gengar

This post really did something and hit me right in the heart I repressed my situation for so long, making myself believe that I didn't have it that hard or wasn't traumatised so hard and that I should man up because others have it so much worse But I basically dont believe i have a shot anymore at women for various reasons, mostly medical This post did something to me because I am one of those fantasizing about suicide and hurting women, basically everyday Been reading blackpill stuff since 18 in 2018, got off it at times but it always came back, especially after my medical issues started arising and i lost all hope I guess it's obvious that I am bottom of the barrel if I read this post and what kind of people are like this I've been repressing the pain and desperation with hate I'm afraid to die alone sometimes I am afraid that I would go through with hurting myself or others Like I shared in a previous post, I even got involved in nazi ideology and jihadi ideology, like i literally thought about joining *SIS - suicidal thoughts got me thinking about hell and jihadi thought says, you can die in battle and go to heaven and have all the girls you ever wanted, but if you kill yourself you go to hell forever And I just hate society and wanted to lash out With love of Truth and epistemology i pulled myself out mentally and actually see the world for what it is now mostly, even though that's a lot more blackpilling than normie worldview or even radicalised worldview, can't blame anything anymore Just nihilism but the remnants of hate remain even though and I feel a satanic identity growing, powered by nihilism and rage I'm pretty much at my wits end sometimes I feel like going on an endless pelgrimage, not committing suicide but just giving up on life, not planning anything, and just walking and die somewhere in nature, whether its in weeks, months, years or decades Like Gautama Buddha did, just give up on everything, including life, but not Truth, in a sense it's such a liberating and even cosmically spiritual idea Because life in this society doesn't feel liveable anymore Or turn into a devil and wreak havoc on this world, I won't lie, I fantasize about it I'm not sure who to talk to about this The thought of life being a dream and nihlism is so weird, like could I really just kill myself and be done with it and have my next life be how i want it? or would i go to hell? suicide feels wrong, like you're running away from the challenge, but is that even a real objection? does God even care if you hold on through it all? is there a reward for that? ============== The "funny" thing is, I was stuck in the mud from a young age, but fought and things got better, and my stats like height and looks are not even bad, just average, if not slightly above average, and got better over time, like i used to be really fat but im not now and even though i went through a lot of shit , even mental health shit and addiction shit from 2019-2022 i kept fighting and in the start of 2023 I felt better than ever, mentally and physically, and really felt like this is my time, blackpill wasn't on my mind at all "I'm going to get money, develop myself, talk to a lot of girls and get better at it!" And If it'd all happened that way I would have had major success by now probably, even though by compensating with money and fitness for my average looks, who cares but in june 2023 I got hit with medical complications hitting my face, facial nerves, tongue, jaw, from a festering tooth infection, and now inflammation on one side of my face is just constant and I have semiconstant dysarthria (unable to talk normally at most times), salvia coming, cramps in the face, nerve system issues including panic (not panic attacks but more a lingering panic and confusion), and just constant pain and inflammation I look like a fool and can't socialize and feel extremely ashamed only drugs like cocaine fix it temporarily(nerve system stimulants) but i'm not gonna be on fucking cocaine, and it doesn't fix all the issues, like I was with a girl 1.5 years ago on cocaine and she was the first girl in years i had a chance with and i tried to kiss her and my fucking tongue just couldn't stick out properly been to doctors who can't find anything, even though they don't really seem to care Ever since been getting back into blackpill and how women just care about looks and if you're a strong socializer and networker, and just having very negative views about women and my looks and my personality I don't even wanna die but it feels like I have nothing to live for atp except not dying for my family Sometimes solipsism, which I basically know is true, makes this super hard to live for others even though I know solipsism doesn't work that way, from a human sense nothing changes Looking back on it getting into those radical ideologies was just escaping from nihilism and solipsism because it felt like it was leading to my suicide, and religious thought gives you a reason to live even if you're in constant pain I feel like just walking indefinitely and give up Why are women so fucking beautiful man, their beauty hits like nothing else, like an angel of death Sean Kingston wasn't lying Somehow I am getting stronger one hand, quit weed and cigarettes for 5 months now and never looked back and working out regularly but it also feels like i'm just letting go of the cope and just facing my suicide IDK anymore man

Although I tend to agree with some leftist points on racism, I also think DEI is at least going way too far. I recommend you to watch the PF Jung - FD Signifier conversation I shared earlier. DEI is also not designed by actual leftists to solve racism but by corporate rats to further their agendas. contemplate why and how they do this.

Don't accuse me of such obvious bullshit. It's a historical fact MLK moved further left and was disillusioned. I'll post sources of it tomorrow since im too tired to look it up. Stop spreading disinformation

Your point assumes a large amount of individualism that western liberal society has made the default - but this is not at all how people have dealt with such things throughout history, and it subconsciously still doesn't even in liberal society. I know a black person IRL who doesn't believe in systemic racism, etc. Yet I know that he's still part of the black collective even if he doesn't want to see it this way. Other people put you in that collective even if you don't see it that way. The same goes for white people. You might believe you're not responsible for what white people collectively did to other people, and of course in one sense you're totally not. in another sense white people still have a responsibility to man up and fix the collective karma, which is what this rampant individualism and colorblindness is stagnating. Many right-wing, even far right people believe this, like Christian nationalists, Charlie Kirk and the like. Think of Candace Owens, black herself. She uses this notion of colorblindness, "equality" or "quality" as you call it to basically berate any kind of action against racism or systemic racism which doesn't even exist in her mind. Not only does she and the other Christian nationalists do this on the surface only, but also use the quality notion to further agendas of white supremacy, moving quality into quantity; "see, we're all equal in principle, but blacks have lower iq, so lets just accept that they're gonna be doctors less". You get the point. It's always done extremely disingenuous by the right to fool the centrist, liberal, colorblind people to move further right.

You left out the part where MLK became disillusioned basically right after his "I have a dream" speech because of the lack of results, and started becoming an advocate for more radical socialist and leftist politics. American history likes to leave that part out for obvious reasons. White liberals started to believe that race doesn't exist because the American elite fed those ideas to them, to obfuscate the real racial inequality that was still going strong. When minorities, from their position try to then point out "whiteness", which is obvious to them, liberal Whites suddenly feel attacked ; "We don't even believe in race! why attack us for it?" The above conversation that I posted goes deeper into those dynamics, and how as a white person becoming more "race conscious" shouldn't be either white supremacist or self-hating guilt identity, but just a healthy raising of consciousness to do whats best. Just become conscious of the dynamics without adding all the bullshit to it.

Well said. Whites many times don't see, or want to see that the fact that whites are on top in the "current meta" changes the way you look at racial things. I highly advice everyone struggling with these to watch this conversation between a black socialist and a white centrist about these topics. it's basically woke antiracism versus liberal colorblindness without all the annoying whining and antagonism. These kind of honest conversations between different viewpoints don't come up commonly and its a shame. this is how you actually advance collective consciousness.

Yes, this was an absolutely genius explication.

Never did I demonize Satan in my post. Assumption You simply have no clue about Satanic realities just like I don't have experience with the Alien. Although if you did, you'd realize not demonizing Satan is not such an easy undertaking as you make it out to be. All humanity ends in an infernal state of mind.

You haven't yet seen the reality of Satanic things. You have no clue. Don't speak of things you have no clue about, but stick to your own domain.

quite belittling of us as an audience to act like we don't seek truth like you and dont ask serious questions often many questions you evade because you deem them unserious or "dumb" are often times subtle realities that you haven't found out yet You're not yet into the deepest levels of absolute logic yet for example, and it surprised me that it took you 100+ trips to realize that logic is absolute I realized it after one realization of the oneness of reality I explicated some points about it to you, but you always waved them off, even though you brought them up months later in your work, such as the question of "always returning" in neoplatonism, just an example It just goes to show there's a lot you also don't understand and can learn from others, just like others probably have never gone through Alien stuff like you Yet you never seem to be openminded on the topics of metaphysics, you think you've figured it out and nobody can say anything to you about it The fact you spend hours on this forum each day where you're basically the leader is also a bit of a red flag You're a very compassionate person and I respect you for it But this idea that nobody is serious except you is an ego trip It's no different than Muhammad Ali saying he's the greatest

You've dismissed many of my non-materialist takes as well, especially ones that were more critical of you. I agree that this dude basically has no idea of what he's talking about, but the idea that you often evade points and criticisms when it comes to metaphysics is not entirely unfounded.

I advise you to stop thinking about "game" and women in this degenerate frame at all. Stop PUA and all that. It's unspiritual. Why do you think Leo's teachings are not about the heart and core of life, but only about the stage orange values of seeking truth and fulfilling potential? This will shoot you in the foot later on. Marry a woman and don't indulge in these filthy games and frames. Even though women, in their current form of depravity might be a lot more scarce in the "pure market" than in game, the pure way is the best for all people.

You take the land of a few stage red-blue savages and then go blame them for acting like savages. Purest of evil.

Why would they accept it as a country when it was literally taken from them? should the natives of America have accepted their fate, that some technologically advanced society killed them and took their land? They have every reason to hate you and your kind. They are put in an open air prison and their land has been taken from them. this is historical fact. Yet you defend the classic liberal bullshit of "oh we are morally superior they are savage" yes you would be savage too if I took your land. Israel has no right to exist. They have every right to commit violence against Israel. You will stop spreading disinformation and propaganda when people are being genocided. You're practically an agent of mossad at this point. you fill these threads with the classic vile propaganda points. You have zero right to come here and act spiritual. You are poisoning this place with your genocidal rhetoric. If some Russian came here and spread points about how Ukrainians deserve what they got they would be banned. Yet you persist here. This is your final warning. Stop now.

Palestine a fuckup by existing before Israel? Israel made it the fuckup it is. You've got a lot of things turned upside down here, buddy. You think you're edgy and cool by not giving a fuck about morals and seeing power as the metric of success, in some fascist social darwinist sense. How can you be so sick to call palestine a geopolitical fuckup when it was taken over by other people?

Wtf. Never watching Osho again. Disgusting

Source?

Nice self-deception to come with the term leftsplaining, just in time so you can defend obvious, objectively untrue drivel like this with no argument. So intelligent, yet still poisoned to the core with American individualism. It's off putting to be honest. A clear contradiction of spiral dynamics as well. You're truly lost in the sauce on this one; infected by your feelings of superiority over whiny college leftists. The future is green and the future is collective. You're just self-biased against that.

You're being childishly individualistic, a characteristic I'm accusing you of that you have yet to formulate a response to. This is classic economic liberalism a la Adam Smith, and it is not the solution but the reason we're held hostage by big polluters in the first place. You're taking for granted that we're being held hostage in a capitalist system whose owners have no real desire to fix the issues that are coming because they are only focused on the bottom line. The idea that an individual can just build a 100 billion dollar green energy company and not have the cartels come after him is laughable. The people making money now on dirty energy will be the same ones making money on green energy, if they have their will. And yes, I want the government to step up for me and the people by taking it to the big dirty energy companies. And yes, I will try to get them to do this by voting and protesting. Giving me the individual responsibility to take it out is laughable. Yes, there will be Elon Musks who will have immense impact. But comparing that with mobilizing 20% of the people is nothing. You're strawmanning social action and protest by saying "muh 100,000 college protestors." I gave you numerous examples to show that social action has been a major thing, especially in the 20th century. It's just factually incorrect the way you're stating it. The idea that all these big issues "ended in a stalemate"? what are you smoking? We are moving from orange into green so of course it will be done in a collective way. This myth of having a few knights who battle their way through the business jungle to come out on top with their green businesses and save the world with it is nothing more than that; a myth. Elon Musk is one of the few who made it. comparing him to 100k protestors is a nonsensical comparison. We're being ruined by big capital and fascists and here you go defending putting the responsibility on individual people. What's next, you're going to blame me for taking a plane and contributing to climate change? No! The collective aka the government has to do these things for me. This whole meme of individual responsibility, including stuff like "carbon footprint" is invented by big capital to obfuscate the fact they are responsible and that collective action is the only thing that can stop them. And you're peddling those ideas now. Climate change, as well as other problems will be solved collectively as we move from orange into stage green. And of course there will be a handful of exceptional individuals and businesses to guide and facilitate this growth and change. This is the proper way and the way you're peddling goes against this transition into green. I don't care you're already on yellow, this is about societies growth. And please stop taking only one sentence out of my response and only responding to that, evading the broader point I made with my entire paragraph. It comes across as extremely belittling. It's no way to have an intellectual discussion. You didn't go into the deep point I made about that social action is not only about physical outcomes but also about raising collective consciousness and collective healing, as in the example of the black radical thought video I gave. I have you backed into a corner on that one and you just don't respond to it, but only vaguely to a strawman of one of my arguments. This is no fun.

So how would you articulate what qualities Elon Musk in particular had to be successful in the businesses that he ran, and which few others also have? What kind of intelligence does he have which made him succeed? Organizational, Innovative? What was the bottleneck that made his businesses so hard to have done by others? I suspect he was very good at handling logistics and organizing teams of people. The actual technology he's not an expert in, he doesn't go into technical details. But he's like an overseer handling the business from above and somehow puzzles it together in a way few others can. Big-picture insight.

In my opinion it's unspiritual to morally justify any type of non-monogamous relationships. It's all decadent degeneracy which betrays an attachment to the worldly. If you as a man even think of letting your woman sleep with other men, you've betrayed your masculinity. The reason it's difficult is not because it's "emotional development" but because deep inside you you know it's wrong. Society would collapse if we all started to act like this.

You didn't make the point about wealth, but about social change. "business is a much more powerful mechanism of social change than political activism." Social rights movements aren't "rare cases" as well. women literally are half of society. Call me a righteous leftist, but for example black people still live under a system of global oppression, are seen as the most "low" people in collective consciousness. This is obvious once you recognize it. Social action is about more than legal rights, but also about raising collective consciousness. Outsourcing all this collective human development to capitalism and building businesses is a childish, stage orange way of looking at it in my opinion. I think this is one of the few things you are less developed in, Leo. Your individualist mindset. I know it's one of the characteristics of stage yellow but it when you're taking collective action and consciousness like this for granted it feels like you are just missing out on the insights. It's clear you don't give a fuck about much collective shit and don't like conformist movements at all. But my claim is that they are more of a feature than the bug you proclaim them to be, and a must for society to develop deeper. Annoying and surface-level as they are, collectivist movements hold a deeper esotericism than you might expect, I don't know how else to phrase it. https://youtu.be/chNl9fzE_nc?si=xWEjuOqSlxB73Ggb This is a video from a classic, leftsplaining socialist about black social action. Although he makes some of the classic leftist mistakes in his thought that you often mention, it doesn't take away from deep insights he has and thinking that he does here about society. For example, what's not so obvious to us whites is that most black people subconsciously feel inferior to other races simply for what they are born as. To heal this trauma, their collective ego has to go through a collective healing and raising of consciousness. Social action, collective thinking and emancipation is required for this. No business on its own will do it for them, although it can help tremendously of course. But just like no amount of money will heal your individual traumas or make you awaken, so does it go for collective groups.

So you're justifying your authoritarian government? I'm not at all saying socialist revolutions are the answer. I'm actually making a nuanced point here, while you and Leo are not.

You're evading the examples I provided. Women should have worked harder and smarter in the 20th century, and not marched for rights and equality? Get real. And I'm not even a socialist, but this is just centrist drivel.

With weak and inept I don't mean being hardened by life, I mean your ability and intelligence to create such businesses. And like I said, don't look at socialist action from the individualist standpoint. You would be dead if only you became socialist, but if even 20% of working people in your country organized themselves as socialists, the government would be dead. Which is precisely the reason they kill you for becoming a socialist. Classic divide and conquer.