Monster Energy

I don’t chase. I just show up and see what happens.

Tonight, you’ll find out that Emerald and Natasha lied to you and that I was your real friend all along, hiding in the shadows. DM me when you’re ready to learn how to attract beautiful women and even get moms flirting with you. It’s a power that can be learned.

Girls love Anakin Skywalker because he’s a simp.

Alright, Mr. Clutch. Try not to turn this into a highlight reel of bad decisions.

Thank you

Let me know when you have sex with a ladyboy.

Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of the way. I’ll just be there to watch you fumble the opportunity in real time.

Yes

Just remember, the hand healed. Your dating life might not.

You don’t wanna know

Let me make this painfully simple for you. Too nice and desperate? No sex. Nice, but not desperate? Now we’re getting somewhere. Talk too feminine? No sex. Some feminine, some masculine? Congratulations, you’ve discovered balance. You’re welcome. I just saved you years of confusion.

We’ve tried to help you, and you’ve dismissed all of it. But that’s fine. When you don’t get laid this week, you’ll probably sit there thinking, “Maybe I should’ve listened to that annoying Monster Energy guy. He was right.” Unfortunately, by then you’ll be too emotionally destroyed by a 4/10 girl to actually change anything.

Infinity is Zero

I lost count

Teach him well, because the girls are going to lie to Olaf.

“Olaf the Simp” actually suits you perfectly.

I like cornflakes

Small things matter to girls, but your horny ass can’t see that.

You talk like you’re 59, but you’re not even 30.

@Olaf You’re not getting laid this week. I’d bet my entire fortune on it, because your name is an instant ick for a lot of girls. And I’m being nice by telling you this. I’m your best friend on here, whether you believe it or not.

There’s no solid evidence showing that not ejaculating causes prostate cancer. You can find studies showing correlations with ejaculation frequency, but that is not the same thing as proving that semen retention causes cancer. As for fasting, you can argue about the extent of the benefits, but the basic principle is the same. Fasting can be beneficial for the body, and semen retention follows a similar principle of abstaining from something for a period of time.

So your greatest act of self-control was simply being too lazy to open a browser. Inspirational.

This person will be the next Leo Gura.

Ah yes, the great psychedelic enlightenment Olympics. May the most awakened bro win the crown.

@Schizophonia He is the one to do the same