ambush

So I have noticed a recurring thought over the past maybe 2 years or so. I’ve been listening to Leo's work for 6-7 years now, and while I have certainly had a good amount of experiences with psychedelics, I have also learned quite a lot from just actualized.org alone. I’ve always been contemplative but LSD is what started this journey for me because it's what made me realize God is real, being a former super atheist who used to make fun of thiests. Anyways, I believe that my first LSD trip could have been a first hand experience with God consciousness. I remember feeling something indescribable while peaking. I remember thinking that I wanted to feel like that forever. My friend was there too and we were both outside in his backyard. All I could say was “Greg?” I’ve still never quite had a feeling like that, but I can’t say for sure it was a peak of God consciousness. I’m getting to the point now, basically, and this is in no way a diss to Leo’s work or actualized.org. But the knowledge that I am actually God has in a way discouraged me from seeking out guidance. It’s like, when I'm having dark moments, I want to be able to conjure or seek out some sort of source that can help me, but I don’t because… I am God, and everything else is just me. So, why would I do that? I had this sort of insight where it feels like I got the ending of a movie spoiled for me, and now I’ve lost all desire to watch it. If that makes sense. The sucky part is that I am God but at the same time I have no idea what I am doing, and it feels like the power of God isn’t being used right. In the “Explaining paranormal phenomena” video, Leos talks about channeling aliens and other things and how these things are actually possible and people do them. I think that’s cool and would like to try, but then the wind is sort of taken out of my sails because I remember I am God and what could an alien possibly tell me that is more of a mindfuck than that? It’s funny though, because I realize that I am literally asking you all for help/thoughts/input right now. So maybe I am missing something here. Any thoughts are appreciated. If this post is too long please let me know.

@Inliytened1 No, I can’t say for sure I have realized first hand I am God, but I do trust Leos work and the fact that he’s not alone in his conclusions also gives a lot of credibility to me. And you’re absolutely right it has given me some nihilistic perspectives. I think I overlooked the outcome of taking things as belief rather than experiencing it firsthand. Because if I did experience it firsthand, I likely wouldn’t have these frustrations. Leo always puts the disclaimer that you shouldn’t believe him and you should find out for yourself haha and I get why he says that but now it seems more appropriate than before.

@Hojo this is very interesting, you make a good point. I do find myself wishing I had some sort of Life-contract or whatever you hear about in NDE reports and what not. But that probably is conditioning and just another layer of illusion right? I’ll work on getting past the frustration.

@Yimpa what makes you say that?

@xAkachan do you still do this?

Im concerned for my friend. I know this isn’t exactly a deep topic but can anyone give their insight into where he might be? Has he become infinity? Or is he stuck in some kind of hell-realm or what have you that you see described in NDE’s. Im unattached to any religion but I am still pretty lost on the whole afterlife thing. I know its probably not something you can put into words. Im probably gonna take this post down, but If anyone had any insight it’d be appreciated.