ok, everything makes sense now
fully realized that my whole life was (and still is)a DIVINE PLAY , i guess god in me planned all, who else
like things happened 20 year ago was deliberately planned to effect the present,
it feels like life is a journey (not a pleasant one for me)
thing change fast after my cure,
ok, i had to feel HUMAN first i guess
i suffered ALLOT (sleep deprivation , interrupted sleep for 15 years) that triggered a "divine game" "solipsistic game"
(a game which i played my death many times) between me(my false senseof self) and god(there were many "actors" involved-gods projections), the goal was to erase my false identities of the past-present that was hunting me.
that lead to my awakening and cleansing
it may sound unbelivable, but its true! and after all i feel i am still suffering
, if god wanted me dead it could easy have done it
its not over yet... i still have "high awareness" dreams everytime (lituraly everytime) i sleep (all those 15 years)
i dont know what comes next
and one last thing.. although diagnosed with schizophrenia.. in my case it was not that bad! could fuction "normally"
now i realise what this illness is, i was lost and loser in my life
my awakening was not spiritual although, it felt real (still my feeling is effected by the illness-weak and fragile,)(nothing close to god realisation, infinite consciousness and stuff)
and one last thing i want to share... i felt the truth,awareness and "nothing has structure"
the shift of my consciousness liberated me
for me is the first time i can express myself , thats why i am writing all
that's all i guess for now
