stevegan928

god damn orange makes some catchy rap GANG GANG $$$$$$$$$$

this seems like a hard case red. one of those people who's neurology probably would never let them advance to higher stages.

I've been caught up in it as well but I find it difficult to take the model seriously once I start arguing about it. It's funny really.

You'll probably shit on me for saying this but I think post-structuralist thought would serve as useful to you... Or maybe not.

@lmfao one could make the argument that there is no right way to use the model and using the model at all comes from deep ignorance and misunderstanding.

So sometimes I get these coke fueled ideas like: I'm gonna buy a motorcycle, trade it for a better motorcycle, and then sell that motorcycle for about $1500 profit. I don't do coke but my parents enjoy themselves some meth on occasion and that's basically cocaine's rich uncle. So maybe being raised partially in a meth environment makes these types of ideas pop up in my head every now and then. So anyway I bought a motorcycle from these somewhat sketchy dudes (clean title though so whatever) for $850. Now the plan commences, but first let me show my brother in law (we'll call him Ron) my sweet new bike and tell him all about my plan. So I show and tell. He's surprised that I bought a motorcycle, he's also very skeptical of the whole thing, everything from who I bought it from to my plan to flip a profit. His skepticism really isn't entirely unfounded, however he has a tenancy to be overly cynical of basically anything anyone does to get ahead in this game called life (no he isn't a neo advaiten). He basically started explaining to me how my plan won't work because I paid too much, the bike is too old, and there's no way for me to make a profit. He said I could maybe make $50 profit at most. I would go on to disagree and say I think I can make a couple hundred at least. He said "You really should have talked to me before you made this decision" well the reason I try to do my best not to tell people around me about my plans is because sometimes they don't like to see others around them succeed, so basically they'll psych me out and get me doubting myself. Crabs in a bucket type shit. Fast forward a week or so, someone hits me up on facebook telling my they know someone who wants to pay $1k for my bike (well that's only $150 profit) but at this point I have been doubting the decision I made to the point where I might take it and consider it a clean slate. I talk to this person more to find she's giving me a finder's fee. The guy wants to pay $1500 but she wants a profit as well "HA I was right!" I think to myself, "I can make a good profit on this" I just gotta ditch this middlewoman. Sadly the middlewoman won't give me contact info of the man who's willing to pay $1500 so I might be back to being wrong sadly. Later the next day though, to my excitement, I see an old coworker of mine (we'll call him Jake) is back working with me at Walmart. We talk and I bring up the bike (he's big into cars and bikes) he just got a new mustang. I show him pictures, he really likes my bike, he wants to come over and take it for a spin and I agree to it. After he rides it he asks "how much you want for it?" I ask him to think about it and then hit me up for a starting offer. When I get back inside I tell Ron about how I might sell the bike to this guy. He cynically responds "target acquired" basically admitting I can make some profit while also implying I'm only making a profit by taking advantage of a stupid kid. Jake hits me up offering 1k, I tell Ron that Jake offered 1k but I might wanna finance it to him with some interest. Ron says "take the $1k, you don't wanna deal with that financing bullshit for just a little more money". I go on to offer the following payment plan to Jake $1200 cash or $1300 split into 4 payments. Jake just started renting a new apartment and is still paying off his Mustang so he agrees to the payments. I go ahead and tell Ron about it and he shakes his head in disappointment. Now I found this profoundly odd, I knew of the whole crabs in a bucket thing and have experienced it in subtle ways here and there but never has it been more clear. I have just made $450 profit on this but Ron's disappointed in me for making more money because it's more over time rather than the quick fix of $1k. Now onto some slightly deeper lessons and reflections. I'm making $450 profit but I don't feel like this is a "victory" for whatever reason. I still actually feel like at best this is me cleaning the slate of an impulsive decision. I feel I'm owed this money already in a sense. Maybe this is foreshadowing for future successes, maybe I feel the same way making 6 figures a year in passive income (a goal of mine). You see my plan is to make some passive income that frees me up to just do consciousness work or learn how to paint or something. But maybe I'll never just stop at that, maybe I'll be making plenty of passive income but then spend my free time working on some business ideas or something because I've programmed my mind for lack, I feel like everything I get is owed to me already so I'm not gaining anything, It's this fundamental lack of gratitude. When I'm in my higher self I am grateful for the little things don't get me wrong. But when it comes to money it never seems like enough really. The thing is I have opportunities to explore my creativity right here where I'm at now I can tend to my consciousness now everything I could ever want is right here in the now, It's today, but I'm addicted to setting things aside for the future. The good life exists in the future not right here no way, not today. You see if I believe that I get to be unconscious. If it exists right now I must put some focus on it but if it's in the future why bother? It's in the future. I think to myself "you know what you would really be less stressed if you would just let go and be authentic in your everyday life" no that's for future Steven, that's for him to deal with. Or I'll think "you know what you have the resources to explore your creativity, you can buy painting supplies off the web and while you're waiting for them to come in you have MSPaint and you haven't even began looking at other free paint software, in fact you even have enough saved up you can get Photoshop" no no no, Ron and my sister will get mad if I spill paint on the carpet and my laptop is already getting slower, I'll do that when I've got my own place and a new PC, in fact if I started being authentic Ron may possibly actually beat my ass and kick me out of the house for speaking my mind and then I'm homeless and have brain damage so I can't even meditate properly anymore. Again the plan is you don't start actualizing until you're independent and making good money, then you have the time. Funny thing is even if It's true that I can't be authentic In my home I can still sell all my stuff and peruse consciousness as a crazy authentic hobo. I can go full on Diogenes whenever I want. That isn't very strategic but if you think about it enlightenment is beyond strategy. So I may disagree with Leo that we need to be "strategic motherfuckers" I'm skeptical at the very least. Basically this last paragraph has been musings on how absolutely retarded procrastination is and I should know not to do it but I continue anyway. Procrastination is antithetical to consciousness because it means you'll do it in the future, in some respect strategy is a higher form of procrastination that implies "I don't have access to everything I need right now but if I play my cards right I can have access to it in the future, if I don't play my cards right I won't get access" Smell the dualistic, scarcity mentality? So yeah I'm right, Leo's wrong, strategy is stupid, If you wanna run a successful motorcycle dealership buy some vampyric crab repellent.

Seems like maybe shrooms create new interesting ideas in peoples heads, but then they get all sticky and it just turns into more dogma no different to religious fundamentalism. Maybe the shrooms are too organic or something. I like this guys content but sometimes he goes off on some extremely odd tangents regarding race, African conspiracies, insect beings, crystal technologies, and transhumanism. In theory there is no reason to be closed off to these ideas I guess, but for some reason I feel resistance, I feel maybe maya has really taken him for a ride and he's having trouble navigating the breaks.

@sarapr thanks again friend! yeah I've been messing around with mspaint a lot lately and I've been liking how the stuff turns out. I'll start exploring ways I can implement my talents more.

green would be considering the perspective of the cow as equal to any other i have been lead to believe that every stage under yellow is ideological so that would include green and the care bear vegans. you're saying though that green is in fact the first stage to not be ideological but only on a surface level, since it thinks it's "lack of ideology" makes it superior making green as a whole very hypocritical. I thought green was about caring for the world at large. What are some examples of green then if i'm wrong?

That sounds a lot to me like yellow if you ask me. What's the difference between green and yellow then? Sounds to me like yellow is just green with more self awareness.

Maybe it's common for artists to be at stage yellow. I actually wonder if Death Grips boarders on turquoise.

You don't have to be vegan but it seems like he actively attacks veganism. It could just be me projecting however.

@Ether thanks I just use mspaint. maybe i should see what i can do with something like photoshop.

So I wanna journal for a second about how my narcissism plays out in my daydreams/ imagination. I often dream of myself dying while trying to save a bunch of people, like some shooter comes to my work and I try to run at him and get shot. There would be a big memorial for everyone who died but then it'd get to me and they'd have a bit more to say. Everyone in the crowd starts crying extra for me because I'm a hero. Everyone who just saw me as a janitor now sees me as a hero and feels bad for not noticing my divinity while I was alive, or they'd convince themselves that they did see it. Oh and I bet that girl I liked really wishes she gave me a second chance now because I'm basically fucking Jesus, I died for your sins. Some other fantasies I have are related to art. A lot of the time when I listen to music I imagine how cool it would be if I made this amazing song, I imagine myself playing the instruments or whatever, getting the praise. I contaminate the art with me. I also imagine myself not even being public about my art, like I imagine scenarios where someone accidentally finds out that I'm this amazing artist and all of the sudden their view of me drastically changes in an instant. I guess that's a common theme in these fantasies, having other people realize I'm not just some loser or not just some average guy even if maybe I come off as one. I have sexual fantasies of a similar sort but I think you get the picture at this point. She thinks I'm just some average dude until I give her Leo's patented EXPLOSIVE ORGASM™ and she basically falls in love with me. Sorry babe, I got music to write and then I gotta go die trying to save pedestrians from getting shot.

Conversely could one assume it's easier to advance to the next stage when one becomes enlightened? For example lets say someone is at orange when they become enlightened and due to there new relationship to self and other they now have a smooth and easy transition to stage green, and then after that yellow.

This sounds really odd and it's suppose to, it's a reminder for me to write about the topic in a future post. I'll probably post these on occasion when I have an idea for a topic I wanna journal about but can't quite express my thoughts on the topic at the moment for whatever reason.

Criticism of veganism mostly, makes me think he hasn't fully integrated green, but he shares similar ideological positions against alternative healing and conspiracy theories. He seems very locked in the logical positivist paradigm. I don't wanna just sit here and judge the guy though I'd say I'm at the same stage as him, we just differ in ideologies.

Maybe he has yellow, one common criticism of him is his seemingly radical centrism. I've listened to so much JRE I can basically have conversations with him in my head when I'm bored. I'm a bit of a nut case.

@Joseph Maynor i don't mean to brag or anything but I've actually probably listened to more JRE than anyone on this forum. I know he's very emotionally attached to certain ideas.

@Joseph Maynor what level you think Joe's at? I actually think that ones pretty easy, he's pretty much 50/50 orange and green, rarely advancing to yellow or regressing to blue, just a constant battle between his manly cage fight commentator self, and his positive thinking psychonaut self.

I have been continuing with the releasing of should statements. It's been a bit interesting, I might soon find myself saying I shouldn't release should statements since I currently think I should. I feel like I'm doing it wrong or something, so I guess it's time to release the should from my should statements without shoulding all over myself. I sort of created my own form of this back when I was meditating, my approach was to use reverse psychology on my unwanted/ neurotic thoughts. I'd think something like "he's just a crab in a bucket trying to pull everyone else back in" then if I became conscious of that judgement, instead of then judging myself for being judgy I'd just follow the thought up with a sequel thought but add just a pinch of irony this time around "yeah he really is, he's so bad" I'd think that with a dollop of snark. So maybe I'll try getting back in touch with that practice. In regard to the should statements I'll try to remember that I shouldn't be good at releasing should statements. I guess I just wasn't expecting this amount of resistance for such a seemingly simple and easy practice.

I also make ironic book covers