Marinus

@BobbyLowell In my experience openness, honesty and patience create result in a lot of trust and people open up very quickly. When you do this, you quickly notice which ones are trustworthy, at least I do. Something to prevent is gossip or talking badly about others, in my cases the other people start with it and this way you notice their weak sides, which can be harmful, because people that gossip, probably gossip about you too. Even if you don't feel like you could be open, talk about things which won't harm you or make you feel vulnerable. Eventually you'll find common ground or you won't. Th trick is being at the right place and time, staying at home for example wouldn't really help.

My biggest challenge is understanding this girl I like. She rejected me and my theory is that she was afraid of losing me as a good friend (her friends are toxic and live in her home town far away from her). My confession was probably out of the blue, because I had trouble showing interest, because of my lack of experience with girls. She is also 2,5 years older and this could have been an issue, because she feels old around our peers at college. I discovered that she is very honest in what she says, so I saw a possibility to get together in the future. My struggle was neediness and obsession (thinking about her). After I decide to be friends things changed. I focus on having fun and being funny for my own sake. I got very flirty which is natural to me if I don't want to impress girls. So last Friday I ended up at her place and we play wrestled for 4 HOURS, which was very hot. Even after this I still have doubts about her intentions and this is my biggest struggle. It's probably just all in my head and she probably like me, but my mind creates all these excuses which is kind of annoying. Also my lack of experience makes it difficult to move it to the next level, but time will help me I guess.

@vizual Wow that's a nice explanation. I indeed have trouble with being vulnerable, but I discovered that if you are, you got nothing to lose and this results in more freedom.

I fear peeing in public toilets, you know, the public urinals. Even when the dam is about to burst it still won't let the water flow out of the gate. I also notice other having the same problem, because I'm aware about my surroundings and I don't hear the water flow. It's very awkward to stand and wait to for other men to leave. The most uncomfortable time 4 years ago was when a teacher and a peer with me in between were peeing and I felt so awkward ! Only people I trust won't influence me. It is annoying and I try to avoid it when other men are busy. Has anyone some tips on this? Sometimes it work s for me to focus on the image of the earth and the symbol of Ying & Yang, but most of the time it doesn't work.

Ever since I was 16 my weight has been 67kg and my height is 1,9m. For 5 months now I trained my core every other day and my body is more toned in general especially the triceps, shoulders and obviously the core. But my weight hasn't changed at all. My muscle mass has increased very little but it is very toned. Can someone explain this?

I realized something while doing my core routine. When I'm exercising I noticed that my thought process is in overdrive. Since I'm more aware I noticed this. The same applies to cold showers and probably every other physical demanding activity. When I meditate I still have a lot of monkey mind, but exercise has a lot more monkey chatter. It has it's pros, I get more insights while meditating and shutting of the thinking process is even harder then while meditating. My theory is that this has something to do with oxygen intake and blood circulation to the brain. I wonder if other introverts experience the same thing. And I wonder what happens from an extroverts point of view.

@Drum Teacher No I did not. When I started college I noticed that I was to focused on this practice. A couple of days ago I got into the trans like state which I experienced before my dream adventures, but I didn't surrender to it. When I feel ready I'll try it again. I don't know if I got out of my body, I felt sensations though. I experienced weird things that time, probably lucid dreams, but it was so similar that I didn't consider it to be a dream, but when I woke up again I knew it wasn't regular reality, unless I'm crazy. Good luck with your dream adventures!

I want to share my experience with you, if you are into astral projection or lucid dreaming then you will find this interesting. Last night I thought I was in the vibration state of astral projection. Instead of lucid dreaming (which was my intention) I got into a sleep paralysis and I felt and heard vibration. I could not move, and if I tried, the vibrations became very intense. I stayed calm and I was interested. A couple of days ago I experienced something similar and it just happened fairly quickly without doing much. I was careful and eventually I felt like turning 10 degrees while I could not move my physical body (astral body was moving I think) I did not dare to go further and I thought it was enough (I like to do this gradually). I moved my toes and fingers to break the current state of sleep paralysis. Later this night I had several light vibration states. My fear of the unknown created resistance, because I want to get used first to the vibration state. I tried to achieve this state since the end of 2016 and this week I achieved it with no problems at all. My bodily awareness is highly develop and I now know the real deal. For the experienced people: what happens if I pushed it further when I felt like rotating 10 degrees?

@vizual I knew it too, but I'm an idiot .

Hi folks, so last Friday I told a girl I got to know that I like her and she reacted very confused and surprised. I felt relaxed though and I don't regret it. We know each other for 4 weeks, but I wanted to get it out of my system to get clarity about my position to her. In class she does things like looking at me multiple times and I see this in my peripheral vision. She told me that she isn't that fast with liking someone and that she wants to be friends. I'm so confused, because she gives mixed signals and stuff. In the evening of the day I told her that I like her I got a message that she had a good time ( I took her on one of my comfort-zone challenges). So I wonder, how can I deal with this stuff? I'm not waiting around, but what could be a proper way to deal with my current situation? Can time really help to make her feel comfortable around me or is this just a polite way to reject someone? And why would she send me a message like that? (we don't really text much) By the way, she doesn't really have friends in college except me.

@aurum Of course I don't want to be single forever. On Saturday I do comfort zone challenges. Getting rejected by girls on purpose and flirting as a challenge will create a tougher skin. This is in my complete control. Everything good after that is a bonus. This way I won't get attached to outcomes, but enjoying the moment and process of growth.

@poimandres once again I noticed her looking at me multiple times in class. But I decided to pay no attention to it whatsoever. This way she might take some initiative, but if not then Its okay. This way I won't suffer and enjoy my time at college. I also learned that the best way to invest my time is to invest in things that are in my direct control, so wanting a girlfriend isn't on that list.

@poimandres So the message is mixed signals? @Moreira I decided to treat her like I treat my friends, which will be very different, because I don't really want much from my friends and they respect me. I'm indeed going to show her my cool side, at the moment I took back what I said and she commented that her ex-boyfriend told her the same thing. I told: She told me she felt complete with him (which I know isn't true love). So maybe this was a good move? Any way, I can now see from her perspective and I seem to be desperate and needy indeed, which I by the way feel. So taking a break from this nonsense is the best option for now I think.

@Toby Thank you! I don't really want to play games, I just want to be open and authentic.

@Girzo I agree, I just couldn't shut my mouth. I had the intention to make an apology about, because she makes her own choices. Do you think this is a good idea?

@Spiral Thx I agree with what you say, something inside me says that she was surprised and didn't know how to deal with it. I won't invest my mental energy in the idea of being a couple. I think I'll e able to follow your advise, since rejection was one of my biggest fears and it did me more good then I expected. I also decided to unleash my dark-side, which means I won't be that nice anymore. @ElenaO Open mindedness is one of my signature strengths, so yes. If I have difficulties with this, it will be a nice point to do personal development work on. I wonder, because this is rare, could this make a great impression? I decided to be even more open as friends, instead of running away. @Toby I indeed tell her that right away. I even told her that she might be making a huge mistake, because I develop myself. Maybe this shows balls or it was just very rude and selfish.

@ElenaO This might be very likely. I think I wasn't fully authentic. Maybe if I treat her like a friend that things will change.

@nick96 That is exactly it! Thank you

I had this insight that I don't want to belief that people like me. This is crazy, obviously I want this, but unconsciously I can't belief this. I noticed half a year ago that people feel very comfortable around me and they trust me within a couple of hours. This ability is thanks to my open-mindedness, understanding and acceptance of others. There is also this girl I like and it seems to be mutual, but something inside me is seeking for the opposite. Any thoughts on this?

As a guy I masturbate. I did a no-fap 90 day challenge with success. When I did this challenge I worked with a female colleague and we had good chemistry. Since 3 weeks I met a girl in college and spend my time there with her. I noticed that my desire of masturbation disappeared and I only did it once a week, because I don't want to wet my bed. I don't feel the need to do it and I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm in the presence of a female which I feel comfortable with. I wonder if other males have this same experience or thoughts about this, so leave your comments below!

@YaNanNallari your right, I'm probably obsessed and this doesn't really help anyway. Thx for replying.

So I know a girl from college I really like her and it seems to be mutual. We have a week free, because of Autumn holiday in Europe. This girl sent me a message (SMS) and I responded 2 times, but never got one after that and this is a week ago. In one of my messages I told her that I was going to send a mail which I did, but no reaction whatsoever. She told me that she has trouble remembering things, but if this is something serious that I do not know. Besides that she's probably studying. I don't understand this, why this behavior? Can it be some tactic? Because I can't believe she doesn't like me in a romantic sense. After my holiday I was planning to reveal my feelings for her, because I think I didn't show my intentions clearly, because I have fear of touching her, because of my lack of experience with girls.

Is becoming aware of being enlightened the next stage in (global) evolution as a species?

@BobbyLowell How about the question: Do I like myself, do I like this representation of my being? The more acceptance of oneself, the brighter your Sun will shine. Being judgemental is something you do and not are. You can never be too authentic. I wonder if you are really authentic. The more authentic one is, the more acceptance of others and less judgement about yourself and others.

@Joseph Maynor Thanks! I will listen to it while shopping. I indeed feel more authentic, I used to procrastinate a lot, but the last 10 days I listen to what I find important and studying is or even better, knowledge! My highest value is Understanding (truth) and studying makes the knowledge clear for me, hence living my value. It is now easier to work, because it is m path of least resistance at the moment. I made this rule: studying = normal workweek (40 hours). I try to fit 8 hours on average, staying true to the time table is difficult, but I manage to complete the hours and this feels great! Keeping the weekend free is a rule too, but if I want to I will study, but it is not an obligation and this creates much mental freedom! Self development I mainly do in the weekend, but this is something I will engage more in. I count the little things like expanding my comfort zone a little and this I practice in college. Something I think is inspire is this quote ''Discipline creates freedom''.