Liam Johnson

Entry 259 | Getting Used To Relationships Theory: Building a strong relationship is like a field of mastery in itself and is not separate from any other facet of self-actualization. Applying it: Make sure both you and your partner understand this concept and are willing to work together to improve on it over the long-term. So I'm away from home this weekend to visit my partner. It has been really fun to come and support him in a concert that he performed in for part of his university degree. We've been together for around three weeks and I'm still getting used to it. In fact, it felt to me like our relationship was on a bit of a plateau. We discovered together that the main reason why I felt this way was because I was worried about bringing my self-actualization work and routines into our relationship. We only see each other once every few weeks so it was very easy for me to throw out all of the progress I'd made to focus solely on spending time together. And as much as I love spending time with him, it kinda felt like I was sacrificing that stuff just to be with him, even though he is fully supportive of the work I do. It was my belief of "I must devote all of my time to you whilst I'm here and nothing else" that was making me worry about being my true self. After talking about this together, we realised that this was something we both wanted to change. We both wanted to not only spend time having fun together, but more importantly we want to support each other's work and encourage each others growth, even doing it together. And that's when I remembered that building a strong relationship is like a practice in itself. There's certain challenges that need to be overcome but this is what leads to the truest kinds of growth. And it feels great to have found a partner who actually is supportive and understanding of this growth. Things don't have to be perfect all of the time. What matters is that we both know that this relationship is a practice like any other. And practice is the surest way to travel the path of mastery. Pick of the day:

Entry 258 | Grieving Over Yourself Theory: The only way to you can come to terms with death is to go through a grieving process with yourself. Applying it: Become as conscious as possible of all the suffering that revolves around your thoughts about 'me.' Realise that in order to eliminate this suffering, you must face your own death. Open yourself up to the raw emotions that you feel when you genuinely feel crushed that you must die. Yesterday, I spoke of the magic that occurred when I used my guitar as a meditation tool. Today was the second day of such a meditation practice and it proved to be even more powerful than I could have imagined. After peeling back the layers of resistance, I suddenly found myself becoming conscious of all the thoughts about 'me.' My body. My life. And as time passed, the suffering behind all of these thoughts also came to the surface. I've been running away from the truth about the "no-self" for a long time. But finally, I had the courage to face it head on. I allowed the feelings of terror and despair come to the surface as I contemplated death. My death. So many thoughts came up. "I don't want to die." "Why can't I live in this beautiful existence forever?" It was so emotional that it brought me to deep sadness and tears with it. In order to reach a place without suffering, I had to die. Or at least, the thoughts of 'me' had to die. And for the ego, that feels soul-crushing. This feeling remained with me for quite some time. I wanted to end the meditation early, but the fingers kept plucking away at the guitar as if to completely ignore Ego altogether. Then as if by magic, that raw and powerful emotion that came with grieving myself suddenly transformed into ecstatic joy and fulfilment. It made the present moment feel extraordinarily beautiful. It was beautiful already but not on this scale. It felt like orders of magnitude larger. And with that experience brought the strongest possible feelings of presence. Stillness. As if something died within. Pick of the day:

Entry 257 | Meditation For Musicians Theory: As a musician, you have the possibility of meditating in a completely unique way by using your instrument as a mantra. Applying it: Perform a repeated pattern, drone or phrase and loop it for 45-60mins straight. Maintain full awareness of your bodily sensations, sights, sounds, and other raw data. I've used my instrument to do this kind of thing before. It's given me some wonderful outer-body sensations and heightened states of awareness before. But I'd never considered using it as a supplement for a formal meditation practice. Perhaps because it never really occurred to me that the instrument could be used as a mantra to bring you into the present moment. It really is no different, when done correctly, to the sacred "Om" chant that has been practiced for centuries. Today, I used a repeating fingerpicking pattern to produce a drone from my guitar. Nothing complicated at all. And I performed this pattern over and over and over again without deviating or manipulating it. Then once I became comfortable with the pattern (after only a few minutes), I then shifted my awareness from my hands to the rest of my body. I tried to become as conscious as possible of all the different sensations in my body. Then, I would become conscious of the actual frequencies and overtones of the guitar as it played. And I bathed in this awareness for as long as I could maintain it. The results were phenomenal. I could feel something growing and expanding from within. It felt godly to the point where I became partially disoriented about the reality around me. Several layers of resistance were peeled away until I reached a state of deep calm. And as wonderful as it was to listen to the guitar drone and experience its richness and beauty, it will never compare to the magical state of being that came over me when I gradually brought down the volume to silence. Everything became stillness. After doing a fairly standard type of meditation every hour of every day for the past year, it felt so wonderful to try meditating in this way. Not only was it good guitar practice, but there was something so special about using my passion to produce unimaginable peace of mind. It was a highly personal and authentic way of using my creative voice to expand my consciousness. Such a powerful moment to witness in this life. Pick of the day:

Entry 256 | Insight About Money Theory: Money is spiritual poetry in motion. Applying it: Be mindful of all the ways in which you are spending and accumulating money. Notice how the money is a clear expression of your authentic desires and values. I'd like to start off with a powerful quote from Mastery to explain this insight: Money in itself is a shallow thing. Chasing for more money all the time is therefore a shallow thing to be doing. But if you really take the time to observe the ways in which money operates in your life as well as others, you can get in touch with the spiritual connections that are associated with money. Reread the quote above. And reread it again. And reread it. And again. Because there's so much truth in this statement when you bring it into your own life. It's even more abundantly clear if you've ever paid for something that contributes to your personal growth. As a guitarist, I regularly spend a few hundred pounds on guitar strings alone every year. And in all of that time, I've never once looked back and thought "gee, that was a bad investment." With every pack of guitar strings I buy, I make a statement about how much I value the beauty of music and the desire to improve as a musician. As someone who is also interested in becoming wiser and more knowledgable in relation to self-actualization, I've made some pretty significant investments given my current predicament. I've spend over £100 on books and have recently purchased the Life Purpose Course for £200. Am I sceptical? Sure. Those thoughts have occurred to me. But after I made the investment, the insight about money came to me. There is something magical that happens when you consciously decide to spend your money on personal growth. You choose to value your Higher Self, not your Lower Self. You choose to honour your Muse, rather than your Ego. You sacrifice your physical possessions to receive wisdom from the Infinite Intelligence. Spending money is a way of making a final commitment to yourself. And it feels spiritually satisfying to do that. Pick of the day:

Entry 255 | Post-it Quotes Theory: The quickest and most efficient way of learning key insights and understanding bits of wisdom is to place them where you will come into contact with them on a daily basis. Applying it: Decorate your space with post-it notes containing quotes and nuggets of wisdom that are meaningful to you. Make a regular habit of examining them one-by-one until you can explain in depth what they mean. This is a new habit that I've started over the last week or so that has become both incredibly fun and rewarding. As I've started reading more books, I've realised that it isn't enough to just underline important quotes. In order to fully understand the concepts of the book, you have to be able to internalise them. One of the best ways to show that you have internalised any teaching is to be able to explain it in your own words. But to do that, you need to know certain quotes well enough to perhaps recite them from memory. Post-it notes have become my tool of choice for implementing this strategy. My bedroom is perhaps below-average when it comes to decoration. The walls are quite bare, which makes them the perfect place to put these post-it notes. I use post-its of different sizes and colours to articulate my own thoughts on paper as well as to document important and relevant quotes from the books I've read. I've also started the habit of methodically going though these quotes every morning and night. There are three distinct sections on my wall for post-it notes to be, and there are three different colours to choose from (although the quotes are not colour-coded). The method would be to walk up to each section of the room and pick one quote of each colour to examine and internalise through explanation. This could take from anything to 15 minutes to an hour to complete depending on how deep into the explanation I am willing to go. I've only done this for Mastery so far and there are still plenty more quotes I could pin up onto the wall. But this procedure has allowed me to internalise some juicy bits of wisdom that wouldn't have been possible through a simple read and underline of a quote. Pick of the day:

Entry 254 | Dyad Trial My partner and I decided to try out some dyad work with some guidance from the web. Admittedly, we haven't been shown anything about how to do it properly nor do any of us have prior experience as to what to do or expect. But we did the exercise anyway for a short trial session. We sat cross-legged on the bed facing each other, became present with some deep breaths in unison, and proceeded to give instructions to each other and respond to them. He took the first turn at giving the instruction for which I would comply. The first instruction hit me deep almost immediately: "Tell me how you want to be loved." The way he delivered the instruction was heartfelt and with every intention of discovering the answer. It was such a personal question that it pierced deep into my authentic self. After years of small-talk and shallow conversation with others in everyday life, this line of questioning came as a bit of a shock. But it felt incredible to open up myself in front of him knowing full well that he would not react (as part of the exercise). We continued for a few more turns with this line of communication. And that's exactly what it felt like: not conversation, but pure communication. I opened up to him and he opened up to me. Not only did I discover so much about him in such a short space of time, but I also discovered so much about my own desires, feelings and attitudes. Admitting your own feelings to yourself is a wonderful thing. And to have my partner in front of me without reacting as I did this felt all the more special. As I say, this was just a trial. But from that small session, we discovered that this could have some wonderful effects if we keep up the habit. Pick of the day:

Entry 253 | Die To Live Theory: The person you are before you go to sleep is completely different to the person who wakes up in the morning. One must die for the other to live. Applying it: If you want to retain any kind of wisdom from one day to the next, you must expect that the person who wakes up in the morning will be completely different to who you are at night. Through this awareness, you can more easily carry wisdom across from one day to the next. A bit of an airy-fairy topic, perhaps. But every time I go to sleep, I aim to treat it as a death. It might seem highly unlikely that you could just go to sleep one night and not wake up the following morning. Although it's uncertain, it's possible. It happened to a local gym instructor a year or so ago. He was seemingly a young, healthy, fit guy when he suddenly died through the night. Sudden death syndrome. What's more, our minds and bodies are changing constantly. The person who started writing this journal will not be the same one who finishes this journal. And the person who wakes up in the morning will not be the same as the one who goes to bed the night before. To attempt at being poetic, it's like one version of you has to die in order for the new version to wake up the next morning. But the only trouble is that the one who wakes up will have a completely fresh mind. A blank canvas onto which thoughts can be painted on. I've started implementing a morning and night routine to accommodate this. At night, I will read and explain out loud several of the quotes posted on my bedroom wall in order to develop wisdom. Then before it is time to sleep, I will remind myself that the person who wakes up will be sleepy to begin with. They will want to snooze in bed a little longer or they will want food immediately. Basically, the monkey mind will kick in unless I provide constructive thoughts for the brain to digest. By becoming aware of this the night before, I can go to sleep and wake up with the same level of awareness. Then once I've gotten out of bed, I will repeat the process of explaining and interpreting the quotes on my wall to reconnect with that inner wisdom that was cultivated the night before. This process might become really useful in stitching together each day to construct a narrative instead of waking up every day as if it were a fresh start (which is only a practical thought to such an extent). Although the nocturnal version of myself metaphorically dies to allow the morning version of myself to wake up, I can make sure that both versions are connected strongly through this procedure. Pick of the day:

Entry 252 | Mastery By George Leonard. So this book is Leo's highest-priority book on the entire booklist. Was it worth reading it? Definitely. Was it worth the top spot? It's hard for me to say. Especially given my background in pursuing musical and guitar mastery, the topic in and of itself is very familiar to me. For that reason, I don't think it had the revolutionary effect on me that it could have had for someone who has never pursued mastery. HOWEVER, this book is full of wonderfully written insights about the entire process of mastery and it's importance in everyday life. The book is divided into three distinct parts. The first part describes the several paths we can take with any domain we choose, and how the most fulfilling one is the path of mastery. The second part describes "the five keys" to unlock mastery which are instruction, practice, surrender, intentionality, and "the edge." The final part of the book describes the nuances that appear along the path of mastery and how to prepare for and deal with them. It gives a clear overview about what the path of mastery (of any domain) requires from you and has in store for you, seeing as it is a field of work worth mastering. As a self-actualizer and musician, this serves as a great reminder to keep pushing forward in spite of what our modern culture would have us do instead. It's full of anecdotes and stories that illustrate the key points, even mythical ones. Many of the quotes that I have underlined were so inspiring and thought-provoking for me that I've started writing them on post-it notes and sticking them around my wall. This book is probably best for those who have never consciously pursued the path of mastery. But even as someone who has been on the path for a while now, not only can I recognise the truth in each one of the key points made but I found that there was still plenty of good stuff to be learned from this book. Would recommend. Pick of the day:

Entry 251 | Resistance and Truth Theory: All resistance is a denial of the Truth. Applying it: Try and pinpoint all forms of resistance in your life and figure out what it is you are resisting. This insight came to me during meditation today. I managed to reach a deeper place than normal today which allowed me to sustain focus for the entire hour. Two insights came to me during the session but this is the only one that I could remember and write down in time: all resistance is a denial of the Truth. Resistance can take many different forms but all of them serve the same purpose. They take you out of the present moment, reduce awareness of the physical senses and prevent mental clarity. This could include persisting thoughts, muscular tension, ego beliefs, numbness to emotion, and other things that contribute to suffering. All of this resistance prevents you from seeing the truth of what is right in front of you. What's more, resistance can be so abundant at times that it becomes unconscious. This makes it very hard to perceive Truth. Resistance is the ultimate dream killer. I've had plenty of first-hand experiences with it to be sure. So long as you are resisting the fears and anxieties within you, they become stronger. So long as you allow muscular tension in your body throughout the day, you will become fatigued. So long as you keep clinging to the belief that you are "me" and that this "me" exists and needs to be protected and preserved, you can never open yourself up to receive some of the most profound experiences to ever happen to you in life. Why then is it so difficult to defeat resistance once and for all? Why is it such a difficult task to relax when those around you increase in tension? Because when you're in a state of resistance, the possible becomes impossible. It's only when you're in a state of acceptance that the impossible becomes possible. Pick of the day:

Entry 250 | Reflection What a number. A quarter of a thousand journal entries. I've sat down and written at least 250 journal entries (excluding two-parters) over the last year. Next month, it'll be a full year on since committing to this journal. What a wonderful edition to my daily life. I've heard time and time again that the first year of entrepreneurship is the worst. And I'm certainly feeling those vibes. Because I essentially have no boss, it's up to myself to build the self-discipline and the correct mindset to produce what I want to produce. Never in my life have I had to be more conscious of my own thought patterns and habits than right now. I'm having to tackle my problems head-on. But fortunately, I know exactly where all the problems lie: within the mind. The thoughts I think today will determine the actions for the rest of my life. If I don't believe in myself, then my actions will align with that belief. If I believe it's going to be hard work to make money from music, then that's what will be attracted to my life. One of the ways I'm starting to confront these limiting beliefs is to go through a self-coaching process: become aware of the beliefs, understand what emotions, actions, and results they create, and create new thoughts to practice believing. One thing I will say is that by committing to this difficult path in life, the things that I used to find pleasure in before are starting to reveal themselves as toxic to my emotional wellbeing. Playing video games, binge watching YouTube videos, eating snacks, and procrastinating are just as easy to do (perhaps even easier) but they no longer provide the comfort that I was used to. I've become super aware of the long-term effects of doing these things, which has been enough to dilute the pleasure of doing these things. At least on a regular basis anyway. Something I've been struggling on is maintaining a clear vision of the bigger picture. I've been neglecting my visualisation once again. As I complete my goals, my mind suddenly wants to revert to self-doubt, fear and anxiety that it could result in failure. It's sometimes hard to motivate myself to look at the positives, the long-term vision for the future, and keep going with full force. One way I'm starting to combat this is by sticking a load of post-it notes on my bedroom wall to remind me of all the things I've learnt from books and also all of the positive beliefs that I need to focus on. A while ago, I promised that this would be the week that I shoot videos for a YouTube channel. As sloppy as the past few weeks have been in terms of preparation and planning, I'm going to go for it anyway. There's a good few compositions that I could create performance videos for. And at long last, the Wiimote video is finally ready to shoot. So by the end of this week, I will have at least one video shot (the Wiimote video) and perhaps a second one for performance. One of the biggest limiting beliefs that has been holding me back from YouTube is the desire for perfection. If only I had the right camera, the right microphone, the recording skills, the home studio, the personality, the charisma... Perfectionism is nothing new to the way I like to do things. However, I can finally say that it's going too far as to prevent any progress whatsoever. I'd like to remind myself of an important quote from Psycho-Cybernetics that sets the record straight about perfection and approximations: In other news, I've started a relationship with a guy I met for the Edinburgh tour last August. It came as quite a surprise that even though I wasn't looking for a relationship, it just happened. We both have ridiculously similar interests, we're both aspiring musicians, we've had uncommonly deep conversations for a typical friendship, we don't reserve our authentic personalities with each other, and we both have the hots for each other! I thought being in a relationship would take away some of my drive to complete my goals. Instead, it's made me feel more motivated to complete them. He's been motivating me when I needed it most and I try to do the same for him. It's giving me something else to strive for in addition to everything else. So yeah. In summary, I have been struggling with this path and I'm not deluded enough to pretend otherwise. The main source of the struggle is tackling my own beliefs about my potential in this life. It's hard to believe that you can become a rip-roaring success when it hasn't happened yet. And it's even harder to rewire your mind to produce positive thoughts and beliefs, especially since there are so many of them. But despite how much of a struggle it may seem to me, progress is being made. Not necessarily in reality, but certainly mentally. It's only a matter of time before it follows through. Pick of the day:

Does anybody have any suggestions for exercises that work really well for two people doing self-actualization/enlightenment work together? It'd be so awesome to get some advice on this. I've managed to find a partner who is just as interested in meditation, self-actualization, enlightenment as me. And we both had the idea that it would be really cool to meditate together and feed into each other's efforts. For sure, we could easily just meditate together like normal. But are there any specific techniques for group or couple work that could be really valuable and might not be an option for solo work?

Entry 249 | Boss What's Before You Theory: What if life purpose is simply the task right in front of you? What if you could just boss the fuck out of that task? Applying it: Realise that in the here and now, you can only really do one task at a time. You can't multitask. But you can certainly boss the fuck out of whatever it is you're doing right now. It occurred to me during meditation a moment ago that it really doesn't bother me what task is right in front of me. Nowadays, I rarely think to myself "gee I wish I was somewhere else doing such and such a thing." I'm perfectly happy doing whatever task is right in front of me, whether it be writing a journal entry, waiting in a waiting room, cooking food, doing bicep curls at the gym, strumming on one chord with the guitar, spending time with a loved one, or anything else. And it reoccured to me that perhaps life purpose is about the very thing that's right under my nose. It's not about what I could or should be doing. It's all about what I'm doing right now. And perhaps it's a streak of perfectionism that started this habit but whatever task I give myself, I make sure that I give it my full attention and complete it to the best of my ability. In other words, I try to boss the fuck out of it. The actual doing of the tasks is not the difficult part. It's starting the task to begin with that seems like the biggest hurdle. Perhaps all the other obstacles after that first hurdle decrease in size as each one has been overcame. I can relate that to guitar playing. In the beginning, I was such a slow learner. The simplest of tasks felt so difficult to do at the beginning. But as the years of commitment started to accumulate, it slowly became easier and easier until the present day where it feels like a breeze. The important thing about this is that I chose to make guitar playing my task to master. I could have easily chosen to spend that time playing video games or watching television as a kid (which I did to a degree, but not enough to prevent my ability to grow as a guitarist). As such, the difficult part is not in bossing the fuck out of the task. It's deciding to face that task head-on, in the present moment, and choose to boss the fuck out of it. That's why we say "that decision is as good as done." Once the decision is made wholeheartedly, that's the hardest part done. There's no point trying to juggle tasks in your mind too. If you're doing some task in the now, there's no point in remembering the other tasks that you could be doing because it will only prevent progress. That's when you need to prioritise the task right in front of you. That's when you commit, and recommit, to bossing the fuck out of what's in front of you. Pick of the day:

Entry 248 | Making Up For Slip-Ups Theory: It's very easy to continue on the path of slipping up once you make your first slip-up. The key to growth is committing to getting back on track. Applying it: Try and save yourself as quickly as possible from going on a continuous path of slipping up, even if it takes days, weeks or months. So this is an entry to make up for the fact that I didn't post one yesterday. And it's basically the reason why I never made one in the first place. Yesterday I went to do an STI screening early in the morning (just as a check-up, it's very important stuff) which completely threw me off my daily routine. I guess you never fully appreciate that you have a routine until you get thrown off it like that. But after I was thrown off once, it was very easy to just think "fuck it" and not bother getting back on track. I went on a bit of a shopping spree after leaving the hospital and spend a good portion of the evening playing on video games because it's been a while. But one thing I realised was that once you commit to the path of "fuck it," it's very hard to get off that path and onto the one that you originally abandoned. Let's face facts. The path of "fuck it" is ridiculously easy to follow, most people have travelled on it at one point in their life, and you can abandon all sense of responsibility. The path of self-actualization is comparatively a difficult path. It seems like a lot of work for nothing all that tangible, hardly anybody that you come face-to-face with is also committed to this path, and you have to face your demons and be focussing on growth all the time. But anyone wise enough to recognise that the easy path is the least fruitful one knows what's ultimately worthwhile. It's not work to no avail, even if it seems that way. Any fool can commit to the path of self-actualisation. The true committers though are the ones who recommit time and time again without giving up. You don't have to be good at it either. You just have to recommit. Pick of the day:

Thanks both for introducing this topic. It sounds fascinating

Entry 247 | Television Theory: Watching TV is the perfect distraction to help prevent learning. As a self-actualiser, it's worth giving it up as a habit. Applying it: Fill your time with something else that can provide consciousness and learning. Be conscious about each moment you spend and choose to live each moment consciously. So I've nearly finished Mastery by George Leonard and the final part of the book provides so much wisdom per page that it's hard not to laugh and feel good about the teachings that are being conveyed on the book. Not that the book is laughable. Rather, it's full of juicy information that will make you want to stop and think twice about. Such is the subject of television. Television is bashed around so much in this book that it's savage. And there's this one paragraph which really opened my eyes to why it's so harmful for our personal growth. Rather than making a case in point, I'd like to just quote the book directly and let the man himself carry the message across loud and clear: As much as I love my parents, I was almost certainly this kid. Television has been a big part of our household as far as they were concerned. Although I no longer have a habit of watching television these days, I'm a sucker for Doctor Who. When I finish writing this journal, I'm going to watch Doc Martin with my mum because not only do we both like the show but she relates watching television together as 'quality time.' And even nowadays, television disguises itself as things like Netflix, YouTube and silly Facebook videos. Sure, it's comforting. But it's not LEARNING. Even though there are in fact programmes which can offer education (like wildlife programmes, historical programmes, etc), it's still not LEARNING because (1) it's not relevant to most of our lives, and (2) it's all theory and no action. Countless self-help books say it because it's true and it couldn't be any other way: LEARNING = THEORY + ACTION. This statistic shows that TV watching hours have decreased very slightly over the last few years. But I wonder if the reason for that is because there are more available things online that don't classify as TV but are in fact the same. My choice of TV is YouTube. It has everything you could possibly imagine on there. While there are clearly some amazing videos on there that promote learning, it's heavily outweighed by the mindless stuff that most people tend to go for. TV isn't evil. It's our lack of discipline in regards to watching it that creates the suffering. Pick of the day: (One thing I will always have learned from TV is the music)

Entry 246 | Creating New Beliefs Theory: In order to engrain new beliefs into the mind, you must first become aware of your current beliefs, then create new beliefs to replace the current ones, and finally practice those new beliefs. Applying it: Set aside at least 30mins per day to go through this process on one key aspect of your life (e.g. career, relationships, diet, ...) This 3-step formula comes from The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo. Since discovering her podcast was really the first chapter of my road to self-mastery, I find myself coming back to her work time and time again to set the record straight. Today, I wanted to self-coach myself but I struggled on this very topic of creating new beliefs. Beliefs are SO important because they take 100% credit for shaping the future. What you believe is what life you create. But it's not easy to change a belief, right? So I dug up an old podcast episode on this very issue where she described a 3-step formula to create new beliefs. They are: Become conscious of your current beliefs. This is something that many of us have become experts at avoiding. Write down all of your current beliefs on a specific aspect of your life that you want to change and be honest. Create new beliefs to replace the ones that aren't serving you. The most important thing about this stage is that you counter the destructive thoughts with something that you can definitely believe. It doesn't have to be the polar opposite to become better. For instance, a belief such as "I have an ugly body" can be converted into the neutral thought "I have a body." Practice the new beliefs consciously. Every moment you can manage it, repeat the new belief to yourself over in your mind or even out loud. Not only should you be able to hear the new belief, but you should also be able to feel it resonate with you on an emotional level. I decided to go through this process for my current project of starting up a YouTube channel. It was utterly shocking to complete the first step of this process, which is without a doubt the most powerful of the three. Every single one of my current beliefs about the project and about myself were negative and destructive. Knowing that thoughts and believe create your emotions which create actions which create results, it was no wonder that I hadn't taken any action up until now. Everything about my belief system screamed FAILURE. After being slapped into awareness with a swift metaphorical backhander, I was able to sympathise with myself for having taken no action. And when it came to step two, I felt open-minded enough to accept the possibility that perhaps I could succeed, perhaps I am good enough, perhaps I can offer massive value. I found it extremely useful to not only replace the existing beliefs with new ones, but also to replace them with "what if" questions. What if I become a success? What if I can attract an audience/niche? What if I have the right personality for this project? And so now I'm on the third step for this particular exercise, which is to practice those beliefs consciously for at least 30 days. And I'm confident that this is going to work, especially after Brooke expressed her own confidence in the technique itself. But I'm happy for right now is the fact that I really do have lots of work to do on my own mind. All I need to do is become conscious of all of those limiting beliefs and go through this process in order to convert them into something constructive and positive. Pick of the day:

Entry 245 | Quick Catch-Up So I've been away for the last few days to spend some quality time over the weekend with someone close to me. So close that we are looking to forge a relationship with each other from now on. It was unexpected in a lot of ways but also something that my instincts seem to sense coming. We've known each other since starting work on the musical we took to Edinburgh in August. We got to know each other enough to realise that not only do we have so many similarities and so much in common (compared to the average friendship/relationship), but we also communicate with each other effortlessly and on deep levels. For a while, I've been convincing myself that I don't want to be in a relationship until the rest of my life is sorted out. But my mind has been changed completely, especially since the weekend. The weekend was such a meaningful one in regards to this newly-formed relationship. But I decided to give up a few habits temporarily for it such as meditation, reading, journalling, music-making, and (to a degree) healthy eating. As much as the mind would love to make excuses, I know that I could have been more disciplined just as much as I could be every other day of the week. And due to that drive, it's no effort whatsoever to get back on track with these habits and keep moving along. There's certainly no room for guilt. And in fact, this relationship has given me more incentive to work harder, which comes as a big surprise. I always put off the idea of relationships because I thought they would get in the way of my ability to do work. But instead, I feel like there's a more tangible reason to work harder. We may only get to meet up for a weekend every few weeks at the moment, which gives plenty of time in-between to get some productive work done as well as something to aim for. Our visits are the reward. The harder I work and the more I grow at home, the more fulfilling the reward will be. So that's the reason for the lack of entries. Time to get things rolling once again. Pick of the day:

Entry 244 | Facing The Grit Theory: You never really know your greatest fears until you confront them face-to-face on the path of self-mastery. Applying it: Instead of resisting your fears, be willing to accept and embrace them as you continue to grow. Remember that the presence of fears does not halt your progress, but your inability to be present with them does. Last night, I had to have a chat with my mum and friend about the fears coming up in my mind. When you start toying with the idea that all of your work might be to no avail, it sparks the fear of not being good enough and the fear of poverty. I've been resisting these fears for a long time now through means of binge-watching and obsessively eating (although I actually want to put on muscle). Yesterday I finally managed to face my fears after the pep talks we had. The frustrating thing for me was that I was fully conscious of what was going on. Thanks to the prior learning that I've done, it was easy to be aware of how I was choosing to allow negative thoughts in my conscious mind and how that would inevitably create failure. But despite knowing this, the fear persisted. It's still there now as I write about it now. The problem is that I'm choosing to focus on the question "what if I never make money with my music?" And after being present with the fear for a while, it was easy to see that this was a very ego-driven fear. Making money? "My" music? It's about as self-centred as it could get. Since when did I prioritise my own well-being for the greater good? After all, the reason why I want to be a performer in the long-run is not only to fulfil my own fantasies. But as much as it seems too good to be true, it's about providing a service to others. It's about exploiting what is possible in this world. It's about exploring the beauty of the guitar and the beauty of life. Also, I've found that these fears have also stemmed from the belief that I'm not worth much to others. This is something my teenage experiences can definitely vouch for. But what if I really do have something valuable to offer for other people? What if I stopped focussing about me for a second and stopped to consider what can be created to please and inspire others? If I choose to think about these thoughts instead, there are lots of experiences from my recent past that could validate these thoughts too. The bottom line is that at some point, I just HAD to face my fears in order to grow further. There is no other option. And I can feel them burning my heart right now as I type. But if I continue to resist these fears any longer, (1) they will definitely not go away, (2) they will perhaps grow stronger, (3) I will constantly be looking for external stimuli to cover up the wound instead of trying to heal it, and (4) I will condemn myself to the path of failure. The lack of creative output on my part is the result of resisting these fears. Now it's time to be conscious of them, accepting and embracing of them. Pick of the day:

Entry 243b | Being And Doing Theory: It's not just as simple as "manoeuvring and non-manoeuvring." It's all to do with your mindset. Applying it: Recognise the different mindsets that you have when you are pursuing a goal and when you are just letting nature take its course. This is something I've only just realised having written the last part. I've always associated sitting and meditating as "being" and anything else as "doing." Now the question arises: what if that was all wrong? Because despite what my body seems to be doing, there are very distinct mindsets that occurs within certain activities that completely shape the nature of how it feels. This is especially relevant as a musician. For instance, there is a huge difference between playing with a goal in mind and playing with no goal in mind. There is a huge difference between sitting with the goal of meditation and sitting for the sake of sitting. When there's a goal in mind, the mind goes into 'work mode' where it doubles down and focusses on producing the desired result. When there's no goal in mind, the mind goes into 'play mode' where it surrenders and allows things to happen naturally. Perhaps this is the true essence of being and doing. Both of which are incredibly important and can in fact coexist in the same space. I've found this with my music all the time. More often than not, compositions are born out of 'play mode' and therefore seem to come out of nowhere. Then once the composition is born, I can go into 'work mode' and expand and refine the composition into a finished product. But it's strange. Even though I may be playing around on the guitar, I still have a desire to make more compositions. And even though I spend time refining them, I have to play around with other ideas to make the refinements. This has suddenly become so fascinating. What if tomorrow I didn't sit for an hour with the goal for meditation, but I just sat for the sake of sitting and being alone? This has completely overthrown my previous beliefs about doing and being. And it feels uplifting too. Pick of the day:

Entry 243a | Time For Solitude Theory: Most of us don't spend nearly enough time to simply block out all external distractions to be with ourselves. As a result, we feel empty and hollow. Applying it: Set aside at least an hour a day to just simply be with yourself, thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc. Solitude is home to the deepest truths, insights and enlightenment experiences possible. It's the first port of call for moments of sheer joy and utter pain. When you spend time with yourself, everything in life feels amplified: the senses, thoughts, emotions, imagination. The most profound experiences of my life, be they full of ecstasy or suffering, have happened in a place of solitude. Life in general never feels lacking or disappointing from this place. Yet after all of this, I don't spend enough time in solitude. Solitude has an interesting dictionary definition when you dig deep. It states that solitude is "the state or situation of being alone." And I bet you just placed the emphasis on the word "alone" right? Instead, I'd like to argue that the most important word of that definition is the work "being." When we are being alone, we are not doing anything. If we are the only person in the room but we are actively doing something, then we aren't in a place of solitude. Additionally, the word "alone" is derived from two words: all + one. How many times have you come across the phrase "all is one" or something similar? Perhaps we are only truly alone when we embody this truth. If we lived in a place where we were conscious of all things being one, we would never feel lonely even if we were trapped on a desert island with nobody else to talk to. We would never feel lack. We would live enlightened. And that's why solitude is in fact so important as a necessity for human life. And that's also why most people aren't enlightened. We run away from solitude because we believe that it's a lonely place to live from. Whereas the truth could be no more different. And maybe that's why there are only very few enlightened masters on Earth. Because they have completely destroyed the construct between self and other, between "there's nobody in the room, therefore I'm alone," and "all things are one regardless of who's in the room, therefore I am alone." Pick of the day:

Entry 242 | Aiming For The Stars Theory: No greater source of motivation can be generated than that which comes from aiming for the seemingly impossible or goalless. Applying it: Never mind worrying about attainable goals. Aim for the highest levels of mastery possible instead. I've been reading through Mastery, the next book on my agenda, and a lot of the dialogue resonates me more than I imagined. It describes what it takes to go on the journey of mastery and the necessary "keys" that you must obtain to follow it properly. And it amazes me to know that my journey of mastery in fact started almost 10 years ago. That was when I hit such an all-time emotional low that I decided it was time to pursue the extraordinary. That was when my journey to guitar and music mastery truly began. To give you an idea how much this cause meant to me when I first started out, I regret to say that thoughts of suicide were starting to emerge. Completely irrationally, of course, but certain nonetheless. I was made to feel worthless by everybody in my school as they proceeded to bully me, expose, exploit and flat-out ignore me. My close family and my guitar teacher were the only people who I could trust. If it weren't for their belief in me, I never would've had the realisation that I had the potential to be something special and extraordinary. My visions from there on out were fuelled by this potential. As a form of escapism from all the bullshit at school, I would entertain my mind with visions of myself performing guitar alongside my guitar idols. I imagined myself shooting instructional videos, performing concerts in grand halls, and living the rock star life. The vision was so powerful that my actions became a complete slave to it. I cultivated my guitar practice to last many hours, even getting up mid-sleep on some evenings to practice licks and scales. Before this revelation, I was such a slow learner who struggled to keep up with the Grade 8 songs and exercises in guitar lessons. But after the revelation, I knew that in order to become a guitar-playing extraordinaire, I needed to learn from them too. Whilst many my age were learning music from their favourite bands, I learned pieces by guitar virtuosos that were truly astounding. By the age of 16, I was able to perform a song called No Boundaries by Michael Angelo Batio (brownie points if you actually remember me mentioning this tune ages ago!). A link to the video will (regrettably) be linked below The point of this nostalgia trip is to serve as a reminder for how important it is to literally aim for the stars. Don't aim big. Aim HUGE. Aim for the things you know you could never accomplish right now but you could eventually. And over all of those years, that vision may have become stronger and weaker now and then. But it remains with me until this day. The vision never died. The same visions that guided me as a depressed, anxious teenager are the same ones that fuel my actions as a peaceful, positive young adult. What luck to have forged a journey of mastery so long ago. Enough time has passed now for me to know that such a journey and such visions are so fucking worth it! Pick of the day: By comparison, this is me 5 years later:

Entry 241 | Divine Love Theory: The reason for all suffering in life could quite simply be that we haven't opened up ourselves to express love for all things. The emptiness could just be a void where love is absent. Applying it: Learn to love all things about your existence; your body, other people, animals, viruses, cancers, evil, selfishness and selflessness, ignorance and wisdom... Everything. It would be incredibly shallow to say that I love music and playing guitar. Of course, that's how it started. But I've just been awakened to the fact that 10+ years of devotion to these things have not only deepened my love for them, but they have deepened my love for life itself. Love for the most raw perceptions available to me such as sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, thought, emotion, imagination, and the sixth sense. There is no separation between performing music, listening to music, and doing nothing as far as the divine love within me is concerned. Actually, perhaps the reason why I've experienced so much growth over the last year or so is simply that my love for life has deepened. I've become fascinated by it. But sometimes, I still suppress that feeling because of the conditioning that needs to be grown out of. Music is no longer the forefront of my life anymore. Life has become the forefront of my life. Now more than ever, I feel compelled to discover as much as I can through means of knowledge, wisdom and direct experience. But just to give an idea as to the things I love, maybe a list is in order. Because there are lots of things that I never would have believed possible to fall in love with. So here goes nothing! This list includes: The sensations of the wound steel strings of the guitar beneath the fingertips Vibrations of sound waves tickling the skin The internal music provided to me through means of the sixth sense The way the dog opens everything but her eyes as I rub her tummy Making strange and funny faces in the mirror Doing strange poses and body movements Resting my head against a wall or surface and listening to the amplified sounds it can make Making tasty, healthy food for me and my parents Laughing with those closest to me Embracing the aspect of myself that is far-fetched from what is socially and culturally 'normal' The fact that I have a fully-functioning, healthy, young body Embracing possibilities that others would deem impossible The bouncy, light-footed feeling that comes over my body when performing a piece of music Being unnecessarily graceful with my movements Making people cringe with puns Having meaningful conversations Having the balls to have made it this far Loving the fact that our bodies will wither and die Watching the heartbreak and grief of others when people die There really is so much more to love about life and, to be fair, that was a pretty personal viewpoint. But the fact that some of those things might not resonate with you will help to define the authentic version of myself. But some things we can globally love, such as making bad puns (I wish). And to be all-loving of those things is by no means an easy thing to do alongside a heap of social conditioning. But it makes for the fuller life. Pick of the day:

Entry 240 | Reflection Today hasn't been the best reflection of my progress so far. My niece came for a sleepover this weekend which meant that most of my free time was spent being with her. But in terms of weekly progress, things seem to be really good. And I'm rather glad I have these reflection posts now and again to take a step back and admire the growth that has happened. The thing that I'm most happy about is the amount of composing of new tunes that has happened. The number of compositions being made whilst I was at university must have been around 5 compositions per year. Now that I've started focussing on making an album and YouTube channel, that amount has exceeded itself in the last month alone. It feels so joyful to hear new music and put in the hard work to make it real. Life purpose is definitely strong and if a day goes by where I've not touched upon it, the lack of fulfilment is heavy. After several months of preparation, I finally might be able to record a Wiimote performance. It's taken such a long time to arrange the music, even longer to program my Mac to make the notes from the Wiimotes, and longer still to practice all 5 parts. As much of a drag as it has been to make this happen, I'm becoming even more excited to unleash this monstrosity once and for all! All other aspects of my life are starting to show signs of growth. I'm becoming more able to lift heavier weights at the gym, 3 books have been finished this last month, my guitar teaching is starting to show results with pupils, friendships are converting from many and shallow to few and deep, overall knowledge is expanding... So much great stuff. Above all (with the exception of today), my drive has been getting stronger. There are, however, things to improve on. I've been snacking an awful lot more since hitting the gym (on good stuff, but perhaps too much), a bit of binge-watching videos, and I've not exactly been out much. More importantly, I've not put any of my creations in the public eye yet which really MUST be the focus from here on out. There really is no point in doing all this creative stuff without uploading it and getting it out there for others to see. And there's a simple explanation behind that. It's called laziness. There are times where I feel kinda gutted that I'm at the start of the race as it were. It's easy to desperately be at the finish line and reap all the rewards straight away. But I'm ultimately happy when it comes down to it. When I'm actually arsed to do the work (which is usually about 5 minutes into it), it's such a thrilling experience to work on something that genuinely matters to me. Which also makes me want to address something. It's part of social conditioning to believe that if you're not in a job, you have to get yourself one and fast. Otherwise the whole world will crumble beneath your feet and everyone will look down upon you as being a no-gooder. I've had friends and family already try and talk me into a job that they think will be right for me. And as difficult as it was to turn them down, I had to do it. It's nice of them to think that they've found a job that they believe will fit my interests and desires, but they needn't have bothered. Because this is serious stuff. Music may not mean a lot to some/most people, but it means everything to me. It's my calling in life and it's not within my power to change that. And I'm willing to stare death in the face to bring forth the beauty from within, from the creative Muse. That's the truest form of self-expression I can offer as a human being. To dedicate my skills to another cause (no matter how noble) would feel like a waste of the unique abilities available to me. Not only would that prevent myself from being fulfilled but it would have a negative impact on those around me too. What if it's self-actualisation channelled through music that's really fuelling this drive? Not a bad thing to consider. Pick of the day:

Entry 239 | Purple Cow Written by Seth Godin. The Dip seems to go hand-in-hand with this slightly older book. It's not much bigger by comparison (around 130 pages) but it felt a lot more thorough and satisfying to read. The main message of the book is "out with the old and in with the new" when it comes to how to approach marketing. Bearing in mind this book was written in 2003, it's easy to look at the successful businesses and entrepreneurs of today and see they've embraced the principles taught in this book. With numerous case studies and examples, Godin highlights the importance of making a remarkable product over an expensive advertising campaign. If it's truly remarkable, the word will spread and the product will be able to grow and flourish without paying for a single advertisement. Admittedly, the case studies seem outdated in places given that this was written before the age of the iPhone. But it doesn't detract from the key lessons that they exemplify. It's perhaps my favourite of the two books as it's left the biggest impact on me as a musician. The part about becoming remarkable resonated with me on a deep level (see previous journal entry). The book has also set the record straight about what priorities I need to be focussing on as I create my projects. Instead of opting for the safer options, I need to make every project a Purple Cow (his term for something remarkable) if any kind of success is to be possible. Maybe The Dip didn't resonate with me because I was already familiar with the concepts in that book. The last 10 years of learning to be the best guitar player in the world (an impossible task) are evidence for that. But Purple Cow was the more insightful read for me. If this book were the cake, The Dip would be the icing and cherry on the top. Definitely worth a read. Pick of the day:

Entry 238 | Being A Remarkable Musician (Continued) Finished reading Purple Cow today. I'm not going to give my full opinion of the book here. That will come either tomorrow or the next day. But I was happy to find that my prayers from yesterday were answered within the final pages of the books. He dedicated a small portion of the book to describe what it takes to be a remarkable person and what characteristics and abilities they possess. First of all, he dismisses the common idea of sharing your CVs (or resumes) with as many companies and agencies as possible. He sums it up by saying that "all of this effort is really nothing but advertising." And given that the majority of the book before this statement has argued against the ineffectiveness of advertising, that is saying something. He highlights the alternate path to take and that is to be exceptional and remarkable: This has literally described my life for the last 2-3 years. And also my willingness to go all in on an ambitious project that might never even work. And also the performing jobs that I've managed to secure have come about from word of mouth. Through no effort of my own, word got out among students at university that I was a great guitar player. It's the only way my local reputation was created because it's certainly not in my nature to shout about what an awesome player I am. And with that, I should make it clear that this is not supposed to be an ego trip. What's more, I can't stop people around me believing that I'm a great player. That's for them to decide. And some of them probably think that I'm an overrated player, or just flat-out shit. That's all for them to decide. But I don't give a shit for all of that. The whole process of taking risks and seeing if they pay off is a challenge that I embrace. It's definitely one of the strongest characteristics of my psyche and it's something I should embrace more often. But that quote from Purple Cow really neatly describes what it's like to be a remarkable person. As much as social conditioning would have me say that I'm in fact not a remarkable person, to hell with it. What if I am remarkable? What if you are too? What if we just hadn't realised it yet? One of the biggest motivators during my teenage years was this genuine belief that I was special, that I was something remarkable. Or at the least, I had that potential. And so maybe that potential never died. Maybe that potential lies within all of us. Pick of the day: