Ajax

Hello electro, My dear friend, I don't believe female psychology works like that. In fact I generally don't even trust my female friends about attracting women... sure they can give you pointers on the external... and that is great but it is not enough it is the internal game that get you results. You can look like Adonis but if something doesn't feel right to the woman then you won't attract her. To be honest, just the fact that you asked that question shows that you really don't understand the female mentality which can be a handicap. The one thing I think is good to know is that they operate on feelings and feelings are not words... so that can be a problem.... Hell, it sometimes takes my wife between 10- 60 mins... to explain to what I did wrong and how she felt about it and I am actively digging out of her....it would be time well spent review the way of superior man...the section about dealing with women. In short asking woman for feedback after hitting on them isn't going to be that helpful, bad idea imo it would probably will make them uncomfortable. Maybe if you make a survey and ask women questions about men in general and what the do wrong when they approach them. That way you can learn without the awkwardness.

That's the problem. You don't understand what is meant by attachment.... you have too many preconceived and dualistic assumptions about what no-attachment truly means(hidden from your consciousness). It is more of a loving acceptance than a "passive discard"... if that makes sense. With No attachment one could possible love their enemy as much as they would their own child. Remember how Leo constantly preaches about the importance of paradox? Well, wrap you head around this one.... the more detached you become.... the more love you possess and exhibit! This is because one of your basic qualities is Love... however when you detach from fears, past-experiences and other forms of mental suffering the true essence of what you are begins to shine stronger and more brightly. Imagine trying to look at a window so dirty that light can not come in... now imagine slowly removing that dirt.... the more you clean the window the brighter it becomes. Similarly, the more you detach from the ugliness that clouds your identity the more love shines brightly. So an enlightened couple or even friendship would be more loving than a non-enlightened one because it is in a more purified form. Sex and intimacy is a natural biological function like food or sleep so obviously there will be plenty of that. The idea of enlightenment is pretty much being able to understand yourself. Well if you can understand yourself you can understand your partner much better. Therefore there would be very little conflict or arguments because there would be little misunderstanding and since each person understands each other so well.... the misunderstanding would be resolved before it became a problem. This is one of the basic patterns of most marriages... First a misunderstanding, then a miscommunication, then comes the hurt, then it becomes a problem, then the problem becomes a conflict and the conflict becomes a blow-out.... Enough of those routines and a relationship dies. An enlightened relationship can prevent such an occurrence. The simple answer is they work just fine...lol

It's just an example or opinion not advice or facts... learn to differentiate between them. I would highly recommend that you continually review leo's video on beliefs?

@Aamir King When you start seeing truth, you invariably start laughing. Just keep on the road of truth and you too will easily break out laughing at the ridiculousness that seemed so serious before.

My mentors, some online, some in person... I personally know about a half dozen of such people and it is common among them although me telling you this won't help you.

Laughter is your decision to reject something. It is the antithesis of seriousness which ego is pretty much composed of... so your reasoning is flawed and your loss of humor is due to your ego. An enlightened being has the ability to laugh at anything(or in spite of it). ?

Observe and experience it as close as possible. My Dad died a few months ago... He was a brilliant man but in the end he didn't even have his mind. However, I was fortunate enough to be there for his last few weeks. He was off of life support for 16 days and couldn't even eat or drink, we had to use wet sponges to hydrate him. My family and I insisted on caring for him at home... so I was able to observe his dying process carefully. I recorded those observations in a journal daily. I also took pictures of him everyday, to the point we visited him in the morgue. I made a slideshow of those 16 days and anytime I feel down or worried or sad or fearful, I pull out those pictures and look at them again. I remember his love of life, his struggle and fight just to stay alive although his body and mind were already gone... So I would recommend volunteering at a hospice or something around the terminally ill or if you have a relative, spend as much time with them until the end and keeping at least a journal of it... There is nothing like experiencing the dying process to contemplate death.

It is simply a tool and a very useful one at that. In the words of Maslow, "I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail." But as we both know, the world is so much more than a nail, right?

@Emerald Wilkins How does this work with sexual polarity? Such Yin and Yang are so ingrained within genders in regards to physical attractiveness and sexual desire.. For instance a male may feel revitalized in a female with femininity but repelled by a male exhibiting the same traits as a female. Alternatively a female, according to some sources... such as David Deida, will not be able to maintain lasting sexual polarity with a man that possesses too many feminine characteristics... At this time it appears that there are too many biological sexual impulses... It probably could be over-rided with higher consciousness, however, without a greater awakening, it seems implausible. How would you address this issue?

Interesting that you mentioned this... I often look at ancient dictionaries to get ideas about how people in the past may have thought about various topics. Here is the definition of Feminism from 1912 " a condition of men who become hypersensitive, too imaginative and lacking in traits that are supposed to be masculine." New Webster dictionary 1912. Wouldn't it be interesting if more men were inflicted with such a condition? How would you say one would go about changing the social system? I try to see things at a case by case basis. You shouted at her. You created a confrontation. You kept shouting which made things much worse. No one likes to be yelled it can even be considered abuse if it is used as punishment, which in this case it was. The purpose of of punishment is to get your point across by causing pain. Any point worth communicating can and should be delivered with kindness and compassion. For the most part punishment does not result in understanding it results in more pain. Because of you uncontrolled rage you were causing pain by yelling. She only wanted you to stop the abuse, by your own words. So yeah you fucked up, a woman sometimes does things to piss you off to either tell you that you are doing something wrong and you better find out what that is or to test your emotional stability... either way you failed big time. But it seems you wanted out of this marriage and relieved that she left so I wouldn't dwell on it... Just educate yourself on how to manage the male\female relationships better in the future. It's all good.

@Mal Thanks to you I was able to know about strawmen, it really increased my awareness... That's a damn lie! I can swear to you that this one time... I saw my shadow on... this forum... and I punched it! Sparks flew and I became instantly enlightened....

This is the biggest manipulation I have seen on this site in awhile... all generalities, no specifics. What was the manipulation? To get a response... it even worked on me ***sigh

@Heart of Space What caused you to have these opinions? This isn't an existential question... I am looking to modify my dating model and I am curious about what lead you to these conclusions..

I normally am able to figure out my own problems, but a host of family and personal tragedies has hit me at once.. so my sense of clarity is not what it once was. Ok, so about in Nov of '15 my wife start talking on the phone with a man she met at the gym. She would get up from our bed and talk to him for about 3-4 hours every night. This got on my nerves and I complained about it but it still continued on. Then, on Dec of that year, she started hanging out with him usually into 2-3 in the morning. Finally she told me that she went to far but they were just friends. Well, that started to grind on me too much so I left the week of X-mas. She continued to talk to me on the phone nearly daily and so we discussed me coming back which I did in early January. So then everything was fine until around Easter of this year and she starting the same pattern of talking to the same man all night and seeing him into 3 am. I decided I had enough as I had work and a child that was picking up on my anxiousness and becoming increasingly anxious and unhappy herself. So when she admitted cheating, I gently kissed her on the cheek and told her is was over and left back to my hometown in Texas. Since I make decent passive income and I own a small home here in Tx, I don't really have to worry about working. So everything was great despite the circumstances. I could keep busy doing actualization work, teaching martial arts and cooking. I even found a lady companion I could enjoy spending time with. Then about a couple of weeks ago she starting calling more frequently complaining that I haven't called and thought I didn't want to talk to her. So I started doing so, however this started to make me a little unhappy because she was not as responsive as I would like. Nevertheless, I continued on... She started telling me things like she doesn't want me to that of her as a person who does things like that anymore. She also says that she only wants to devote herself to one person. She also wants friends but can only make male friends... She says that I don't comfort her enough, I am pretty open minded and so I ask her for details and she says that the fact that someone online knows what she means and that "Tim(her paramour)" knows what that means, that I must not care about her because I don't get it. I tell her that I try to be attentive as possible, cook for her, hold her and watch movies with her and try to talk with her... she says that I don't get what I am saying... and I ask for details and she hasn't explained so far. She says that she thinks that I don't care about her. She says if I am unsure about something it makes her unsure about something and she doesn't forgive or forget at it escalates... Anyway, every thing seemed fine until a couple of days ago, when she said she wanted to come down here to see me and to attend my father's funeral. Then she didn't respond to any on my texts or phone calls. And she tells me this morning while trying to books tickets that Tim keeps texting and that she wants to go to lunch with him. I said you should do as you like, but I don't like it. She blows up on me and says that is why she never tells me anything because I am going to say no. I just said, you asked my opinion and I told you want I thought and so she got upset with me. Anyway, this whole situation has gotten me quite miserable. I am normally a very happy and positive person. I wouldn't even bothering trying to reconcile if there wasn't a child involved but I am getting quite tired of the old push-pull... I know she is going to keep asking about those tickets... should I rescind my offer? Or is there something going on here that I am not aware about? What should I do?...

Thank you, so much@MartineF you are so right, I was thinking along the same lines and I agree completely with what you were saying. She doesn't provide me with practically any needs... and I do feel better when I am alone and not hoping for a change to come. I am so grateful for your response. It is wonderful to have feedback from this community when one needs it

@reez Thank you so very much for your imput I really need that right now. Yes, I especially like how you wrote that I shouldn't be so easily to forgive and start over like nothing happened... I do have an issue with that, I am a very forgiving person, much too forgiving it would seem. I can't tell you how much your advice means to me. I thank you 1000 times, sir.

@abrakamowse @Natasha @Mal Thank you guys so much for your sympathy. It is very kind of you all. I am touched by your compassion.

...then whatever you sewed is harvested to forward the life process. As you have received... so shall you give.

@ashleigh Practically speaking, I doubt that you can even experience Truth, I certainly haven't. Theoretically, Truth means a total absence of falseness. Since direct experience doesn't reflect a Total absence of falseness, it can not be Truth in the ultimate analysis. However, direct experience can be useful because it reduces falseness and increases understanding. Besides I haven't experienced the earth being flat have you? I may have looked out in the distance and saw that the earth appears flat but I have experienced enough to know that appearances can be deceiving, therefore appearances alone are not sufficient experience. However, this could be summarized in one sentence:

@Saarah In this life you will always have emotions, thoughts and a body. When you identify with those things you become the effect of them... That is where consciousness comes in. The idea is not to suppress thinking but to observe them. You don't really have "control" of them anyway. Thoughts are important to understand and to differentiate and evaluate, emotions are to procure pleasure and avoid pain, the body is meant to cause movement. They all have their place in your existence observation just helps you know what that is.

@Andre cuz one day you won't be able to...

@Mal Thank you very much for your post. I wanted to take a week to think about it. It is fantastic information and I especially appreciate how it helps explain why people react differently. I know an apology isn't necessary but would like to apologize anyway, if I came across antagonistic or combative. My father died that day I was having a little difficulty integrating your understanding in my thought processes so it may have appeared that I was belligerent but the fact is, I simply didn't understand. 1. What is shadow exactly? I am afraid I am unfamiliar with the concept. 2. What do you mean by the end of the antagonistic play of opposites? Does that mean the results produced from playing all of the sides of the field?

@dboyle I had sex with a prostitute at age 14 as it was kind of a tradition in my family... probably our situations don't match because I was just a child and you are of legal drinking age. It kinda screwed me up a little and everyone who I know who did it, didn't like it very much. So I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone. Of course, it is your life so it is not my place to say whether you should or not do so. If you are worried about how you will do.. just learn foreplay techniques such as touching and oral. I can't tell you how many times women have told me how many bad male sexual partners they have had. However if you can get a girl off several times, you will create a better experience for her than most men even if you only did last 30 seconds (although there are literally hundreds of techniques that teach you how to last longer.) In short, focus on her pleasure and you will do just fine...

@Mal Thank you, Mal for that post and it ties in so nicely with the beginning of this thread. It was very helpful, I appreciate your feedback. Jax

@Mal I think you ought to give me the benefit of the doubt. I did state that I wanted to bring this topic back on course. However, if you choose not to believe me I guess we will leave it at that. Take care. Jax