Hi guys.
First post here
I'll start with the back story:
Two months ago, I used to drink and smoke to the point where it was overdone. I couldn't bear those days I didn't get the chance to smoke or those weekends that I didn't drink. It felt like it was a part of me.
So I was watching a lot of the videos regarding self esteem and so on, "Stop caring what other people think" "Self Image" and these genres of videos.
It was a pleasure to watch. I don't know why I avoided self help. I guess my low self esteem wouldn't allow me to. And it was very helpful to me. It brought me back to my feet of the deep sorrow depression I was going through subconsciously. Thanks for that Leo!
And I was curious to what other topics Leo was discussing, I just didn't click those which didn't seem to my taste. Meditation,Enlightenment sounded like bullshit to me. So I didn't click it. But then one video caught my eye; "Overcoming Addiction - The Root Cause Of Every Addiction". Being a cigarette smoker, and weed smoker I pondered for few seconds staring at the thumbnail. Then, I decided, I'll watch it. and it hit every point, and got me to quit smoking tobacco, weed, drinking alcohol and start doing meditation instead.
I didn't have the desire to smoke or drink. It felt great being sober after almost a year of smoking at least one joint every day, to smoking none. no cigarettes no alcohol. After a month of so of being completely "monk"ed out of everything. I've got some desires to drink a beer, or smoke some weed. But I let them go every time. Until finally I decided, Heh what the heck, I'll smoke once.
It didn't feel bad for me to break out of that "NEVER SMOKE NEVER DRINK" law I've set to myself. Because I didn't plan to overdo anything as I did beforehand.
Now for my main question:
Should I smoke / drink once in a while? Should I have those should / shouldn't arguments in my head about smoking? I don't want to smoke tobacco anymore. I never enjoyed that. But the weed. It had psychedelic effects on my mind. It felt like it sets me free from myself. Especially if I smoked rarely. I don't know if I should quit forever/ smoke once a week/ two weeks/ month.. How do I go about with it ?
And now I'm afraid that I'm backsliding, even though it doesn't feel like it. That fear lingers in the back of my mind.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
