Shin

Only when you re addicted, that will change. It can took months or years depending on how addicted you are.

?

A lot, and I just relapsed 2 days ago. I don't know, it's not that hard once the addicted mindset and compulsion wears off.

For 3 months and it was amazing ?

Both https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=No Nut November

It's FREE ! https://www.trinfinityacademy.com/courses/enlightenment-1-part-1-introduction-course/

There is not even a need to lucid dreaming. Some of your dreams are like that, you don't really care about «you» in them.

If a bodily sensation brings us suffering it is because we think we are the body. If something else brings us suffering, it is because we identify with thoughts and think we reside between the eyes. It really doesn't matter what we like or dislike in the end, it is the same process. If we actually stop to see ourselves as a body and a mind, there will never be any suffering again. If someone needs a proof, learn to lucid dream and see how much you care about being killed or humiliated in this dream. The body and the mind would not even feel as yours, there would be no distinction between what's yours and what's not, there wouldn't even be the concept of it.

Same day, same fate, same thing, same love

I woke up at 1PM today. I was so sad and had such a low energy that I couldn't go out of bed and keep sleeping until 11AM. Then I just cried for at least an hour, and the rest of the day too for the most part until 8PM where all the suffering got out eventually. It's funny how, whenever you decide to stop seeking, a few weeks later life comes and around and make you suffer like hell, Sometimes for no reasons, as in just not to forget . Suffering > seeking > glimpses > give up > Waldo finds you I didn't though I would do something constructive today, usually I just do nothing when this happens, but somehow I managed to still be constructive. I'm probably starting to get used to feel suffering and still do things while it's here, which is a nice step. 2 hours of meditation a day probably help a lot with that, cause I can be (most of the time) fully conscious when it comes, and just observe the emotions and bodily perceptions, then it goes away at some point. The idea is not to try to escape the feelings and go fully into them, it works way better, but it is way more painful on the short term. TL:DR -> I'll probably fail 1/3 of the exam for sure, the rest is still possible to salvage if I'm not being lazy in the next two days, otherwise I'll have to attend the remedial examen at the end of the year. So nothing to worry about, in the worst case scenario I could still pass If I really want it to.

There is a difference between knowing something and experiencing something. In the first case it's mental masturbation and arrogance of the mind, in the second it's true knowledge.

Then why are you debating on something you admit you can't know anything about ?

If there is no doer, there is no one or no thing to be free or not, the notion of free will would become irrelevant. If there is a doer, there is free will. In both case it's a non-issue.

Because mobile forum sucks. Complain to Leo not to me ?

Day 1 ?

I'm not really feeling well, there is a lot in my mind right now, and even being as conscious and present as possible isn't enough. Sunday I woke at 11h30 because I played Pokemon Ultra moon until 3AM (my crhistmas present), time which I could have been journaling but didn't, using the excuse that I was too tired ( ). I also realized that I wouldn't have time to study properly everything, because I only started to do it 2 weeks ago, so I will probably fail the exams. Not only that, but at night I started to have heart pain again (mild pain but still) and it freaked me out, because it has been several weeks now that it come randomly and I'm starting to fear it could be something really bad. I realized (again) that I have no one that understands me (really, what I do, not do, and why), and that I don't understand me either since I have no idea what I am, I'm totally alone and lost. Monday I woke up at 8, but didn't woke up directly. My mind was processing all the above for Something like an hour, and a huge need to fap to porn arose, and it happened. The rest of the day I was tired like I never was in months, fortunately I didn't blame myself about it, and still have no guilt or shame about it. Even though all this is probably just a period that will pass, It kinda feels like I didn't really made any real progress, in any department whatsoever. It really doesn't matter how peaceful you can be 99% of the time, that 1 % will fuck you up if you don't know what you are existentially. Assuming that it's real in the first place, because the only thing I have about it are glimpses, which means memories, which means I don't know if it actually happened. SUNDAY MONDAY

Only 11 years and 9 months to go !!!

Legit spam

Nice music everyday ?

Oh god, this 2h30 of shopping and driving sucked all my energy for the rest of the day. Had its perks to be ultra introvert, but going at places with lots of noise and perceptions everywhere can deplete my battery so fast Kind of ok of not having done everything I said I would, considering that only a few months ago I was so lazy I wouldn't be able to do anything at all after something like this. But we can always go beyond right, so I'm going to push and try again to study for 6 hours tomorrow, or more If I can. 6 is just what I plan if I want to be sure not to fail the exam, but the plan is not just not to fail it, but to do great at it. Unfortunately, I planned my revision schedule too late, which can be explained by how stressful and emotionally distrubing was my first weeks of college, but also because I was just being lazy sometimes. Next semester I will study every day, even just for one hour if I can't more that day, just to keep a steady pace. Having to do a lot in a short span of time isn't really what I'm good at anyway, and it's dangerous. An exercice that freaked me out. I instantly decided to study right after I did it It's too late though, I'm doing it automatically now Replace "the moon" by whatever object you want to focus on, it doesn't really matter what, but something close to you might work better (like your smartphone or a book).

One year ago I couldn't live a day without watching a brutal anal gang bang. So I think you're fine ?

There is from his point of view.

Bentinho Massaro