Elisabeth

Ok, thanks.

Hello, so I came across this guy who's doing research into various kinds of "persistent non-symbolic experience". That means he has investigated 50 people who were enlightened to various degrees, i 8 hours long in-depth interviews, and found out how their experience is to them. Watch one of the videos linked from http://nonsymbolic.org/publications/ and especially read http://nonsymbolic.org/PNSE-Article.pdf . Now I'm both much more clear on enlightenment and much more confused. In his article, he seems to stay firmly rooted in the materialist paradigm and describe the 'locations' as very different and purely subjective perceptions of reality. He claims people's personalities don't change, that people living the "persistent non-symbolic experience" tend to be dogmatic about it, even that their subjective perception of increased body awareness are inaccurate. This sure makes enlightenment seem like a delusion, although a very pleasant one. How does all that go together with what @Leo Gura teaches about enlightenment being the absolute truth? How does that fit with deconstruction of your web of beliefs? It does fit with recontextualisation, except, these recontextualizations seem to be different for people at different 'locations'. Please help me understand. P.S. He claims to not have been enlightened when doing the interviews, but reaching that state now. And he has created a course for seekers where he has 70% success in creating PNSE (with committed, advanced people, I assume) within just months. He sais positive psychology exercises can prevent the dark nigh of the soul. All of this seems quite contrary to how the process usually looks like... yet if he's right it's huge. From the article:

Jeffery Martin may be a scam https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/98e7gd/practice_my_review_of_finders_course_exposing_the/

Jeffery Martin may be a scam. I do wonder how much of his research is trustworthy. https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/comments/98e7gd/practice_my_review_of_finders_course_exposing_the/

@Aquarius I'm all for honest communication about relationships, desires and non-monogamy, but I don't think the onset of a pandemic is the best time to either go explore with new people or have a hard relationship talk. I also think your desire for others is probably skewed by not being able to touch him right now. I think what you should be doing now is taking a step into the relationship, staying close and supporting each other through times of upheaval. If any of you is emotional about the global situation at all (which literally everyone is now), at least for a few weeks, don't have hard talks.

@Shiva You mean like this?

@Potential Yes, you can go back to CBT if it's the easiest support to get right now. Group therapy would be also good. I'm not sure CBT will help you heal your childhood shit, you might want to do a different kind of therapy in the future. I realized now your big challenge is your family situation and getting to live elsewhere. So focus on that. Moving will change - well, not everythig, but a lot of stuff. You can also think about finding a less horrible job in the short-term. There's a reason why no-one wants to work at call centres for more than a few months. Use networking for the practical stuff, like finding a place to live or a different job. Watch this, it's fun:

It seems to me you could benefit from some mainstream psychological help, be it a support group or a therapist. You do sound mildly depressed. They can help you understand your feelings way better. Follow the positive strain of self-help too, as Serotoninluv suggests. They are complementary.

You absolutely do need to stay sober. Your parents don't know that you go back to drug use as soon as you visit home. It they knew, even they might be more supportive of you staying. Even if they aren't, their opinion doesn't matter that much. What matters is how you want to live your life in the decades to come. I bet it's a sober life you're hoping for. If you need more support to get there and keep it up, by all means, take it.

What the heck is that blog! But ok, I google further, it seems there has actually been a lawsuit. But also, everything is poisonous in too high a dose. I also recently replaced the milk in my coffee with soy-milk, how much soy a day is dangerous?

@Hardkill How are you now, do you see a way forward? From what I see: The last post I followed, a year ago or more, you were doing absolutely nothing all day - complaining about lack of sleep, porn addiction, and impossibility to get a job. I encouraged you to seek any support available for people with disabilities and protected jobs. Now I learn you're studying to be a teacher, doing your best, and improving a lot between your two placements too. I also learn you can voice-act and have a black belt in martial arts. I understand none of this is enough to ease your fear of not being able to support yourself. However, it's a huge leap from where you were back then.

@rNOW Oh yes I missed it, sorry!

India where? You might want to find out about the specific area and city you would be going to. I have no idea how "formal" India is in comparison to the other Asian countries, could be formal as well. Do you have a chance to talk with someone who knows the schools? Maybe you could get an impression of the differences from them.

Oh, I'm so sorry It seems like you have improved between the first and second placement a lot, will you try again? Working further with the counsellor and doing another placement? If you can't be a teacher in a normal school, could you teach kids with disabilities similar to your own? (maybe that's a terrible idea, I don't know) If you can't listen to instruction, can people around you adapt and draw and write down as much as possible? But wow, choosing to be a teacher if you have auditory processing problems sure is brave. It's definitely not your stereotypical aspie environment.

@rNOW Good questions. I just wonder why "Do you want kids?" isn't on the list Some things I'd like to figure out early about a potential: Are you able to be intimate? (This is more like a prerequisite, without connection he isn't even a potential.) What kind of a relationship do you want? (ie. monogamous, nonmonogamous, cohabitating, etc.) Do you believe a relationship ought to last 'till death do us part'? (Too much jealousy is a dealbreaker for me right now, as are strictly traditional Christian beliefs.) If this is gonna be a "serious" family-track relationship: What are your goals? How are you pursuing them? (Not having goals outside of the relationship is a deal-breaker. Also having goals that make us incompatible ... obviously.) Do you expect to live here all your life, or do you want to go abroad? What if I need to go abroad for my career, would you consider it? Do you want kids? What's your attitude about childcare, house work, gender roles? (This is a scary question, that maybe wouldn't be posed directly, but a must-know!) Do you drink excessively? (dealbreaker) Do you believe in god? What's your spirituality? Are you into personal development? How do you relax? What kind of vacations do you enjoy? (No need to go always together on vacation, but at least some intersection would be nice ) What do you like to do with your friends? (Not having friends is a deal-breaker, not having hobbies is a deal-breaker, having too time-consuming solo hobbies that I can't join... depends.) How is your family? How do you treat each other? How do you treat your exes? Can you treat all people with kindness and respect? (Realistically there will be individuals who press his buttons, but mostly, if he's nasty and disrespectful to some people like his business competitors or pour people or his exes, then his nature is nasty.) How do you solve conflicts? What are your patterns, what are your beliefs, are we able to learn together? (That's the challenge every relationship has to figure out the hard way.) If I lean on you in my emotional moments, is it draining to you? (This is my personal weakness, so if it is very draining, you'll have a hard time being my partner, sorry. I'm work in progress.) In what areas are you aware that you are a work in progress? Do you actually make progress, or do I have to decide if I can put up with them forever? (Yup, I know, some things don't change.) Hah. I should save this in case I am dating again

It's not like women today have to feel misused all their waking time - but if you look at Brené Brown's research, she writes that physical appearance is still a shame trigger for virtually every woman she has interviewed. The amount of expectations and judgement put on women regarding their looks is still insane. The amount of misusing women's sex-appeal in advertisement etc. is even worse.

@crab12 Notice the following: In internet discussions of female politicians or scientists, someone will always mention their looks. Disagree with a female? Nothing easier then call her ugly. Like a female figure? Don't forget to mention she's gorgeous, too. And this is 2020. The mother likely fought for women to be noticed for their personality and skills primarily, not their sex-appeal. Accentuating beauty to get attention somehow goes against this idea.

@zudrush You are a 35yo healthy man. These are no crushing circumstances in the job market. What is somewhat crushing is the social isolation. What perhaps also feels crushing are unfulfilled ambition. A lot of people don't have purpose, so this is not a reason why you don't have friends, don't be kidding yourself. You keep using the word "meaningful" a lot. I honestly have no idea what it means to you. For example, I gather that career progression is probably meaningful to you. Yet in the eyes of a lot of people, you could have a job with no chance of progress and still do meaningful work, if their work was helping people, or if they had good coworkers (then it would be meaningful for them personally to work with these people). I hesitate to recommend you the life-purpose course again, although I think you need it, because you wouldn't finish it. You need to do some serious work both in the outside world and on the inside (to reverse this unfortunate "I have tried everything and nothing is ever gonna work" mindset), but I wouldn't know where to start. I wish you luck.

You omitted this question, I'm not sure if that was on purpose. I consider it an important question, because there may be paths to get into some fields even without education, you just have to figure out how.

I genuinely don't understand. If you're making hundreds of websites, why not charge money? If you're experienced and self-driven, how come that you're not in demand with employers? Do find a job where you can "progress" and move cities. So much is clear. But the lack of both long-term employment and friends is confusing. Are you seen as 'weird', do you have Asperger's or something?

@zudrush Ok, lets do questions. I write these to help explore the problem from more angles. - Larger city usually means higher rent, not lower rent. Have you checked? Do you already have an area in mind where (the kind of wage you will realistically get) vs. rent is more advantageous? - Why is it difficult for you to keep a job long-term? (100 jobs by age 35 is insane) - How long are you willing to commute to work? - You keep talking about education. What kind, what field? What do you expect education to give you? Why have you dropped out in the past? - If you already had the necessary education finished, what kind of job or business would you like to do? - As for finding employment, have you asked about opportunities your "weak social ties" - distant relatives, acquaintances, friends of friends? (For this, however, you'd have to be specific about what you're looking for.) - You also talk about a lack of social opportunities, you hope people would be 'friendlier' in the new area. What does that mean? Have you previously lived in an area with 'friendlier' people? - What kind of "dating opportunities" are you seeking? Clubs and bars? Hobbies where you meet like-minded people? I believe you can get out of your rut and a move might help. But doing stable work that you're somewhat good at is most important. Once you have that, dating becomes easier too.

To answer your question, it sounds like both: - You have nothing to lose by moving, so you can as well live anywhere you can find a job that can pay your rent. - As for "repeating your past", people have pointed out that you're blaming your circumstances quite a bit. Or so it seems from your posts in this thread. While this is understandable, it doesn't help, and its a mindset you're taking with you. To start noticing this, Leo's videos "Responsibility vs. blame" and "Stop being a victim" might be helpful. If you want to re-try and get focused on one career path, the life-purpose course is for you.

I think the question is posed very badly. If you pose a bad question, you get bad answers. He gave no context. So the girls assume context. First bit of context they assume is, that attraction is already there. That part he got right. (Although I'd like to question the whole "high-quality guy" classification since my own measure of high-quality will be very different than my friends' judgement.) Second, there's just so much covertness and dishonesty about dating in our culture, that yes, some openness is refreshing. That one he misses. Third, he's talking about vulnerability, but the question only asks about letting the woman know what you feel. There's a big difference between (a) "Would you go for dinner?" (Not saying anything about feelings. The woman is left to infer if this is even a date, and whether the intention is a one-night stand or a relationship or what.) (b) "I've been interested in you for a while now. Would you go for dinner and see where it takes us?" (More is revealed about the guy's feelings, but he's clear about what next step to take.) (c) "I admire you and I really wonder if you like me that way too." (Perhaps the most honest for that guy, but a real turn-off, since I'm asked to basically reassure him.) When women speak about being straightforward and meeting them half-way, I'm convinced they talk about option (b) as opposed to (a).

Seems like you do need to take a job then. Just pick something that will give you some useful experience. Finish your studies.

@electroBeam Are you better now? I certainly hope so. I'm missing one piece, and I wonder if you have it (you don't have to tell me). I get not wanting to do long-distance, but how comes your wife isn't able to handle a single week without you? Most people can handle a week without their spouse. A month can be hard but doable. Most people will break a relationship if their spouse wanted to be gone for more then a year, but won't break a relationship if it's a month, even repeatedly, unless its about kids. Frankly, it's not even a task for you to figure out - it's a task for her. But a deep understanding of the needs here would certainly help - that is, if it leads to compassion.