Beans

Meow

The ketamine trip was so interesting my brain wanted to understand what was going on so bad. it was very analytical and very observant my brain felt so dark and when the ketamine hit it was like my brain started seeing colors very slowly almost like a computer turning on for the first time it was a great experience and I’d suggest everyone to try it

Nervous

Tomorrow will be my first time ever taking ketamine

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj9r0eyw0jno.amp Ice has murdered Americans, wrongfully detained them, etc. all it takes is a simple google search. Trump had also killed innocent fishermen in Venezuela, bombing other countries randomly. he’s a fat lazy slob who can’t do shit, but ruin things. May all oppressed countries liberate themselves.

The files must be that bad it’s been 13 days since Congress has pushed to release the files and yet nothing for 13 days

Trump has bombed seven countries without congressional approval this is illegal watching the murder of innocent people like a television show whats stopping him from murdering innocent Americans who oppose him??

I was talking to Yimpa about this yesterday how there’s a big disagreement with Leo for me and his teachings. and partly is a huge reason why I don’t really feel connected to actualize I kind of feel like an odd piece in a sea of spiritual lovers. Recently Leo has been talking about disconnecting from love, yourself, God, etc etc. Though I believe in embracing your culture, because it has spiritual significance, in every culture. That it connects you into a spiritual realm. I only know of this, because of my culture. And because I am Mexican American. I believe you cannot get to point A without point b which is understanding your human form, healing, and advancing into true enlightenment. Sure you can have a glimmer of enlightenment, but you cannot and must not ignore the source and core. I wish I could describe my findings better, but I cant I hope with ketamine I’m able to explain better. my advice is to heal, and nurture your soul and wounds. there you’ll find the answers and light you are seeking.

But I can see in Elon a baby literally a child like innocence and it’s strange, because both sides of him exist. as a child, and as a “functional” adult. though to me I see more of the child aspect through him in videos, his speech, etc. and I think that’s why in some aspect I did love Elon. I can relate to the child like innocence. I can relate to having autism. I can relate to the love of space and the universe. Etc I admire him for awhile before he took his dark maga turn. I had hopes for his career and potential. disappointing.

Kind of hate how I have such a soft spot in my heart. When I think of homicidal leaders and imagine them as babies. What they must’ve gone through. I can’t help but to have empathy for their baby selves. Not that their trauma excuses the behavior. I don’t think monsters amongst humans are born i I think they’re created, enabled, etc throughout their childhood. the dark reality is anyone can be a Trump, Elon, Netanyahu, Hitler, etc though you have to choose not to be not to be cruel to others, not to lie maliciously to gain whatever, not to manipulate for your own selfish reasons, not to steal, not to abuse, not to sexual violate others, not to murder others, not to be genocidal etc, etc, etc In the end the story ends all the same. they know their days are numbered and just before they’re captured they kill themselves. I wouldn’t doubt Elon or Donald would do that. Even Netanyahu. Before they can be held accountable they’ll even try to escape that through death.

LOOVE I also crochet

My twin sister has bad postpartum right now. I called her up to check on her and I asked her what’s wrong. Almost immediately she began tearing up. Which made me want to cry. Healing twin powers 🤍

This was my attempt of playful teasing

Good morning everyone Yimpa’s breathe stinks right now

Why say anything if nothing I say matters

Yay first time taking cannabis with mom, and Anna 🥳

I had wrote something just to delete it sometimes things feel too intimate to share

Feeling weird I’ve been feeling weird for a minute Whose spiritual presence am I feeling?

“when i found out not every woman felt repulsed and nauseous towards a naked man and only found a womans body to be attractive..” - random chatter I kind of feel indifferent to both bodies I won’t lie. I think women are beautiful, and even men to be beautiful. However when it comes to intimacy. It disturbs me. I can’t help, but think “ew.” Though another part of my brain feels conditioned to a certain perfective. As a woman or growing up fem presenting. You’re given this perspective that you must procreate, you must serve the man, you must be obedient, you must be pretty, but most importantly you must be kind. You must enjoy sex. When the reality is I don’t think I do, but I’ve been conditioned by mainstream society to participate in this animalistic behavior. That somehow as a woman the spot between your legs is the most important part. it’s not to say my attraction for others disappear, but what really disgusts me. Is the behavior towards intimacy has been corrupted in my eyes. People do not value love, people do not value each other, people do not value slow burning passion, people do not listen to each other. Instead in mainstream society there’s this huge over sexualizing. In almost virtually everything. Yes I think empowerment is great. I love that. I think feeling confident and comfortable in your body is great. As I become older, I become less and less interested in superficial things.

Happy holidays! Happy holidays! while the merry bells keep ringing Happy Holidays to you!! 👋🥳🎄🎁

I think this year has really gave me a new perspective. on my disabilities. Not in a negative sense, but more of just finally acknowledging “you actually do have autism, you actually do suffer from ptsd, you actually do suffer from depression, you actually do suffer from anxiety” because in my culture which is a Mexican culture. A lot of the times they don’t believe in mental illness. They’ll tell you “it’s all in your head” or “those are demons and you need to just pray it away” and if you’re slower to learning they’ll belittle you and call you stupid. When in reality you’re just a child with autism who needed patience. I’ve always loved school, I always enjoyed learning. It only became a problem when I started feeling school was no longer a safe place. Accepting my brain for what it truly is has been a journey in of itself.

^-^ it’s nice. And I always have a good time hanging out with everyone. Even though I’m shy. I’m glad they accept me. In the beginning I was so quiet and use to follow joy around everywhere, but now I’m getting more use to communicating openly. They make me feel safe and loved for sure. Grateful to be apart of the family.