Shin

Don't tell me about it ??? ?

When the ego first hears about enlightenment

It's not your enlightenment. It's enlightenment realizing itself.

If you think this way, probably not.

So yesterday night I had a pretty intense experience. Everything I looked was looking at me, except this time I was in total panick mod. I had to distract myself for several hours before I could finally sleep, which made me woke at 2PM today, which I did on purpose not to have to open my eyes. Today was fine until late at night when it happened again, when I was Walking outside the inner voice was like "oh shit oh shit" "oh god oh god" "I'm gonna die this is the end" It's one thing to know the concepts It's another thing to experience them

See how this is illogical ? How can one moment you feel good, and one another you feel bad, just because you see or hear something ?

Make a new journal named "No Nut 2019 " That's what I would do If I had balls ?

That's only a stage, the "spiritual ego" stage, where you feel so much better than anyone else. After a while you leave it and enter the "I feel their suffering" stage, when you see them as poor little kids that needs to be helped. Then you have the true compassion stage, where you just love them for what they are and don't judge them or feel sorry for them.

Every beliefs are false. Just look on your direct experience and just ask yourself if the thing you think is true even exist in that moment. If it isn't experienced right now it isn't true, it doesn't exist. It doesn't matter if it were, that would mean you're having a thought, And a thought is a projection of the past or the future, never what's actual. The thought exist, but the content of it only exist as a thought, not in your direct experience. Which doesn't mean that what you're thinking about will never be real or experienced, just that right now it doesn't exist. The only thing you can be sure of, is that something must exist in order to be conscious of your current experience, In my experience that's the only thing I can be sure of.

The start of the Kundalini awakening = infinite suffering sprouting from within, or at least what I perceive as suffering. The 2 samadhis are exactly like the description, you literally feel there is no distinction between you and the thing you look at,

It never happened to me. I never had any mystical expériences except the start of a Kundalini awakening and 2 very short Samadhi (a few seconds).

I decided to stop trying to fix a timeframe for studying, I will just go with the flow and do as much as my intuition tells me. Right after I saw that I wasn't late at all, the need to study that much totally dropped, yet I still have goals in mind as to what I want to be done. Like I want to get done half of the study by sunday, and If I've done that before sunday, starting slowly what's left to study. I think it will work better than forcing myself to do lots of hours everyday, I usually can't force myself to do that, and even when I can i'm usually extremely tired and backslide on other things. So it's probably better to do a little Everyday, and If I see that I'm short on time then at this point I will force myself. It shouldn't happen though, since next semester I will directly do all the revision sheets way before the exams. Also I'm quite addicted to a game right now, and the Reason I didn't talk about it was because I Don't want you to get addicted too. So I'm saying it, but I won't tell you what it is, that's the compromise I've come with The addiction is not that strong don't worry, I've had way worse Every day now I will quote a sentence, or set of sentences that goes together from the book I'm reading, like that I'll always have something to write, and it's an another way to remind me of the most important insight or knowledge I learned that day. Since most of what I read comes from spiritual book, I doubt the author mind me quoting extensively, From books that aren't, I will try to limit that to one sentence (worst case scenario Leo ban me ) That's something most "spiritual" people don't want to hear. In order to really awaken you can't just try to feel good and repress negative emotions, that's what everyone does, and that's why it doesn't work. The only way is to face all fears, beliefs, projections in ourselves, so much that at some point the only thing we can be sure of is that we exist, but we don't know what that is. To go this road we first need to go against our fears that limits us in our developement as human being, which is different for everyone. If we can't face a basic fears, or even more hardcore ones, or whatever else that is limiting us in every day practical life, How can we accept to face the fear that we don't even exist in the first place ? It sure is possible, but the chance of it happening is probably very low. After that is done to the degree that we genuinely feel, after much shadow work that we don't have any other fear that we know of, that we stopped believing any beliefs we held, we can expect to be able to investigate the core belief that which we are a separate entity from everyone we experience. All of this is extremely painful and not at all what we hear about enlightenment. It is not beautiful, it is not magical, it is not Pleasant, it is not anything we thought it would be. Yet chasing enlightenment without deconstructing the illusion of the self is a lost cause. It's chasing a fantasy in our mind, that we will never catch, because there is nothing to catch, Only false beliefs to see clearly through. Everytime we see through a false beliefs it is painful, and it will be painful as long as we attach our sense of self on what we believe to be true. The best strategy is to let go of the need to think we are right about anything, to hold everything as possible, and at the same time not true too. This isn't a paradox, we don't need to be sure of anything, for to be sure of anything is how attachment comes from.

It's almost a miracle I'm not banned yet ?

Spiritual awakening isn't an activity, a lifestyle or a goal. It isn't an activity because once you realize that you are which is aware of the mind, and not the mind itself, there is nothing you can do. Living in the present moment, being conscious/aware, alert, is your natural state (which is not a state, but language). Until then it feels like doing something, like forcing yourself to be conscious, because you're still fundamentally believing you're a mind trying to get rid of its content. If you see clearly that you aren't the mind, even if it's active, dumb and negative, it really doesn't matter to what you really are. So the best way to actually have a peaceful mind, is to stop to be mad at yourself for not being peaceful, accept that it's the case and just be present. Notice that I didn't say a "clear mind" or an "empty mind". This is a fantasy, a goal that you're pursuing, which puts in the futur (which doesn't exist) the discovery of your true nature, which doesn't depend on having a clear mind at all. It isn't a particular lifestyle, because the only thing you're "doing" is being conscious. Sure you may stop some activities, but only because they are neurotics, hurting you, or that you weren't really interested in doing them in the first place. So going into an Ashram, to a retreat, taking Ayahuasca, becoming a monk/zen student, all of this is unnecessary and can actually be a huge distraction for the ego. Your mind loves to associate itself to communities, dogmas, and mental positions, so doing anything that you consider "spiritual" is by definition a delusion. There is no activity that is spiritual, because spirituality is just being conscious and realizing more deeply your true nature, which is totally independent of any activities whatsoever. It isn't a goal, because a goal implies that you're not already yourself, and that you can train yourself to be it. Back to the first point, it can feel like that until you know what you are, but once you do, meditation and other spiritual practices are the same exact thing as being present. Notice this, it is the same thing, which means you can self-inquire/meditate or whatever wherever you are and whatever you do ! It can't be a goal because the only way to deepen your realization is to be here, now, present. This is beautiful because you don't have to worry or to stress yourself anymore to get it or to chase it. You may ask: "But wtf is he talking about, I clearly am not Enlightened !" In a sense you aren't, but see this more like a continuum than a binary system. Sure, there is a clear threshold which has a massive change in perspective, but for most people this happens gradually … It's not even actually happening, you're just realizing what you always were, even when you were totally inconscious you were it the all time ! There is a huge downside to expect this massive shift in consciousness, it makes you chase after an experience, which is not different than chasing happiness in traditional means like relationships/money/sex/drugs. If you can already not associate your sense of self with thoughts and emotions, then stop chasing and just be present. If you really want to do something, do this, whatever you do go deeper in it. Don't chase anything, just be totally and utterly uninterested about the past and the future. Even things you want to do in 5 minutes, even in 5 seconds, 1 second … Whatever you need to do throughout your day you will remember if it really matters to you, you don't need to think about it ! Live in the present moment so fully, that you can't chase anything anymore, because there is nothing to chase if you're content and fulfilled by resting as yourself. If you can actually manage to get to that point, then enlightenment is only a matter of time, because the very nature of the illusive sense of self is seeking ...

https://www.trinfinityacademy.com/courses/enlightenment-1-part-2-person-wakes-up-to-presence/lesson-10-there-is-only-now/ ? ?

Don't forget to watch your hand

10 baby days strong