HopefulMan

@Judy2 if dissociation means that then I don't have it because nothing close to that happens. I thought it was a disconnect from my feelings. Unableness to feel Please, keep writing if anything comes to mind. I have just a sliver of hope in my situation and anything is appreciated. Thanks Judy again

@Judy2 Oh, you mean emotions that change my behavior but as if they weren't there. I don't think that is the case most of the time. I believe I'm a pretty extreme case of how blocked my emotions are because of how long it was. I cannot explain it better than what I said about the heartbeat, I just happen to not feel like doing anything (except running from boredom with video games, reels, etc or eating because of hunger) @Ulax anything in particular? Funny, I don't think I've ever done a specific search despite knowing it is my main problem haha Thank you guys for the input. I want to ask how to grow and how to do psychedelics on your own, do you have any advice on where to post it and how to frame it? Have a great weekend

@bazera dayum, didn't know that. I guess it is just another way of getting the mind/brain to get into a particular state. Thanks for the book recommendation, Ill set up a reminder @Judy2 you can ask all you want, I will learn more about myself probably as I haven't talked deeply about this with anyone else I'd say a situation is extreme/intense if the feelings associated with that experience is intense (fury, deep sadness, etc). If you were to see my emotions like the heartbeat on a monitor, you'd see no ups, no downs as if I was dead. My average state is optimism and peace. The only extreme thing that I can remember is death of a close one or seeing someone go through a hard time and most times I just feel the same (and I believe I also feel frustrated because I cannot have a normal life) Question for you, when you say state, what do you mean exactly? Something I've found consistently is that after the gym I do feel more at peace, like not wanting to listen to anything, but just walk back home with my thoughts I am lucky in a few aspects Judy. I could have turned out an angry man, a pessimist, etc. But I am an optimist, at peace, etc. Sure I cannot have some key things for the human experience, as feeling love, but I believe it will get solved. The only thing that pains me is my age and how having a family with kids is slipping through my fingers. But I keep a positive attitude most of the time

@Judy2 @Ulax @bazera All good! I wish it had not happened, that is true Bazera: We did a session on holotropic breath work but it did nothing for me as I kept falling asleep (I do that very easily). But other people had crazy experiences where their body moved weird. It is something I am open to do, but I haven't done enough research on it Part of why I want to do more psychedelics is because it was easy and had a crazy effect (can't take the laziness out of me haha). Of course it is because it's the only thing that has made a difference I'll look for that "trauma release exercises", thanks! ---- Ulax: I downloaded a book about IFS and watched a few YT videos. It does make sense, but I can't say I've gone deep Hopefuly you solve your CPTSD too! Thanks1 -------- Ludy: It is not that I cannot share my emotions, it is as if I was a psychopath with no emotions. If I stop and look, even in quite intense situations, I don't find any body sensation ----- Everyone: I wish I could express my situation better, it is just so weird being this far detached that it is hard to find solutions

Hey Judy! Thanks for the answer Funny thing is, I don't feel it was aggressive or a negative experience. I even remember seeking it. I just realized I may have had Stockholm syndrome The problem with those things (from experience I am saying this), is that they are words and cannot feel a speck of emotions out of them. I can talk about the experience all day without feeling nothing bad (except resentment for all the pain it caused me), but nothing else. With psychedelics though I didn't have to force it and I cried a a lot (maybe x10000 times what I've cried in anyone occasion, not exaggerating, I just don't cry, let alone sob) I haven't read the book but I thought of the book "the body keeps the score" and that experience was that, all body When crying I didn't feel emotions, I was just crying without control (super weird, but fascinating experience haha) No, I have not tried DBT and there is no assistance for me to get a therapist. Again, thanks for your time