Dan Arnautu

@Leo Gura Don't know if you know much about coach Corey Wayne. That guy seems to combine the best of both worlds as he is also a life coach and doesn't want to provide quick fix solutions. He emphasizes a lot that getting laid won't get you happy and that your purpose is much more important than women. His idea is that people should see women or the prospect of a life partner as just an addition to an already complete, awesome and fulfilling life (and that's what women are attracted towards anyway). To paraphrase him: "If you are not in a relationship to give, you have no business being in a relationship." Corey is an example I would like most PUA's move towards.

@SirVladimir 99% of people won't even entertain the idea of enlightenment. Expecting your father to do so is unrealistic, especially in such a hard moment for him. You will need to learn to think as you like, but still behave like others (as the author Robert Greene says). In the past, being too far from the tribe's mentality could have gotten you killed. Just think about the moment when Darwin came up with the theory that humans evolved from monkeys. A lot of backlash and death threats came his way. You need to learn to keep low key around people less psychologically developed. Don't expect your parents to change their ideas about life. They won't change unless they want to. Finally, as you continue to grow, you also need to work on not losing the common touch.

@Socrates Yeah, that's also true

@kieranperez I have the following categories in Microsoft OneNote: Ideas Website Ideas Marketing Ideas Band Ideas Journal Ideas Quotes Here I put the quotes I find most meaningful to me Goals Short Term Mid Term Long Term My Impossible List look this up on google Goals Exercises (to find out what they are) Book Notes Lecture/Video Notes Assessments and Exercises To Watch - Read - Listen Useful Tips Things To Buy Quick Notes

Intrinsic motivation is like an innate drive to do something. It's not manufactured. For example, why do I feel the pull towards progressive, metal music and sweet acoustic passages? I don't know. I can't formulate. I just feel it. I just feel the need to learn a specific song because I like it, because I enjoy it, because I feel a tingling in my hand to pick up the guitar. Do I do it for money? Well, this hasn't even occurred in my head. I just picked up the guitar, learned a song and said: "How cool is that?" You need to get back in touch with that kind of drive on a regular basis because it can be obstructed by the chase for status, success and money, which are not intrinsic motivations. I could get swept away by praise and validation and play music to get more of those instead of playing because I love music. And you don't "come up" with an intrinsic motivation. If you do, it's NOT an intrinsic motivation. You just need to dig under all the crap in your mind and find that motivation that was totally obstructed by the externalities of your day to day life

@Leo Gura Yeah, that's true. We have so many grains because without them we would not be able to feed the entire planet. It's not that natural for humans to eat grains (think corn for example) Although, oatmeal from what i've see is very, very healthy.

@Jhonny Pick one thing. Work towards it. It may seem too straight forward but your mind will find the how-to with little problem once you hace the destination.

I've been trying to figure out my top 10 values and when I describe the Art/Beauty value it sounds something like: I would be expressing myself through my art everyday (be it a business, a youtube channel or a music album, or anything else). The art that I create would make people cry, would inspire people (would make them appreciate life more), would motivate people (either to improve themselves, to take action towards what they want or to make a change in their lives for the better). The art that I would create would be a testament of my highest strengths. It would be like a force of nature. I would be surrounded by other artists like myself and we would maybe collaborate to create even bigger and better pieces of art, or just collaborate in order to spread the message that we want to spread. These artists would be both my friends and business partners and we would do and create great things together. I also have the Contribution/Impact value on my top 10 value list, but it would basically say maybe the same thing as the paragraph above. So, I see impact as being important for me, but what I wrote above under the Art/Beauty value would implicitly create a big impact if I pursue it. Should I drop the Contribution/Impact value and choose another one from the list or keep it (although I don't know how to describe it)?

The post will be a lil' bit on the long side but bare with me please. So, I am in a rut and can't figure out what to do next. I have a severe case of rennaissance man syndrome, lol. The following paragraphs are not to tooth my own horn. I had spent a lot of time and effort into each thing and I really think I could use some advice. Some quick insight on my situation: Studied guitar for more than 7 years. I have a deep love for music and mastering my instrument. Currently learning under a guitar coach and am member of a group of professional musicians Learned a lot about guitar teaching and models that are not used in my country yet I know that I can become a very good guitar teacher I also love fitness and coaching people - I have been lifting for 4-5 years but I think already surpassed most fitness trainers here in terms on achieving results with clients even though I am not certified learned the industry coached people on how to shed bodyfat and build muscle and got extraordinary results I am currently a philosophy undergraduate student I already figured out that I don't want a career in academia so in that aspect I'm very clear gonna finish the degree anyway - 1 year left all that I have learned will be of help in teaching, coaching, writing and self-improvement I love editing and making videos I get very creative when it comes to video production and I think this would be my go to medium for creating content in the future, no matter the industry I highly enjoy self-improvement I have read more than 40 books, done a lot of courses, and implemented many concepts into my own life Basically, I feel that I have an edge in the following areas: Musicianship - becoming a musician Guitar teaching - being a guitar teacher Fitness coaching - being a fitness coach Self Help - Becoming a self-help guru with focus on musicians, thus owning my niche The bar of excellence is set so low in my country that basically I don't think I would have competition if I would get laser focused on any one of these. If I would have lived in a country like America or England, I would have had a lot of competition, but right now, as soon as I get out of college, I could have success in any of these I strongly believe. I have no secret. I just work very, very hard. For the past 2 years - no parties, no social circle, no gossiping, no watching TV, no video games, NOTHING. I wanted to build a strong foundation and not piss away my best years. I just turned 20 a few days ago. The recurring theme in all of these domains of activity is I think the sense of doing a certain activity skillfully, with a sense of mastery and effortlessness. I enjoy doing each thing very much to the extent that in the moment it becomes the best and only thing. One day, I am at a concert, seeing my favorite band and I am thinking things like - "Being on that stage, expressing that kind of power and beauty ... This is what I want to do for the rest of my life." A week later I get into the gym and someone asks for advice. Then I think "I like doing this. I wouldn't mind doing it everyday.". Then I get home and read some book by Gary Vaynerchuk and I think: "Wouldn't it be awesome to start my own personal development channel on youtube? Musicians could really use the things I know. After all, there is a lot more ego in this industry than others." Right now I really think I could make a quick buck in college by coaching people and helping them achieve their fitness goals. But after college I want to start a guitar teaching business. I now get thoughts like "How would people react? Wouldn't this make me a jack of all trades?". Then I think of Arnold Swarzenegger. Bodybuilder->Actor->Governer of California and business man in between. Then I think that I'm also still working on my own music career, studying with my guitar teacher. So, WHAT THE HELL DO I DO? See the vicious circle? Self improvement may be thing that made me want to get good at all these things. I deeply want to master all these things. So, I don't know. Am I really a rennaissance man or do I just need to find more clarity? Or none of the two? What do you think? My brain is practically soup right now and I'm caught in a deep paralysis by analysis and can't get work done in any domain anymore because I can't commit to one specific thing. Interests just seem add up one after the other.

I don't want to become a skills generalist. Who is more fulfilled? The medical generalist or the brain surgeon? Some might argue that the generalist has less headaches, but generalists don't make as much of an impact on people's lives as a brain surgeon. Most people can agree on that. It would be great to create my own niche by combining different passions of mine and become the go-to expert there. I think that would be a much better course of action.

Thanks for the input, @Wyatt! Yea, money is a high priority right now and in the near future. I'm not chasing it, but I'm soon gonna get out of college and I want to become completely independent from my parents ASAP. There are a lot of investments I want to make, and I can't ask my parents for money every time. It's also much more satisfying to pay for them with my own sweat and blood. That's why I want to get the ball rolling. I've studied enough. What I need right now is a proper direction to put my effort towards. The actionable steps to take are not a problem to figure out, but I can't decide what those are unless I have a destination set first.

@Leo Gura Thanks. I'm gonna try and answer that. I also want to buy the life purpose course when I have the money.

I'm gonna start: Interstellar (for expanding your mind and realm of possibilities) Unbroken (for persevering in the toughest times) The Theory of Everything (Love) The Imitation Game (learning about how the computer came to be) The Intouchables (how social status and any other superficial things mean nothing in your interaction with other human beings) V for Vendetta (sacrifice) 8 Mile (crawling your way up from point 0) Arrival (expanding your mind) Pumping Iron (inspiration to work towards your vision) Schindler's List (how one can make an impact on 100's of people's lives) The Intern (staying positive and active in old age) Hacksaw Ridge (willingness to make sacrifices for a cause you believe in with all your heart) Gandhi (treating all people like parts of yourself / the futility of violence) These are just a few. Let's hear yours.

@heisenburger No answer for I can think of right now but I just wanna say that this is a good question. Very few ask informed questions on the forum lately but that may be just me.

In hope this post will reach more people, I am gonna tag some active and helpful members of the forum that may have some insight on this: @Leo Gura @Loreena @Martin123 @Shin @Joseph Maynor @Emerald @Visitor @ajasatya At this particular time, seeking advice is the only thing I can do until tomorrow. It's 3:00 A.M in the morning where I am right now and I think I just might have prevented a suicide attempt, even though I'm not sure about it. My father just fell asleep. Today my father was acting normally up until I noticed him drunk at about 10 P.M. That was odd, because he was not drinking with anyone. he was drinking alone (I think he finished a bottle of vodka by himself). At about 12 P.M. I heard a bang in the kitchen and the sound of a plate shattering. My dad fell on the floor and broke a plate. He was so drunk that he was not able to get up on his own. I got to terrified when I saw him on the floor. I was trying to help him and he was saying things like "Why don't you just let me die?" or "I can't take this anymore!". I instantly assessed the situation and switched to a positive mood to help him get out of that state. I tried to be loving, affirming and showing him that I am there for him. I helped him get up even though he did not want my help and he sat down on the chair. He was continuing with the grim train of thought, saying "Things are not as they should be", ambiguously saying "Dan, I just want to wish you success." or "If someone could just put a gun to my head." Keep in mind the fact that he was just fine a few hours ago and for the past few days. I started asking him what is the problem and he said there is no problem, that there are only idiots that need to kiss his ass etc. He was hardly able to put his dental prosthesis back into his mouth and even then he eventually pulled it out and put it on the table. It was a pretty disturbing scene to me. I tried to comfort him both physically and mentally and eventually he got up, went to the bathroom (sat there for almost an hour) and then crashed into the bed (in which he fell asleep almost instantaneously). After he fell asleep I could also see a bruise on his back from the fall. Why would he be depressed and suicidal? I have a few thoughts. He is unconscious to his self talk. His thoughts are driving him nuts. What thoughts? A recent conflict with his brother which I think destroyed their relationship. I'm not gonna go into details. The fact that he needs to go back to a foreign country in which he works in order to sustain his family. He has been there all alone in a big house for 6 years, except the 2 years in which he payed for all his brother's expenses to stay there with him (he admitted to me later that he did not want to be alone and that that was one of the reasons he did that, the other being to try to help his brother find a job). Other thoughts include life not being the way it "should" in his mind, not being good enough, not being there for us enough, not being too present in my childhood etc. Like I was saying, I think his mind and particularly his thoughts are driving him nuts and I can not seem to be able to help stop them. He is using alcohol to numb the pain but alcohol is also a depressant. He is a totally different person when he is drunk. All of his suffering surfaces in that state. My mother is in Spain at my sister's for vacation right now. She left yesterday. My father has to go back into the country in which he works in about a week from now. I am alone with my father until he leaves on the 28th, that is if he isn't actually suicidal (which I lightly doubt) and has any attempts of suicide in his mind. What do I do tomorrow after he wakes up? Do I call my mom and tell her about the incident? Where do I seek help? Do I seek help or do I just talk to him and find out what I can do to help? Does anyone have any experience with these types of cases? I was totally blindsided by this event. My father was acting normally just earlier today. I am really worried and I now feel like I need to act like a hawk around him and maybe look after him 24/7.

@HypSandar @S33K3R Luckily, I've got the situation under control for now

@Revolutionary Think When you are thinking rationally, of course sex seems gross. Sex is not a rational thing. Sex is a play of masculine and feminine energy. Even in same sex couples, the play between those two components is still there. The woman can also play the masculine (dominant) part and the man can play the feminine (receiving) part. When I was a virgin, I was also looking at things from the perspective that sex is gross. BUT, once I actually had sex, I figured out that sex is not just two people rubbing genitals together. It's a whole experience. It's you giving yourself totally to the other person and the other person receiving all of you, accepting all that you are. It's a game of pushing and pulling away, an alternation of slow and rapid movements, a building up of sexual energy to the point of dissolution into the act itself. You may not have a need for it. That's great to hear. Some are addicted to sex and romance. But, that does not mean it would not make your life better. Sex is the ultimate act of intimacy. You won't ever know what true intimacy is until you have sex. You may not have great sex in the beginning, but once you have one truly deep, bonding and mindblowing sexual experience, that might change your mind about sex entirely and make you start to look at it as being a sacred, spiritual act, not a gross one. That's what happened to me. Some people may not feel the need to read. Some may not feel the need to go to the gym. Some may not feel the need to socialize. Although, I doubt that the ones who don't do those things are happier than the ones who do. You are here to try everything that life has to offer. Don't limit yourself. Don't make excuses. Play the field for a while. If you don't like it, you can always go back. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

Update 2 My dad rested for a few hours before we decided to go to the pool in order to change the air. We then went to some relatives that we haven't seen in a while and everything started to look miles better. I won't get my hopes up yet though. Yesterday was an all time low and today seemed like an all time high. Today he seemed pretty cheerful and positive. That may change on a dime. As I said, he is prone to mood swings. I'm gonna see how the following days will go. I hope they will have at least a good baseline with no significant incidents. Again, thank you all for your support.

@Toby @Visitor @Shin @Joseph Maynor Thank you all for your kind and valuable input. Update: He woke up still depressed and I kept talking to him for about two hours, trying to cheer him up. I think I did to some extent and also got some insight on how he is feeling. The issue does not stem from a single thing. He has feelings ranging from worthlessness, hopelessness, sadness, sorrow, not feeling like he fits in (he feels like he is coming from a totally other world) etc., all coming from different life situations he was put in and bad streaks of events. I am afraid of leaving him alone because I know that that is the time when his mind can come back full throttle with the negative self-talk. When I talk to him I can at least get him out of that pattern of thinking. I got him to laugh a little bit, but progress seems to be very slow. I think he feels that I cannot possibly understand what it's like to be in his shoes and that's why he doesn't open up to me fully. He still tries to repress his emotions even after encouraging him and giving him the space to let it all out. He told me that the only way I can help him is to accept him as he is. The thing that I found bothers him the most is the fact that he seems to fail at whatever he tries to do and that all the people whom he tries to help end up backstabbing him. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant because that is how he feels in the moment and I can't change that. I will try and talk to my sister today but it's hard because I don't want to let my father get out of my sight. Right now he seems ok. He is watching TV while probably still ruminating on those negative thoughts. He is prone to frequent mood swings right now.

@Toby Thank you for your input. I know that he was drunk, but I also know from other family members that he got into depression (again) a few months ago. I would not post here if it weren't serious or if I did not see clear signs of worry. I tend not to overreact during situations like these. I am pretty clearheaded right now and want to figure out what is wise to do next.

@ShapeShift Bad from whose perspective? No book is good or bad in and of itself. The real question is "Is it useful to YOU? Does it serve YOU in any way?" I think that if you do not read or get a taste of fantasies, your life will become pretty dry and nihilistic really fast. That's what happened to me. I became so logical that I could not see the beauty around me anymore. I was stuck "upstairs" all the time. I say read the book The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and see for yourself is fiction stories can be "good" for you or not. Also, take a look at Tarkovsky's movies like Solaris, Stalker, The Sacrifice, Nostalgia. He created some profound and mind buggling science fiction movies that framed some deep philosophical questions and problems. He also had a great ability of creating a meditative atmosphere in his movies which slowed down your mind and made you pay attention to every little detail.

@Andrey I can not tell you how much the corporate like environment in academia killed my love for philosophy (I am a philosophy undergraduate student).

Hi guys! Some months ago I had an experience that woke me up from sleep (physical sleep, haha). I saw like a white light, but I didn't give attention to that. What got my attention was that I was practically raising up from the bed(real fast, like in a knee jerk reaction) with my mouth open wide and started hearing an increasing ringing in my years (in pitch and volume) , I MEAN LIKE REALLY LOUD and then it stopped after a few seconds and I came back. I didn"t give that experience much thought because I've had sleep paralysis experiences and I got used with things of the sorts. I just went back to bed. Odd enough, for a few days after that I started seeing everything like, much more vibrant in color and it was like almost hurting my eyes. I stayed mostly at home the following days and the feeling started fading away but right now again I am getting powerful tingling in my forehead (even now I feel it). I searched on the web it sent me to third eye/pineal gland related articles I was just browsing through the web on some DMT related videos and a guy said that he had the same experience (like the experience that woke me up from my sleep) just before he entered a DMT trip. He said that there is a myth which says that is a sign of your pineal gland (third eye activating). That made me have an AHA moment. Am I interpreting any of this wrong? It kind of all makes sense to me, even as a not so ”superstitious person”.

@hinawashi It is really hard to find a balance on this issue specifically. I know because I used to brag all day everyday, a few years ago. Oddly enough, I was much more successful in my endeavors back then because when I projected that confidence outward and showed that I am more capable than others in certain situations, I got a lot of validation. Things were working my way and no one could "prove himself smarter or more capable than me". Right know, I have just the opposite problem. Since I started to self-actualize and raise my consciousness, I tend to find a lot of faults within myself and the more I see those, the less of a need I have to judge others, even for the most seemingly evil behavior. I no longer brag or see the need to prove myself, to the point where people don't know how capable I actually am and usually assume that I may just be a kind of a weakling that does not like to speak up. This humble behavior that I acquired is starting to hurt my day to day life because I am no longer seen as assertive - I tend not to speak about my grand projects or show off my abilities anymore because I do not feel the need to, because I think it is shallow. I only show them when it is necessary. Right now I am reading a lot of books (things like The 48 Laws of Power or Thick Face, Black Heart) in order to push the scale a little bit towards the other end because I have become too passive and "pleasing" to other people. Not to ramble, the takeaway here is remember that it is very easy to push the scale towards the other extreme after starting to raise your consciousness. I believe that you should very carefully and CONSCIOUSLY find a middle ground, whatever that may be for you. Your mind will very easily push for the other extreme when you decide to make a change. It's like those times when someone gets sick of binge eating everyday and decides not to eat for the following two weeks or something like that. Of course the problem will not be solved. It will just bring more suffering. A more sustainable way of dieting that can be integrated in day to day life needs to be found, not crash diets.

@Leo Gura Thank you for your answers, Leo! I really do appreciate you answering my questions.