Amadeusz

What about willpower-usage strategy mixed with baby steps? Just acknowledge that you are in deep trouble, feel these bad emotions like Mad Max said but slowly use your will to get out of this shit. What can you do? For example start meditating 10mins daily and work on your life purpose 10 mins daily. You know your situation has a lot of positive aspects for sure! And I'm sure there are many people who have worse situation going on in their life. Be patient, there will be many setbacks. Notice that it works for me, but doesn't have to work for you. Maybe start working on your self-talk? What else can you do? Maybe some gratitute? I'm weak at it but I feel it could help. YOU CAN DO IT

You mean to develop faculty to distinguish between both motivations? I think I'm pretty good at it, but I'm not sure if that's the thing you were pointing out. For example I noticed that sometimes I push myself and then my mood is better (because there is no reason for pressure to exist anymore since the thing I should do is done) and it creates an environment for intrinsic motivation to appear. The problem is that every day I have to push myself and moreover I noticed that this pushing motivation is somehow addictive. I need to use it more and more everyday to satisfy my needs and to feel relief. So I practice more and more I do 'good things' more and more and I need to do them more and more to feel happy. It's hard to explain, twisty stuff.

That was said in the 'Awareness alone is curative video'. The idea that when you're fully aware when doing distractions like TV, drugs etc. you naturally start a process that will move you away from these things. Although I didn't use it much in my life... The idea don't resonate with me much.

Thanks for the answer. Pretty good I'm on proper life purpose track (in my opinion) and I've been meditating for about 3,5 years. I've got my small company here and maintain myself although not from my life purpose yet. Of course I've got still many things to work on. The problem is that Leo and other coaches talk about this intrinsic motivation, but it just doesn't work for me, when I switch off my extrinsic motivation (the pressure) my productivity and overall robustness goes away. Sure I do some things but my bad habits come back big time then. So I have this bullying emotion like a guard, when doing bad thing then boom it appears and I stop it. I can't stop it cuz then I think my work will fall apart (but maybe I'm wrong). What do you thing guys?

I mean pressure in a sense that I feel painful emotion inside that wants me to do something. It's like Im bullying myself to do things. So this emotion appears when I don't do the things I should be doing (I think I want them so therefore should doing them). So I'm pushing myself away from bad circumstances. Sometimes I'm motivated internally, but sometimes I am not motivated internally and then when the emotion 'pressure' appears. Maybe I should embrace and listen to pressure and accept it's existance instead of getting rid of this bullying motivation system? I don't know... Hope that clarifies a little. If I gave up this pushing motivation system I'm afraid that I will become lazy.

And also in my opinion on some point you just have to make a decision; So maybe there isn't one best path for you. You partially have to create it and not seek all the time for the best one. Which one would you pick if you had to make decision right now?

My rap in Polish language Me singing some jazzy stuff

I had similar problem and I tried one of my paths (chemistry business). It was succesful but during that time I felt more than ever that music is what I want. So intuition kicked in. But also 100$ dollar question said that I want to sing and be a musician. Maybe you have to embrace the confusion and stay with it experimenting with those passions.