Liam Johnson

@Rider Nice! It's a fascinating topic. A sentence that I find real helpful is "there is no better moment than right now." It helps to repel any belief systems that the past or the future is somehow richer than life right now. And that's a neat paradox, definitely worth contemplating. Another I like is that whilst you can remember the past and envision the future, both of these acts must exist in the present moment. Otherwise, how could it exist?

Entry 124 | Trusting Others Theory: Trust comes from a set of assumptions that you create about other people, not a set of facts. Applying it: Before you blindly put your trust in others, always take into account the facts first before you make your decision. I made a mistake today! YAY! After driving back to Sheffield today for the final month of university, I had a bowl of cereal for my lunch (I was on a time limit and it was the quickest meal I could make). A few moments ago, I discovered that the milk I had consumed was 5 days out of date. Now I eagerly await for symptoms of food poisoning. Well done, Liam. Why did I just blindly assume that the milk would be fresh? Because I trusted that my flatmates would have thrown it out if it was past its expiration date. Although I take full responsibility for my actions and have no grudge to bear, that blind trust was a leading factor that made me do it. I didn't think to check the date on the bottle because surely my flatmates would be sensible enough to throw it away. Well, obviously not This is a lesson about trust that I may learn about the hard way. If only I had been present enough to observe the date on the milk carton before consuming it. That presence was taken away with the sense of hurry that was occupying my mind. The bizarre thing is that this exact incident has happened before! But the milk was only 2 days out rather than 5, so it wasn't too bad. Initially, I became pissed-off at my flatmates for not having the sense to throw out old food. But now that I'm in a position to understand that the fault was due to my trust and not to them, it seems pretty laughable now. I'm starting to feel a little queazy, but what the hell? The only solution that was available to me to settle the matter was to regain trust in myself to do things for myself. I will not allow myself to be in a position of trust (only in this instance) towards my flatmates. As such, I've told them that I will stop consuming communal food/drink and start buying it for myself. There's no need to slag them off at their inability to fulfil my expectations of them. At any rate, tomorrow's entry might be a laugh if I end up vomiting all night! Pick of the day:

Entry 123 | Vision Vs Imagination Theory: There may not be a clear divide between what the eye sees and what the mind sees. Applying it: Use a mixture of concentration and meditation techniques to examine your external (e.g. vision) and internal (e.g. imagination) senses. Occasionally, I've been able to witness "psychedelic colours" during meditation sessions. Whenever I concentrate on a focal point for an extended period of time with minimal blinking, the colours of the room start to transform into other, nameless colours. It's as if the natural colours (blue, red, green, yellow, etc.) suddenly start glitching. This is all without the use of psychedelics or any other sources of stimulation. This phenomenon occurred once again. Only this time, an extra level of awareness took place to reveal something else. After bathing in this new wash of colours with my eyes open, the time came to close them. What intrigued me was that even with my eyes closed, there remained a crystal-clear image of the room that I saw with my eyes open. The only difference was that this version of the room was coloured very differently. For example, the blue wallpaper and black television became orange and yellow. There is probably a feasible scientific explanation for this phenomenon but I continued to ask questions. The first being "how can I still see the room with my eyes closed?" Another being "what if this colour scheme of my room is true all along?" But the biggest question that appeared was this: "How am I perceiving this altered room? Through vision or through imagination?" Whilst it couldn't have been through vision due to my eyes being closed, it also felt too vivid for it to be considered as imagination. This made me suspect that there might not be such a clear divide between these two senses. This altered room was being perceived by something but I couldn't figure out what. Perhaps there isn't such a clear divide between internal and external senses. The same thing has occurred with sound. I've heard lots of sounds before and often wondered "did I imagine that or did it really happen?" In other words, "am I perceiving this internally or externally?" It's time to start considering that there may be no such divide as internal and external senses. Maybe it's all one. Pick of the day: (Dunno why, but this was one of the most powerful memories I had of London 2012 as a sweet 16-year-old. The music speaks to me)

Entry 122 | The World Knows Theory: The only person that you deny your lower-consciousness behaviors to is yourself. Applying it: Notice what lower-consciousness behaviors you may be denying to yourself and contemplate how they are subliminally communicated to the world. Missed a day with the journal yesterday. It didn't feel all that good missing out on it either. One thing that this journal has done in my life is to make every day special and, literally, noteworthy. The fact that I missed a day yesterday suggests to me that I have pissed away a whole day. Of course, it's not true. But today, it got me thinking that the whole point of a public journal is to share it with others. In that sense, I feel like this journal is a way of serving anyone who wants to read it, not just serving myself. So the insight came to me: whenever I'm slacking, the world will know about it. This journal is a very obvious example but the same is true for even the most subtle choices I make in my life. For example, whenever I've found myself eating unhealthy food, it doesn't take long for my acne to get worse. Whenever I decide to miss a day at the gym, suddenly I become much less energetic throughout the rest of the day. Whenever I miss a day of guitar practice, my guitar playing becomes sloppier. These symptoms of lower-consciousness behaviors are picked up by others either consciously or unconsciously. The most obvious example is that of fitness. You can instantly guess how often somebody exercises and what exercises they do by looking at another's body. A more subtle example would be the relationship between sexual transmutation and facial complexion. If my memory serves me, there's a section in Think and Grow Rich which explains that the person who has mastered the art of sexual transmutation tends to have a more 'beautiful' facial complexion (i.e. less wrinkles). Don't quote me on that: I don't have the book in front of me to check! But there is an element of truth in the subtlety of these lower-consciousness behaviors. The same is true for emotions. I'd like to think that I'm very good at sensing other people's emotions. It tends to be my role in conversations to be the listener. And, as a result, it's what I've got good at. By observing facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and even just the atmosphere of the room, I can see through the surface-level appearances and pick up on when someone is feeling stressed, depressed, anxious, or any other emotions underneath. And if I can pick up on these consciously, then the same must be true of my own emotions. The fact that we are united as one would suggest that whenever I'm slacking, the world will know about it and be affected by it. I need to stop denying my lower-consciousness behaviors and rekindle with the supercharged life that I've gotten used to since starting this journal. Pick of the day:

Entry 121 | Just Do It Theory: Procrastination results from accepting low motivation levels. Motivation can increase when you push past it. Applying it: Even if you feel unmotivated before carrying out a task/goal, push yourself to start the task anyway and watch your motivation levels begin to rise. (I'm not linking THAT video. You know the one) Often, starting things is the difficult part. Whenever we remind ourselves of a task we have to complete, we suddenly realize how low our motivation levels are and use that as an excuse to procrastinate. This is something I've been super familiar with during the Easter holidays. I've been putting off preparation for a traditional music exam for a while now because of this reason. However, today I forced myself to start using the incentive that suffering would be created otherwise. The acceptance of low motivation levels is like accepting defeat. It's the ego's way of keeping you in its clutches. Which is fine if you want to reach a point in your life where you regret not taking action when you had the chance. But if you want to live an extraordinary life, you must raise the barrier. Always strive for better. Make the commitment to yourself that you are going to give it your best shot no matter how you feel. That means that you will not give in to laziness when the time comes to take action. Often beforehand, the ego will make you believe that this task or goal will be one of the most painful experiences of your life. For example, putting out the bins. Anyone whose had to deal with flatmates at university will recognise how difficult a job this can be for some people. It serves as a great metaphor for the effects of procrastination. If you keep procrastinating from taking the bins out, they will keep overflowing regardless. It's best to take them out the moment that you receive the thought to do so, not a minute afterwards. But when you get started with the actual task, it hardly ever ends up as bad as you anticipated. It may even be enjoyable. Note to self: just start it, eh? Pick of the day:

@jjer94 That's a wonderful quote. It certainly puts everything into perspective. It also fits in with whole "music is meaningless" angle. Perhaps what I was trying to say was that music doesn't serve the commonly believed function of making us happy. Happiness comes from within. There's nothing existentially special about music that separates it from all that is not music. But in relation to this quote, music can serve as a means of communicating that energy of aliveness. No matter what the action is (performing music, serving a customer, baking a cake, etc.), it's always more beautiful to feel the love and joy that went into the action more than the action itself. Maybe this is where the meaning comes from. Thanks for the support friend!

@Rider If I could describe the music in any way, it would be futuristic! And what a neat way to look at creation. As is probably true in your field of study too, you have to tune yourself to the creative ideas and concepts that come your way. Whether that be through practice, brainstorming, meditating, etc. The more fine-tuned you are to those things and the more accurately you can convert your ideas to reality, the more impact you can make in the world

Entry 120 | Reflection Phwoar. Ever wake up feeling like you've been reborn? I don't know what to reflect on to be honest. All I can talk about is how things are at the minute. Past and future don't feel relevant. I've felt incredibly peaceful all day. This morning, I received a few insights that came in thought form but I can't remember them well enough to write them out. All that is left of them is an incredible sense of peace. In fact, stillness is a word that I have not fully understood until now. It has existed as a synonym for an inner peace but this is the first time in which I have experienced it for what it is. Stillness. Leo's video upload today was very interesting, as always. As I watched it, a lot of doubt came up with what I believe my life purpose is and whether or not it belongs in the "hero's journey" category. As a third-year university student, of course I'm going to be looking to get a successful career as a musician. But chasing success is apparently not a part of the "hero's journey." Nevertheless, the missions in my life provide me with fear and doubt. If I described them to someone, they would think I'm crazy to chase such a goal. These are seemingly characteristics of the "hero's journey." The fact that my mission brings about these characteristics makes me believe that I'm on the right path though. Perhaps the goal that I have set for myself is, in fact, the "holy grail" as it is meaningless in itself, but it requires a certain transformation of self to get there. The creative muses have made it abundantly clear that this mind and body was created to bring new music into existence. That is a scary thing to surrender to. Especially in this day and age where seemingly everybody is trying to be the next guitar hero or music master. But there's no going back now. I haven't had the courage to really tell anyone my true goals in life. I've always provided diluted versions of these goals to others in fear of criticism and ridicule. Maybe I should open up here. It's perhaps best described as a spirit or force of nature that wants to express itself through me. In every single moment of existence, I've had a deep desire to create innovative, inspiring music. Even as I sit here, I can hear the creative muses playing to me some of the music I desire to create. Sometimes, this spirit is so powerful that I find it difficult to differentiate between these internal sounds from the external sounds of the universe. It is my (devilishly difficult) duty to figure out a way to extract this internal music and reproduce it externally. There is no avoiding it. I know that I have the ability to gain regular musician jobs like teaching, musicals, cruise ship work, etc. But THIS is my life purpose. Because the music that appears to me is so indescribably beautiful that it simply must be shared. You guys really gotta hear what goes on in my head! But that's the thing; you can't. I have to sacrifice my secure, comfortable life in order to cultivate the music and share it with the world in a medium that it can be understood. I don't know why me! I don't know why this could possibly benefit anybody. Music in itself is meaningless. But something beyond me is willing me to do this. This has got me real emotional. I didn't realize the true extent of this burning desire within me that has always been there. If anything, I've just thrown petrol on the flames and made it stronger. There is so much fear and doubt that this could make me homeless and penniless. But at the same time, there's a greater knowledge beyond logic and reasoning that is telling me that any other path in life would be the equivalent of suicide. I'm fucking terrified, emotional, and excited at the same time. I have to sacrifice money, shelter, relationships, family, and lots of other things for this cause. But it's a cause completely worth fighting myself for. Dear God I must be mad! Pick of the day: Shoutout to the Indian Music Ensemble guys from university, ensemble leader John (santoor) and Henrik (flute).

@Rider Yeah it's a whole new ballgame trying to apply what you know to what you experience on a daily basis. There's certainly a lot more to life purpose than meets the eye. Too much to begin to describe in one message! But if you believe that you can figure it out, then sooner or later you will

Entry 119 | Accumulative Energy Theory: As you focus your efforts on (e.g.) your life purpose, you may find that your energy levels increase with time rather than decrease. Applying it: Once you've found your life purpose, sacrifice your time and energy to cultivate it and have fun while doing it. So today could be described as a fairly uninteresting day in terms of the number of things that happened. Apart from meal times and taking the dog for a walk, all I've done all day is play guitar and sing. But blimey did I make some staggering progress today? Indeed I did! It's been a while since I've had the free time to play guitar for around 5 hours in a single day. After such a long time practicing physically demanding pieces non-stop (trust me!), somehow I have remained just as energetic at the end of it all. Not only that but my mind is craving even more practice time. It's just so much fun! There's only one reason that I could plough through a 5-hour rehearsal day and still feel enthusiastic afterward. That reason is life purpose. I owe an awful lot to my parents for encouraging and funding my musical activities thus far. This has allowed me to find and cultivate something that I'm ridiculously passionate about. Not because of all the shallow benefits that it might one day bring. But because music is a force of nature that flows through my body and mind involuntarily. It fills me with so much energy, love, and magic in the moment. It has also been a means through which I've transformed from a bullied, depressed 13-year-old, into a popular, loving 20-year-old. Given that I've suffered badly in the friendship aspect of life during my school years, it bewildered me when I realized how popular I had become at university sheerly for my guitar-playing. More than popularity though, I had also eliminated the need for friendship by becoming autonomous and self-sufficient. Although a lot of my happiness has come out of this self-actualization journey over the last year or two, it does not compare to what I had found already: life purpose. Music has been my salvation without a doubt. Without it, I may have never started my self-actualization journey in the first place. In fact, it was the very first stepping stone for me to take towards self-actualization. That's the power of life purpose. Whenever I'm performing music, it doesn't feel like a job. It feels like a God-given blessing. It will never tire me. And if the past is anything to go on, it can only bring out the best in me. Pick of the day: "Heaven is all around, translated to sound."

@Rider Thank you! Starting this journal was perhaps the best decision I made in 2016. Appreciate the support

Entry 118 | Look After Yourself Theory: Especially as a youngster, it is vitally important that you learn how to look after your physical body to prevent problems in the future. Applying it: Apart from the obvious hunger and exercise needs, also be on the lookout for tension in your body, lack of circulation to certain parts of your body, and anything else that could prove to be problematic in the future. The path of the performing musician is a very physical one. It demands excellent coordination of your whole body as well as unwavering concentration. For almost 7 months, I've been preparing for my third-year recital at university which will be one of the biggest gigs that I've ever performed. Not necessarily because of its prestige. More so because of the sheer virtuosity that is required to play the pieces I've chosen to perform. This has been one of the biggest challenges I've ever had to face in the field of music. I've definitely undergone some spiritual cleansing on this journey as is reflected by how much I've improved over this time period. The most important lesson I've learned from this journey so far is that it is essential to look after your body. This means releasing all unnecessary tension in the muscles and, in my case, maintain high circulation in my fingers at all times. I've learned that my shoulders, arms, wrists, chest, and back can undergo lots of tension whenever I'm performing difficult pieces. Also, my fingers have been especially subject to the cold, making it near impossible to perform to my highest quality. If I continued to let these symptoms slowly paralyze my body, it could be the case that my career would end after a decade or two. I've heard stories of guitarists who have been subject to game-changing illnesses which has left them unable to play like they once used to. But also, I've heard of guitarists who have maintained an unbelievable amount of virtuosity over many years. (e.g. Michael Angelo Batio) From this latter group, I know that if I take proper care of my body, it will be able to last a lot longer in the long run. By keeping my muscles relaxed, my fingers warm, and my general health levels at an optimum level, I will be giving myself the best possible chance of longevity. Then when my mastery levels inevitably begin to suffer, it will be due to old age and not to ill-treatment of my body. Pick of the day:

Entry 117 | Doing A Good Deed Theory: If you go the extra mile to promote the services of one company, they may decide to promote you. Applying it: Wherever you can, try to promote the good work of others before yourself. This will help them to reach a wider audience, build their reputation, and may earn their respect and willingness to do the same for you. These music videos that I recorded are nearly finished. As a way of saying 'thank you' to the recording company, I wanted to give them credit where credit is due in the form of a blog post about the session. Not only would this promote myself, but it would promote the company to a wider audience. Although it may sound sleazy to "suck up" to the company as some may describe it, this action doesn't feel forced. I'm not trying to get anything from it. Rather, I want people to know how happy I am with the recording company and their job. They deserve the credit for making an awesome video shoot. This follows on from yesterday's entry. Perhaps the lesson here provides the Yin to the Yang described yesterday. Whilst you cannot expect something for nothing, you can expect that the more you are willing to serve others, the more you can induce them to serve you. Even with this in mind though, it feels good to just serve others without expectation of something in return. When you reach this state, you know that your actions are coming from a genuine desire to serve others, rather than serving yourself. Feel free to read my blog post by clicking here to visit my website. Pick of the day:

Entry 116 | Something For Nothing Theory: For harmonious co-operation to exist, you simply cannot expect 'something for nothing'. Applying it: Never seek something from others without offering fair compensation for their efforts (which doesn't necessarily have to be money). Also, do not work for people who expect something for nothing. Today I had to make an important decision. It was a toss-up between two different theatre companies who are hoping to perform a musical for the Edinburgh Fringe festival in August. The first theatre company that I had accepted to perform for was one I was familiar with for two previous shows in Sheffield. Their musical was non-profit, no mention of travel/accommodation expenses covered, and very vague with their schedule (they didn't yet know what times they were performing the musical.) The second theatre company, who got in touch with me in the last few days, has a very definite schedule, travel expenses covered and £500 in cash. The second one seems far more organised and beneficial to go for, right? But my dilemma came because I had already agreed to do the other musical. In fairness, I wanted to remain with the first theatre company because they asked first. However, even though I'm not particularly bothered about making a profit from this festival (from the musical, at least), it seemed only fair that they at least paid for travel and accommodation expenses. After trying to negotiate this with the musical director, he concluded that this wouldn't be possible with their business model. At this point, I was reminded of one of the most important lessons that I had picked up from Think and Grow Rich in relation to business, namely, you can't get something for nothing. If you try to induce others to serve you without providing them with an agreed amount of compensation, it would not only violate their rights but it would highlight just how much you value the other person: not at all. This principle was the one that made me decide to make the swap for the second theatre company. One of the sentences of the 'Self-Confidence Formula' in this book reads "I will engage in no transaction that does not benefit all whom it affects." By staying with the first company, it would only benefit the directors of both companies. But by switching to the second company, not only does it benefit me and the second director, but it will eventually benefit everybody involved in the first company because my actions will provide them with the opportunity to learn this principle for themselves. I recognised that the sooner the first director learned this principle, the better. If I continued to feed his ignorance, hopefully everyone here would recognise how that would cost him in the long run. I'm not being a money whore here by selling out. Money and profit don't interest me that much. However, I do believe that the very least a company can offer someone is travel expenses and enough money to cover accommodation. After all, it's the performing that brings me joy, not the money. But so long as it costs money to get anywhere and do anything, it cannot be ignored. Pick of the day:

Entry 115 | Cringe Theory: Cringing is an unnecessary feeling that comes from resistance. Applying it: Whenever you notice yourself cringing, try and figure out what is causing you to become resistant of the present moment. Once you isolate the reason, notice how it brings suffering into your being. Today, I received the audio from my live video session last week. Upon the first listening, I ended up cringing so bad! Dunno if you've ever tried listening to a recording of your own voice when singing but apparently it's a normal reaction. The cringe was so painful that it detracted any sense of enjoyment out of the track. Does this sound destructive behaviour sound familiar? Maybe if I call it out for what it truly is: an Upper Limit Problem. After the painful cringe, a question popped into my head: "why am I doing this to myself?" My singing voice is by no means the best in the world but it isn't that bad. All this feeling was doing was creating suffering and resistance. All of which was completely unnecessary. I realised the truth of this and gave my track another listen. After several other listens, I can sit back and relax. I did a pretty decent job! Sure it could be better, but there's no reason to beat myself up about it. Looking deeper, the cringe came from a clash between the ego and reality. The ego gave the impression that "this isn't who I want to be!" But that's just a thought. It's not the reality of what I am. Interestingly, the ego seems to attach itself to the qualities and achievements that get complimented on by others. Whereas it tends to abandon and disown everything that it doesn't like. I wonder what would happen if this video was received positively on the whole. Perhaps the ego will step in by saying "yep, this is me," only after it had previously ridiculed the shit out of it. No matter what criticisms the ego makes or how much I end up cringing, this video has got to be released. It really looks like I'm slating the hell out of this video and, indeed, myself in the video! It didn't go half as bad as the ego would have you believe. To be honest, it inevitably doesn't matter what people think of my music or videos. I'm no longer performing for the sake of material or sentimental benefit. I'm performing because it's my life purpose. I didn't choose the musician's path. The musician's path chose me. Pick of the day:

Entry 114 | Energy and Enthusiasm Theory: Enthusiasm towards a particular cause or goal provides a surge of energy through the mind and body which allows you to transcend fatigue and laziness. Applying it: Whenever you set a goal for yourself, try to develop enthusiasm towards its attainment by realising that you have the ability to achieve it. Following up on the programming work that I've done recently, I feel it necessary to talk about enthusiasm. This force of nature applied to desire is like throwing petrol into the fire. It gives it much more life, energy, and radiance so that it can spread farther. Enthusiasm has hit me hard with programming. The reason I know this is that after making the journal entry yesterday, I stayed up until 1 am playing around with it. By the time I got to bed around 2:30 am, I was still buzzing with energy. (Although, the morning after felt tough!) The same enthusiasm fills me whenever I'm performing any kind of music. It's an energy field that many people have recently called me out on. People have come away from my performances feeling a similar energy surge and have been able to recall it after weeks and months. It's a wonderful force of nature and it's one that I embrace with regards to making music. Thanks to enthusiasm, I can perform for hours and hours without feeling fatigued. Not always have I managed to maintain high levels of enthusiasm in the past. But the many times I have, those performances felt magical. In a way, the same sort of enthusiasm brought me to self-actualization. It came from seeing an end goal in mind, as with most enthusiasm, and having faith that it can (and will) be attained sooner or later. Admittedly, my enthusiasm levels have died down since the start of the year. Not completely, but significantly. But it doesn't feel bad. I still practice mindfulness every day and try to see the world with all of the truths I've acquired along the journey so far. My enthusiasm, for the moment, is focused on music-making. After following some of the steps in Think and Grow Rich, I can't help but wonder if this change in enthusiasm has resulted from the action steps described within the book. Perhaps this change in enthusiasm is a necessary part of my journey through life and a vital step closer to the end goal I have in mind (put in simple terms: to become financially independent as a musician). Up until this week, I very much hated the software pictured in my previous entry. So the fact that I have developed an obsession with it from a place of love and fascination makes me wonder if this has anything to do with my end goal. Time will tell! Enthusiasm is a freak of nature. It's what keeps you motivated, focused, energetic, and passionate in life. Perhaps it comes from life purpose. And perhaps the world would be a much happier place if everyone were enthusiastic about building a better world, not building a better sense of self. Pick of the day:

Entry 113 | Do It Yourself Theory: Rather than relying on other people to do things for you, have a go at creating things for yourself. It can be far more rewarding. Applying it: Once you have acquired the know-how to build something for yourself, recognise the enormous potential behind it and start working towards its creation. In the last 2 days, I've received a unique calling within the realm of music. As soon as it appeared to me, I realised that this would allow me to create a whole new form of music as a guitar player. It would allow for some of the most innovative compositions to come into being. The calling can be represented with this picture: Programming! YAY! This monstrosity has been taught to us since first year at university (music course!). Over the course of 3 years, I've gone from hating it to loving it. The goal with this is to program my own special effects for the guitar in a live performance. This involves building the effects, connecting them together, and adapting the controls for a foot controller which I can use during the show. To boil it all down, here is the ultimate benefit from doing this. Lots of guitarists rely on manufacturers to produce foot pedals with built-in effects. At £100 a pedal in most cases, that's money I didn't want to spend. But then I realised that the foot pedal that I own can connect to any computer/laptop and work with programming software like this. Now, I have the ability to build any effect I desire with no extra cost! Of course, this requires sufficient know-how, which has been provided for me by lecturers. This isn't the easiest software to get used to. But once you understand it, magic happens. Although my main motivation was to save money, I also realised the true value of the things already in my possession. The benefits are far deeper than just the money. This will open me up to a whole new world of music composition. The type of music that can be generated through this 'simple' piece of software will be at its most innovative in terms of human history. Technology is, by far, the most recent phenomenon that has taken the world by storm. To use that technology to explore the realm of music is something that many musicians haven't thought about (apart from DJs, techno guys, etc). By simply doing things for myself, the benefits that it will bring far outweigh those which come from leaving it to professional companies. It's not that they do a bad job or anything. But making my own effects is going to be far more beneficial for me because it's yet another skill under my belt. Here is an example of what it means to make your own special effects within music... Pick of the day:

@Seraph Thank you! That's a great video, just pure feel-good music sung by dogs (beautiful creatures). And it's true that we worry and care about silly things things way too much. Want to check out more of those cartoons now

Entry 112 | Smile Theory: Smiling can be an instant indicator for your mood depending on whether it feels forced or natural. Applying it: Look in the mirror and encourage yourself to smile. If you notice that it feels forced, perhaps it's time to take a moment to become aware of your deeper negative feelings. This is exactly the method I used today to indicate my deep, negative feelings. In my reflection entry, I decided to write about some destructive habits that I had acquired. These niggled me a bit. I knew that I was better than that given my track record with this journal. That's one good thing about keeping a journal like this. You can look back upon those days where you really kicked ass and remember how you did it. I noticed that when I tried to conjure up a smile, not only did my facial muscles feel strained but my eyes remained with the same blank expression. You can always tell someone's happy through their eyes, and I wasn't happy. So at that moment, I decided to meditate on the bed, open myself to whatever emotions were being resisted, and not move until I became happy again. So I sat still and waited patiently for my emotions to surface. As they came into my awareness, they were so vague that I couldn't describe what they were. It just felt uncomfortable, to say the least. What's more, there seemed to be no thought attached to the negative emotion. This seemed unusual as thoughts trigger emotions. It felt like the main thing that I was resisting was the 'no-self' along with the other truths that I had collected on my self-actualization journey. After around 15 minutes, I found myself laughing at seemingly nothing. At that point, I knew a breakthrough had occurred. I could once again see the sham of the ego and its sneaky ways to bring suffering into existence. My whole body chuckled with joy as I embraced this wave of positivity. I savoured every morsel of it. All of that came from the simple indicator of a smile. If my smile had felt genuine and natural, then there would be no problem. But because it felt forced and unnatural, that indicated to me that there was an underlying resistance that needed to be released. Now I can smile all the while Pick of the day:

Entry 111 | Effective Transmutation Theory: The effectiveness of transmutation of thoughts, desires, and ideas is directly proportional to time spent cultivating them. Applying it: Remember not to expect immediate results when these things are in their early stages. Just housing a strong desire for something is not enough to simply get what you want. Be patient. This comes from reflecting on my video shoot earlier today. All in all, things went pretty damn well! It feels so good to have the idea of shooting a music video and seeing it through to completion. I have a feeling that the end product will turn out just as I would like it. However, one observation stuck out to me: I'm not the best singer (in my opinion). There is a very big difference between how I think my voice sounds in the moment and how it actually sounds when listening back. To anyone else listening to my voice, it will sound completely different because they will be listening from a place of anticipation rather than expectation. Nobody knows what I want to sound like. They just hear what I sound like. That probably puts them in a better position to enjoy the music. But I can sense a notable defect in the transmutation of my desire to sing like a pro. Boo-hoo for me. But I recognise that I've put far more time into becoming a guitar player rather than a singer, which would explain everything. The guitar is the show, not the voice. And for that reason, I suspend my criticism. The important lesson here is that effective transmutation cannot come on a whim. It must be cultivated properly. If this were false, then everybody who's tried the though "I want to be a millionaire" would be rich. It's not enough to simply have the desire to change. We must spend time cultivating these desires by self-actualizing and acting upon those desires. We must balance being with our desires and doing the work towards them. Both are necessary for change. It's an obvious lesson but often overlooked. Pick of the day:

Entry 110 | Reflection Blimey, it feels like a while ago since my last reflection post. In all honesty, the last 10 days have been incredibly rounded. There's been a great share of positives with a small few negatives in terms of emotions, productivity, and general life fulfillment. The most important thing is that I always manage to end the day on a high regardless of what goes on beforehand. I've been working behind the scenes for my own future as an artist. On Monday, I managed to record enough music to release an EP in the next month or so, which will be very exciting. Also, tomorrow will be my first video shoot in which I'll be both singing and playing guitar! After a practice session today, I feel so excited to record the songs I have lined up. In terms of self-actualization, this is where things have gone a bit rocky. Whilst I've still managed to be productive with my music and university work, I've developed the habit of watching back-to-back videos on YouTube. Although, there is a part of me that believes that this will not be the norm. Perhaps I'm just letting loose for a few days during the holiday season as this is a newly-acquired habit. I know that this behavior will become destructive eventually. Therefore, I must undo this habit sooner or later. A little bit of binge-watching won't hurt. A lot of binge-watching will. Having said all that, I still remain to be happy throughout the day. My emotional well-being has improved so much over the last year and it continues to shine on. Last night, it occurred to me that there is every possibility that I may not wake up in the morning. There is no way of knowing. Even though death came to the forefront of my mind, I was calm and accepting of it. I've lived a fulfilling life and I would die happy with the things I've done. Whilst I can never know which day will be my last, one can only hope to see the morning once again. Pick of the day:

Entry 109 | Practice Theory: It's not the quantity of time you put into practice that makes a difference. It's the quality. Applying it: Whenever you need to practice a skill or teaching, remember to enjoy the entire process from being shit to being the shit! Last year, I accompanied a drummer for his third-year recital. This guy is incredibly talented and masterful with the instrument, achieving one of the highest marks for performance (86) and was awarded a performance scholarship like me at the start of university. We talked about how much time we like to practice our instruments. I told him on average, I would prefer to practice for 2-3 hours a day during university. He told me that he can put in 8 hours a day! Bearing in mind that drums are physically demanding, that's a hell of a long time! There's a part of me that wonders if 8 hours a day would be too much. Although I have spent 8 hours practising before, it was only ever for one day only. Yet despite how little time I spent practising in comparison, I still find myself being highly productive. The main reason why is because not only do I recognise that quality of time is the most important factor, but I only ever practice as much as I feel is necessary to maintain high levels of enjoyment and fulfilment. There have been occasions where I've forced myself to practice so much that guitar-playing felt like a chore, not a joy. When that happens, nothing good can follow. The last few days, I've been preparing for a live music video session in which I'll be singing and playing guitar. It's a very difficult thing to balance enjoyment and productivity. On the one hand, I must discipline myself to perform as flawlessly as possible. On the other hand, I must stay relaxed and energetic throughout the performance, meaning that I have to enjoy it and be comfortable with it. I could easily allow myself to stress out about this music video because I have never sung in a recording situation before. But I must remain present, allow my emotions to just come and go without denying them, and have fun! So that's my practice for the next few days. And each second in that practice is going to be spent loving the shit out of practising. If I hated practising, it would take 10 times as long to learn what I'd need to learn. Because I love practising, I love performing. Every gig that I've played this year has followed with dozens of comments by audience members saying how much I seemed to be enjoying it. And, as a result, they enjoyed my performance. Last week, a random woman remembered me from a small 10-minute performance I did a month ago solely because of the energy of my performance. I'm not writing all this down to brag about my achievements. After 10 years of solid playing, I know how good I am. It's the blunt truth and it's nothing to be humble about! I've put in a lot of time AND a lot of love into what I do, all the time knowing that I can be even better than I am today. That's where the arrogance ends. The possibility of being better is always open to me. If it wasn't, I would just stop growing and wallow in my arrogance until it would eventually start to deteriorate. The bottom line is that I love what I do. So much love goes into my practice and my performance. I know that because if I were the only person alive on the planet, there would be no other way I'd rather spend my time. I do my music regardless of what others want me to do. That mindset is what I take to the practice room every day and it pays off every time. Pick of the day:

Entry 108 | Time Vs Presence Theory: As you grow in presence, your perception of time begins to change. Applying it: Continue with meditation, contemplation, and any activity that draws you into the present moment until you start to forget about the past and the future. Yesterday, I had a chat to one of my flatmates about something that happened last week. I told him that I'd forgotten all about it as it felt like months ago to me, which it did. He teased that I might have dementia. What a dick! Whilst that's hardly the case, something has definitely changed with my perception of time recently. I've mentioned before that increased presence has been able to slow down the rate of time from my point of view. Now, it is almost as if the past and the future have become completely non-existent. That doesn't mean to say that I can't remember anything or envision the future. Instead, a shift in priorities has occurred whereby the present moment is all that I'm bothered about. Today has felt like multiple days in one go. In the space of one day, I've meditated, exercised, been to the library, walked around town, practiced the guitar for over 2 hours, and made it back home with bounds of time and energy. It feels bizarre and wonderful. The illusion of the past and future are starting to appear in a way that is more concrete. They only exist conceptually. However, the present moment is unshakable. Especially given the nature of my musical life, there's nothing to hate about the present moment. I've got nothing but love for this existence! As the conceptual memory of my past would tell me, there were times when I completely despised everything: myself, my schoolmates, society, modern culture... Times have certainly changed. Even more important, perspective has changed! Life is a joy right now. Pick of the day:

Entry 107 | Who Am I? Theory: Every single time you wake up from sleep, you awaken into a whole new existence. Applying it: Be willing to accept that who you think you are is just one part of existence. It isn't actually who or what you are. This morning, I woke up as if I was reborn into the universe. There was an immediate detachment between the body, the mind, and the awareness. First of all, I realised that I had a fully functioning body, which was nice. Not only that, but I didn't seem to be bothered about the possibility that my body might be damaged or incomplete. It just was what it was. Second, I noticed the thoughts and images in my mind depicting my life story so far. This was nice too, but I no longer felt it necessary to tell myself that "this was me." This leads to the beloved question "who am I?" As in, "No, who am I? What am I?" It feels obvious that there is that separation between these three core elements of existence. One of which is bound by space and time, the second only by time, and the third bound by neither. It doesn't necessarily feel alarming or weird. I've been through similar experiences, as the mind would be happy to point out through the collection of memories it has acquired. It doesn't seem to matter anymore what my mind wants to dictate in my life. All of a sudden, I'm filled with values and priorities (which have been there all along in the background) concerning the honouring of my body, my mind, and the whole of existence. My body wants exercise and good food whilst my mind wants emotional stimulation. The creative muses that feed into my awareness will continue to work their magic and I should continue to submit to it. All in all, it just feels wonderful to be 'alive' after just an hour of being awake. Just gotta keep on soaking it all in! Pick of the day:

@Dan Arnautu It's good to hear you are in a band where you recognise each other's strengths and play according to them. It's very rare to find the right combination of musicians like that, so it looks like you're doing a great job! As a solo performer, I have to be willing to throw caution to the wind and try new things. For example, I made the radical decision to change from being a heavy metal "shred machine" (an actual nickname that people used at one point!) to becoming a percussive acoustic guitarist. It was a completely different realm of guitar playing but nevertheless I embraced it and made it my thing. I've been playing acoustic for around 4 years now and for others around me, it seems like it's been my niche forever! And too right, self-awareness is where it's at! Keep up the good work with the band!