gengar

I thought you explicated that God is always imagining its past in the present moment - meaning nothing ever "happened", and your entire past is imaginary. If that is true and the absolute claim you thus make is that God is always imagining it's memories, why does imagining your memories in the relative human sense suddenly become an unrealistic claim for you? If God's memories are fake in the absolute sense, that should only make you doubt your memories more in the relative domain, considering the relative is a derivative of the absolute, no?

Thanks for sharing your journey. I am around your age and just got my urine tested. I'm a bit confused since my test seems to have different measurement standards than you and also measured different metals - for example, my test measured chrome and cobalt which your test didn't, but a lot of the metals your test did, my test didn't. My test also didn't require taking DMSA or other chelation stuff, I just had to urinate normally and send it out. @Leo Gura, does this mean that my test was bad and I got ripped off? My test also doesn't measure the results in mass per creatine mass (strangely only for one metal it does, nickel). It just measures umol/nmol per litre. (Kwik = mercury) are my results bad? Chrome seems to be very high as does Arsenic. I expected higher levels of mercury since I have eaten quite a lot of fish in the last years. Nickel also looks pretty bad though. @Leo Gura, you mentioned that no levels of these metals at all are safe and should be detoxed, correct? Arsenic, Nickel and Chrome look like the worst offenders for me. Should I also focus on getting out the mercury? I'm kind of worried I got ripped off with this test since it didn't require taking chelation pills beforehand. @Ramasta9, what herbs do you know that are anti-parasitcal? I know of turmeric but maybe you know more. Do these also kill biofilms? Is chelation really dangerous if you house parasites? @Leo Gura, what's your take on the parasite story? @DeepSeason Sorry to shit up your thread, if you mind it, I'll ask the mods to move my post to its own thread.

Except "mind" isn't a form like the body or other forms right? You can never take your human mind, or any mind at all and point out its form.

Thank you. Thanks Leo, I will contemplate deeply on that. I just realized, when I pictured this potential future of spiritual practice and working on creative works, that I deeply ingrained the female gaze inside of my consciousness, since the moment I pictured that future and saw that it could be good, I pictured what the average western woman would think of that (a celibate man living alone) and that she would get the "ick" , and that this is deeply ingrained in my psyche and related to the way I view myself. I think all men have this to some degree - they view themselves with the worth that women give them. women are the arbitors of their self-worth. This is a feature of a liberal, nihilistic society. Kudos to you for being able to go around those external validations. I wonder if I will ever be able to.

Yes, exactly. And I'm also tired of pretending feminism has nothing to do with this. Women by themselves choose to go with the biggest devils on the block and aren't attracted to good partners. Liberal society tells them they should slut themselves out, "live their best life" (read: as selfish as possible), and that this is the hallmark of freedom that they deserve for being the victims of society since the dawn of time. Men in turn become the worst ever because nothing rewards them anymore for being good. Fuck Andrew Tate, Owen Cook and all those other losers though. They are to feminism what Jekyll is to Hyde. They take advantage of those dumb women and accelerate the sick society. They are the scum of the earth. The West is dying and it deserves to. A society that rewards evil conduct has got to go.

I've been battling it for years already. I've been in and out of rabbit holes of despair and doom of different kinds, including blackpill, far-right and jihadist ideologies. Their effects remain upon me. Yes, it's basically over for me. Trigeminal and facial nerve issues have made a lot of talking and socializing impossible and it fucks up your entire nervous system by itself. I was molested as a youngster which made every potential sexual experience after that undoable. I tried to f a prostitute but I just got palpitations and extreme anxiety, panic even. Same with one girl that I got to kiss on a festival. I basically have an autoimmune disorder for sex and socializing, and it's probably incurable. I've had real spiritual experiences, yes. But living in this society makes it hard to go after that. If I had money I'd travel the world solo and just go for that but life doesn't work that way. I'm broke as fuck and nothing works. And a part of me doesn't want it. The devil inside me feels deeply that I have been wronged, that I deserve to get back at the world, life or even God. I want to redo life as a better looking man with less issues. That part makes me want to end myself - quite literally, the devil whispers to me that I should pack my bags and follow him into the mountains and throw myself off, to play a wager with God, whether he will send me to hell or allow me to relive my life with love and girls. Honestly, the thought of this world being my dream is the only thing that feels like it redeems this humiliating experience. Thanks for your advice though bro. I hope you have a good one, I really do.

I just don't see how you can think women won't bring happiness. Sure, if I had a couple of experiences and relationships I get that you can just say "fuck it" and do whatever you want to do next in life. At least you know that being desired and being able to please a woman is something you have done as a human. something you are capable of. Not having done it just holds you back forever. I feel like I have never started living.

I have thought about that a lot. I don't think I can do it. it requires a piety I don't think I have. All my karma wants is to experience human love. I can't help it, and honestly don't want to transcend it. "The happiness women bring is quite minimal." This is like saying eating brings minimal happiness when it is everything for the ones who don't have it. I would do anything to experience this (its on a timestamp): How can you say women don't bring happiness. Don't we men crave their love. I get that it doesn't bring happiness by itself but it brings unhappiness to literally never have it. I've literally never been loved by a girl. I'm basically a child inside. And honestly I can't even get the funds to move out of my parents house. I stay leeching. There are no jobs, and even the unethical things I've tried to get money went to no avail. I've been in this loop for years now. I quit all my addictions like cigarettes and weed completely for over a year now and never looked back, yet not much has changed, although porn addiction is impossible to quit. There is not much to whine about. The world doesn't owe me anything. Kids get blown up in Gaza like they're nothing. I'm just completely done with pretending that I can take this anymore, and I can't talk to anyone about this. I'm too weak to submit to a God that loves unconditionally. I'm too weak to spend 100 hours of meditating in a room, pretending like i don't care about the outside world where others get laid and love because of their looks, and all the other rat behavior. I am a rat and I want rat things. I can't help it. Every chance at socialization of some sort seems to lead to some sort of socialized ideology like a socialist club or a religion. Maybe I should just sacrifice the Truth in my life to join some sort of club like this and have a chance at a girlfriend. I just hate being a fake person, but maybe that is the price that needs to be paid. I fucking hate that my parents raised me so loosely without stage blue ethics and liberalism. It leads to success only for the genetically lucky ones. Yet they would cry a river if I would kill myself. My cousin killed herself and it's fucked up to see what it does to family. If it were just the devil and me I'd followed him a while ago. But the matrix of family keeps me here, playing this game I don't want to play. I'm sorry for the whining. Just wtf is a man to do when there is literally no playbook in modern society except get laid, get money - no moral system, no nothing. just corruption, money, nihilism, bad movies, bad art. what have we come to.

Beautifully written.

@Leo Gura "To be truly fair and equal God must allow the world to be able to be as unfair as it wants. " Would you agree this is the metaphysical principal that allows corruption and evil in the universe? Lately I'm feeling conflicted, as my outlook on life grows worse, my ego sometimes breaks down, and it's clear to me this world is absolutely perfect, including all the evil within it. But then I get heartbroken by the experiences of mothers losing their children for example. God's design is so deep and unsettling at times, when you realize that literally everything is Good. My ego can't handle it. my resentment grows ever bigger even though I'm conscious of the absolute Good of all creation.

I have an acquired disability and my social anxiety is so bad that I often get palpitations when socializing. Not saying you should feel sorry but it feels impossible after trying so many times and failing at the most basic stuff. Would you tell a badger that misses a paw to just go ahead and try? No, and in reality that badger fucks off and dies in a ditch somewhere. This is not me being pessimist, it's just the hard reality. I'm sorry if my posts are too harsh. I just have nobody to talk to and am basically giving up hope at this point. This place is the only place online where I feel like there's not complete retardation going on. I know I shouldn't drag this place down with my negativity, I just had the urge to rant and vent, I'll keep it cool.

Warning: Once you discover that Love is absolute, you might resent your life even more for not getting human love. I awakened to Love (or at least to the fact that it is independent and fundamental) and loved the world and life through it. Yet I'm now a devil for not being Loved back.

From Leo leading me out of the blackpill back in the early 20s to a forum where the blackpill has basically become mainstream concensus is a sick plottwist to say the least. The world is truly ending. Christians, Jews and Muslims are fighting a holy war in the middle east. Nothing has changed. It's entirely over. I just hate I never got to make my parents proud. That and a fucking girlfriend or wife is all a man asks for in this life. Yet the world is ever brutal. It's a tough pill to swallow that this absolute sick level of unfairness is according to God's design, yet also easy to see once you take your Ego out of it. To be truly fair and equal God must allow the world to be able to be as unfair as it wants. I hope his mercy encompasses all things. I don't want to go to a dimension of suffering once this all ends. Oh, and FUCK OWEN COOK.

Dude, you're 6'3, and average in face. That makes you way above average overall. Are you really as delusional to think you belong to the lower levels of looks? But it just goes to show, even if you're at Leo's level (above average), you still need 1000s of approaches, even when the majority of men have given up and are sitting at home. Women's hypergamy knows no end. I hope Iran ends your country once and for all. This world needs to end ASAP.

I thought the selfish love of the Ego was something entirely different than God's selfless self-love?

I must admit that reading this post made me angry, sad and jealous, yet happy that you made it. I just realized other people have actually made growth even though I have been knowing and consuming Leo's content for almost ten years now. And not only consumed it, but it changed my life, Consciousness, worldview. I just became painfully clear to me that I am stuck in karmic loops of darkness and desire. I am stuck here in the rat life and this rat city, and I want to be king of the rats. I want to dominate other rats and be loved by rats. Lack of social experience due to rejection, medical issues, mental health issues, childhood trauma has stopped my growth. This feeling of wanting to be loved and desired by the opposite sex, but it only being a dream visible in porn, movies, social media, other people's lives feels like absolute torture, although i have become quite numb to it. My heart is dead, I think that is fair to say now. A childhood friend of me died 3 months ago and I couldn't even cry. I haven't cried for a long time, not even when my cousin killed herself 3 years ago. The anger, anxiety and loss of hope made me become so deeply cynical about my life and myself that I have almost no hope at all in myself anymore. I loathe myself. The paradoxical thing about this is, and whether this had made my situation worse or better I don't know, is that I actually have had some sort of Awakenings in my life. Especially in the start of 2020, when I broke through to realize my Consciousness is the thing that is Absolute, and that it is God. That all forms of the universe are not external objects, but forms inside my own Consciousness. Till to this day, how broken, hopeless and more corrupt I have become, it is painfully obvious to me that this is true. And not in some Buddhist/non-dualist way. But in a enchanted way, always present in the background. I have a deep appreciation for beauty, whether in nature or created things. I recognize that all human art is God doing his work through humans, and that humanity is an artpiece in itself. Walking through the harbors of my city I know I am walking through God's architecture. There is no way around it. But this love for reality and life makes my disability worse somehow. I would love to just have some experiences with girls, fall in love with eachother, just experience love as an adult for once. I am still a child because I never experienced this. I was never responsible for the others love in a polar relationship between two people. This hurt and lack keeps you as a child forever. You have literally not gone through the qualification of what makes you an adult. Women are the most beautiful creation of God, which is of course my bias as a straight male, but I do recognize that their beauty is the beauty of God and that this is true and not relative or darwinistic. I have a huge lust for life inside of me yet it hurts all the more to not be able to fulfill it. I am stuck in these karmic loops of resentment and trying to succeed, but becoming more bitter and corrupt as time goes on. I have fallen into various death-driven ideologies, mostly involving resentment against women. Back in 2018 I was driven into Incel/blackpill ideology after feeling betrayed by pickup/RSD promises. You could say it's funny that @Leo Gura was the one who brought me out of it with his "How to get laid" series, where he explicated that looks don't matter that much to women, yet he is now the one who has came around and admitted the blackpill. I feel deep resentment against women and the men who let them free. Isn't it a fact women are hypergamous as hell and reward society being a battlefield of looks, money and status, where corruption and lies blossom, and most men end up with nothing? I know I sound like an incel, but isn't this the empirical truth of what we are now witnessing? A culling of the weak, ugly and poor? I know women don't make this decision out of evil, it is just survival. And who am I to talk, I'm evil myself. Yet isn't it obvious that this system of freedom of sex will lead to so much more death and despair than stricter family systems and arranged marriage? Or at least a culture where those things are seen as good? I feel so fucking ashamed that my parents were able to do what I will never do. Why do women get to slut themselves out with 30 guys before settling down? Isn't it obvious by intuition that this breaks down society, causing men and women to fail their parents and become wretched corrupt creatures, looking only to fulfill their carnal desires? The thoughts of failing my parents, the thought of their despair after my death is the only thing keeping me from doing it - beside a vague dream of making art about the Love that I have seen beyond the sickness of this world, yet even in it. But my despair is growing and my corrupt, broken hateful self is there evermore. The devil whispers to me almost literally, telling me to follow him into the mountains and throw myself off. I know life is eternal and that there is nothing but my consciousness in the end. The devil is promising me that life will be my creation, a life with desires fulfilled at last. Or I dream of war, of going out to the battlefield so that I can at least die a manly death. With the wars starting and raging these last months that desire has grown bigger. Beside venting, since I have nobody to talk about this to, the reason I'm writing this to you, @Miguel1, is to ask you to contemplate about your freedom of these karmic loops. I think the fact that you are even able to make this growth to the upper levels of life and development, and maybe even sagehood is rested on your foundation of experience of the lower levels. You have gotten laid and were loved and desired. This is no small feat. A lot of this was attributed by your looks and other dispositions. Yet of course you have done a good job yourself and made the proper decisions to pursue Consciousness and selflessness. Kudos to you and I hope you become a sage. If Leo sees your growth that is a good sign since he is a radical ascetic when it comes to a lot of bullshit. Just please don't forget the devils like me, stuck in the loops. Sure, maybe I could make it out with some work and create a niche as a hermit somewhere living by the sea, in a house all alone, and reach sagehood that way. Socially i would still be underdeveloped, but it would probably be possible if the economics allowed for it. But to be completely honest I'd rather die. This is not to sound dramatic but to showcase the effect resentment, anger, unfulfilled desire, lack of love and lack of agency in life can do to you. My desire for women and being a man worthy of them is so deep, my self-loathing so vicious. I have given up that my condition will change. But something will change sooner or later, whether I follow the devil or God. I hope all are forgiven.

Hearing @Leo Gura talk about metaphysics is like hearing a 5th dimensional demigod talk about metaphysics. Hearing him talk about music is like hearing a profoundly retarded and spoiled 14 year old atheist talking about philosophy. First of all, there is no melody without rhythm, but there is rhythm without melody. "What's most important is what sells the song." Second of all, the way you talk about these matters is deeply unsettling. Like music is just some "beat" to sell like a pack of chicken breast. That you're going along with the cynical capitalist reasoning these labels exploited is insane. You were the one to lead me to the realization that artistry and art is an absolute facet of God and now you say shit like this. To look at music in such a retardedly simplified way is a betrayal to your own cause, Leo. There exists music that is almost entirely rhythmical and music that is almost entirely melodic. if you truly appreciate art you'd realize this and the profoundness of this without having to enjoy such music.

Yeah I guess. Yet I do understand it, but my ego has resorted to other tricks to keep me in the illusion.

Aha, so you still qualify Absolute evil as being imagined by and therefore emanating from the absolute Good. However this brings up strange paradoxes. You qualify the absolute formless God, the ultimate reality, as being Good. Imagination itself, with nothing behind it, the ultimate bedrock of reality that is entirely self subsisting and not imagined or emanating from anything else. Let's call this the Godhead. You call this formless Godhead, Good, without the same qualification as absolute Evil. The qualification absolute Evil had to become Evil, was to be imagined by the Godhead. However the quality of being Good of the Godhead is intrinsic to the Godhead, right? The Godhead isn't imagining Goodness for itself, it already eternally is without qualifications. Couldn't the Godhead now, imagine in the same way as it imagines absolute Evil, imagine an absolute Good that IS qualified by the Godhead? That would be consistent with the Godheads power, since it imagined absolute Evil, it could also imagine absolute Good. Would this second Good, this emanation from the Godhead, be any different from the Godhead (like some sort of "angelic goodness"), or would the Godhead imagine itself again? Would absolute Evil be in opposition to the Godhead (being everything the Godhead isn't somehow), or in opposition to this "second Good"? Surely absolute Evil is proposed by you to be in opposition to some kind of Good, in the same way darkness is the absence of light. But how can anything be in opposition to the Godhead? wouldn't that be non-existence, pure non-being? How can Absolute Infinity have an opposite? Absolute Blue seems less paradoxical, since it's not in opposition to anything. It's just an Infinity chilling within itself.

Yeah I got more skeptical about it as well. History gets a lot more messy and less proven to me the more i study it.

I guess thats the silver lining to realms of absolute evil existing, that such realms must as well. In the end Leo is just like Mohammed, telling us about God, hell and heaven(where you get to fuck). lol

If it's cope then we have to dismiss the entire myth and even Mohammeds historical existence that you assumed previously. You have weird standards

I disagree with your sneaky relativising of aesthetic principles. Just because God thinks a turd is beautiful doesn't mean that when I take a picture of a turd with my iphone its good art. It's not only about current fashion, but about much deeper psychological trends of the mind, "mesotrends" if you will.

So what would you propose high consciousness people listen to?

Taste is not everything though, although it is the majority of what makes art good. Technique is also crucial, not only for the ability to make art in the first place, but because taste is also in the fingers itself, not just the brain. Your fingers are intelligent and contain their own artistic taste that can never be developed with just mental, non-manual taste development. By spending hours improvising on the piano for example your fingers will be able to create melodies that you could never make up by drawing them on a digital music program for example.