Salvijus

1 is something, 2 is something, 3 is something, 0 is also a thing.

This is true. When we're around people we tend to be very self-conscious, too mindfull about ourself. Very worried how we look and stuff. The problem is that we can't relax. We're always alert what's happening around us and how we look. Always stressed not to look bad. To look normal. Just all bunch of fears how to look, how to be in every situation. This is causing anxiety. The answer is not self esteem. Look at the children. They laugh like crazy, they shout and jump and do all the crazy stuff. You think it's because they have strong self esteem? You think an innocent child who's feeling totally at ease with people around him is doing self esteem afirmations? No. The reason a child is so relaxed is because he doesn't give a damn about what people think. He's absolutely mindless, empty, non caring, free from concern. That's your answer. These qualities are what will make you authentic and at ease with people. Being absolutely mindless. When other opinions doesn't mean a thing to you. When you're naked and you don't care at all. That's what you're looking for. Self esteem is not a solution. If lets say you gain self esteem and self confidence today. You meet people and you're so super confident that whatever you say you believe that it's fine. I'm super good. Everything I do is awesome. This gives you same space, it lets you relax more. Now that you think that you're always good you don't worry that you might look bad anymore because you really believe that I'm great. This will grow into a big arrogance. Just look how very arrogant people are always seem to be expressing themselfs without any fear of looking bad because they always believe that they are killing it. They think what they do is so great. But they don't have that freedom that if the next moment they make utter fools of themselfs they are still okey. No. They would be terrified. They can't stand looking foolish. That's not freedom. What you want is to be a total fool and still be okey. To laugh and dance and sing like a crazy and don't care what people think. This doesn't take any courage or self esteem. This takes a total sense of abandonment. Forgeting yourself totally ? that's way children are so good at being crazy and wild becouse they have no opinions about themself. No courage or self esteem either. We on the other hand have strong opinions about ourself and we think by producing a positive image in our heads will solve something. No. Get rid of all opinions about yourself. Go back to zero. Self esteem leads to arrogance. Sense of abandonment leads to innosence and freedom from concerns. P.S. I like reading these posts of yours. They're somehow honest and with a lot of open-mindedness in them Edit: you think some great sage someone like sadhguru is always at ease because he has a strong self esteem or that he doesn't care at all what people think? Or why when a person gets drunk he is suddenly so relaxed and easygoing?

Wow.. you have a good therapist

Your ability to know what you want is best when you're quiet. But when you're quiet and you still don't know what to do. Then just be like that. In a state of not knowingness. And be like that. Don't try to force your descision. Forcing things in life is no good. Even if you're in the bathroom

distract yourself with something. watch some cartoons or tv shows. Community and rick and morty are a great shows that are not about sex

But the thing is (I think) that by relying on friends and having girlfriends to be full your problem will only get worse. There's one solution that comes into my mind. Find yourself a spiritual minded girlfirend that also pursues enlightenment. Then your needs will be satisfied, you'll be able to focus more on the important stuff. And you won't be distracted because your partner is also going in the same direction sounds like a solid plan to me

Could the problem be that you're just not interested in the subject? For example, I have a terrible focus on things I don't care about. I spent 12years in school going to history classes and I didn't learn a single date. I just couldn't hear what teacher says because I had zero interest in the subject. But I used to sit focused and concentrated intensly on math questions for long periods of time without any fail. Not being able to focus when studying, that sounds like you're not interested in the subject.

This is a good article From my own experience the most intimate self-equiry method is when you watch the effort to meditate itself. Try it sometime to watch the effort Also this is a beautful self-inquiry example

Arrogance is not bad but it's stupid and it can only happen from ignorance. In reality no one is more important then anyone else. And wars happen just because of that. Because somewhere we think our happyness is more important then others. And that can happen only if we're arrogant.

There's some truth in it. Some feel stuck and don't know any other escape. But you do. You've been exposed to spirituality. You have everything that you need to grow and transform yourself.

Truth is that neither Henry's nor Bob's desire matters. You're impying that everyone should have equal right to get what they want. But actually nobody has any rights at all. Nobody deservres anything. It's a human's invention and arrogance to think that you have any rights towards anything. People should do what is needed, not what they want.

The nature of his teachings are very familiar for me to the vippasana meditation and bhuddism And vippassana is a decent practice tho I don't know much about Tolle. Maybe I spoke to soon

One answer would be. the opposite of self-survival is self-offering / offering of your self One is about protecting yourself another is about giving yourself away. I don't care I think this is a nice analogy Practical things to do. Volunteering. Selfless acitivity. Doing something good for others without any reward or expectation of getting something back. Or you can just sit here and make yourself into a process of offering to the whole world without moving a finger. But that's not yet possible for you

Here's an explanation

Honestly, I don't know what to say. Just make sure you have some kind of daily spiritual practice and it will sort itself out. Don't look for a girlfriend. If it happens - good. If it doesn't happen - very good. If you're looking for happyness and you think someone from outside will give it to you, then it's not a wise attitude. Whenever you feel sad don't go outwards for solutions go inwards. Don't waste time thinking about how to get girlfriends. Just work on yourself on and on. Until your life is fixed. You want girlfriend? - you meditate. You want to be successfull? - you meditate You want to be social and charming? - you meditate. Whatever the problem there's in your life. You meditate. Always go inwards. You think oh my life is a mess, what should I do? You meditate. Don't try to solve the outside situation, solve yourself first. Make yourself in such a way that whatever happens - you're okey. That would be my advise.

@winterknight who was the first self enquiry teacher? Was it Ramana Maharshi?

I know that self enquiry works. Don't know anything about shamanic breathing tho.

Self enquiry vs meditation? Is that your question?

Standing still. If I move my eyes somehow sometimes the picture moves a little

First loose the attitude. What you're asking is how to manipulate a women to like you. This is so sick...... Women are not things to satisfy your hormones. How do you attracte friends? you don't. There's just some poeple that you resonate with and some you that you're not. girlfriend is just that. She's a friend. She's not someone you manipulate to feel one way or the other to satisfy yourself.

I've been in the same situation. I've been on a classroom chat then when the school ended. After a year or smth I thought what am I still doing there. And resisted to leave because everybody will know Anyways I just did it. I just left it. First few days I thought oh what will they think of me. Am I being unfriendly. Then I forgot about them. Now I feel great. It was annoying bondage in the end. My advise - just do it. It will hurt for 2-3days. Then you will feel great.

@caelanb I'm asking if the tension happened due to meditation practices

How long do you do self-enquiry? Maybe give it some more time. Do it for 5-7years. i'm sure it will sort itself out by then

I had tension on the face but it was because of meditation. Somehow self-enquiry produced this tension on my face. Witch after some time I could feel during the day also. It become very annoying also. And I couldn't relax while lying on my back, trying to fall asleep. In other words, I couldn't fall asleep while lying on my back because this face tension would increase alot Do you experience something similar? So if you have the same problem then there's only one solution that worked for me - kriya yoga. I did kriya that creates allignment in energies and suddenly all the tension from face got very nicely into my forehead. Now it's a very pleasent sensation unlike before. And it doesn't produce any tension. So It really solved this problem fantasticaly I would say.

You can't make him understand anything untill you fix the relationship. Right now you're debating who's smarter. He or you. And there's conflict and heated arguments. In such atmosphere he will never going to admit that you were right even if you are. That would mean he lost and you won. He will be avoiding that in so many ways. It's just pointless bittering and arguing. First if have to become friends with your dad. Only then he will be willing to be open to your ideas. You have to create a joyful atmosphere, a very comfortable, joyful, loving atmosphere. Only when people are happy, they loosen up. They become more open to new things. When heated debates are happening and when you both are on each other's throat..it's like a fight. Who's right and who's wrong. Both want to be right no matter what. And how do you win? By never admiting defeat. That's why those conversations you have are producing zero effect, only anger and frustration. Anyways.... I'd give him Inner Engineering book. That book simply has no flaws. It's made in such a way that you can't even argue with it. It just so so logical. And book itself is very light and funny with many jokes, it's very easy to read. Unlike other nondual books that use very complicated language. It's a huge advantage that the book is always funny because only then people's minds opens up to new ideas. It's easy to read,.it's very engaging and there's unbeatable logic in it that if your father reads it there's no escape for him. Edit: also he puts all the wisdom in funny stories that captures readers attention. It's not just dry informacion or philosophy. That's a big reason why this book is so good for beginners to nonduality. Sadhguru made this book exacly for this purpose. Exacly for your father you can say. To take even most religious unthinking or whatever mindset and direct them to nonduality.