JustinS

The haunted universe video that Leo mentioned.

I have almost zero motivation to cum anymore. I actually found kind of a cheap that's common in the spiritual circles. I feel into the sexual emotion so much that I actually almost ejaculate but through and up my spine and out the head during meditation.

3:08

Now time to purge!

Couldn't be a more perfect timing! Haha! Welcome home you son of a bitch!

Lose yourself to the Self and you will see nothing but love, love, and infinitely more love.

@Nahm Hahah thank you!! This is so true. I am so ignorant that it hurts to watch. I've got thick layers of this stuff omg. It ain't gonna completely purify overnight. My body is not used to being so open. I feel so vulnerable, it's nice but also cringey. It's just love, there's really nothing else. Love! Omg it's too much at the Absolute.

The ego that thinks it's going to get enlightened and be better or somehow more special than anyone else is the all time greatest disappointment that has ever existed. It's like getting caught cheating and never admitting it, until you give up and tell the Truth but 100,000,000x worse and cringey. Once you awaken everyone is awaken. How you perceive the world is directly proportional to the magnitude of your identity.

As soon as I'm identified and locked in as an ego, it feels like there is literally nothing to do but seek, seek, and seek. As soon as I pull my head out of the water, there is just an immediate knowing to just STOP!. It's such a f****** trip! Wow. Fulfillment vs. Unfulfillment. Emptiness is fulfillment.

Throughout the day today I've oscillated from being awake to asleep, from intuitively and experientially knowing who I really am vs. locked in the prison of the mind-body organism. It's truly a God sent gift once I pull my head out of the water, and I immediately get depressed, clingy, and desperate as soon as I forget that it's a dream. It's literally the difference of night and day. Being awake vs. asleep feels night and day... It's waking up from the dream, no other way to put it, and as an ego it's pure doubt. Like tripping and experiencing the Absolute and falling back down to your identity, not gonna lie it's kinda depressing. When I'm back locked in the mind-body box I just carefully and single handedly observe each thought and fully experience them. There are so many doubts, insecurities, and fears. Even if I tell myself in the back of my mind, I am not this, not that. It doesn't really penetrate. I've just experimented that the only way to truly rest and relax into my Being is to let my body go on these full on Kundalini energy releases. It can be painful but it's purification at best. The energy just shoots the unconsciousness up through my body and out the top of my head. It's pretty much identical to a epileptic seizure, however, I do have control to stop it. I want to post a video here what it looks like but I'm kinda hesitant hahaha. It looks like being possessed. Anyways, I'm still only beginning to realize who I Am.

The whole mechanism of seeking is designed to ultimately fail. When it finally fails with certainty, that’s enlightenment. The more you are deeper in exhaustion and frustration, the better.

@Nahm Hahaha no more questions, just enjoy the f****** ride! :')

@Monkey-man Haha this is for you

This will only make sense after spiritual exhaustion.

@Nahm I have not completed anything. I’ve only just started and that is why the laughs are so apparent right now. I’ve literally just started and it’s polarizing between sad and funny. Within time I know this laughing will go and deeper and deeper embodiment will have to take place. Shit’s about to get real and I feel the body needs some serious purging to do.

Now that I see it, the deeper your search the better. What you’re creating is like a sling shot. The deeper your yearning the further you pull back on the sling, til a point where you can’t pull anywhere. The sling rips apart or swings the other way completely shattering the whole slingshot. Without this intense pulling there wouldn’t have been this breakthrough.

@DocHoliday ? it’s a sick joke but to the separate self it’s not, and I have empathy for that too. It’s like you’re playing in the game but you know its just a game. There are other players who believe it’s very real and you can’t threaten that. I know cause it did to me before. It only made me feel more contracted and solid. In my experience Love, openness, and compassion is the key. Be vulnerable, be you. Cry and laugh alot!

This video made it just stop and click. My mind was still, heart open after a mdma heart opening experience that eventually became the Absolute. Next day I watched this and I laughed like never before. If I had seen this last week it would have flown from one end to the other. If you see it than you see it. If you don’t, you will. ?

@phoenix666 I think seeking, career, relationship, money, partying or whatever that you may think will fulfill you is what needs to be dropped. Seeking or spirituality is in the same category as the other stuff. The teacher is saying drop everything. It seems to me that there is no difference between seeking and the other stuff. It’s the temperory filling of the unevitable void. Stop holding, clinging, and doing anything. Don’t think your way. Burn away all your beliefs and concepts to the feeling of “I Am” and leave the rest to grace. ...BUT at the same time I would recommend 1000 hours of meditation and lots of psychedelics LOL! Oh this paradox makes me sick to the stomach. No more I’m done.

Haha love this, “When someone asks me who they are, or what God is? I smile inside and whisper to the Light: "There you go again pretending." - Adyashanti

Seems like there’s this balance that has to take place. A deep yearning for truth will eventually ripen you, and once the fruit is ripe, juicy, and sweet it will naturally want to plunge down onto the Earth’s ground and rejoice back into the whole, which of course was never separate. The fruit that initially formed on the branches, young and ignorant, needs time to ripen. When the fruit has developed faith and trust upon maturing (ripening) it will fall with grace and gratitude back into itself. ?

@Mighty Mouse It certainly does not exist but I had to find that out for myself. And yes you can’t pretend that you’re there as thats also just believing and more concepts. It’s the end of concepts and clinging to experiences. It’s a thin imaginated veneer in front of our eyes. How does one get here to there? Run, run, and run for thousands of miles til you drop dead and stop and see. See the ignorance and laugh! AHA!

@snowleopard Yes! Without so much of the suffering and pretending. Believed pretention = suffering. The divine will punish you for that lol!

@DocHoliday Yes, this individual, with much success and fulfillment one day may feel some emptiness that just creeps in out of the blue. At first, he just ignores it, but then it’s there again and again time after time. He starts to question himself, “hmm what is this?” He looks inwards and begins the search and after years to no prevail of filling this emptiness with answer, he just gives it up, then smack! Aha! It’s here. Now his work in the world and the fulfillment that may bring is secondary and not so much result orientated, he has become a true unconditional giver.

@Leo Gura Forever in gratitude Leo. Thank you!! ? ? Becoming a seeker was the worst thing and yet the best thing anyone could possibly do. Yet, if someone told me “should I start seeking?” I honestly would not know what to say. Seeking enlightenment in a way causes so much duality, separation, and suffering, like a child taken away from it’s mother, to the point you just break. You are intentionally expanding this duality between the seeker and the sought, causing immense longing and forgiveness to the point where you’d just give the whole damn thing up, and the child finally resting with the mother in a littler more deeper way than prior to awakening.