nian

Thanks for your answers. It's been a while. Had lots of exams lately. You're so right about me only existing in my thoughts, means being the content of thoughts. I am also not able to control them, only to shift awareness away from thoughts. For how I now see everything is that there are two input streams entering my awareness, thoughts and reality, that is all there is. Thanks a lot again. Love this forum and all the helpful people out there.

I was wondering if Leo Gura is your real name or if you constructed it to fit who you wanted to become.

does Reality continue to create itself? I'm worried that if I stop being strategic I will stop meditating, working out and so on. Reality is also creating my thinking so I can't stop it literally, I only shift awareness to the senses. Will I stop working on myself if I let go? I've noticed a decrease in efforts lately and I didn't do anything about it... I just watch it and tell myself that it's gonna be fine. Oh man... I'm really confused. Don't know whats right or wrong anymore... I'm losing it...

Thanks everybody. I don't know how I even got caught up in this thoughts, it's so easy to lose clarity. I guess 'letting be and accept' plus 'telling her what I really feel' is the way to go and after that inviting her over for brunch (if she still likes me). Maybe I'll watch this happening in a few days. One never knows.

While on the path, but still far far away from reaching enlightment, I find myself being pissed at people who "waste my time". For example I have a friend who is really stuck in the past and unable to let go, further she somehow enjoys mourning about her past over and over again, no matter what I tell her, she wont stop. Thinking about how to act "right", I'll listen, again and again. Sometimes I want to tell her to stop bsing around and do something valuable. How do you deal with situations like this? Sometimes I just want to leave my life behind and go somewhere where people don't talk. Living my materialistic capitalistic life in europe feels more and more wrong with each passing day. It's hard to remind oneself to improve awareness even without distraction but being pulled back, continuing living a "normal" life... and staying on the path, how do you do this?