ajasatya

@Hotdog hello. it seems to me that you feel like being a total stranger to yourself. you feel safe when the situation does not entail deep intimacy. just like in almost every case, i'd say that you carry a huge burden on your shoulders, guilt from past experiences and you still haven't forgiven yourself yet. it won't stop until you have the courage to stop everything and begin a journey for your healing. and more importantly, take it seriously with consistency. how does your life feel to you in general? do you eat healthy food? do you have a meditation routine? it's time to stop running, at last. i'm going to attach a great book about tantric sex. i recommend that you read it and practice the exercises with your husband. i did it with my girlfriend and it worked greatly. The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex.pdf

@Dodoster when i was 16 i used to provoke that pain during boring classes. i kinda liked its feeling and it was a great concentration exercise, even though i wasn't aware of its benefits by the time. sometimes i use it as a key to activate mindfulness of the present moment. but it has not anything to do with moving my eyeballs. it's more like mentally focusing on that area of the body.

@mathieu that is amazing.

@YaNanNallari if you can't enjoy your life in general, it's hard to enjoy anything in particular. it has nothing to do with her. you're experiencing lack of self love. appreciation feels impossible in that state.

@rush improving and getting results are ego driven motivations. you get nothing from meditation. it's not for you. do you still want to do it? don't expect benefits from meditation so you can learn how to live without expectations.

@Alicja_ you're doing it properly and you know everything you need to know already. that's really good. i'm going to be real. there's no easy way. the more courage you have to face that pain the better. feel that pain. watch it come up and face it straight. then watch it fade away like every phenomenon. keep it up. be on your healing journey without the love of others until you completely realize self love. it takes time but it has to be done.

@Inglorious count me in. i've gone through it all the way. i can walk with you and help you if you need anything i can help with.

a monk was going through a training process and during his morning meditation he saw a flower bloom on the ground in front of him. he got up and went to report his experience to his master and asked him if that was a legit kensho. the zen master hit the monk in the head with his stick and shouted "you idiot!". @Marinus it's just a sensory experience. meditation changes the structure of the brain and the practitioner may experience flashing lights, goosebumps, weird sounds etc. just move on. it's all makyo and has nothing to do with true realization.

@schmitzy the best you can do to anybody is to wake up completely

@ZX_man yes. you should do something about it. i strongly recommend hatha yoga.

starting a new life free from all old patterns, leaving the past behind and following your inner truth with accuracy. no more boring excuses. finding a job, living with your own effort, shutting down all addictions and corrosive relationships and sticking to a spiritual practice unconditionally.

@Lipthru i had an easy life and i decided to throw myself into "trouble", leaving behind the comfort i had. i left my parents and engaged in a rigorous zen practice. why do you think that siddhartha gautama left his palace? he was feeling the way you're feeling right now, same feeling i had back then. the story of siddhartha is a generic story of a human being with deep anguish, sincerely ready to find out what it's all about. siddhartha gautama was me when i left home. siddhartha gautama was me in my training process to heal my anguish. siddhartha gautama is me telling you to live for your own sake. siddhartha gautama is you, fighting inner conflicts and starting to get ready for the real deal soon.

maybe you need some drastic real situation, some intense episode of suffering like parental death or actual somatic disease. suffering is a true gift for us to learn how to live.

i'm here to raise the flag of "no, don't do it." cannabis can help with body relaxation, but yoga can do the job with many other benefits. in my experience, since i've already learned how to maintain a relaxed body throughout the day, cannabis just weakens my ability to focus and makes me feel like a retarded, unable to observe the present moment properly.

@Lipthru nice. you don't have to believe it blindly. actually that would harm you. instead, i invite you to play with this idea and see for yourself if it works not just from a life to another, but even within one lifetime. so death and birth would be just raw continuity of life... existence desiring and fulfilling it's desires through us and all sentient beings.

@Dodoster very well put. being playful with words with sincerity and without turning it into a personal game is healthy.

nothing can make you enlightened. your only option is to unbecome unenlightened by practicing conscious presence. books, videos, speeches etc can teach you how to be present here and now. but it's your choice to get the hands dirty and practice for the rest of your life.

if you're free of attachment; if you're ready to live without suffering nor causing suffering; if you can appreciate life as it is and stop demanding/expecting things from people around you; there's no need to question/test anyone answer anything be approved by anyone compare yourself or others there's no need to help who doesn't ask for it. there's no need to tell someone that he/she needs help. the one who points flaws on others is the biggest fool in the scene. any desire for knowledge/wisdom unfolds spontaneously and trying to make it grow on someone else looks very very silly. be happy and content instead.

for me, it's about finding a way to help spreading the dharma

@quantum appreciate the touch of your own hands as the simplest act of self love focus on your breath with a relaxed belly and an erect spine allow yourself to mentalize the miracle of life happening on the area you're touching and let it be

@electroBeam just ask her what she thinks about splitting bills. fuck social fear. you may die tomorrow.

@Peace and Love i see that you're struggling very hard with conditioning, still expecting to be approached by the perfect man. my advice: just be sincere and face your fears. if you find a man attractive, go for it. be open for questions and ask him everything you need. my best advice: heal yourself completely already. find your peace without the need for social approval. go to vipassana retreats, zen sesshins, yoga courses. it's your happiness that's on the table.

@OhHiMark the teaching is about telling people to use wisely everything they have at their disposal right now instead of crying over things they don't have and doing nothing about it.

no teaching works for everyone. and the teaching that works for you will not work forever. i am going to explain this in the framework of zen. a teacher that delivers the teaching of "give up on enlightenment" has to be very careful. at this point, the student has already detached himself from the usual drama of life. he doesn't suffer from lack of confidence, motivation, addictions, fear etc because his pillar is his practice. his mind is steady. concentration is his codename. he's turned all of his life into a zen practice, but he is doing it in order to be enlightenment someday. he still has that expectation for he's not free yet. he's waiting for some event, some "boom" experience so he can say "ok, that was it". but it doesn't work that way. the teacher, noticing those symptoms, has to guide the student to be free from that desire as well. the student, then, needs to let go of his last ego driven motivation for practice. it's usually some deep radical shift because he had transformed his life in a pursue for enlightenment. the student has to practice for no particular reason. freedom lies on living for no particular reason. a transcended ego doesn't suffer from expectation nor regret for he's completely free from craving and ideology. most people here, though, are afraid of doing the real work. they attach to points of view and prefer the safety of their old lifestyle. deep inside they're like scared kittens and do not qualify for this kind of thing.

@Kimasxi as long as you still depend on external approval/motivation, you'll be doomed in any context: work, friendship, family, intimate relationship etc. and if you want a healthy intimate relationship, you better start genuinely desiring happiness for others even if they're not with you. quit perceiving others as objects/means of satisfaction for your ego.