Dan Arnautu

Thanks a lot! I too appreciate yours and others' attention. I do not take it for granted. When it comes to neediness it's a really big frame issue. Most guys come across in their interactions with girls something like: "What can I do so she will let me fuck her?". The problem here is the frame itself. That means you are trying to take something away from her. You are trying to fulfill a need. Not only IS IT NOT MUTUAL, as in, at least you should both have fun, but you are trying to pump away at her and if she feel good, that's great, and if not, whatever. Imagine a girl trying to do that to you (i.e. fucking you and not letting you cum because shed doesn't care about that). This doesn't apply only to sex, but to love too. Into any interaction, not just with women, you have to go into it with a giving mentality. "I am here to give my gift." In a conversation with a friend that may look like giving advice or listening very deeply to him and with a woman it may look something like trying to GIVE her the best orgasm ever or preparing an awesome date. Not because you want something out of it, but because that's what you do. That's what you were put here to do. To penetrate the world with masculine energy. And masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, mission leading, creating and sharing your deepest essence through that. If you want to get rid of neediness in a fundamental way, you have to change from the inside out. You have to become complete within yourself as in not NEEDING a woman in your life to be happy. You have to start to see your ideal woman as just an accessory to an already great life. You could have a life just as awesome without her, but still, having her around is nice. That's the mindset you should be coming from. One pillar to solving this is creating a great life for yourself. Create an awesome career, cultivate awesome skills, travel etc. Whatever rocks your boat. The second pillar is massive self-education. I could write for hours here and I still couldn't cover even the fundamentals of male/female polarity. Read the following books 10 to 15 times, until you have all the concepts internalized and you don't have to think about them anymore. How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne this one especially teaches you the fundamentals The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida The Sex God Method by Daniel Rose This one is optional, but is still important because a woman WILL leave you if the sex isn't good enough. Screwing up one of the intimate acts of the relationship will harbor resentment in her and make her want to leave you even though you may be a great guy. Also, watch this video: The third pillar is meeting and hooking up with so many hot women that your need dissolves into thin air. You burn layers of karma. You don't even think about gettin sex or love as being a problem, because you are now in an abundance mindset. You know that you can get both if you wanted to, without much effort. That's where you probably aim to be and where you CAN be if you read the books above and you start taking massive action. The most important things are so overlooked because they are so obvious. You just need to take action. You may say: Yeah,yeah. I know. That's true. I knew it even before you told me. And I say: Yeah, but are you doing it? That's about it for now. Start taking action on those 3 pillars and you're gonna start to see results. That's all there is. Sitting and thinking about your ex all day won't change anything, as you probably already figured out. Good luck! I wish you the best!

@saish @BMoss @7thLetter @kieranperez @laurastarla Guys, the video is up. You can find time stamps for each letter in the video description. Please excuse my mood in this video because: I haven't slept properly in a week I am very sick I know these will get better with time. This is as much of a learning process for me as it is for you guys. I'm not that comfortable on camera yet. It's actually one of my first times speaking to camera, especially not in my native language, so please don't rip me a new one, lol. I find it's much harder than it looks. Remember that I'm doing this to make the work on the thread easier while also getting to improve my own skills and trying to relate to you in a deeper way. Some things I found I need to work on are: My energy and delivery Sharing more personal analogies as to not sound condescending If I'm pointing out any mistakes, there is a very high chance that I did those mistakes too at some point, so if I seem like I'm talking down to you, I'm really not. Planning before the video, reserving more time for shooting as I saw I missed plenty of details because I was in a rush My verbal and physical tics Etc. Let me know if you got what you wanted from the answers. If there were things I overlooked, do tell me and I'll respond and clarify.

@saish You guys will be kept anonymous, so no worry there.

I'm both surprised and glad that the questions are still coming in. Seeing the thread grow makes me think of changing a few things. I see many problems that I already adressed in previous replies. I think I'm gonna start posting the answers in video format on youtube or something of the sorts. That way I can easily redirect people who come with the same problems to those specific videos and I can go into more detail on each question. Also, that way people can more easily interact with each other in the comment section. And, it would make this thread more compact as I will only post the links to the videos as replies (with the tags of the people I responded to) instead of having long stretches of text. I can't really link to previous replies if someone comes with the same problem I adressed in the past, but I can link them to the video in which I talk about that, so it would make my job a lot easier (especially if the thread just keeps getting larger). @kieranperez @laurastarla @kieranperez @BMoss @saish You guys would be the first ones I respond to that way. I'm gonna try to shoot a video today and see how it goes. Let me know what you think of this idea. I would love your feedback and input. On a final note, I really love that all of you guys want to start or have already started taking action towards improving your life situation. Most people we see around us wait for the problems to fix themselves with time, make excuses or sit around bitching and complaining, and oh boy that doesn't work. I think all of you guys are on the right track. UPDATE: Started shooting the video reply, but my phone ran out of space halfway. Now I'm emptying it out and I hope it doesn't take too long. I am pretty busy today, so if it takes too much, I'm gonna shoot a longer video on another day, of course with more letters from you guys.

@WildeChilde Funny enough, I had an awakening when I was singing. I was blasting New Divide by Linkin Park in the car. It was night outside and my friend was driving very fast. I was singing at the top of my lungs and noticed that I was hiting even the very notes perfectly. On a very high note, close to the climax of the song, I felt like I was going into a state of union unknowingly. I felt like the song was singing itself. My whole head was vibrating weirdly. My body became very relaxed all of a sudden. I could feel my awareness expand into my surroundings and felt bliss coming all over me. I was like a full cup of water that was spilling all over. It was very hard to take in that much pleasure, plus the fact that I never felt like that in my life and blindsided me totally. It was a kind of orgasm that I hadn't experienced before. I thought about it for two days straight after that.

After about 5-6 goddamn hours, my 2nd vision board is finally finished. Can't wait to get it printed! Hope you like it!

@BestSelf I see that the issue of self-acceptance is a recurring theme with people here. I was and still am guilty of it myself at times. You can't really do anything other than practice self-acceptance. You have to learn to love your flaws and be grateful for being able to identify them. If you can transform them into assets, do that. If not, accept them and see if you can improve on them in any way. Either way, you have to change from the inside out. If you try to just fix the external circumstances (your inadequacies) through different techniques and gimmicks, the insecurities and negative self talk will still be there after that. I was self-conscious about my sternum for most of my life. I have a condition called pectus carinatum (pidgeon chest). In the past, I wanted to do surgery in order to get rid it, but I figured I shouldn't just choose the easy way out, and thus only use it as a last resort. I started going to the gym and now, 4-5 years later, I don't have any problem with it. Personal growth has transformed the way I look at it and that's why it doesn't bother me. In the past I thought that people would laugh at me, saying that I have man boobs and things like that, but at this point in my development I wouldn't give a rat's ass about their opinion. I wouldn't want negative people like that in my life anyway. A change in mindset I think is required in order to provide lasting change. Adopt an Amor Fati attitude, as in, "one shall not want anything to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it—all idealism should be mendacity in the face of what is necessary—but love it." For all your inadequacies are necessary. You must love them because they show you how you ought to do in the future. Do not judge them for guiding you in the right direction. In the future you will look back at your flaws smiling because they made you a stronger and better person in the present moment, they made you more equipped to handle life. Watch Leo's video on the power of self-acceptance (you can find it on youtube). Do the exercise there multiple times and you should start to see some positive change in your mental attitude. Finally, please realize that all outstanding growth comes only from a place of acceptance. A fat person shouldn't accept itself only when it has finally gotten fit. That's not transformation coming from a place of love for the body. A fat person should see the situation as it is, accept it to it's full extent, and start to change because that will lead them to having an outstanding life, not because they hate their current self and the way their body looks. I trust that you can spot the difference. Good luck!

I don't think you should instantly assume you have a problem. If you enjoy doing those things, keep doing them. It sounds like your are just worried about other people's POV or maybe society has imprinted your mind with the fact that a 35 year old should act and be a certain way. I am 20 and I too prefer to chill out rather than party, and hate when people break my routines. Maybe just practice meditation and mindfulness on loud noises and being non reactive when people mess with your schedule.

@okulele Changing your diet radically will never work. It will just cause a yo-yo effect of binging and punishing yourself into eating less the next day. You have to find a way you can eat the foods you enjoy, eat out with friends and be able to drink alcohol without it affecting your fitness goals. You haven't learned the fundamentals yet. Let me give you an example. I am currently on a cutting phase. I want to go down about 8 kg of fat, while putting on muscle. Today, my first meal will be a chocolate cake that my roommate just brought me. And now I might hear you say.... "But Dan, how can you slim down by eating cake?". I can, because I know what energy expenditure is, because I track my calories and macros, because I do intermittent fasting and that allows me to have big, satisfying meals while still getting shredded. You have to learn the basics of nutrition, otherwise you are just banging your head against the wall. You don't have to only eat salad and lean chicken breast to get the body of your dreams. Read Eric Helm's Muscle and Strength Pyramid's books. In the picture below you can see an 8 week transformation from 2 years ago. I lost 10kg of fat there. I was eating fatty burritos every night, having a chocolate every single day, going out for drinks with my friends and much more. Once you learn the fundamentals of nutrition, you don't have to limit yourself to anything. You can eat whatever you want. Quantity is the key thing you need to track. There is no ONE healthy food. Almost no certain food is bad in and of itself. If you eat 80% clean, you can throw some candy in there. It won't make any difference. Consistency beats perfection. If you really want to eliminate specific foods from your nutrition, do it one at a time. Any more than that and it will backfire. Also, find alternatives. If you drink too many energy drinks, switch to sparkling water and so on. You get the gist. Read the books, apply what's there, maybe hop on a Kinobody program (search for that on google) and "Voila!", you have your dream body. Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. Good luck!

Will there be more videos about practical topics (like "No growth possible without training", "How to shop for healthy food", the commonplace book video etc.)? At this point in my life I saw that those help me much more than the ones talking about enlightenment. Will you only cover deep philosophical and non-dual topics from now on? Although, I've got to say, you helped me get an A in my "Meaning, Existence and Truth" class with the Derrida video. I referenced your video in my essay and I illustrated how when you apply Derrida's deconstructivism to Wittgenstein's Rule-Following Paradox, you can see that the paradox will forever remain unsolvable in any absolute sense, because it has the wrong epistemic foundations. Took your advice and dug the academics a new hole on that one. Thanks in advance, Leo!

@Kisame I see that you thought this through. I'm gonna tell you something you might have not considered though. If you meditate every single day, you build momentum. If you only do a hardcore session a week, your procastination/resistance will be through the roof, firstly because you will have lost the momentum from not meditating the days before and because the meditation session is 7 hours long, which is a daunting task. Plus, the 7h meditation is more prone to being affected by an emergency than 7 20min-1h meditations. 1 thing can ruin you whole day meditation. If you spread that out though, not only can you move the meditation accordingly to another part of the day, but it will also be less prone to emergencies.

In this case I think less is more. It isn't humanly possible to deal with 50 things at once. You should maybe take care of one thing, and then you move on to the other, and then the other. You shift areas of focus. If you say you NEED to balance more than 5 things, I think the answer is not finding a way to balance 50+ things, but rather, find the 5 most important things that keep MOST of the balance in your life. The needs are not of equal importance between them. Some have to be more important than others. If you can only work on about 5 needs at a time, do the following exercise: Make a list of all the needs that you have to balance. Ask yourself the following question: What is THE ONE need that, if fulfilled, would make all the other needs easier to deal with or irrelevant? Once you have the most important need that you should adress from answering the question above, remove that need from the list and repeat the process four more times. Now, you have found the 5 most important needs that, if fulfilled, will make taking care of all the others easier, or will make many of the remaining needs irrelevant. This is an exercise borrowed from Gary Keller, author of the book "The One Thing". It worked wonders for me and it will many times prevent paralysis by analysis. If you want, send me a message with the results of the exercise. I'm real curious. Good luck!

It's great that you decided to take ownership of the situation. Well, there is a lot of work to do in your case. I think you gotta start with small things that can make a big impact. That will keep you motivated. Thing is, it's very hard to make and keep friends if you are depressed. We, as humans, usually want to hang around happy, outgoing people. If you can just put yourself into a decent state of mind, that will do wonders for you and progress will start to show. Seeing progress in what you are doing is key, so that's why I say that starting small is very important. If you will see yourself as successful only after you get rid of all the problems, you will have robbed yourself of the whole joy within the journey of becoming the best version of yourself. I say we tackle this one by one, otherwise you will get overwhelmed. If you are willing, I say we should start with the walking and talking, because we as humans are doing that all day, and that might provide the greatest return on investment. Watch these videos and start to apply what they say: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWirfhjfeVo&t=3754s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hg8bNsybfNw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB1Rv9bW9hQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbXhofIJSQU Also, I suggest you read The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. He has a part into the book dedicated to body language, but the whole book can offer more insights on how to adress your particular situation. Here is a quick excerpt that might stir your interest: "The superior man practices opening during these times of automatic closure. Open the front of your body so your chest and solar plexus are not tense. Sit or stand up straight and full, opening the front of your body, softening your chest and belly, wide and free. Breathe down through your chest and solar plexus, deep into your belly. Look directly into the eyes of whoever you are with, feeling your own pain as well as feeling the other person. Only when the front of your body is relaxed and opened, your breath full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person's eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation. To act as a superior man, a samurai of relationship, you must feel the entire situation with your whole body. A closed body is unable to sense subtle cues and signals, and therefore unable to act with mastery in the situation." - David Deida If you are willing, send me some pictures with your sitting, standing and walking postures the way they are right now (in a private message) and then, after practicing the things said in the videos for about 10-15 days (especially the ones in the second video linked above about body language), send me another set of pictures to update me on your progress. Remember that poor body language is not only harmful in social situations, but it also affects your physical health directly. Hunched shoulders can cause shoulder impingement and mobility issues, sitting for long periods of time everyday can cause anterior pelvic tilt (which causes back pain) along with tight hips and hamstrings and so on. I could ramble about this for days. I will try and help you adress the other problems too after we see some improvement on these ones. Hit me up with a DM. That's about it for now though. Good luck, @blacksapp!

I never said that what I'm advising here should be treated like the gospel of god. I never even said that I can solve people's problems. I just try to support people into making a change for the better in their lives with whatever tools and knowledge I have on my hands. You can see it whichever way you want though.

Watch the following videos. They represent less than an hour of invested time in exchange for maybe hundreds of thousands of dollars in your bank account or finding your ideal job. They will tell you all that you need imo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zCK3mQuvfw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkMZoTe7JXs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tdyZWbGWO0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KukmClH1KoA&t=575s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0-I-HYPeHo Fact is, most people looking for a job do the bare minimum to get in. If you apply just a little more effort than that, you have no competition. Almost all applications are thrown into the thrash because people don't know basic grammar these days. Maybe 30% pass the grammar and eloquency and 5-10% are chosen for the jobs. So if you are applying for a job with massive competition, remember that 70-80% of them will be rejected from the start and you don't have to worry that much. Also, read the book: ”How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. It goes into great detail on the issue too. Good luck!

You can try the Depression Meditation Pack from Headspace. I did the anxiety pack and it helped me a bunch. It actually made me understand anxiety better and change my relationship to it. A few years ago, I experienced panic attacks on a daily basis. Now I experience those only in very special circumstances, which I think is and outstanding progress. A psychologist or psychiatrist would have not been able to do that. Good luck!

I had a four year plateau with my guitar skills and only when I found a mentor one year ago had I started to make progress again. So imagine my frustration with that. That's why I can relate to your situation.

@Ether There are no quick fixes. Either your are committed to the path of mastery, or you aren't. Just looking for the quick fix is taking valuable time away from doing the actual work. And I know it can be frustrating, but that's just the way that it has to be sometimes.

If you are focused on your purpose/mission in life, you won't have any time to look at or think about those kinds of people. Unless your purpose is to make those people more aware of their closed mindedness, I suggest you focus on you. Also, the endeavor of changing their mind will usually end in failure because they have to be ready to change. "Don't try to teach a pig to fly. You will end up dirty, and it bothers the pig." Good luck!

Judgments don't help the situation in any way. Remember: "When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you." Let's keep the atmosphere supportive here. If you have something negative to say to the guy, send him a personal message. This thread is about building people up. Let's keep it like that. Thanks.

I had that very same problem. You need a night routine that you repeat every single night, one which will tell your mind that you are ready to sleep. The routine can be something simple like: Dim all the lights 1 hour before sleep Make a cup of tea and drink it while reading a book or watching something funny Brush your teeth Go to sleep The key is to do the same routine every night without exception. Also, by any means, have a cut-off point for all work. This is a tip I learned from Cal Newport. Have at least half an hour before sleep where you can detach from all work, all external stressors etc. Don't go to the bed immediately after studying or reading a complicated book. Your mind won't let you sleep from all the running thoughts and ideas. Other things that will make your more sleepy and get your body ready to sleep are: Installing the Twilight app on your phone / Flux for desktop and laptop. These apps will get rid of all the blue light that the screens project. The blue light prevents your body from secreting melatonin, which is the hormone that regulates sleep and wakefulness. If you get rid of the blue light, you will become sleepy much faster. That's also why I suggest that you turn off or at least dim all the lights in the house one hour before sleep. Put some music or nature sounds in the background (any kind of constant sound will work). Contrary to popular belief, humans have not evolved yet to sleep comfortably in complete silence. Our body is used to sleep around camp fires, in forests, in nature in general, where you hear many sounds constantly. Cut off all social media for at least one hour before sleep.

I'm gonna quote Gary Vaynerchuk directly on this: "All of this looking back is fucking with your neck." What happened, happened. You could not have done it any other way. Why suffer the event over and over again in your mind? Ain't once enough? If you can do something about the situation, do it. If not, see that as a lesson both for how you should not act in the future and for becoming more present in the moment / aka making the past die every second.

We have to get rid of the quick-fix mentality if we want to keep making progress. Your improvements will usually come in small spurts after long periods of plateau. So you just have to keep at it. Also, maybe you haven't found the technique that works best for you yet. There are so many. For me, going into my body (ex. body scans) works really well for slowing down my mental chatter and making my mind more calm. Because when I am fully into my body, I can not be into my mind. Visualizations also work really well for me. For others, awareness of the breath or chanting mantras may work better etc. Sample each meal for a few months each and see which one attracts you the most.

You're gonna get paid very consistently if you make use of social media. If you build a large following, you can easily get sponsorship deals, do affiliate deals, create products etc. (and you have the potential of becoming a millionaire simply from those). There are many ways to go about this. You will figure this out. What you have to accept when pursuing this path though is all the consequences that come with that job: the way people perceive you because of your job, your prospects of getting hired in other industries if you did porn in the past, family tension (bc many parents don't agree with the idea of their child becoming a pornstar, mostly because of how other people will perceive them) etc. If you know all the consequences that may appear with that job and you are ok with them, and if that's what you really want to do, then by all means, go all out.

I don't get what the problem is. Is it hard for you to make money or is the way in which you are making the money painful? Also, if becoming a pornstar is what floats your boat, there is no one stopping you.