HopefulMan

Hi everyone! Let me start by defining what I mean by "identity": Identity = automatic and effortless behavior, and resistance to a different behavior (normally harder or less comfortable) Right now there are a few traits I don't like about myself: doomscrolling, not enough contemplation, lots of TV shows, too many sweets, etc. I'd like to become someone who naturally prefers slower living, who has goals and actually follows through on them. How do you go from being one kind of person to another? From what I can observe, when people say "be disciplined", they don't really follow that advice. It's usually people who take action not because they want to, or because they can force themselves, but because they're running from something in their minds: looking lazy, not looking smart, status, etc. Is it gonna be a constant struggle against passions/instincts, or can we really change and just struggle from time to time with "bad" behavior because we're human? Thanks!

@Majed You wish to learn, but you didn't give us the reason so I can't say anything haha. I used to enjoy language learning so I studied French, German, Japanese and Russian, but only the first two reached a "decent" level I stopped when I realized language learning is useless --> Mind you, I have no special love for learning them, I don't make enough money to be learning useless stuff when there is more useful and interesting stuff for me, etc So, why do you want to learn? If it the love for it, just pick the one that looks most interesting to you If it's due to its use, pick the one useful for whatever you need it

@ted73104 I'm so glad you got out of that way of life, probably lots of regrets down the road. What you explained sounds more like you discovered things that were inherently fun for you + you got healthier It doesn't sound to me like change. Your behavior did change, not you though. You didn't find a way to enjoy reading instead of scrolling (like an example I gave), you found a way of consumption that was enjoyable. DOes it make sense? --- @Lyubov I like that angle about shading. It seems that if we are "clean", we tend not to enjoy "bad behavior" like endless scrolling or Netflix. Let's see how it goes --- @Ulax Thank you man! --- @Hayato definitely don't agree with you at all

@Ulax I love Dr K content, it is a great mix between experience, science and eastenr knowledge My struggle is not that kind of though, but I will watch it again, I remember I loved that video I'm glad you have turned your life for the better! --- @Lyubov thanks for the answer! What have you been able to change?

@Jirh read it when it came out. For me, this part of the method is straight up bullshit. "After a while, momentum gets created, things get easier, and it becomes hard to fall back to older patterns. After about two months, the desired habits become your default identity." Something becoming part of your identity in 2 months is laughable (im not talking about you btw, just the book) Thanks for taking your time! --- @caspex I'll wait for your article! That is a lot more in line with what reality seems to be

@Hasson_Miah true, but non-practical @Realms of Wonder sadly I didn't get the reference. Good show tho @Basman very complete view and it is my opinion on this topic. I don't feel bad when doing "bad" behaviors. They just don't get me to where I want to be in life. I didn't see your comment so I didn't tag you but I said this to another person here (I made a post about how I am "unable" to feel because of sexual abuse. So let's see how it goes) I think my focus should be on healing all of the emotional disconnection and then identity change will be a lot more natural. Thanks for your answer, it was great

@YIDIRYIDIR Yep. The building of the identity to have proof is the hard thing. I love DR K. This is what I expected, I am screwed haha (I made a post about how I am "unable" to feel because of sexual abuse. So let's see how it goes) @Elliott it is definitely a a strong thing, but there must be something else Thanks!

Same, I was gonna check it out and it doesn't work Thanks!

@YIDIRYIDIR Hey! Sorry it took me a while to reply to you I don't have problems with the clarity with who I wanna be, and I fully agree with your point than negativity is a stronger thing, but How do I "try surviving against it"? How do I pick consistently the "right" behavior and not the comfortable behavior?

I love this idea. Last year I found Leo has a "start here" section on his blog. I'll paste the link here so anyone can go and check what Leo considers fundamental: https://www.actualized.org/start

I have a few thoughts on this, but you wouldn't consider me traditionally successful, but I've thoughts for more than a decade about this because it has been a huge problem finding "my purpose": Congrats for reaching such a point, hopefully all of the effort you put into all of your life will keep getting easier. At least for me the point of my life is not to live SO I CAN grind my teeth. If I want something is results, not constantly exerting high-effort --- You are thinking "wrong" because you are looking for something that doesn't exist. A specific point to which you will arrive and that will not happen, no matter how aligned and how much progress you make. The reason is because with each step you take YOU change and THE WORLD changes. So, the way to think about this is in direction, not coordinates. Think of you standing like a dot in the middle of a circle. You are trying to look for a point to walk towards, "the point of fulfillment", but you should look for the "cone of fulfillment". You take out everything you know you don't want and then you try things that look most interesting TO YOU. The more you walk and learn the tighter the cone. Hopefully that analogy makes sense. --- Ok, so I told you to look for interesting things (you know lots about this from what I can tell from your post) and now it is time to try Because you will find not answers in theory, you will find them in the action The answer being: you feel good doing it, you see yourself doing it for a long time, etc Just look for something and try it out for 1-3-6 months. Exploration is fun because you get to do it without pressure and you learn a lot. I did a writing challenge where I'd write a post daily for 30 days and I discovered I actually liked writing, when I thought I really disliked it. I saw some uniqueness in the way I think, etc Now I am coaching 2 of my friends, because like you, I like helping. Just trying it out and in this regard results have been more negative than positive. But conclusions cannot be taken without examination because I believe the reason is because I do it in zoom and I am not a skilled coach. But that is also great learning --- Glad I wrote the comment before reading the other ones. @Joshe wrote a great comment. Ego can be a dangerous thing. He reminded me of something, a useful question to ask yourself when you are thinking of possible directions is: "If I get no money, no status and could tell nobody about this. Would I do it?". Do it privately and see how you feel about it because those are things the ego loves to chase -- Again, glad you are in the position and keep living life and helping people!

You can be respected while being broke by someone who puts other values higher than monetary success Today we are at the most abundant time, so you could become rich (probably). Or at the very least, have enough money to not have no worry I find people that value money to that extend are quite shallow or are incredibly negative about the future and feel very insecure. I would bet most people are in the first camp I think working from this assumption does better: there are many women out there for you, so don't hang onto this one for the reason that "you like her". Also, work on yourself TOWARDS WHAT YOU WANT, not what women or other people want. Screw them.

@UpperMaster I haven't read in detail every answer, so maybe I will be redundant, but I will try to work from first-principles If you work on yourself, you will find most people are at a lower maturity/consciousness/life-skilled level than you (you probably are to a certain extend given you are here) So THE men who share their emotions and THE women who receive it do it in a "wrong" way, which lead both to a wrong conclusion The man may share the emotion and speak sort of in a victim mindset, or a low-self-responsability way --> The problem, for the woman, may not be the sharing of the emotion, but the way he did it (if he was better communicating or she was better understanding nuance it wouldn't be a turn-off) I have been myself in the no-emotion sharing (like Leo not out of insecurity, just don't feel like it, not hiding) and also in the high-maturity emotion-sharing. I've had friends there and also in the low-maturity sharing. The difference in how it turns out is in the maturity of one or both of them I can tell you for sure, if you want a deep relationship, you need to open up, but you need to take the responsibility of doing it "the right way" and if you do it the right way and the relationship cools off, you realized she wasn't it. No way you should spend your time with someone that even when communicating "correctly", that happens. Reality is you cannot expect most women to have the point of view of @Natasha Tori Maru , or men Leo's. It is just unlikely, so you are better off being better yourself

@VioletFlame great stuff Violet, all about making the empowering thought choice. I'm glad you are "on the other side" and hopefully you will keep healing this to a point of a small scar. Have a great weekend!

@Leo Gura thank you! I still have lectures from you to listen to. Very helpful all of you guys advice!

Afternoon guys, I'm looking for a path to try I'm over 30 and I believe psychedelics are the only way out of my situation (maybe if I spend years on meditation I also could, but I have no idea) When I say apathetic is that I just don't feel like doing anything. (I expand a bit more in the points below) I could tell you all kinds of theory but I'll get to the facts to see if what I'm thinking makes sense: I was abused from 10-15 That seemed to disconnect me from my emotions. Only the extreme ones are detectable (death of a love one) But it doesn't stay with me while I've seen close people cry and feel sad for a dog that died over 10 years ago or my grandma who died 9 years ago I don't feel like doing anything, just the monkey brain stuff (eating bad foods, play video games, etc) Sex is not included. I feel like I'd love to have sex, but the experiences broke something in me (or disconnected) I've tried therapy and it doesn't work because most therapist are sheeps that don't look beyond what they were taught, they cannot handle people who think deeply about stuff (at least my experience) I did psilocybin and I cried a lot when I had my eyes closed. As soon as I opened them it was back to being apathetic. My eyes acted like a switch on my emotions. I feel they helped, but just one round wasn't enough I'd love to try psychedelics at a high frequency (without getting into dangerous zone) and I was wondering if I could do it myself, or moving to South America or somewhere in Asia where I could do assisted therapy at a sustainable price range (I earn minimum wage and being in Europe makes it harder or probably impossible) I'm just looking for ideas from people who have a more open mind Thanks for your time.

@UnbornTao Really? I am quite good at expressing myself, I guess I have ways to go haha @Sammy123 done!

@Leo Gura Is there a reason for low doses? They used the parts that are underground, not the cap (the mycelium I believe it is called. It looked like goat poop. I took 25 grams. We did a first intake of low-mid-high dose (12.5 grams) and after 1.5 hours another round if it didn't take effect like in my case and I went for another 12.5g (I'm 5,9 187 pounds) I also thought of doing it 1 week, waiting 2 weeks doing another trip like you suggested in one of your videos --------------- @UnbornTao it is my first account, why? -------------- @Jordan of the Shire I haven't heard that in my life and that says a lot with how much content I've consumed haha. I'll take a look Thank you for you input and words man! I'm glad you are feeling better now -------------- @PolyPeter I did it once and nothing, but first I would have to give it a fair try (don't know how many sessions) and secondly with another therapist. Glad it worked for you!

@Ulax I've been training consistently for 10+ years now, diet is much better than the average person, but lacking in comparison to what I could be doing, I sunbathe everyday while walking, I got no career and have tried things, but always change paths when things get a bit rough (for what I know my emotions/lack of are playing a role here as I notice apathy for everything. Lack of motive. I notice most people are able to go through the rough parts because of negative motivation like the uncertainty of the markets, the pressure from their peers/family, etc) I have a girlfriend, but it is not "a proper" relationship because I have many sexual problems as I feel as if I was asexual, she notices lack of emotional connection. I'm thinking of breaking of the relationship for her sake ----------- @Leo Gura amazing to see you here. First watch a video of yours around 2013 I believe. I'm as deep as you can get into self-development, so I know purpose is not gonna come from it. My issue is that life doens't feel worth living because I just don't care for anything (I know I have feelings because I've cried when I've dumped previous girlfriends or my grandma died. But it feels on the day to day like I have no feelings) If you have hope in therapist I just accept I am wrong and will try it more. For what I've seen it seems most therapist just work for low consciousness and non-introspective people. I will probably do the psychedelics, but will do therapy as soon as I get some financial stability. Do you have a post in the forum around how to grow your own stuff safely? Thank you very much for your input Leo, the parasocial relationship is real here haha. One question, I was thinking of just doing psylocibin until I get nothing out of it, I remember you talking about trying different ones and going deep on each one, but I may just be remembering wrong ------------- @UnbornTao thank you. I googled him to see if I knew him and correct, but I haven't listened to him deeply. Thank you for the recommendation ------------ @Uddi I did once, but I haven't given it a fair try. Will look into it. Thanks! ------------ @Sammy123 so you were living life and out of nowhere that experience came? Dayum I'm sorry your family acted that way, it is sad. I've been reading a bit about "soul age" and the different levels and according to different systems I am an "old soul" which should be the last stage. But I doubt it seeing people like Leo light years ahead hahah. Either that or he jumped all of the stages all together. It is a fun thing to think about. I can't say I am happy it happened to me, but I see many good things that came out of it. I wouldn't be "this awake" if it hadn't happened. Introspection may have never been a thing because I'm the only "thinker" in the whole family. So, who knows if my life would have been better. ------------- Thank you all for taking the time

@VioletFlame thanks for such a comment. I'm really sorry that happened to you, it is horrible. What a twisted and poor soul can some people be. I fully agree with you. Luckily I'm already on the other side of the fence, I'm just now focusing on what I can do to be able to experience life in ways I can't with how the experiences left me Experience love for other people, for my own life (I don't hate me, I just waste lots of time because of my disconnection), to have sex and feel that connection (I don't think I wrote it in my earlier posts, but I can't get horny and I remember being able when it happened to me, so I know I'm not asexual), etc Again, thank you for the comment, sorry it happened to you and I'm happy you made the best and are making the best out of it @Ulax I love DR K and I have that video on watch later. I'll have to make an effort (damn my fried motivation system haha)

@Judy2 if dissociation means that then I don't have it because nothing close to that happens. I thought it was a disconnect from my feelings. Unableness to feel Please, keep writing if anything comes to mind. I have just a sliver of hope in my situation and anything is appreciated. Thanks Judy again

@Judy2 Oh, you mean emotions that change my behavior but as if they weren't there. I don't think that is the case most of the time. I believe I'm a pretty extreme case of how blocked my emotions are because of how long it was. I cannot explain it better than what I said about the heartbeat, I just happen to not feel like doing anything (except running from boredom with video games, reels, etc or eating because of hunger) @Ulax anything in particular? Funny, I don't think I've ever done a specific search despite knowing it is my main problem haha Thank you guys for the input. I want to ask how to grow and how to do psychedelics on your own, do you have any advice on where to post it and how to frame it? Have a great weekend

@bazera dayum, didn't know that. I guess it is just another way of getting the mind/brain to get into a particular state. Thanks for the book recommendation, Ill set up a reminder @Judy2 you can ask all you want, I will learn more about myself probably as I haven't talked deeply about this with anyone else I'd say a situation is extreme/intense if the feelings associated with that experience is intense (fury, deep sadness, etc). If you were to see my emotions like the heartbeat on a monitor, you'd see no ups, no downs as if I was dead. My average state is optimism and peace. The only extreme thing that I can remember is death of a close one or seeing someone go through a hard time and most times I just feel the same (and I believe I also feel frustrated because I cannot have a normal life) Question for you, when you say state, what do you mean exactly? Something I've found consistently is that after the gym I do feel more at peace, like not wanting to listen to anything, but just walk back home with my thoughts I am lucky in a few aspects Judy. I could have turned out an angry man, a pessimist, etc. But I am an optimist, at peace, etc. Sure I cannot have some key things for the human experience, as feeling love, but I believe it will get solved. The only thing that pains me is my age and how having a family with kids is slipping through my fingers. But I keep a positive attitude most of the time

@Judy2 @Ulax @bazera All good! I wish it had not happened, that is true Bazera: We did a session on holotropic breath work but it did nothing for me as I kept falling asleep (I do that very easily). But other people had crazy experiences where their body moved weird. It is something I am open to do, but I haven't done enough research on it Part of why I want to do more psychedelics is because it was easy and had a crazy effect (can't take the laziness out of me haha). Of course it is because it's the only thing that has made a difference I'll look for that "trauma release exercises", thanks! ---- Ulax: I downloaded a book about IFS and watched a few YT videos. It does make sense, but I can't say I've gone deep Hopefuly you solve your CPTSD too! Thanks1 -------- Ludy: It is not that I cannot share my emotions, it is as if I was a psychopath with no emotions. If I stop and look, even in quite intense situations, I don't find any body sensation ----- Everyone: I wish I could express my situation better, it is just so weird being this far detached that it is hard to find solutions

Hey Judy! Thanks for the answer Funny thing is, I don't feel it was aggressive or a negative experience. I even remember seeking it. I just realized I may have had Stockholm syndrome The problem with those things (from experience I am saying this), is that they are words and cannot feel a speck of emotions out of them. I can talk about the experience all day without feeling nothing bad (except resentment for all the pain it caused me), but nothing else. With psychedelics though I didn't have to force it and I cried a a lot (maybe x10000 times what I've cried in anyone occasion, not exaggerating, I just don't cry, let alone sob) I haven't read the book but I thought of the book "the body keeps the score" and that experience was that, all body When crying I didn't feel emotions, I was just crying without control (super weird, but fascinating experience haha) No, I have not tried DBT and there is no assistance for me to get a therapist. Again, thanks for your time