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Everything posted by AION
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Thank you. I agree that I have chronic shame. It is also part of a pride culture of my parents. And pride and shame are connected. But the thing is giving yourself self love is like asking a poor guy to stop being poor. I don’t think people can love themselves in the secular sense. One needs to connect to god or something. And be given he or she can’t himself / herself. Shame is self consciousness. It is when Adam and Eve saw themselves being naked after the forbidden fruit which granted them self consciousness . It is the original sin. The price we paid for being self conscious and being our own gods.
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Because he stole my thread title by replacing provider with life style : I guess he just wanted to steal some cloud or something because he could have just posted the OP in my thread. It is confusing for me too right now to have a duplicate.
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I talked about what you told me with a female friend (she is helping me with this stuff). And from my experience women don’t ruminate on male shame. And she is not interested on ruminating on this topic. From the female perspective she just want a confident guy. You might call it “a guy who is not ashamed of himself”. But most females aren’t involved in that. They don’t want to know how to sausage is made. They just want the sausage: the sausage is women wanting a confident guy who is not self doubting or being ashamed. I know I shouldn’t discuss these topics with women but I just got dumb struck that the regular women don’t care about male problems. Feminine nature is very ruthless when it comes down to natural selection. Also when talking to female friends I hear that females can be ruthless towards each other while I literally never had any hostility with any men. Actually last week I had hostility with two guys but it got resolved very quickly when they found out I was not stepping back. Needless to say is that I need to let go of the hope of a girl fixing me or giving me the love I haven’t received. It is a bitter pill to swallow. Shame is basically telling to your self “these parts shouldn’t be there” and the opposite of shame is telling your things that they should be there or it is acceptable that they are there. And accepting that as a basic premise going forward in life and in relationship building. For me shame manifests in putting other people on n1 and myself on n2. In my family I always had to do this. So now I need to let go of the shame of “asserting” myself into the world.(( I remember being ashamed of having a dick because I was beaten one time for playing with my dick when I was only few years old. Kind of strange of me remembering that: this is my oldest memory of shame)) And being ok with being denied while anchoring the frame of mind that it is ok to place myself in n1 and that it is nothing to be ashamed of that. I’m a chronic nice guy. So if I had to write my own prescription I would put it like this in archetypical language: be less of a pussy, and be more like a dick.
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Self love is actually the center of one’s life. It is the source of abundance and a great life. Love is the water source of the metaphorical garden of your mind from where all the crops grow where you can bear the fruits. If you don’t have love. Your garden will be barren and fruitless. And there will be nothing to share with your Eva. That is my poor poetic attempt to explain the wisdom I gained today. 😅
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That is insane. I don’t have HIV. Why should I accept anybody with HIV? I’m not asking for something I don’t have. My whole point is that I don’t want to use my genitals to level up financially and in status. Good stuff. Sometimes I forget love can’t be given. Others are just stimulants for love but that doesn’t mean that polish girl I saw yesterday wouldn’t be able to infuse love in me if she sat next to me right now and was caressing me while I was typing this message. Let’s not pretend we are all transcended on this forum. Mostly we are still ruled by about instincts. Human connection is a primal need.
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Thanks for your wise and kind words. I’m a typical nice guy and people walk over my position all the time. So sometimes standing my ground and showing my teeth is a level up in terms of balancing my personality. I always put others on n1 and I need to learn to put myself on n1. The thing is sometimes people can perceive you as an asshole. But sometimes you need to overstep to see where the boundaries are. To be less safe in making judgements and also be quick in adjusting them when need be. Love is at the end in the eye of the beholder. It doesn’t exist in the physical realm. Love is seeing the truth and love is not always nice actually. Sometimes love can be painful in the form of tough love. Sometimes punching somebody in the face can be the most loving thing you can do. It is righteous judgement and righteous action. And it is trans rational. But majority of this forum is stage green and it is above their head.
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@Buck Edwards I have female friends who help me. As for mindfulness. I’m already doing that. That insight you responded to was a result of direct observation of my inner landscape aka mindfulness. Self worth is something interesting though. It is hard for me to understand but this therapist explains it wonderfully: Self worth is basically a frame of mind you have to - religiously - believe in. Self worth is based on nothing. Just thin air. You could give it a religious spin to it and say “I’m made in the image of god and god is love so I’m love” but that is just my spin to give it any sense.
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This lesson in this whole ordeal is that you have to love yourself and try to not outsource it to your partner… But the whole thing about love is how can you give it to yourself when you don’t have it. It is like saying to a thirsty guy to stop being thirsty because it is working against his favor and he is scaring away the ladies. Love is an interesting thing though. It is not like water which is physical but it is metaphysical. Love is wisdom and it can’t be forced. It is spontaneous and it works in mysterious ways. Love can not be chased. If you let go of negativity it comes to you. It is metacognition.
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@Emerald that is true. Lately I have been acting “normal” (less seeking and less over compensation) instead of seeking (trying to get validation and build self esteem) and girls treat me much better. It is in inside out approach instead of outside in. It is just very hard to let go of this compulsion. It is really sad actually: I would just run around town or nightclubs to find validation. But that is just a lot of men. Not just me. What would help me the most is find guys who already arrived where I want to arrive so I can soak up their mindset and being. Otherwise I become e pray for manosphere guys who are praying on me. Obviously not all women but women told me this in my face: I need a guy who could provide for me and my child. And my ex literally told me “if I had a baby could you provide for me and my child”? And she already knew the answer. Obviously finances play a role but obviously it is not everything. Perhaps I should be more clear next time.
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I’m very left brain by nature. I guess I need to learn to activate my right brain which is holistic understanding and less black/white. I’m fine if you don’t want to marry a McDonald’s guy. But I think it should be allowed on this forum for the truth to be spoken so guys can up their game and not be mislead.
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Good post. One of my pitfalls is black and white thinking so this post enlightened me.
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My ex didn’t have big tits and ass but I still liked her for who she was.
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So you are allowed to judge us and degrade us as you wish but when guys on the forum do it they are toxic and degenerate 🥲
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A guy can actually marry a McDonald chick for who she is. A women can’t do that. We aren’t build the same. That is not judging. I kind of understand.
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Wait. Women aren’t saints?
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I’m just a human so I’m not pretending to possess saintly love 😅
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How am I judging though ? I’m simply describing my first hand observations and what I hear from others.
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AION replied to Javfly33's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Well that is your body telling you something. Wink wink. -
AION replied to Javfly33's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
There is a difference between religion and people. Most people don’t understand their own scripture. So how can they understand god, sex and relationships? Sex is not something to be shamed upon. But there is a certain ethic to it. If you misuse it you will pay for it. Good sex is transcendental and transformative. Bad sex is boring and will bog you down in hedonism and apathy. -
AION replied to Javfly33's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
I don’t get this thread. Relationships and especially sex can be used as a vehicle for spirituality and enlightenment. Basically all major religions are based around sex. And very effective methods are created like sexual transmutation. If I have to name 1 thing that transformed me the most is my gf and break up with her this years. Relationships and sex can only be a prison if you are addicted to it and enslaved to it; i.e when you make sex and girls your false god. I’m not above it though. Transcending your instincts are very hard. Perhaps it should be done on a later stage. -
Only god can provide you with unconditional love. Finite things can only provide finite love. Men and women also love differently I found out because men and women peak at a different age and this influences their behavior. There is a business side to love. The business of survival and procreation. For people who are not in this game their genes won’t survive anyway. I would never discuss this with a woman. My aim is to understand. Not judge.
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AION replied to Javfly33's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Not wanting truth is truth too -
Kill your outdated ideas. Not your physical body.
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AI can be your enemy or ally. It is up to you.
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What do you mean?