EvanAndrew

Hi everyone, After my college graduation back at the end of April, all my college friends moved far away back home (most out of state), I stopped played video games, and I searched for something in my environment to stimulate me. I ended up watching a lot of The Office again and started dating this girl. At first, it was just a nice thing that I knew would be temporary until I left for graduate school in the fall, but I got attached to her really quickly. I tend to get attached to girls really quickly, so I wasn't surprised at this, but I think my mindset at the beginning allowed me to take my time to get to know her. After a few days, I felt that her and I really clicked, and I started wanting to see her twice a week rather than once a week. After about the 6th date, she told me that her and a guy broke up a week or two before graduation, and she had thought she would have moved on by then, but still hadn't. I was supportive and told her I'd support whatever she needs to do to be happy, and she decided to give it a chance. Anyways, fast forward another 3-4 weeks, and she breaks things off because she doesn't want to keep dragging me through it. I was pretty devastated. I was already feeling extremely depressed while waiting patiently for her to progress things, and this made matters even worse. However, I've been following Leo's advice and have been trying my best to learn about myself. So far, I've learned that in my current mindset and state, I'm not capable of taking relationships slowly and getting overeager about progressing things. I don't show it to whichever girl I'm interested in, and I provide the necessary space, but I'm a wreck whenever I'm by myself and not talking to them. I think that this over-attachment lies with two things: my disappointment with my social life and my addiction to stimulation. I have been working on my social life, and I'm positive that that will improve when I move on to graduate school in a month, but the desire to be in a healthy relationship is harder for me to work on. I meditated for the first time ever today at really nice place in a hiking trail near my house. I hope that through consistent meditation and patience, I'll be able to train my brain and my mind that I don't need to stimulate it with a relationship or a video game in order to feel happiness. I have one question, however: how is it possible for me to have a healthy relationship without feeling like I need the other person around me to be happy. I understand that proper meditation will help rid that need and over eagerness, but I'm afraid that if I start a relationship without completely removing that desire, I'll just fall back into my old cycle of neediness and over attachment. Am I misunderstanding meditation or misinterpreting what I need to do to solve this issue?

I've started to realize that my personal problems (loneliness and depression) are linked to an addiction to stimulation and excitement. I've spent from 5th grade to 2 months ago addicted to online video games that are fast paced and competitive. I've realized that this addiction has caused my brain to become addicted to any kind of stimulation, and when I don't have it, I feel very depressed rather than okay or content. After my college graduation back at the end of April, all my college friends moved far away back home (most out of state), I stopped played video games, and I searched for something in my environment to stimulate me. I ended up watching a lot of The Office again and started dating this girl. At first, it was just a nice thing that I knew would be temporary until I left for graduate school in the fall, but I got attached to her really quickly. I tend to get attached to girls really quickly, so I wasn't surprised at this, but I think my mindset at the beginning allowed me to take my time to get to know her. After a few days, I felt that her and I really clicked, and I started wanting to see her twice a week rather than once a week. After about the 6th date, she told me that her and a guy broke up a week or two before graduation, and she had thought she would have moved on by then, but still hadn't. I was supportive and told her I'd support whatever she needs to do to be happy, and she decided to give it a chance. Anyways, fast forward another 3-4 weeks, and she breaks things off because she doesn't want to keep dragging me through it. I was pretty devastated. I was already feeling extremely depressed while waiting patiently for her to progress things, and this made matters even worse. However, I've been following Leo's advice and have been trying my best to learn about myself. So far, I've learned that in my current mindset and state, I'm not capable of taking relationships slowly and getting overeager about progressing things. I don't show it to whichever girl I'm interested in, and I provide the necessary space, but I'm a wreck whenever I'm by myself and not talking to them. Tying back to my original idea, I think that this overattachment lies with two things: my disappointment with my social life and my addiction to stimulation. I have been working on my social life, and I'm positive that that will improve when I move on to graduate school, but the addiction to stimulation is much harder to solve. I'm going to start meditating tomorrow. I found a really nice place in a hiking trail near my house that I think would be the perfect place to do it. I have one question, however: how do I go back to relationships or video games or TV shows (things that really stimulate and excite my brain) without overstimulating myself and getting addicted all over again? Will that extreme happiness I feel when I'm with a girl I'm dating be much less significant? I don't want to have to wait a year or two to get into a relationship again while I wait for the meditation to start "cleansing" my brain. Thank you in advance for reading this long post. I greatly appreciate any advice any of you guys have.