Natura Sonoris

Hello I need a advice from you folks. Over the last years since i started watching Leo's videos, my life improved a lot ( i could write an whole essay on it ) but I am kinda struggling in cleaning the garbage from my subconscious mind. There is a lot of bad stuff from my childhood that i became conscious of as i was practicing mindfulness and doing meditation for 1 hour each day. Basically what i did is whenever i become angry, depressed,needy,when i want something or when i liked something about some person, i started to question my thoughts as they appeared. I was very mindful while i was doing this, so i did not make any judgments. I came to realization that if you feel in certain way (let's say you are depressed or angry ) you are responsible for it. I wrote whole guide about this, so you might check it out. (it needs to be polished a bit, but i ll do it when i have more time) Now i am at the point where i started to feel more in touch with myself (meditation on daily basis really helps me) but there is a lot of subconscious stuff that are bothering me. I am aware why they are bothering me but it is really hard to break the programming that you mind created. I still have a lot of insecurities about myself and my ego is pulling me to stay there each day. For example, my 3 biggest insecurities are : being totally independent, opposite sex ( that basically fucked up my relationship) and being able to speak up for myself (and possibly being able to defend myself properly). I know i need to break my comfort zone so i can break all of this, but can someone give some tips and advices. I can see the growth here if i deal with all these problems but it is hard when everything goes against you.

@Falk Leo announced that he is creating ''Reprogramming The Subconscious Mind'' course and it will be released around autumn (if i remember correctly). If you are not familiar with Leo's course on Life Purpose, he starts with ''theory'' (but theory on level that you can expect from his videos) and then he goes on practical stuff. So you can expect a lot of good stuff in that course.

Hello While meditating few weeks ago, i became aware of tense sensation in front of my face. It is located between my eyes. I think it is result of my jaw being tight during the day in general. The second reason may be is that i am kinda type of person who is in his head a lot so when i analyse stuff in my head, my face gets tense. Anyone else experiencing this and is there any ''solution'' to it ? Because i think this tension is sign of stress.

@charlie2dogs I have no specific purpose, but in nutshel to get more focus, calming the mind and observing the thoughts that are present in my everyday life to get awarness over the mind. Also i am doing empirical investigation on what is true ( but that is not my main focus) The last one would be long term results of holosync. Why yoy ask ?

@Actualising @An actualizer @The Village Idiot I saw images where the third eye is supposed to be and i must say i can not be sure if this is cause of meditation or my tense jaws.However, i saw now on google that pineal gland is activated by using binaural beats, which i do use when i meditate. I am currently using audio program called Holosync. Holosync forces your brain's hemispheres to sync with each other that results in brain functioning better. Leo said he used it when he started and he said it really works and there is book from creator of Holosync in Leo's book list (so if you have access to it, check it out) but if you want to use Holosync, it is at least 5 years commitment. You need to meditate each day for 1 hour but you start with 30 mins first 14 days. Anyways, tonight i meditated for 1 hour and 20 mins using Holosync, and i was observing these sensations closely. I relaxed my jaw as much as possible, so i knew that it could not possibly be it. I must say there were weaker sensations present in this zone that i mentioned than usual. So my ''opinion'' or ''belief'' is that there is some activity there going on but i can not say for sure what it is. Maybe if you give me some resources that i can research on, i could pay more attention to it. Another interesting sensation that i experienced tonight was that i observed some circular type sensations that started let's say left side of my head and started to oscillate to right side. But it is not fixed like a straight line, it is fluid and it moves forwards and backwards (if direction even exists :P). Best description would be that you imagine a sound starts from left speaker and while going to right speaker it moves forwards and goes up.When it reaches the right speakers it does similar process but kinda reversed (but generally it is never the same). So anyone experienced this ? Just curious in general. The third interesting phenomenon happened when my mind started to get more and more ''quiet.'' The ''quiet'' is maybe not the best word for it because the thoughts are always present but when i tried to force myself to think, my sensations of thoughts would just appear and disappear in awareness without some chaotic movement that we experience normally during the day when we are active. If you can imagine a narrow river stream, that would be good presentation of it. But now here comes to interesting part : In few moments it looked like the thoughts could collapse on themselves, or in better words, they could literally implode on themselves. Has anyone experienced this or anything similar ? I know that my mind could be tricking me because in mental noise you really cant really filter out what is pure experience and what is just a thought in that mental noise. But still, i am kinda curious to hear out from you all.

@Actualising Can you describe this pineal gland activation ? I never heard of it or stumbled across in my meditation research (which is kinda shallow but still i researched quite a bit).The sensation is present like big ball of sensations that has center around the nose.

Hello folks I wanted to open this topic because these months were very strange for me. Over the last 2 years i have been watching Leo's channel because his videos helped me realize how much bullshit is inside my mind. The first most influential videos were 'How to stop being a victim'', ''Taking Responsibility'' and ''How Not to Care What Other Think of You'' ( titles might not be accurate because i did not watch those for some time). I started to question my whole life since my childhood and i saw how much garbage is inside my mind. I started practicing mindfulness during the day and it gave me powerful insights on the how the mind works. After doing this for 2 years, my life improved a lot but after newer videos over the last few months, i saw there is whole decade of really deep work that requires a lot of sacrifice on my side. Now, i am not taking this as just words that Leo said, i actually realized how our egos are root cause of our our problems. It is totally different thing when you take it as belief and when you actually experience how your mind behaves. I came to realization that mind is nothing more than just a perception like any other, it is more like a visual-audio sensation that tends to stick with aspect of reality and stick with it for certain period of time (but time is ilusion) . One of those ''sticking'' is the mind's tendency to stick to the sensation of the body and when you focus your atention to that sensation, your mind will create really vivid mental image of shape of your body (at least in my experience). I came to these realizations when i started to meditate each day for 1 hour (also using audio program called holosync that helped me build habit of doing meditation each day ). After i finish the meditation, my mind tends to calm down a bit. Now my question is : I saw the benefits of doing the work. I realized the benefits of doing meditation but as always, your ego strikes back and you get sucked in it again. So i would like to commit my time doing more because at the moment, i am young and i have lots of free time (still i know time is ilusion) I already started to question all my beliefs and i can see that it is never ending game... your mind can come up with any bullshit it wants, it has infinitive resources.I am aware that my mind when is writing this post is doing nothing more than another mental mastrubation and it is not accepting reality as it is. But still ... is the key really to meditate as much as you can and really do nothing ?

Doing The Inner Work Hello I present you my ''tutorial'' or ''guide'' on how to do the inner work. This tutorial is basically what i learned over the last 2 years of doing personal development. Much of this stuff comes from watching Leo's videos and reading books but also doing mindfulness as much as i can during the day and meditating each day for 1 hour. Probably some of you are familiar with this stuff that i am going to write about,if you spent a lot of time watching Leo' videos and applying the knowledge in your own life. However i felt a need to share my insights with you. One of reasons for this is that i want to give my personal experience and maybe someone will learn thing or two from it, and also someone else could post some insightful comment from which we all can benefit from. The third reason is write my insights on one place so i can reflect on them in future . I will probably start writing my online journal on forum so i can reflect on it but for now i will write everything here. Note : I will try to keep this tutorial as clear and fluid as possible, but i have to notify you, i am not type of person who knows how to write good. I did not prepare any plan on how to do this but i will figure out as i progress. First i will start with my model how the mind works.This ''model'' is just my observation so i will not quote researches and books, nor i will do with other stuff in tutorial. Maybe i will mentioned few books or information products. There will be edits in text such as correcting errors and adding more stuff. If you see some part of text that you don't understand fully, i will probably edit it to look more polished. At the moment, i am writing this at 2 am so i feel sleepy so excuse me for some sloppy parts. 1.Mind Mechanics And Ego When i started my journey, i came to realization that mindfulness is probably the most important skill you should develop in life. The reason why i believe that is simple. Observing your mind gives the best possible clue on what you should in life. When you observe your mind, you start to notice how it functions in different situations. First implication of mindfulness helped me a lot with my ''seeking validation'' , ''judging people'' , ''victim mentality'' and so on. Whenever i noticed i behaved in certain ways, i would start to observe my thought process and my emotions. When everything ended, let' say i got angry at someone, i would play the movie backwards what really happened. What i learned from doing this over 1 year, i came with important insight. If you have ''problems'' in life, it is not that someone got you mad (let's say, my mother in my case) in external world ( by external i mean, what you think is external). Your worldview is the one that is causing problem in life. It is not your wife, husband , kids, boss or any person or situation. It is you and your worldview. Now someone may argue that this is not true but if you really practiced mindfulness and did meditation, you would realize it is true. Now... i am not saying the emotions you feel are not real. Everyone gets angry and it is natural but you need to realize the only person doing is you. There was a good quote i found on internet few days ago that talks about this ... i don't remember it fully but basically what it says is this : If other person is angry for any given reason and it reflects ''negative energy'' on you, if you don't react to it, who will the one that will get angry ? Well not you since the energy stayed at same place. Now, our mind is hardwired to defend ourselves and that its main purpose. To be more specific, our ego is hardwired to react because its main purpose is to live. What you need to understand is that the base operating emotion of ego is fear. That's reason we all fear death. What you need to understand now is next thing : Ego uses fear to protect itself from everything that is threatening to it. In order to proceed, i have to explain what ego is. Ego is basically how you see yourself and reality around you. It consists of self image, thoughts and subconscious mind in nutshell. I could go deeper but i think this is enough for you to understand everything else. First major insight is this one and it is obvious one but if you explore it deeply, you will get few aha moments : Every ego is unique. Now this seems obvious but when i talked to some people, they did not get the full depth of it. This basically means that your whole worldview is unique and there can't be another exact one. This means all your ideas about everything is unique but it is not more true nor false than other person. For example : If you think killing animals is bad, you are not right. For your ego it seems as something very true, but some other person it is completely normal. So if you think that being a psycho is bad, you are still wrong. For you it may look true and that is perfectly fine, but what you need to understand is that for psycho killing people or whatever seems very very true. Now, someone may talk about morality at this point and give us some generalization of what it means to be a ''good'' person. But yet... you are again false because in reality, there is someone who has different view on morality. You can read more on this topic in ''The Righteous Mind'' where Jonathan Heidt talks deeply about morality. Or you can simply watch Leo's video ''Good vs Evil.'' I will explain this is more detail in next paragraph. Now.. my point here is that your ego thru life picks all sorts of beliefs about life and it mostly functions like this : Seek pleasure, avoid pain. Now we go to childhood. Let's say you are born and your mind started to develop. Your parents feed you with all sorts of beliefs about life starting from your name, nationality etc. Ego starts to develop itself image and subconscious mind stores everything it experiences. You can imagine subconscious mind as huge hard drive where your whole life is being stored. Your subconscious mind is responsible for every thought inside your head. I never have read too much on subconscious mind so everything i know is basically my observation. Now i present you next situation : Imagine you as kid approach a dog for the first time and the dog bites you. Now, your ego would raise its defense mechanism and remember that situation as something negative and something to avoid. Avoidance main operating emotion as we mentioned is fear. So basically, now is most likely that you will develop fear of dogs.... Now the problem here is much deeper. Your subconscious mind which you are not aware of will start to build a self image of yourself as person who dislikes dogs. This means, when you see a dog, your will just reinforce your self image of dog hater. When you see a poster of dog sterilization, your mind will approve it. The point here i want to make is next : Your subconscious mind is creating self-image of your self that suit the ego. So if your ego ''learned'' to avoid certain situations it is because it experienced something negative. For example, if you dislike ANY person for any reason, your ego is avoiding something that it experienced negatively in the past. Or it was fed to it as belief as a child so it was build in to avoid it. Now here lies the problem Let's say as a kind you were told that you were beautiful and you were really fed that belief and your ego created really strong self image. Now imagine you go to school and everyone tells you that you are ugly. As a child, probably you would react emotional to it and your ego would start to dislike it. Imagine the process is being repeated over and over again and now you have huge conflict inside yourself. On one hand, ego loves the belief of parents calling you beatiful and it receives pleasure but on other hand it receive pain from social pressure. Now ego will create a huge conflict because it can not figure out what to do. And now you will start seeking validation. This is reason why ''ugly'' people take most photos because they want to validate it. This is just random example but this can be applied to anything in life. My point here is that your ego thru life learns what it suits him and what not but you need to realize it... everything you consider to be good and bad was just being fed to you thru life. This goes for any belief you have about anything.So if you argue that killing people is bad, you need to understand that belief was fed to you and you never even questioned it much because you were never probably never conditioned to kill a person. Your subconscious mind picked it up as true for the ego and it basically that self image was supported by society. Now imagine yourself in African tribe where killing other tribe is treated as heroic deed and plus, it would be rewarded. Now, you may think : Those people are less civilized than us. But that is just another belief you were fed as true and it was reinforced by society. In their worldview, killing is normal. Now, many of you may argue that this is true or false but be mindful that is just worldview. This whole text is just worldview and it can be treated as completely false in reality. But i would like for you to become aware of it if you did not already. This can help you understand yourself more deeply and others. But the most important insight here is this one : Question all your beliefs. You will realize any single one of them was just fed to you. And i dont think only about negative ones but positive ones as well. When you think you are good person, you need to realize that is a lie. You were just conditioned to believe that and you are just probably seeking validation for it. That's why most people start to believe in God just in order to feel good about themselves when in reality they are bullshitting themselves and they are avoiding pain. This can be applied to many situations. None is perfect... i hold too much bullshit for myself as true just because i feel like it and i was conditioned for it. But being mindful about it helped me to be more openminded and to change my worldview because i know my worldview like anyone is false. So now here are few insights i got from my observing : 2. Dealing with Anger When anger is being triggered in you by some other person or situation, you need to know that you the one who did it in first place. What that means is that your mind is conditioned to pick certain experience from reality and to trigger emotions which erupt into negative thoughts. For example, i noticed that i am really getting angry whenever i hear my mother' voice. This si the case because i was conditioned as a kid to take her voice as something ''negative'' for me. Now i will not go into details but let's say my mother had too much influence over me in my life as child and after in teenage years i started to push that influence away from me because my ego developed a conflict. The reason for this was her bad parenting over me and her victim mentality she developed when she was a kid too.All this had major influence on what i consider good or bad etc. But over the last years i could not stand my mother nagging me until i realized why i was doing it. Just becoming aware what was going when she started speaking, and my emotions coming thru followed by thoughts, i became more aware that it was something that i need to solve myself because i was conditioned to do it. Ego created defense mechanisms that are triggered by fear which cause you to get angry. So whenever you are angry at someone, it is because you are being scared of something. Your ego puts your defense mechanisms to defend your self image in order to protect you. But in reality in does not help one bit. Finding out the root cause of all that is what makes a change. So whenever you get angry, start questioning what beliefs are you defending and why. Why are conditioned to hold them and why you think they are true ? What you will discover that they are not true and it is jsut fabrication of your mind, but you need to explore it deeply. Also be aware of anger triggers because is major clue what is really bothering you. For example, when someone calls you stupid or ugly, try to see what self image you defending if you get angry. But i repeat, nothing is perfect so probably you will get angry for lots of stuff in your life... but when it happens be mindful why is that so. 3. Being Judgemental of Others Before i even start this topic, i want to give you one insight. Have you ever realized that everything you experience if being filtered by our ego. So when you see a painting, your mind will probably judge that painting based on what ego picked up thru life. Let's say you somehow hate cats and when you see painting of cats, you ego will filter that experience. What you need to understand that everything you experience is being filter your ego... but even more strange and paradoxical in a away.. when you reflect on your thoughts, your experience if of reflection is being filtered by your ego. Now.. the reason why i mention this is next : All the people you meet in life, you experience as some part of you. Now.... what this means, you are basically filtering other person with your own ego. So in a way, if everything we experience if being filtered by our ego, that means we see so called ''external world'' as part of ourselves. Now, the big illusion of your mind tells you that is not the case but if you take a closer look, every person you experience you can experience it as one part of you. In a way... you are projecting yourself on the world. So when you are seeing other person, you are seeing just part of your ego. Now this part of ego may be the one which asks itself : What i need from this person to suits me ? but still that is part of your ego. Your ego maybe sees that person as source of validation but still nonetheless, it is still part of it. Now really big insight here is whenever you are judging other people, you basically judging one part of yourself that ego dislikes. I will give you example .... my friend who smokes weed from time to time but like anyone else who build the habit of smoking weed (or any ''negative'' habit) will mention how he is above it and he is in control. But in reality, i know (as ex weed smoker myself) when he sees opportunity for joint he will smoke it. Funny thing is that he recently became a gym junkie and he is doing all healthy stuff but i know he still smokes weed from time to time. Then he started judging our third friend who is weed smoker and is basically a slob and total opposite of him. I just listened to him but what he did not realize was next : He was basically judging part of himself that he dislikes (the part of being weed smoker from time to time ) in order to maintain his self image of gym guy and healthy guy (positive self image). When you fully realize this, it will transform your life. If you find yourself judging people, try to find that part of your self that you are trying to avoid, It must exist because ego would not make judgement of it in first place. In order there to be a judgment, ego needs to avoid some negative self image it created and it requires a reference which must exist in ego. This can also be applied to anger as well and any negative emotion in general. Now, you may ask yourself : Why i would i even do this ? ... well just see how much you are bullshitting yourself when make judgements. To be continued ...

Reserved Post for possible edits and updates

@MarkusR Now when you mention it, i should be meditating earlier during the day in order to remove that fog inside my head so i remain as much focused as possible. I did it few times and whole day after doing meditation earlier was really good but i forgot to build a habit. As for 30 mins, i am using Holosync audio program which forces you to meditate for whole hour. Its long term purpose is clean subconscious mind of garbage (like ordinary meditation). The whole program is really demanding and it will take you at least 5 years to complete all levels. Leo mentioned that it works and it rewires the brain as it is mentioned but he stopped using it after he found out about some other types of meditation. So i decided to try it mainly because it forced me to build a habit of doing meditation each day (if you dont do it, it wont work). Other reason is that i wanted to improve my mindfulness skill that helped me a lot with my self-esteem issues. Observing my mind when i get angry or when i seek validation for something, (nothing dramatic but still when you realize it, you want it out of your life) really helped me a lot. Then i thought next step would be to meditate and to observe my mind and to clearly see what is inside it without need to react on it. But i noticed that my mind needs at least good 20,30 mins in order to get ''weaker'' so i can i observe it as it is (sometimes my mind is so hard to calm down in order to do it, so my meditation sessions are kinda weak).So for me 1 hour is really good, but more than that for now is overkill. But now i kinda feel i need to cut off too much shit out of my life in order to get proper peace of mind that i want. First of all, when i wake up, i have some morning ritual and i have to admit, sometimes i slack of and waste time on stupid stuff. When i waste time, my mind starts to fill with shit and tension buiilds up. My mind is like on crack cocaine. It is hyper analytical and when that happens, there is a lot of space for unwanted garbage. Also i am doing kinda analytical work which requires me to work on computer so thats also a big issue. So much room for mind to play with unwanted stuff. I will check out the video you posted and will try to do the exercise.

@Magnifico If you want to build a good habit, try meditation with audio program called Holosync. It will force you to do it each day for 1 hour and it is long term process. It should take you 5 -10 years to finish whole program if you do it properly. But when you build a habit of meditating each day, you will want to do it each day. Keep up

@MarkusR The thing is my mind is really neurotic in a way. Most of the time i am alone (i enjoy being alone) doing my regular stuff but that also means that i am also a lot in my head. So during these activities it is really hard to mindful and i really dont ''know'' how to meditate during the day. During the day i can feel tension in my mind and if i dont meditate i get dragged in all bullshit that my mind is dealing with. I have a lot of subconscious garbage from childhood that needs cleaning. I think everyone does because i see it everywhere around me but i am aware that it is my own projection and i know i see other people as one part of me ). The tension melts away after i meditate for 1 hour and i can feel the emptiness and stillness. But now it is really hard for me to decide what to do.This is subconscious garbage is really screwing with me during the day and meditation is best decision i have done to clean it up. I am dealing with more and more garbage each day but still i know there is a lot of hidden stuff that i am blind to. I dont know if you get me what i mean

@The Village Idiot Hello I want to ask you some question since i want to increase my meditation time to 1 hour and 30 mins each day (i do 1 hour now). -Do you keep your eyes open or closed ? If they are open, it is natural that they get tired. If you want to keep them open on same level, you need to relax your body and not tense it. If you are tensed you can not do meditation properly. -How you deal with keeping your back straight ? I sit in the chair but i kinda feel that my body gets lose over the time and thus making my back move a bit. -Also what you do with salaiva gathering in your mouth over time ?

Hello guys I wanna learn more about SEO so i want some up to date stuff but i am looking for some quality stuff. Any suggestions ?

@GodelEscherBach And where you get this idea that masturbation is step closer to become enlightenment ? The only thing keeping you from getting enlightenment is the being seeker of enlightenment . When you grasp that and fully realize that, you will ''allow'' enlightenment to happen. Anyway, i do not get the point of this masturbation issue on forum. So many people are obsessed with these FAP/NO FAP issues. They seek some validation on forum when they complete some challenge, and right after that they will fap the shit of out themselves. Why ? Because they would not need a challenge in first place in order not do it. You just simply quit... period. So please stop bullshiting yourself If you wanted to stop fapping, you would do it already by yourself. You either lie to yourself or not.

@Bubba66 Welcome abroad First of all i just want to point out something to you because i wish someone else told me this when i was bit younger. This is common behavior when you are student. You have some desire to find yourself somewhere but most of the time, you are just wasting time on mediocre stuff. Now, i strongly suggest you not to force anything because in theory everything sounds cool and perfect, but in reality it is kinda pain in the ass. You have those wishy desires that you want to be mature, grown up and independent but in reality, you will most likely just do ordinary student stuff. So here are practical advices for you : - Really question your about your college. Do you see yourself doing the stuff you do at university ? Now, the big bullshit everyone will tell to himself is that it costs a lot of money and i have to finish it. If i do not finish it, i will not get a job. If you suck at your university and you see yourself spending time and money on something wasteful, drop it. If not, keep going and get your degree. Also, consider your college paper as piece of paper that has no worth. If you start seeing it that way from start, you will act above others. Why ? Because everyone relies on it and you will not give a damn about it It will be just some cute add-on. To give you different perspective, i will tell you one of my most important sentence i learned recently : Learning is not accumulation of knowledge but behavior change. If you can learn from this sentence, i have done my job here. If there is no change in your behavior , you learned nothing new. All the information and knowledge you get from college you get will not do anything if you it does not force you to change. And that's probably why you feel you lost. You lack motivation. - Try to get some source of income. At least something you can spend on some courses. But i strongly suggest you to read first book called '' Mastery'' because you will most likely just keep jumping from stuff to stuff all the time. It will give you wisdom on how to find your passion.When you are student you are distracted by too many stupid stuff you find ''important'' but in reality you are just being lazy. So cutting thru that bullshit excuses is required from your side to make that jump. I strongly suggest you don't get involved in some serious relationship while doing this because it is just emotional drain. If you have some luggage there, cut it off because it will drain you on your road to discover yourself. People are clueless at that age what they want and they seek emotions from other people. -When you find something you like and it matches your strengths and values, you need to commit to it fully. No excuses allowed like why you can not do it etc . And i am warning you, your mind is great bullshit made answer for any situation where you will find your self slacking. It will probably take 5 years to master something you want in life.... and after 1,2 years you will see if it really fits you. So there is a lot of hard work. And also great advice : It is so hard yo judge your own progress. Keep this in mind all time.

@Caelis If Leo did not have experience with ayahuasca, he will most likely not talk about it . He is more : what worked for me, might work for you. Btw, ayahuasca is a drug. How you see it, is upto you. But in nature, it alterns your state.

@Driven It is ok to stuck at this point in life Funny thing is, today is just i read the book ''Managing Oneself'' after 1 year since i read it, and there was chapter when it was mentioned that most people are clueless what to do in their twenties and they have to explore it really deep and work on it. Exceptions are mostly mathematicians,sportsman and musicians since they grow up early to develop their skills. To answer your question i will mentioned what is mentioned in the book : - Focus on your strengths and your values. Whole point of developing certain skill is doing something that will not drain you emotionally, so it has to matched with your values and strengths. You can not work on your weaknesses and on things you do not value. It may sound really simple but in is lot harder then you think. This required real trial and error from your side. There is method in the book called feedback analysis and it is basically, you writing down your expectations for next 9 months and check if fits you. I find this method over generalized since it is really hard to judge your progress when you are staring something. You might doing something for 9 months and just because one piece of paper told you to do otherwise, you quit and maybe there would be some major progress in next 1,2 months. So i will offer you what i did. I question myself why i value certain things in my life. For example, why i value knowledge, wisdom, music etc. You make a list so you make it easier. Now the main point here is to see if you are negatively motivated toward that value. Leo explained this ''Life Purpose Course'' but i knew this also myself that it was important since you cant take proper action from stress. Most of negative values are tied with some negative situations in your life...maybe money, love. Whatever it is, question it deeply. Do this for good period of time until you trace of all them down and see which motivate you in some positive way. When you get general idea about your values, work out your strengths. There are many strength tests on the internet and see how it fits whole idea. Once you get full picture over it, try finding some clues. Where could these values and strengths fit ? Internet is full of great resources for learning and it opens up many opportunities for you. Each day i download one program/course or read a book and just expand myself what is possible. Also this can help you a lot if you have spare cash and for 250$ it is quite cheap considering how much stuff is in there. http://www.actualized.org/life-purpose-course

Get Eben Pagan - Seeds of Success program. It gives you good ideas what to implement in your life. He made various programs how to achive success in different areas, but here he talks more like his own 20y old experience studying this stuff in placing it in one compact package.

@Sam I am currently in hospital for couples more days to recover and i will write post how to deal with those issues. So stick around on forum and wait for it.

I highly recommend this program.

Dont be anyone's luggage. You dont owe anyone anything. We are selfish organisms in general, even tho we should show love and compassion. Just think about ; are both of you moving somewhere ? If not, just stay friends when solo. Try talking to him about his issues, if he keeps telling he cant change, let him be. Btw this should be done in person, it looks like you are cutting him off completely. Thats kinda "coward" approach.

My advice : take some boxing or mma classes. Every man should learn some basics of defence. In 1,2 you will ground yourself more and more but not chicken out early. Buy 6 pillars of self esteem and your insecurity will decay over time. I am gonna write soon a good topic for dealing with lots of bullshit that your mind is bullying you with.

@HirJohns188 I suggest you watch foundational ones and pick whatever topic you want. Then you get enough juice from videos, see how they fit your life. Point of Leo's videos is not gathering information, buf behavior change. Then go do spiritualy videos.

@Lumi Sounds like a need to be admired or not being good enough. Might also be tendecy for perfectionism, but i doubt it. I would pay attention on your social insecurities. Somwhere in the past you had some events or someone was telling you were not good enough. Normal person would not give too much impotance to achivements. In a way, you are doing achivements of others not yourself.