OhHiMark

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Posts posted by OhHiMark

  1. Posted

    A good technique if one side of the body gives up before the other is to focus on iso-lateral workouts i.e one side at a time. So for your chest, you'd hold a dumbbell in the right hand for 8 reps, the the left. Should stimulate the correct muscles to bring the weaker side up to speed. It's good because the weaker side doesn't have the stronger side to compensate so must get stronger.

    Don't worry about not aching after a workout.

  2. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    2 hours ago, vibrate said:

    I'd say you are on a very good path already when this doesn't throw you in a victim mood! Keep going:)

    That's it! I've been through what I thought was the worlds worst heartbreak with an ex but laugh when I look back at it. It's interesting how that with news like my job rejection we take it as if our bodies are physically under attack or in danger. Nothing in my world has change aside from receiving news that I'm not going to get a job I never had, or knew about a few weeks back.. 

    2 hours ago, aurum said:

    @OhHiMark

    Nothing else to do but learn what to do better in the future and then move on. There's always another job, even if it means you don't get to be on vacation 24/7 while the rest of us work ;)

    Onwards and upwards. But yes, working on a 5 star resort with no rent for several months wouldn't have been so bad. Anyway I'm back in the game, applying for actual jobs and planning my next move.

  3. Posted

    Thanks guys, just what I needed. Thanks for the vid, had a Leo binge this morning and it really helped.

    I had another interview this morning and another on Friday (well recruitment day) I am now strategically planning how I can use my own initiate to move abroad and use my skills there on my own terms.

    Sometimes it good just to be listened too!

  4. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    I had the opportunity to interview for an wonderful job working on luxury resorts across the globe. *It all went wrong when I gave the job far too much of my energy, we didn't have anything for over a week so that was a week of constantly going over the interview in my head, what I did right and wrong and it drained me, I became consumed by getting away from my current Life (running away if you will) from money problems, my house mate, and living somewhere with clear waters.

    I received the 'I'm sorry but..' email this morning but quickly felt much better when I stuck on some Tony Robbins, the thing that's getting to me most is that we have a facebook group and everyone is now posting where they're being shipped too.

    I'm trying to stay positive, learn from this and keep moving forwards so posting here is just for some extra advice really. It's only a job but too me it was the escape from my current Life which was appealing, this shows I have some things to fix.

    *If there's one thing I've learned it's that giving too much energy to a particular thing can only end one way.

  6. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    11 hours ago, Echoes said:

    @OhHiMark Your sister is obviously not taking responsibility for her life. Yes, the upbringing may not have been ideal, but everybody is just doing their best given their own programming and upbringing. No matter how bad it was, by blaming her mother she is giving away responsibility and power, taking the position of a victim. It is both damaging herself and her surroundings, and most likely will influence the child to be a similar way. Until someone wakes up out of this programming and takes ownership of his/her own life. 

    It's probably not going to be easy for to admit to herself what damage she is causing by this, because the mind doesn't want to take responsibility and admit that there is nothing and nobody to blame other than itself. It's comfortable to blame outer things and other people and stay in the same patterns. It's emotionally painful to stop lying to oneself and to change. But when she sees this, things turn to the better. She needs a good therapist who is brutally honest with her. A bad therapist can actually perpetuate the problem by digging into the story of upbringing and parents forever and ever (Or do the personal development work herself, but doesn't seem that this is a viable option atm) 

    maybe show her this video :P 

     

    Thanks so much, I don't just want to send it blindly so I may say that the guy in the video is a friend and it helped me once. Otherwise she'll just write it off! However I think there's something underlying with her as over the years I've sent books, quotes, motivational stuff to which she'll say "wow, I never thought of it like that" but she forgets it a minute later before she starts abusing her mum again.

  7. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    33 minutes ago, BobbyLowell said:

    Yes. People like this do change. It might take a few years but you cannot give up on her. Remember that this is your sister and that we are talking about a child who is going to grow up. This is important. Stay on track. I had an uncle who had an accident . After his accident, he didn't listen to anyone, he was not making any sense, he was drinking and smoking so much. All his friends left, it affected his family life. But even though it took years, he is now making sense, stopped drinking and only smokes a little. We are all so freaking happy for him. It was only possible because of the people that believed in him even when he was acting crazy. Your sister is obviously overwhelmed and this is a big life change. I'm not sure about her abusing her mother that is not ok. So I didn't really consider that in. But good luck. I am rooting for everything to get better :)

    Thank you and very motivating to hear about the uncle. The issue with my sister is that there was alway's an excuse, now it's the baby before it was our father before if was the stress of university. The good news is she is seeing a therapist but we just hope that she's telling them the truth otherwise what is the point.

    She also said to our mother today "I'm going to ruin everything you've got" and yet come Monday, she'll need our mums car for work and her house to support her and her child.

    I do hope she changes as my real concern is for my mums health but she's not planning on moving out anytime soon and I can only see it getting worse.

     

  8. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    Bit of a back story, My mother, sister and I had a hard time growing up. Lot's of arguments, fighting and sad times but in a way this made us closer. However my sister who is 33 has never been able to let go of the past, she blames mum for everything. She had a baby last year and moved in with mum even though she knew they can't live together, but in her words "I had no choice". Needless to say mum is forever on edge, my sister will literally have a nervous breakdown from a look to a word said out of place, this is mainly because it always leads to the same place "you raised me like this, it's all your fault".

    An important thing to note here is my sister is a child psychologist, she basks in the fact that there's noway she can be wrong because, well, she's a child psychologist which basically makes any argument pointless. It's quite scary knowing that someone is helping a child who physically & mentally harms their own mother..

    I was meant to go to their home for xmas today but my mum told me my sister has 'blown up' again, blaming her for everything, won't stay in the same room etc. But will happily use her car for work and her home to live in.

    She's being seeing a therapist which obviously isn't working as my sister truly believes everything is everyone else's thought so I'm pretty sure the therapist has 'slightly' altered version of accounts.

    Any attempt at speaking with her about these issues would erupt into an argument. also being a 33 year old therapist, she said to my mum today (on xmas) "Can you leave the room while my son opens he's presents, I don't like you." It's almost so absurd that you're lost for words.

    Do people like this ever change? Is it made worse by their profession? 

    Is there anything you can say or do with people like this or just sit their and take it? Because no matter what my mum say's my sister isn't happy.

  10. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    A starting point would be this "if you can't kill it or grow it don't eat it"  or eat more whole foods and cut down on packaged meals with high sugar and saturated fats.

    Eat lot's of veg, fruit, seeds, nuts, beans (kidney beans etc) and cut down on refined sugar, high salt and high saturated fats like beef burgers, chips, bacon.

    Reading the label of 'good food' usually only contains a few ingredients, if any. Whereas processed food contains a huge list of unrecognisable addictives and ingredients and e numbers.

    When reading food labels look at the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) it highlights fats, salt and sugar is colours telling you if it's high or low in something (green being low and red being high)

    Also look at getting some multi-vitamin and omega 3 fish oils. Most people don't get the required amount from food for supplements can help.

  12. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    My new house mate just moved in, I wanted to make sure I chose the right person but of course, you never know until you start living with them. Right now my ego is very offended and need some advice.

    The last two people to move in have been pretty odd, and don't worry, I've asked myself "maybe it's me". 

    My current housemate was worried that I was using their dish cloth to wash my plates, to which I responded I was using my own. We then carried on our fun conversation of learning languages, cultures and our landlord, no issues, right? Well it turns out they've now taken their dish cloth in their room to which I can only deduce is to prevent me from possibly contaminating theirs with sauce. (It's a fresh cloth)

    Both new and old housemate keep their 'valuable' kitchen products in their room in the event I may use a dish washer tablet of washing powder. I brought this up with them to ask their opinion to which the response was "Well if you pay for something you don't want the other person using it", I have my own products, it's a 2 bed flat not a 6 room hostel.

    "I'm a clean freak" she told me, doesn't want to use my plates or me use hers etc.

    So right now my ego feels offended, I know this feeling well, I want to right this wrong but at the same time, I want to just let it go, give the ego a good test.

    Do you approach said person or do you embrace the discomfort and continue to have fun conversations like nothing happened?

    It all seems so incredibly petty.

    Any similar situations? 

     

     

     

  13. Posted

    Thank you guys, brilliant posts as usual and a nice mixture of approaches. I personally feel being 'direct' would go against me due to not being in full control (blood boiling, defensive, not processing what's coming out).

    I like the angle of taking their comments, smiling and letting it be, embracing the resistance and growing from it. Of course I wouldn't stop talking and the person would carry on insisting I stop. But as long as I'm in control of what I'm saying then job done.

    When I got off the coach he made another comment about talking too much, of course I bit. But this was a perfect time to smile and get off seeing as I didn't need to see him again.

     

  14. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    I think I know the answer but wanted some opinions of two example of ignorant people. The pattern in both examples is "this person has made me feel and look stupid, I now have to rebuttal them in order to regain some respect" Ego at play.

    1. I'm on a coach, it's early in the morning 5am and I get talking to the girl next to me, I'm aware it's early so we keep our voices down but the passive aggressive guy in front lowers his chair on my legs as a way of showing his disapproval of our talking, I ask him kindly re-adjust the chair and his response is "you need to stop jabbering" this immediately made me see red and I told him to move somewhere else. Rest of the trip he was huffing and puffing and acting like a child. What do you do in this situation? 

    2. I was doing 'extra' work on a movie and the extras were allowed access to the actors food tent, one of the extras approached the coffee van but the coffee lady completely ignored the extra's request for a drink. This is a long standing prejudice against extras, they get treated like crap and even though they were allowed access to the van, they were made to feel like scum. So how do you deal with this? Accept it for what it is and walk away with no drink or ask why she's acting this way?

    Both examples tell me the ego is being hurt real bad and wants to do something to numb the pain so it fights back.

    Should I have stopped talking on the coach? Does it show a weak character to 'give in'? Does it weaken my ego in a bad way?

     

    Thanks guys

  15. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    Every few months I discover something else about myself/Life. First it was how my ego was causing certain emotions that I thought were natural but a few days back I've made my next discovery;

    When Life was going well for me i.e new gf, job, random cheque in the post, it was easy for me to be happy, help the old lady with her bags, see everything as beautiful etc, but when Life was bad then I experienced the opposite.

    I've realised that negative situations are what you really grow from, not the positive one's. If you can keep control in a bad situation i.e you lose your job, then the world becomes your's and you become unstoppable. If you can get through that then you take full control.

    You start not to enjoy positive situations because subconsciously you know it's a novelty, but should you take control of negative situations then you can enjoy positive one's fully.

    I was going to create this thread before but today I had a audition for a video game character which would have a been an amazing break, and I failed miserably but instead of beating my self up, I'm embracing it, that I had the chance to audition. It may feel fake to tell myself "I love myself" and "Well done for even going" but  it's better than the alternatives.

     

    I need to embrace rejection, awkwardness, negatively.

     

    :)

  16. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    8 hours ago, philosogi said:

     

    So the anxiety about what you think society asks of you and wanting to fulfill that?

    I have felt pressured by what I perceive as societal expectations of nicety, only I was (am) unable to fulfill them. So in your example, this is me:

    1. Difficult route A - talk to them; fulfill societal expectations
    2. Difficult route B - act how I feel; contravene societal expectations

    My steam valve ended up being pretending to be oblivious, angry, or sad so that no one would expect me to talk to them. ha!

    Oops, I should have said "not conforming" It's doing what society expect that is the easy thing. Go to a 9-5, ask about the weather, don't do anything remotely dangerous i.e start a business. By the doing the opposite you're challenging yourself every time and growing

    I think everyone is pressured which is why we get these awkward funny small talk situations. :D For someone in that situation who doesn't want this, they can end the conversation but what I find I do, is carry it on for longer than necessary. Now if I don't feel like talking I'll end it.

     

    I'm trying to find Leo's video on something similar. Found it - 

     

  17. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    1 hour ago, philosogi said:

    So doing the more beneficial thing in a situation is emotionally hardest? But why?

    When you're in a situation that calls for a decision, the easy decision (I find) is usually the one that protects the fragile ego, the hard decision is the one that makes me grow. i.e my above example of asking about the weather, that's the easy route, the emotionally hard route for that moment (but beneficial) is smiling and moving along or keeping quiet because I genuinely have nothing to say, anything else and I'm conforming to society about niceties and lying to myself by ignoring true feelings. By staying true I grow as a person and stay true to inner emotions. Drastic I know.

    Edit: For me, I've wired my brain to taking the path of least resistance.

    Talking to someone I don't want to talk to

    1. Easy route - talk to them

    2. Emotionally hard choice is to not fuck around with small talk if I don't feel like it and to the and embrace the negative emotion from the hurt ego.

     

  18. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    45 minutes ago, philosogi said:

    Why is that emotionally hardest? 

    At that point in time, when I engaging with someone I have not a lot of interest in, I'll spurt out some random rubbish like "the weather" to overcome any awkwardness. But by doing what's emotionally hardest and there for most beneficial in this situation, I gain a lot more self respect and grow as a person. Even in a small encounter.

    It's usually the emotionally hard things that are true to us and feel most beneficial. Asking about the weather is easy, asking for an extra sausage with the chance of looking greedy is not (I eat a lot okay) but the later is much more beneficial and I grow from it.

  19. Posted

    15 hours ago, philosogi said:

    hahaha yeah. I went through a phase where I'd break the game and tell people that I don't like talking about the weather, or that I don't like small talk. That didn't go over very well; it just made other people anxious which in turn made me more anxious. So I decided to play the game again. Now it's more fun. But still difficult to remember when there are a lot of people involved in the interaction.

    That's definitely breaking the game ha. We're not programmed to react against that I guess.

    I just dislike when both of us are talking bullshit for the sake of niceties. The gym is a fine example "Hey, what are you working on today" I don't care what they're working on, so I'm not being true to myself.

    I also think what Leo says is very true "Do what's emotionally hardest" What's emotionally hardest is not asking someone how their day is when you don't care and just want to fit it. Emotionally hardest is to walk past with a smile, say hi then move along. If it's someone you're genuinely interested in you make time for them, anyone else is a distraction.

     

  20. Posted

    15 hours ago, egoeimai said:

    Yeah it is some kind of anxiety. I used to have this too,and I had the same epiphany one day! Really you dont have to say anything,as If other people are funny and not boring? Hell no. Everyone has their pros and cons.

     

    15 hours ago, Shin said:

    ^^

    This is the thing I like to do the most nowadays, it's just so funny how much people can't stand silence, when you're like "oh silence, NICE !"

    Silence can be the most beautiful thing in a conversation, because it's when eyes really meet, especially when you're with your intimate ones, such a shame so few people likes it.

    I think this is a great way for going out of your comfort zone, it takes no effort and you get real time feedback (That feeling you NEED to say something, anything to stop the awkwardness)

    I saw this on Buzzfeed the other day which made me laugh, it's so true. But it goes to show, we go against what we believe to make a situation less uncomfortable even though at the time it does feel like we hate ourselves, which cannot be good for the soul.

    2dmasp.jpg

     

  21. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    I made a topic a few months back about troubles in making conversations with some people feel less awkward and I'm amazed at what I found;

    The reason why the conversations were awkward is because "I" was the one who would jump in, ask the questions and generally take control of a conversation to save any awkwardness. Making Life for the other person very easy.

    It all makes sense now. If you're confident and happy within yourself, you don't need to say anything if you have nothing to say. But there I was, jumping at the chance to close down any silences. Not anymore.

    As much as I wasn't a fan of the book "48 Laws Of Power" there's a great point which says something like "By not talking, the other people will feel the awkwardness and do anything to fill the silences, usually by saying some bullshit about their personal Lives"

    This is very true. How many times have you mentioned the weather? Or How you cannot wait for the day at work to end?

    With actual people I enjoy conversing with, there's no thought process to our conversation, it flows.

    I listen to other people's conversations, they're as bad as I was "Nice weather, how's your day, how's your weekend".

    When I  now use the above with other people who usually conversation would fall flat, they have nothing to say, it's just that I was making them look like Shakespearean conversationalists by making myself look anxious and insecure. It's also fun.

     

  24. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

     

     

    A good thing about this is you'll get most of your 5-a-day in one drink from different colour fruits, plenty of fibre, huge amounts of anti-oxidants and superfoods that would please the gods.

    If it wasn't for my small blender I'd be filling it up with much more. Banana is a must otherwise is tastes far too bitter with the cacao.

     

    Usually around 250kcal, more if  adding protein powder.

     

    200ml Coconut Milk

    1x Banana

    80g Frozen fruit (80g usually is 1 of your 5-a-day)

    80g Spinach (or Kale, or both)

    5g Turmeric

    15g Cacao powder

    Sprinkle Of Cayenne Pepper/Cinnamon

    Chia Seeds

     

    Another quick one for you protein shake people. Just have flavoured whey with coconut milk, the milk adds a natural sweetness to it and it's incredible!

     

     

  25. Posted · Edited by OhHiMark

    Hi Emily, welcome.

    Can't remember which video I first watched of Leo's but the most powerful one for me was 'Ego' before then I just thought my thoughts were what I actually wanted and not that it was some nagging voice that just wanted me to avoid getting hurt.