Shin

No I'm sleepy, but I fear that If I go to sleep I won't wake up I'm avoiding looking at the room too, that's too scary, too

What do you think that means ?

Is it a coincidence that I'm still not sleeping at 2:30AM ? Am I ……….. scared ?

Yeah yeah make fun of me, I don't care I'm still gonna find you

I don't think there is a difference between a dream and what I am experiencing now, This one just fool me more

What point ?

How'd I know that's what you'd say. I can tell you it didn't work this way though, this evening I took a stroll in the city and It almost felt the same and I made the connection in this present experience. Even right now I'm looking at my flat and my sense of self is not the same either, I still strongly feel I'm in the body, or mostly located near the body.

I can still trick myself as if was "just a dream" and discount it.

Well it was in a lucid dream, what I don't consider as "truly real". I don't know how I would have reacted if it happened in the waking dream.

The reactions to an awakening can be quite different

You can contemplate it how much you want, until you face it and ride with it, it's not gonna go anywhere

Proven in my own (and hundred of people on this forum) experience, so unless you're an alien or have specific brain disorder, You can too.

The same way you give meaning to certain thoughts, which turns into emotions, which turns into loops of despair and self-pity. You have the power to be as blissful as you want to, Or the reverse ...

7,7 billions is enough

MOOJI BLESS ME PLZZZZZZZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At any point now it could happen now, I distract myself all I can, but it's not gonna work It's the first time that I can't follow my daily routine for so long, usually it's at most a few days after a huge event that strikes me down, but this is different, it's like being on the verge of shifting to a whole different reality. It's like being on a rollercoaster, you are climbing fully knowing there is no way out until you start the fall. It's exciting yet extremely terrifying, and there is nothing rational about it unlike in a rollercoaster, it's just pure fear. Everyday I go out and my mind is automatically saying things like "shit, oh shit" or "fuck this, fuck, I'm so fucked" I can see the sense of self shifting to all the visual experiences, If I could walk without looking at anything I would I say that, but it's mesmerizing, so amazingly beautiful that I can't. Also this:

https://www.trinfinityacademy.com/courses/enlightenment-1-part-2-person-wakes-up-to-presence/lesson-24-being-at-ease-with-intense-experiences/ Ultimately you'll have to surrender and endure it though, you can never be ready for something you never experienced.

I don't understand that reference

I'm not seeking anything My perception of reality is changing all by itself, I'm doing nothing. Why do you think I'm that scared, if It looked like I was in control I could just stop it

Are you in a concentration camp ? ?

If that was true, you would have killed yourself. You didn't and won't do it, you just want to experience misery and depression, nothing wrong with that, But you do want it, you like it, A LOT.

On which else would you want to put the blame on ?

Yes you do, otherwise you would stop clinging to your suffering ?

You, Are the devil. ?