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About Fishmonk

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  1. Can you imagine what your ideal self would look like - what would it be like if you were able to magically wave a wand and you become the person you only dreamed of becoming. I used to be extremely unconfident as well and hated everything about myself so I can relate - extremely thin, couldn't introduce myself to a stranger to save my life, it took many years of experimentation and hard work to get to where I am right now, badass social circle, amazing friends, experiences from pursuing life purpose (which I actually failed at nevertheless the lessons I learnt were priceless), chance to befriend many celebrities and people who I thought it was impossible meeting, but last but not least I cultivated a love and care for myself that I don't even need those things above. My point is I've been where you are at, and you done the best you could with your current abilities. Allow yourself to feel angry and beat yourself up and hate yourself, these are good emotions to feel - the problem comes when you are RESISTING them. Then when you're ready read my first sentence again, everything starts with a vision - you got to allow yourself to dream. What changed for me was getting really sick one day and getting hospitalised, there I realised I don't have fucking time fucking about and that was what got me to create the vision for my life, it was just a distant reality at that point of time but that was grounded me, and gave me the courage to work on myself. Good luck! I believe in you.
  2. *Bump. Been already a year plus, I used to work with the guy but I'm nearly 95% certain he's a sociopath. After doing some research on my own after what happened I realised I've been gas-lighted the whole time and manipulated very subtly. He fakes empathy very well but my gut was right all along. Confirmed through his gestures where he'd say something really nice about me and then out of nowhere deliver something to completely attempt to tear me down through a slight remark then when confronted acted that nothing has happened.
  3. @TeamBills Hey man sorry to hear you have such pain in your life. There is evidence that shows that blue light from the phone affects circadian rhythm which governs how you sleep. The nights I just switch off my phone I sleep well. But it's not as simple as that, the nights I sleep well, I didn't put pressure on myself to sleep - when I put pressure on myself to sleep. I don't sleep.
  4. @Mondsee Hey man will be following you and waiting for that post of yours!
  5. Here's an update. I stopped using phones in bed, and made a rule where I'm not allowed to use my phones in bed even during the day. I slept within 5-10 minutes of laying down, didn't even wake up during the middle of the night - slept really well. It has been already 3 days waking up in between 5:30am to 7:00am, will see if I can keep it up. It might be the blue light coming from the phone screens that is disrupting my sleep. I've had success like this before but what usually happens is that I let myself 'slack off' and start using my phones in bed again, which surprise surprise screws my sleep up, I've never focused my willpower on enforcing my no phones habit so this is something new. Will enforce this rule to see if the results stick. Thank you for all the help
  6. Roko balisik, what's it about? I don't want to google it myself because I'm too scared lol
  7. @TeamBills I can relate to all the points you've said. In regards to the doctor I saw, he was a sleep specialist - we did tests on me to rule out any serious disorders like sleep apnea and they all came negative. He also monitored my sleep for 3 weeks with a device which I wore everyday. The conclusion? "You are getting poor quality sleep, there's nothing you can do so try to sleep as much as you can" And I asked him I want to adjust my sleep time from 4am to 10pm what can I do to do this, he said it's impossible - which I asked why? He said because if you could've done it you would've done it which is absolutely BS - the reason why I came to professional help in the first place was because I didn't know how to do it BY MYSELF. I understand your despair and hopelessness because I've felt it myself. I even asked him if changing my diet and cellphone usage at night would change anything and he said he doesn't know. Wow. Anyways I woke up 5:08PM today, I used my cellphone all night last night trying to sleep which was a terrible strategy - I will implement what @ajasatya said and impose a ban on cellphones not only at night but for most of the day since it's also making me procrastinate a lot. Since I'm on break, I will try going to bed between 12am - 2am tonight and close all of my electronics by 9pm. I have done Leo's bad habit release before but never on my cellphone usage, so I will do that again for using phones at night because I still associate a lot of pleasure from using my phone. Funnily enough, the day I slept well were the days I didn't touch electronics - just coming home and straight to bed. When it goes well for a couple of days, I BS myself that oh since my sleep is on track to recovery let me just use a bit of my iphone in bed it won't hurt, it's JUST ONE DAY. That one day I sleep fine, the next day I do the same BOOM it gets reset. Any further suggestions will help.
  8. @ajasatya It's 1:34AM now, I'll try to ask the question you just told me. What I noticed is huge resistance to letting go of my phone/electronics.
  9. @ajasatya Hi, that's a good start and great points. The days I don't use my cellphone at night I sleep pretty well, sometimes like a normal human being. I have an exercising routine in place. Yeah, there is a reaction when I stop using my cellphone, I'm super addicted to it. The anxiety usually comes to in the form of negative self thoughts like: "What if I don't use my phone and I don't sleep still - what should I do" kind of talk - and yeah sometimes I can't handle the anxiety and use my phone - it's crazy. Should I focus on controlling my cellphone usage habit first or my sleeping habits first? Thank you for your help man, appreciate your time.
  10. Hi guys, not sure if this is the right place to post but let me tell you a bit of background info. The time when my sleep started to go out of whack was when I got my first iPhone when I was about 13 years old, I used it every single day in bed. Eventually my bed time went from 11pm (which was very late for me) to 2am to 4am to 6am to 8am along the years. Throughout high school I have struggled with getting enough sleep and sometimes I would sometimes go to school without any and took naps in class. I eventually went to college and here, my sleep got even worse and my bed time sometimes shifted to 8am to 12pm to 3pm, it was all over the place. I guess my sleep schedule was attributed to the fact that my life was revolved around coming home and playing video games all night so I had an incentive to stay up late. I was addicted to playing video games and my life sucked. About a year and a half ago in college I fell into deep depression and that was the time I thought enough was enough and I decided to quit and never play video games ever again. This was when I found personal development and of November 2016 I discovered Leo's channel. I've created a lot of strong habits through the year and a half of committing myself to being my highest version of myself, creating habits like exercising, reading, meditation (on and off will work on this) and have learnt to push my comfort zone multiple times, as well as learning how to give back, to contribute back to the world with my life purpose. But one thing I have tried over and over and over again was my sleep and that no matter how hard I tried my sleep schedule always ended up failing and falling back to my old habits. It was very delayed, some days I would wake up at around 3pm and go to bed at 8am. I would always tell myself the next day that this would be the day to fix it and pull a huge alnighter and 'reset' my sleep, and it would eventually return back to my old habits after a couple of days. It has been a HUGE frustration for me and I know I can do so much more if I just had my sleep sorted. Another thing I tried was when I woke up late, like say 12 noon I would somehow be able to go to bed at 10pm but then I WAKE UP at 12am with 2 hours of sleep unable to go back, and I would end up after an hour of lying in bed giving up and using my phone. Then I would stay awake till the sun arises and then I fall back to sleep, waking back up at 3pm - and the cycle repeats every day. I have contacted a sleep specialist which didn't know WHAT THE HELL he was talking about as he did a blood test on me, recorded my sleep for 3 weeks and then told me there was nothing I could do to fix my sleep. YET I knew it was possible as a couple of weeks ago when I hired my first life coach to help me out, I slept and woke up 5:30 for a week straight (eventually I fell back to my old habits again). I have also tried gradually adjusting the sleep time every day by 15 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour! Nothing worked out. (By the way this process is done with conscious effort for a year and a half with no avail) I feel sometimes because my sleep was shifted I had to either skip school (I'm in college btw) or go to school as a zombie - as I'm wide awake at 3am. I tried a no-phone and no electronic rule, some days it worked - but the day it failed I say screw it and start using electronics again at night - this resets my sleep back again to square one. I don't think I suffer from Insomnia as I have no problem going to bed and staying asleep when I go to bed at 8am, only if I go to bed at night. I might have Delayed Phase Sleep Syndrome - according to the 'medical 'field', yet I refuse to believe that as I had no problems sleeping when I was young, and what about the times I managed to 'fix' my schedule for 3-5 days. That shows that fixing it is possible, it's just that that I have bad habits en-grained in me that need the right strategy to overcome it and that's why I came to this forum to find out if someone has experienced this before, how he/she cured it and model that person. I feel I could achieve so much if I am able to do it. I have bought many personal development courses including Leo's life purpose course, watched all his related videos that might help on this topic and also thinking that if I had a purpose, or something like that I could use 'willpower' to overcome it but willpower didn't really last for me, especially with 3-4 hours of sleep each night which makes my senses go dull. I don't know what to do or any strategies to follow and will be open to suggestions- any idea guys? I want to and will get this part of my life handled. @Leo Gura
  11. @Arkandeus Thanks for the advice! I'll just let that feeling sink in and see how if any red signs pop up.
  12. Hi guys, would like to hear your thoughts on this. I have a friend, lets call him A. So A is someone that is similar to an ideal person, he's kind, he's popular, talented in many areas, charming, charismatic, and grounded - has a big network of friends and almost everyone likes him. Great, I would say I envy him but wouldn't say that I want to be that person. The thing is that ever since I met him I've been having this HUGE feeling in my gut and my throat that something is really wrong with him and that I should be extra careful - it's been always there and I try to ignore it as it could be just my jealousy acting in but I don't know what to listen to. He hasn't done anything explicitly bad to make me question anything but it's just the way I feel. I get jealous with people as like every other human being out there and I've learnt to accept and embrace that feeling, I know it's jealousy. The thing is that I've never got a gut feeling with people I get jealous with at least not on this level. Help would be appreciated!
  13. Thanks for the share