Howtolive

It's because you did not see having a relationship with those girls from the start I guess ? Friends with benefits is basically the friend zone for females

I also agree. Can you explain what you mean by : overinflates how much we have actually done that. ?

Maybe that’s explains why nearly all cultures tried to regulate casual sex. Back then the affects were much bigger of course without the pill and condom. Yes I agree with the male instincts and that’s why I think it is based on a like, even going so far that if woman could listen to our thoughts, they would not engage in casual sex with us.

Did they not care with the woman they slept with or the ones the wanted to have a relationship with ? The issue usually does not arrise if the men was promiscuous.

thats a good point. Woman can have all the casual sex they want and men , too. But I belive each gender had to live with the consequences of their actions. I would also argue that the hurtful/distrust feeling men get when hearing the spouse had lots of men before them is deeply rooted in biology. So in a way casual sex for woman usually less appriciated by males who seriously want to date.

Man , you framed it better then I could myself. Thanks !! yeah that’s it

It's more that I guess that most men are not really honest to themselves or the woman. Most males around me have the same sexual aggression I describe

Exactly it's how you carry yourself. The instinct I just that, an instinct. But I belive every man has this instinct. If there is an instinct in man that can go as far as rape, I would say it's a good idea for male sexuality to integrate that instinct into meaningful relationships. I would say in casual sex this instinct is way more destructive than people realise.

For exmaple at the end of second world war countless Russian men raped a lot of German woman. There is a beast inside of men when it comes to sexuality which is very primal an raw and which can lead men into rape. Thats why I say this is not just a playful instinct for men. It's very primal and has a lot to do with dominance. If not integrated correctly can become very destructive. I actaully see it as the men always being the dominant act during sex, even though it is a submissive position the man is in. If the man is able to give his seed it's automatically a win by nature. And his DNA able to reproduce. His instinct stays the same. Lots of male mammals need to fight other males in order to get excess.

I agree with you. I am talking about the instinct though. Human is more then that of course. probably back in stonage, things looked different. And casual sex is the opposite of a loving relationship. So I argue -> closer to stonage

I wrote you a dm .:) Basically I belive that sex is viewed differently by the sexes. I think for most men it’s not just play, it goes much deeper into the psyche. maybe seeing sex as play is the cultural programming here ? Just a thought to be thrown into the mix. If both sides were completly honest about the situation. I belive both have not much honor/character when engaging in it. In a relationship when the woman made the desicion to submit to you, because you really care for her. It’s an exclusive very valuable act from the woman. The men respects it a lot. if the sex has been given to many men before him, who did not really care about the woman(maybe even disrespected her), the submission has less value. I think I don’t respect the woman, who let me have sex with them, even though I do not care at all about them emotionally. Very hardcore opinion now hope that doesn’t hit the forums rules or something… I belive if men would have not been socialized the way we are right now. We would basically have an instinct to „rape“ woman. I belive this is how strong the sexual instinct in men is, if we were to be completly honest. thanks for taking it good !

Probably true. Doesnt change it for me though. Feels more like deep down they now its shit but they overlook it to have sex. Which is exactly my point. Not a good idea. why dont you state them ? this is what the forum is for, no ?

I am curious: The girls you hook up with, that are down for something casual. Would you ever think about having a relationship with them?

what I am trying to say is that when looking at my sexual instinct only: Why do I like sex so much ? What turns me on when having sex with a promiscuous girl? Its the fact that I "use her" , "Own here" (in that moment), And this gets boosted a lot whith girls who are there for casual sex (the aggressive side of the instinct/ the animal in me is getting pushed to the surface). When having sex with a girl I am also romantically invested in. The instinct is still there, but this time less boosted. It's more a form of bonding, protecting, leading her, being proud that she submitted to me in a sexual act. I am willing to give a lot when a woman submits like that to me. So this is my conflict-> Causual sex brings the dark side of my instincts to the surface. During sex its a Raw dominating act which turns me on, maybe even seeing the girl as less ( its not my view but what the instinct turns on). I like having this easy excess and at the same time cant really respect the girl for bringing this dark side to the surface. She willingly taks the risk of being seen as less. At least for many men "less" in the sense of not relationship worthy. Myabe that explains it ? To answr your question: I actively looked for woman that are easy for sex in the past on dating apps and that worked. But I never respected them for doing it. And also now not respecting myself for it. Because for me it's based on a lie. And turning a relationship girl into a hookup was never a thrill, would always feel like shit if I did that. But of course just being able to get a girl to sleep with you is, In my experince, a big ego push for a man. It's like nature telling me I did a good job. And I "owned" that woman for a moment. Might sound super wrong but I belive if man were really honest about there sexuality... it looks like that. Thats why I also thing casual sex is not about "fun" for men. Drinking beers with friends is fun. Having sex is pure act of winning/dominating.

I get where you are pointing at overall. If I look deeply in myself I dont respect getting sex without needing to show that I would take care of her, admire her for her etc... So its not like I expect sex without effort, ist quite the opposite. And the topic regarding honesty. My point is probably that it feels wrong to me. To let someone else enter your body, especially by someone that get turned on by "using" and objectifying without them caring for the person at all. Thats a huge difference to selling a product.