cle103

I haven't tripped in about 3 years. Over the last couple of weeks I felt the thirst for insights become stronger. What's keeping me is mainly the memory of one traumatizing experience: Usually the come up for mushrooms is about an hour for me. That time they came on after about 10 minutes which blindsided me. I proceeded to have a full blown panic attack. As I never had one before (or after, luckily), I didn't know what to do. Even thought about calling an ambulance. In the end I was able to surrender and had great trip afterwards. Nonetheless that memory stays with me. In subsequent trips there was always a certain level of fear during the come up (mainly my heart racing). If I had to pinpoint it, I'd say my biggest fear is having a panic attack again, my heart stops beating and I die. Which seems highly unlikely but that's what my mind is telling me. Would really appreciate any tips and pointers here. Cheers!

Got it! Up to now I've always tried to face it instead of trying to avoid it or refocusing. But that hasn't resolved it. Like this? Lowering the dose further to start with is a good point. That experience was on 3g, iirc. I'd most likely be doing LSD. Was thinking in the 80 microgram range. MDMA is interesting, haven't considered that yet!

Ty! That's a really good point. During the good trips I had afterwards I was able to kinda anchor the positive feeling of the afterglow during the come up. Is there anything in particular that helps you to get into the right state beforehand? How did you manage those instances in the moment? As in, if it comes up just focus on something else, forcefully if needed? Thanks for the input!

Actually a big 40k nerd haha Can think of it like the sci-fi strategy version of DND. The combination of painting, creativity and then strategy is super fulfilling (as well as the social aspect). Beyond that, I love growing fruits, herbs and flowers, building a small ecosystem on my balcony. Also looove long runs, ideally 2+ hours in the sun. Random side quests include long stretching sessions on a microdose of THC, learning about geopolitics/war and reading the Taylor Swift subreddit for its wholesomeness lol

Sup! I've been perfecting this clean cookie recipe over the last years and just had the sudden urge to share it. I tested basically everything one can think of. They're pretty spot on (if I do say so myself haha). It's not low calorie but it actually scratches the itch of wanting to eat cookies: 80g oats (blended into flour) 20g buckwheat flour 1 egg 80g maple syrup 20g raw sugar (I tried all maple but it's worse) 120g peanut butter (100% peanuts) 1 ts baking powder 1/2 ts finely ground coffee (I use malt coffee or decaf) Pinch of cinnamon (yes!) Good pinch of salt 70g dark chocolate (I use 70-80% cocoa, if you can get your hands on some orange infused chocolate, it's an amazing combo) Handful of walnuts Combine wet first, then add dry and add walnuts and chocolate last (important). You can rest the dough overnight in the fridge if you have the patience or just bake straight away. Should make 8-9 cookies. Sprinkle a pinch of salt on top before baking at 180 Celsius convection for 8-10 minutes. They should have some crispy spots around the edges but still be pretty gooey in the center. I love to freeze them after baking and take one out in times of need. Actually, I eat them frozen as well - don't knock it till you try it haha. Always feel great afterwards, no sugar crash, nice clean energy and they taste divine. Hope you enjoy!

@SimpleGuy Oh yes, dried Mango is amazing, basically candy. @Ramasta9 Some nice ideas, ty! I like the molasses touch. Flours should be gluten free as they are. Hazelnut butter would be amazing, pricey tho.

Swifties (super fans in general) Navy Seals (basically all Special Forces communities) Wearing sunglasses at techno clubs B list celebrities living in Hollywood

That reminds me of my old roommate who was my tripsitter for a while. After every trip I told him about my mind bending explorations and eventually he wanted to try it as well (he dabbled in meditation). I think he did 3 trips (good dosages as well) and the most he got out of it was some sort of symbol/logo he found cool. He's super extroverted as well. Able to network his way to all kinds of opportunities but he struggles with deep work. Real pros and cons for both sides.

Yup, fuck without thinking as well haha

I once went to a concert with a friend, initially we got to the wrong venue cause they had moved it. This guy waved us down from 100 yards away "Hey you guys going to X, we just ordered an Uber". So we went with him and his friend. The whole drive he told crazy stories like how he just lost his drivers license for doing coke or how he partied with some celebrity. When we arrived at the venue he was talking to a couple of girls within 5 seconds, literally. Then the bouncers, then the cashier, ... When I met him at the bar later he was with another girl who was ehm very into him. He operated at a completely different level than any PUA I know. He also was married with kids lol.

@Terell Kirby Yass! "Lore" and "Side quest" have also been co-opted by my generation haha

Came up with these more personal examples after doing some thinking: Wearing black at metal shows (fashion in general) Berlin club culture (Berghain, …) Painting on a rectangular canvas as an artist (correctly primed wood can be better in many ways) Startup/founder culture, calling yourself a visionary Veganism Yoga pants Cold showers, ice baths Waking up at 4am Drinking and smoking weed as a teenager Being anti "woke mind virus" Using fancy language or "in" terms (Not) getting vaccinated Being part of a political party Austin comedy scene, Joe Rogan culture (any culture really) Following some YouTube bodybuilders advice on working out Supplements Biohacking Getting by and "doing your job" at work Productivity hacks like listening to an audiobook at 2x whilst going for a run Believing in science and studies Being rational Women having long hair Following any lifestyle postulated by an "expert" of any sort

Saying the N word, not saying the N word Appropriate and inappropriate slurs in general.

@Leo Gura Yup! Would happily watch a series on these guys. More originality than all of episode 7-9.

I love these vlogs way too much haha

I wanted to do this retreat mainly for life purpose and creativity. Also, healing and emotional work. Not really after an awakening. So my plan was to do 5-6 days at home. The first 3 would be full on spiritual practices, leaving the latter half open for thinking, planning and maybe some art. Schedule was basically the same all retreat: Wakeup Short workout 1h breathwork First meal Meditation 1h walk TRE, Bioenergetics Meditation Second meal Meditation Journaling, stretching Being bored Bed ➡️ Day 1 & 2 Pretty straightforward. I hadn't meditated the last couple of months while moving apartments and hadn't returned to the habit (mainly as I wasn't feeling any benefit). It was refreshing to resume and I realized how much I missed it. I'm always plugged in - podcasts, videos, Discord - never giving myself space to be present with emotions. Breaking this pattern felt great, though the addiction to constant stimulation made itself felt. Wouldn't this moment (eating a meal) be better if I was watching a video at the same time? Actually, no! ➡️ Day 3 I had a decision coming up: shift to creative work or continue spiritual practices? Not feeling more creative than usual, I opted to dive deeper into meditation, breathwork and trauma release. I realized even more how much meditation was missing from my life. I envisioned restructuring my day, putting creative work earlier and creating space for 30-90 minutes each evening for meditation. Also, my shoulder began hurting during longer sits until I found a better posture. And I had trouble sleeping because I felt so wide awake. ➡️ Day 4 Cruise control until dinner. At this point my body felt almost like during the onset of a mushroom trip. Sort of janky, slow but wide awake. Not super pleasant. Looking at a jam jar, my consciousness seemed to merge with it. Everything moved like molasses though I felt hyper-aware. Snapped out of that state and decided on some more meditation. First session went well, but during the second session my mind cracked. The boredom became unbearable - if I had to label another arising object I would've jumped off my balcony. Even recognizing this as a trick of the mind, I couldn't continue. I decided on one final breathwork session the next morning before calling it quits. ➡️ Day 5 Last day! Did holotropic breathwork, ate breakfast, then distracted myself cleaning my apartment. Planning to get online, a thought hit me: "This won't make you feel better, it's all the same in the end." With a sigh I sat down and got back into meditation. During my second session I had another thought come up: “Whether you sit here, whether you make a great life purpose, it doesn’t matter. It’s all gonna feel the same. Nothing really matters in the end.” That was kinda depressing. I worked through the emotion, was able to release it and the timer rang. Planning to get groceries, I stepped outside and then it just hit me… The sun was shining right onto me, the birds were chirping: This is just so fucking beautiful! This is what it’s all about in the end! This whole ordeal was worth it for just that moment. After errands, I returned home thinking it was over, when my body suddenly became completely loose, unable to hold tension. Everything tingled while my mind remained sharp. Some spontaneous sounds emerged. Very interesting state. Felt high as a kite to be frank. Eventually I got up and did some more thinking about my life purpose. Overall... Pretty sure his was one of the hardest things I've done. Boredom so thick you could cut it with a knife. It could have been more productive with consistent mindfulness, which happened naturally by days 4-5. For artistic creativity, the retreat wasn't ideal, probably needed more time, sigh. But for emotional growth, trauma release, and life purpose, it was a amazing! I have a renewed vision for my life. In the past my art was mostly about me, which is kinda par for the course, but I really want to be “useful”. That’s a phrase that came to me multiple times, “being of use”. This also deepened my love for nature which I plan to weave into my life purpose. Focussing on regenerating nature, rather than activism. Just don’t know how to combine art with that yet, not really a scienc-y guy myself. Hmm... There were some practices that really jived with me during this retreat, maybe they’re useful for someone reading: Rebirthing breathwork (great pacing, just the right amount of guidance, no new age talk) Emotional experiencing (I combined that with Leo’s “mindfulness with labeling” which worked great for me). TRE (trauma release) Cheers!

Awesome, thanks!

It's on the calendar, I've taken the time off and I'm both dreading and looking forward to this haha My plan is to do 6 days at home with the main goal not being awakening but rather... a deepening of my life purpose and direction emotional release authenticity creativity Therefore I'm thinking of doing 4 days of full on meditation and leaving the last 2 days to be more open for journaling, planning and creating. Here's the daily schedule I'm aiming for (day 1-4): 8h sleep 1h exercice/Yoga/stretching 1h walk 2h eating 11h meditation (labeling, do nothing, breathwork) 1h misc. One thing I'm worried about (apart from the severe boredom I'm about to face) is handling a spiritual emergency like weird Kundalini energy or mind unraveling. I'm pretty sure the likelihood of this happening is low but if anyone has a good default plan to deal with such things, let me know! Would also love to hear what kind of practices/tips/... work well for ya'll. Or maybe there's something I'm overlooking? Cheers!

Sounds good! I'm mostly planning labeling, do nothing and some holotropic breathwork. Also wanted to re-watch Leos most recent video on meditation. Curious what kind of breathing technique are you doing prior to meditation?

Thanks for the input! 30 days is wild! What techniques are you planning on using?

Would you do that over formal techniques like labeling? Don't wanna be too nitpicky just haven't done a solo retreat yet and don't want to torture myself in vain lol.

What kind of techniques and parameters would you start off with here?

This the same you'd recommend when it comes to devine creativity? That's the aspect of God I "miss" most in normal waking life. I had a trip once where I experienced God as a singularity which spawned one perfect idea after the other in rapid succession. Quite the cheat code for an artist.

It feels like my "best" ideas as an artist are coming from altered states. I remember tripping and just experiencing God as absolute Creativity, infinite potential for perfect ideas. But tapping into that potential sober proves ehm... difficult. Also had a great idea for a painting come to me via an awakening experience during a dream recently. I still get ideas day to day but they have a different quality to them. Really trying not to judge them as better or worse, just noticing. For example I like painting portraits, almost like creating characters. Whereas my altered state ideas are much more nature focused, explosive, not human centered. I'm already doing the usual. Slowing down life, meditating, time in nature, ... it just feels like this other tier of ideas is in a different dimension entirely. So the question comes up: How can one tap back into this well of Gods creativity, without relying on psychedelics?

Yeh, I think this is the way. It just feels like crawling whilst knowing you could fly on another plane. Hmm. What I feel I'm lacking is a way, process or method to tap into that infinite well on a more regular basis. Sure, in the ultimate sense. But that doesn't change mundane day to day creative work (for me at least).