assx95

But what would happen to her?

You are judging yourself a lot for being a certain way or for doing certain things. Do what you love.

We do have vows in India. And there are seven vows: https://www.weddingwire.in/wedding-tips/hindu-marriage--c1311

I was jerking off to porn 3-5 times a day, sometimes 8-9 times by staying up all night. Binge watching TV shows while eating fast food. Spent time on the four giants : Pornhub | YouTube | Netflix | Instagram. All of them represent one human drive. It was especially strong in me. I contemplated it. I found out that what I really desire is - An orgasm which never ends, and which keeps getting more pleasurable. Which means, that to sustain such a drive, would require a super being, who was infinite bodily resources, cause it has to ejaculate continually, while at the same have the capacity to experience ever increasing pleasure. So, it has to develop an infinite penises and infinite hands, and eventually it would be explode in pleasure. To have such a drive for a finite body would break it, and pleasure would come at the cost of everything else, and that would cause pain and suffering, I know from experience, that i had blurry eyes, a pain in the left part of my chest, and tiredness. And yet i was never satisfied, cause I cannot be satisfied. My drive would never be fulfilled until I become that Super being. And at the foundational core of my mind, i believed that great pleasure has to come from outside. Outside has to mean, accessing the pleasure taps that giants like Porn hub provide. And my finite body is unable to consume the abundance of pleasure taps cause there are a thousand digital women in a thousand different positions, and I want to jerk off to all of it, so Instead of consuming it, i am being consumed by it. I break down. So, although the drive is valid, it doesn't work. I am currently on Day 10 of Nofap and I have had sexual visions, and I dream of nude women almost every alternate day, my imagination is capable of much more than I thought it is capable of.

Simply withdraw from it. And then consume again, and withdraw again, when the pleasure reaches its peak and starts becoming painful, not actual pain, but the pain that comes with getting hooked.

Integrate hedonism. And accept it as a valid way of living. Be free from ideology. How would you live in the moment, if you are focused on avoiding hedonism ? You could also live in the moment, by listening to music and getting pleasure from it. Pleasure isn't necessarily a bad way to live, it's when you're hooked to it, that it causes pain and suffering. It's an act of balance, an art. And it's something you learn by doing and by living.

Wait, physical pleasure is relative? I have only experienced it as an absolute.

Real life seems and is persistent, in contrast to a dream which wipes itself like a clean slate and to start a new story-line. While in real life, which is compared to a dream, and is said to be an illusion, how is it that when I wake up, i find things which are familiar, and I see the same people over and over again. If reality were a dream, wouldn't it all wipe out like a clean slate? Real life is more concrete than a dream, it has some persistent qualities, and i am only saying the obvious. How could it be another dream?

It went over my head. Take something, as simple as me seeing a mango on my table before I sleep , and then I wake up, and see the same mango on the same table. This persistence, of position and its concreteness is hard to think of as a dream. Could you address this in simple words?

Is there any other perspective, but " real life" ?

Who owns You Tube? Google. Google is known to be biased towards the left. I have read comments on google support which voices user problems. The left as far as I have observed, is not interested in radical honest truth, it sees ideas which must be implemented no matter what, for example, a woman's right to abort a baby just before birth. And it then demonizes anyone who is against that idea. It does not care about the truth once it has gotten hold of the idea which it is determined to support, it will suppress information, lie, twist and use any means to ensure that their idea/agenda for which they stand is the one which is implemented.

The only grounding I know of, and I still don't know how to attain it (I just happen to be in it sometimes) is to ground myself in abundance, in contrast to scarcity. What I mean is that when I am grounded in abundance, I feel full, and do not chase after things, I enjoy the beauty around me, and there is richness in life. In contrast to scarcity, where I am not satisfied cause I don't have a certain girl, or certain condition fulfilled, or I don't have food that I like. What other grounding is there? And how do I attain that? I do think, there's an overlap between the abundance vs scarcity i talked about, and the moving up of the chakras. I am not so sure though. Anyone have an inkling of what I am talking about?

Being on nofap myself, I would suggest switching from Digital porn to mental porn, trust your imagination to show you vivid and lucid sexual visions and make you hard. That in itself would be a big thing. And don't give in to your urges to ejaculate. Know that it only goes downhill after that. Accept your urge to ejaculate and force your imagination to satisfy you sexually. Be sexually content all by yourself without having to touch your dick or release your sperm. Learn that skill. And it would possibly be more rewarding than jerking off. It's different for sure. But it leaves space for something else to manifest, unlike where jerking off thrice a day would leave you doing nothing but just that.

There's fear within you. And there is a need to say something to someone. Be free. And things would happen. Perhaps the way you want them to be.

I tend to send cheesy texts like you are sexy and you'd look great in a golden dress with straight hair. Something along those lines. I would say it is a kind of flattery. Sometimes I genuinely feel the urge to compliment, but I think i've overdone it by now. She doesn't initiate. And I did see how she was resisting my flirtatious advances by not acknowledging it. She is self-centered too. Every conversation is about her. And although today is my day 5 of my No fap, I think i have run out of things to text her. I have a feeling she doesn't take me seriously and is okay with me not being in her life. Although I act on my urges and text her when I feel like. And I have faith that she'd be my partner in the near future. Is it wise to stop chasing ( which would mean, i would stop texting her when I get the urge to and just let it all go) or to keep chasing her ( to text her when i feel like, and also when I don't feel like when I feel like a lot of time has gone by and I ought to be in touch) ?

There is doubt. There is fear of accepting that you might be not as desirable. I think Men think - What if she wants me to try harder? What if she's playing games? What if her mood isn't that good? Some think, that they would eventually make her fall in love with them. Many think love is a process in which they try to make her fall for them. There are hundreds of nuances and subtleties at play.

If it's a hooker who looks like Margot Robbie (Insert your favorite model/actress here) and is giving a friendly vibe but costs a lot of money, you would want to think about it. But yes, everyone is right in saying that attracting a woman all on your own would be more satisfying and would make you feel better.

Your input was very valuable. I'd say thanks again. I would try rather than regret. But sometimes, things get deeper, such that when I surrender, the trying happens, by me just being and doing nothing. It sounds very paradoxical but it is more like reality. Technicals (That is- the specifics of " How do I do this" and "how do i deal with this?") I think are questions which arise out of desiring things to be a certain way. And when you let go of that, temporarily, those don't matter. Your input however was valuable, thanks.

That is so true. Not making her my number 1 priority is so counter-intuitive and yet it is the way forward, cause I acknowledge that it would easily lead to neediness, possessiveness and jealousy.

@egoeimai Thanks man. She is 26-27 now. When i posted this, i was for technical details and honestly it doesn't matter to me right now.

@Elton Love, when I have feelings for someone, is to transform my feelings into reality, to express those urges and influence the one I love, to have feelings for me. I noticed how it is overwhelmingly masculine. Wanting to manifest what I desire without caring about what she wants. It is to think that she will want me eventually. In a higher state of consciousness, which I am in right now, love takes on a different form. It is about caring about others even at the cost of the self, it is about seeing the truth, and being guided by it. It is to have faith and to surrender. It is a balance between the masculine and feminine. To try and also to give up when the circumstances dictate. Unlike the masculine which keeps on pushing, and the feminine which doesn't try and only surrenders.

@Preety_India I read what you said like four times. I saw some truth and i texted her how I want her to be free, and want things to happen the way she wants them to be, and not be the manifestation of my desires which I think come too strong on her. She's delicate this way. I have surrendered completely, but i have faith that love will prevail, not necessarily in the way I want it to. I have peace in my mind that my intent for her is out of love, and that I have surrendered what I want to fate. The vibe i was previously in, you were right, I wanted things to be a certain way, and i thought the way forward is to take my urges, and express it to her, push that energy, to manifest a reality I want, the way I want. But there is more beauty, in surrender, in wanting the best for her, and for hoping that reality is the way she wants it to be. It is self-sabotage truly, but i feel purer and more powerful and more self-sufficient.

Abundance. Be it love, sex, spirituality or material. To truly love and be in love all the time.

@Chumbimba If you aren't already, Be on no fap. It's the magic pill to confidence and comfort, trust me.

Tinder or Bumble or any dating app would obviously focus heavily on looks. If you think you're more attractive in person and are not very sure about your photos, why not ditch these apps and go out to clubs and approach women? Cause I am guessing, you'd have to put in even more effort to convince a girl to go out with you, after you match up. The alternative of going out seems easier.