lukmi

Hello fellow self-actualizers, I've come across a mental problem that has to do with dating. I am currently working on getting better with women. Sadly I face approach anxiety and almost every time I don't manage to approach when I go out to public places to meet girls, I begin to beat myself up about how everyone is capable of seducing girls but me. The thing is that I never had a girlfriend or anything alike before cause I've been addicted to video games from the age of 11 to 16. (I am 18 now.) Hence I didn't socialize in that time and have hardly any experience with women. I worked out my social issues with friendships but this women thing is still nagging me. That's just for my background, the actual issue here is the beating up. It also occurs when I read or hear that someone lost his or her virginity at the age of 14, or that people have had sex with X amount of girls/boys, or gossiping that he or she had sex on with whomever on whatever party, and so on. Actually many sex related topics disturb me, even though talking about this is totally accepted where I live. And I don't like that it disturbs me as it hampers my success with women and I really like black and disturbing humor. So what can I do about that? I know that many of these things that other people talk about are wrong and or boasting but my emotional mind doesn't care, it gets offended and starts to intimidate me. So the ever-lasting cycle for me is: I go out I don't approach most of the times I get upset or even angry about it I go home My desire for women comes back up at least one day later (mostly in the evening whyever) Repeat Yet I really want to tackle this women issue, I don't want to stay a virgin forever. Nor I want to have to deal with this again when my first relationship ends. And I'm going to college now so I have all the external resources I need. Perfect time. What can I do to stop beating myself up? Tips regarding dating are also welcome! Thank you in advance and greetings from Germany!

@kurt To be honest, most of what you wrote is unintelligible to me. Please explain! What means being good at meditation? Where is the threshold to "bad" meditation? I've been meditating for 4 months with leaving out 7 days. Still I got much mental fog going on and I realize how my ego is fighting the torment like a stubborn toddler that defiantly spits out his soother and rages around. By problems you refer to my beating-up problems and not my dating problems, right? For me, dating has nothing to do with serving needs of other people and not taking something. To the contrary! It has to do with creating a pleasurable situation for myself. But I'm also not really taking something either. It feels more like I do an incremental change in the world by participating in the dating game. Yes, this involves giving, but it's purely motivated by my own desires. Additionally, I'm learning that offending people is OK cause leaving the people-pleaser mentality is part of reaching my dating goals for me. What would you advice me on that world view? I think it's appropriate.