolute infinity?
  4. I have some pretty ingrained addictions; porn & masturbation, Video gaming, Internet & smart devices. I want to do a cleanse of these things and i'm going to start tmrw, I hope it goes well.
  5. I have started out as a secular meditator, but I have recently been attending a Buddhist meditation service. I am beginning the Lamrim, which is a cycle of 21 meditations that you repeat until enlightenment is reached. The meditations focus on visualizing Buddha and becoming him, a lot of the meditations on death involve rebirth and merit, all of which I feel slightly uncomfortable with. As a result I find it hard getting into meditation and trying to actively visualize these things where I would rather just be mindful. The Buddhist service claims this is the best way to attain enlightenment, but I am skeptical and am wondering If I should stick to meditations that people like Shinzen Young teach? I don't want to immediately close myself off to these potentially beneficial techniques but i'm also not comfortable with the more religion based sides of Buddhism like the idolization of Buddha, taking rebirth and merit/ karma on faith?
  6. I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months, we are attending different universities and I guess I wasn't attached enough to try long distance. However I really care for her emotions and how she feels, she grew to emotionally rely on me for helping her with insecurities and keeping her positive. As a result of this dependency and my caring for her I still act very affectionately towards her and we meet up and have sex occasionally. I fear severing ties with her will cause a lot of emotional pain that could damage her and me but what we have now isn't really a healthy relationship, any advice?
  7. I've had a sickness for the last couple of weeks that make concentrating and breathing quite hard, i'm wondering about any techniques that could make it easier especially since it might last for a while?
  8. Ever since coming to university I have had trouble keeping up with my meditation and self actualization work, infact it has essentially stopped and I find myself not sufficiently motivated to pick it up even though I can see the harm that it will do to me if i don't pick it back up. Any advice or ways of seeing this that i'm missing?
  9. @Saarah Oh right yea, i've tried that a few times but never made it a habit I'll give that a go too.
  10. Thanks for the advice everyone!, i'll give these a go!
  11. @Saarah Sorry for the ignorance but what's SDS?
  12. @Afonso So it's just a matter of trying to clean up these bad habits?
  13. I've been meditating about 20 minutes a day for a year and a half now and have been noticing subtle changes in my life which I see as positive, but as for the practice itself I am unsure of whether I am doing it effectively. I am often fidgeting and wriggling around breaking my concentration, I open my eyes and check how much time is left periodically and I can get distracted in a train of thought for a whole session, I think the act of making it a habit has made meditation more of a mechanical practice for me than something I focus my awareness on and as a result the quality of it has been diminished. Does anyone have some advice or a different way to see this?
  14. @heisenburger Thank you this seems like an interesting technique and I will try to implement it in my life.
  15. I have an issue in my life where I will tend to spend time playing video games rather than working on personal development, this is creating a feedback loop where It is hard to find help because i'm not putting the time in to fix the issue, this is very frustrating and I find myself scalding myself in an effort to limit this behaviour but all it does is make me feel bad about it. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks